1, because of the incompetence of parents
You find that you don't know how to educate your children well. It seems that all languages and dogmas can't achieve the expected educational effect! So you chose to beat and scold, because of incompetence, you chose stick education, which you think is the most effective method. There is a saying in the ancients: a dutiful son is born under a stick. So, fighting must be right!
It's a pity that we are modern people, and we should know that beating and scolding children can't play any educational role at all. You can turn over a new leaf because of his active introspection, not your stick. If a child grows up beating and cursing and doesn't reflect on himself, I can't imagine how big his psychological dark area is. The best result is to be skinned.
2. Because parents are lazy.
I have always felt that laziness is the root of all evil. As Chaucer, the father of English poetry, said, laziness is the door to all evil. Lazy people are like houses without walls, and demons can come in from either side.
When your child is disobedient, to be exact, he has done something that you think is wrong and does not conform to your concept, and you will educate him.
The first time, you were gentle and patient, the second time, you reprimanded me seriously, and the third time, I was too lazy to rub my mouth with you and fight! Then the child won't be naughty. You said, look, you can't fight! So you became Pavlov's dog. When you saw the child disobeying, you beat and scold him like a conditioned reflex.
The growth of children is actually the growth of parents. When you overcome the laziness in your blood to study deeply, get to know him and understand him, you are qualified to educate him.
When you know that the child is naughty because he is learning about this strange world in his own way, will you still hit him?
When you know that two or three-year-old children like to bite because of their teeth, will you still hit him?
When you know that there are three rebellious periods in a person's life, beating and scolding a child at this time will only be counterproductive, just like the Romeo and Juliet effect. Will you not beat him?
Maybe you will beat and scold your child because you said, "I'm too lazy to talk to you!" " "
3. Parents vent their emotions
There is a very interesting phenomenon in psychology, which is called the "cat kicking effect". A father was criticized by his boss at the company. When he got home, he scolded his children for jumping on the sofa. The child was so angry that he kicked the cat around. The cat fled to the street, just as a truck came, and the driver hurried away, but it hurt the children on the roadside.
People's dissatisfaction and bad feelings will be transmitted in turn along the social relationship chain composed of rank and strength, from the top of the pyramid to the bottom. As a vulnerable group, children inevitably become the bottom of this chain.
There are many young mothers around. One moment they are gentle with their children, like ripples on a calm lake, and the next moment they become a tsunami in a storm, taking their anger out on them just because they are in a bad mood. I witnessed the consternation, injustice and fear in the eyes of the child at that moment.
If you must beat and scold your child, please keep calm first and don't let anger engulf you, otherwise, in your eyes, your child is just a tool to vent. At that moment, you were no longer a parent, but a devil, an executioner, a coward and a hysterical madman.
Parents are the sky, and children are young eagles under the sky. It's up to you whether Wan Li is cloudless, sunny or foggy and dark in Wan Li.
4. The nature of power and control
Everyone has a desire for power and control, which is human nature. When this desire is manifested in your children, you are the emperor and have supreme power. You must not allow children to disobey yourself, that is your lamella, and you will be punished if you violate it. As we say, I'll let you go up the mountain and you try it for me.
You are arbitrary, telling your child what to do and arranging him to do everything you think is right. Regardless of children's feelings and interests, let them learn painting, piano, dance and foreign language lessons ... you suddenly said, don't lose at the starting line! If the child is disobedient, it is inevitable to be beaten. You said bitterly: I did it for your own good!
However, please ask yourself, when you lose patience, become angry from embarrassment, and beat and scold your child; When you lose your temper and scold your children because of trivial things in life; When your child is scolded by you for not acting according to your wishes and making you lose face. At that moment, did you really have love in your heart?
Don't beat and scold children in the name of love, because that's not education!