0 1
Keywords: sense of demand
Q: I am 26 years old with a master's degree of 160cm, 211; He is 29 years old, 180cm, 985 undergraduate. We are all unique, with similar family background, knowledge and outlook on life. We are all of marriageable age and want to find someone to get married (please attach our photos and grade them).
We are colleagues from different departments. He often interacted with my circle of friends and attracted my attention. Then he asked me out to play and introduced me to his colleagues and friends. When I was in trouble, he also offered to help.
He is a big boy with high IQ and EQ. He is down-to-earth and sunny, and his friends have a good evaluation. He took the initiative to be warm to me for half a month, and my friends also told me that he was worthy of being entrusted to fix us up. But he didn't make it clear. I guess he is very cautious, and they are still in the stage of testing each other.
Last weekend, he asked me to sing K with his friends. He sings well, and my affection for him has increased a lot. I couldn't help but take a few photos and set one of them as the chat background.
After he knew that I had a good impression on him, I obviously felt that he was not so enthusiastic about me and did not take the initiative to chat with me. I sent a message, but he didn't answer for seconds.
After watching the cold question and answer for so many years, is it time to retreat and wait for him to take the initiative? If he doesn't take the initiative, we will lose. What I want to ask is that although I am the angered party, if I show my good feelings, he will lose interest (I guess this is the reason, but I really can't find other reasons).
What can I do specifically to grasp this relationship that has not yet begun and may have ended? Emotionally, I have a good impression on him; Rationally speaking, I think he is the right person to get married.
A: I think your view of yourself is very similar to that of many boys. Once a boy asked me that they talked a lot with other girls, but they didn't pay much attention to themselves. Have you exposed too much sense of need?
Everyone in the world can be aware of each other's needs. Whether that boy ignored you or not has nothing to do with whether you exposed your sense of need.
At best, it can only be said that girls are too active, which will make men feel scared. But you just released a little affection. How could you not?
Theoretically, if he really likes you and appreciates you, then you release a little bit of availability, so the other person should be very happy and closer to you. This is the essential reason-you didn't release your good feelings at all, so as to keep him away from you.
In addition, I want to talk about your thinking-treating people as objects. It seems that the reason why you want to be with him is not because how much you like him, but because you think he is a good marriage partner.
You see, the other party is not stupid. Don't you feel the same way when you use each other as a tool in your life?
You gave him the impression that he wanted to equip his tires because he had a flat tire while driving. This kind of feeling, no man will like it.
Only at this point, if you have a correct attitude, treat people as human beings, or don't treat people as marriage targets just because you are old enough, will you make men think you are human.
I resolutely resist treating people as objects. People are human because we are human. Maybe you think you're old enough to talk about marriage and want to find someone who matches you, but the other person doesn't mean it at all.
Maybe in his view, getting along with you is like "summer insects are not winter." You should learn to understand a man's real thoughts. In his mind, there may be a piece of Wang Yang.
When you learn to understand him, he will appreciate your understanding.
02
Keywords: self-growth
Q: Hello, uncle, I'm with my girlfriend. I chased her. Because I think she is much worse than the women I usually contact. She is sensible, hardworking and thoughtful, and works two jobs by herself.
Sure enough, under my persistent pursuit, we are together. In recent months, we have lived together, and the emotional concentration is relatively high. I do all the cleaning and laundry. She thinks I still care about my family and I really want to go on.
The problem is that her parents recently urged me to get married and settle down through her aunt. Our family bought a house this year, and the loan will arrive at the end of this month. I hate to say that my parents will meet at the end of this month.
We have both met our parents, and my family is relatively rich. My mother doesn't like people from other places, saying that she has a college degree and poor family conditions, and she doesn't agree with the pressure of living together in the future.
My father likes her a little and thinks she is hardworking. I am a typical person who wants to get rid of family constraints. I think I especially need to establish a border with my parents.
Being taken care of and spoiled by parents since childhood, I always feel that I have not grown up. Recently, they also said that they would come to the city where I work to cook for me, and I was disgusted. So I graduated and want to stay in the big city, because I want to escape from my parents' control.
I said, mom, if you don't agree, I still want to marry her. My mother looked down on me and said, can I support myself? Haven't we bought a house and a car yet?
Therefore, I really agree with you that to be independent, we must first be economically independent. I am also trying to develop now, but I can't get rid of my family at once. My girlfriend asked me that my mother didn't agree. I only said that my mother had concerns about foreign girls.
I quarreled with my mother today, and I said I would pay you back when I sold my house and car. Now that it has happened, what should I do? How should I communicate with my family and girlfriend?
In fact, the average monthly salary of the two of us adds up to about 20 thousand to 30 thousand If we are together, we can take out our own mortgage. I am anxious and helpless. I hope you can draw me, please!
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A: First of all, I want to applaud your courage, but I want to say that your thinking may still be too simple. In view of this case, I want to talk about it from two aspects:
On the one hand, it is part of your self-growth. You realize that you must leave your family and become a new self. This process of differentiation is bound to produce constant repetition.
You think things are too simplistic now. You think everything will be fine if you sell the house and car and pay back the money. The fact is, even if you do this, it won't work.
On the contrary, when you do this, your parents can also say that they gave birth to you and raised you. Can you spit out all the food in the snack? Can you give them your whole life back?
What you do, except to anger your parents and give yourself a break, can't achieve the expected effect. So, since the house and car are in your name now, this is a legal gift, and you can accept this kindness.
You can support and take care of them in your later life. You need to be clear: this kind of kindness will never end in your life.
Now the best way for you to repay them is to be a better self. If you sell your house and car, then the part you can invest in yourself will be reduced, and the possibility of becoming a better self will be reduced. On the contrary, you will have fewer resources.
For example, if you have a car, you can choose to be a drip driver after work, and maybe you can earn thousands more a month.
Of course, you can make use of existing resources and create more wealth by law. Only in this way can we repay our parents better.
So, you should understand all this. In the process of your self-growth, your struggle will be accompanied by their pressure, and you will even cry and hang yourself in front of them. This process is also the process of your parents receiving re-education.
When you fully reward them and make them realize the importance of borders, they will naturally accept all this. Now it is just a process.
On the other hand, regarding your close relationship, it is a good thing for you. Your girlfriend can give you the idea of building a new family. It hasn't happened yet, but you see hope.
So, of course I agree that you should get along well. In this process, the important thing is not to let your parents accept her now, but to let you create more synonyms. For example, experience more together, explore together and grow together.
You can also contact more, such as studying and investing. And the deepening and broadening of this connection will actually help you go on better.
To sum up, I think you are in a very promising field at the moment. You can try running forward. Of course, you may fall down on the way, but you should learn to get up and keep running.
03
Keywords: selection
Q: Hello, Uncle. I've been struggling recently, too I hope to be drawn. Let's talk about the basic situation first, female, 23 years old, 160cm, 50kg. Male, 26 years old, 180cm, 65kg, whose face value should belong to the upper middle class. My boyfriend often says that my appearance is his type.
We are in a small third-tier city, different counties in the same city, about 80 kilometers. We have been together for more than seven years now, and we met online.
A few years ago, we spent most of our time in different places. Later, I went to college near his home and spent a lot of time together. It's been two years since I graduated from college. I am a training teacher. He is a sailor and used to work outside. I plan to get married recently, but I think I will change careers in the future.
Over the past few years, we have never had any major contradictions and quarrels, and the three have the same view and are emotionally stable. We both met our parents and were very satisfied.
The problem now is that he has a younger brother and four people live together. My parents think the distance is a little far. It would be best if I could have my own house.
We have been single-minded to each other for so many years. The only thing I care about is that he especially likes watching sexy female anchors. Even though his cell phone is full of my photos.
He doesn't watch the live broadcast very much, but he likes to watch the short videos taken by the anchor. I made it clear that I didn't like it. He said he was just looking, just like women like looking at handsome guys.
I can stand on my parents' side and stick to my position, but I'm afraid he will cheat when he meets someone like the anchor he watches after marriage. After all, he has been working on a boat before, and there are no girls, and I am the kind of person who can talk about anything except cheating and domestic violence.
Now I am uncertain and confused about the future. I hope the teacher can give me some advice. Thank you very much.
A: I always believe that everyone's choice already contains what they want. Just like the boy who chose to be a sailor, he has been wandering outside, which contains a free life that is not controlled by anyone.
And you, you chose to be with this man for more than seven years, and you chose this prodigal son who looks a little bad. I think you could have chosen an honest man in the county, but you didn't. So you accepted his life choices.
In my opinion, there are two things you are worried about now: one is cheating; Second, domestic violence. He has some signs of cheating now, but you already know that he is such a person.
Sometimes, it may be better to be a bigger person and have a broader vision. For ordinary people, the influence of the house is far greater than watching videos.
I think, now you might as well focus on how to get married, how to have your own house, the significance to marriage, how to deal with problems in the future, and so on, and reach an understanding.
-End-
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