First, pay attention to the influence of family style. Family style, also known as family style, is a relatively stable lifestyle, traditional habits and moral values formed by a family in the process of life and reproduction from generation to generation. Simple and decent family style has an important influence on the formation and consolidation of good moral conduct of children and family members, especially family moral concepts. Lu You talked about the role of family style in this norm when educating future generations to pay equal attention to farming and reading in the poem "Showing Descendants". The poem reads: "Retire as an official for the poor for 200 years. If you are rich, you will seek near disaster. You Cao must not fall into the family style. " According to historical records, the above-mentioned Zheng family in Pudong, Zhejiang Province has lived together for generations since the early years of the Northern Song Dynasty (1 127), with a population of as many as 3,000, one of which lasted until the19th century, spanning more than 300 years in the Song, Yuan and Ming Dynasties. Jia Zheng attaches importance to eastern Zhejiang in the name of filial piety, and is known as "the first family in eastern Zhejiang", which was given by Emperor Wen Jian of Ming Dynasty in an imperial book "Family of Filial Piety". The reason why this big family can live under one roof for nine generations, live in harmony and abide by feudal family ethics cannot be said that it does not depend on the simple family style formed for a long time. It is the influence of this family style that makes family morality exert a subtle education and restriction on family members.
Second, pay attention to the operability of norms and guidelines, and easily turn them into specific action guides for family members. Because family precepts are "words and deeds" for family members and children to learn and implement, traditional family precepts are both convincing in theory and instructive in practice. This is especially true in the family precepts of the Song Dynasty and later. For example, Zhao Ding's A Record of Family Instructions ***3 1, its basic content is about strict housekeeping, and its terms are very specific. For example, in the distribution of family members' rations, it is stipulated that "over five years old, one third is given; Over ten years old, give half; Everyone over the age of fifteen. " It is also pointed out that parents should be fair and children's marriage funds should have a unified fixed amount. This specific provision reduces contradictions and ensures harmony among family members. Yuan Cai's Yuan Fanshi is divided into three volumes, namely, Qin Mu, Managing Yourself and Butler, each of which is extremely detailed. Qin Mu, for example, carefully analyzes the causes and disadvantages of disharmony between father and son, brothers, husband and wife, sons and nephews, and sisters-in-law, and describes in detail the ways and methods to correctly adjust the relationship between family members.
The third is the combination of rewards and punishments, and the combination of emotion and law. Many traditional family instructions emphasize this method when it comes to parenting. It is believed that "the way to establish a family" should be both rigid and flexible, and make money with kindness. Zheng's Code stipulates that a decent and convincing person should be selected from family members over 40 as the "squad leader", and the squad leader is responsible for taking charge of the "admonition book" and recording the merits and demerits of each family member. At the same time, make two' re signs, one engraved with the word "advise" to record good things; One piece is engraved with the word "country" to record bad things. The sign is hung on the wall, "once every three days to show reward and punishment." Bao Zheng's family precepts emphasize that the grandchildren of future generations can't be buried in ancestral graves after death if they corrupt and bend the law. "Ponzi Family Instructions" said that "the descendants violated the family instructions, and the congregation was caught in the ancestral hall and sued their ancestors, and they were severely punished and ordered to make provincial reforms." Since the Song Dynasty, almost all family instructions have listed the rules of punishment and corporal punishment, and many family instructions have also combined family instructions with family rules, family laws and clan rules. For example, the "Bao family rules" formulated by the Bao family in Macheng (now Macheng, Hubei Province) in the Qing Dynasty should punish or whip children and even parents who violate family ethics. It stipulates that those who do not adopt their parents will be beaten with a stick of 100; "Women are reckless, abusive, and 40 years old who swear for no reason" and so on. Due to the support of the feudal ruling class in patriarchal society, family rules and regulations not only have moral persuasiveness, but also have certain legal effect, which makes the education and implementation of family morality achieve more remarkable results to some extent.
Fourth, pay attention to the demonstration and encouragement of role models. The exemplary deeds of the role model are very convincing and appealing, which can make people have the moral emotion of "seeing Si Qi, but not seeing him", so as to consciously compare their behavior with the role model and turn it into a moral behavior of seeking good and avoiding evil and choosing good and following. The authors of traditional family precepts attach great importance to this point. As early as in Yan's Family Instructions, which was praised as the "ancestor of family instructions" by scholars of past dynasties, Yan Zitui expounded Yu Mian's theory and listed many positive and negative examples to deepen their understanding and practice of family ethics. In the process of comprehensively discussing the ethical relationship and moral norms of feudal families, Sima Guang's Family Model spared no effort to extract many Confucian classic maxims of managing the family and cultivating oneself, and collected a large number of typical deeds of "being a gentleman or even a husband", which is "a family can be the law" for children and family members to learn and emulate. Yuan's Internal Training, Nu Wa Lu, and Emperor Kangxi's Court Training also attach great importance to quoting examples, sages' aphorisms and legends to teach their families.
Fifth, the diversity of specific methods and forms of family ethics education. In order to make family ethics education achieve better results, the authors of Family Instructions put forward many specific methods and approaches in combination with the reality. In addition to the combination of rewards and punishments mentioned above, there are some examples and demonstrations: (1) holding a family meeting, "moral and professional advice, fault treatment." "Ponzi Family Instructions" stipulates that every month 10 and the evening of the 25th ("in case of severe cold, hot summer and stormy weather"), the whole family, regardless of seniority, will come to the party. At the meeting, everyone talked about their experiences and understandings in the past half a month. "Or take good and evil as a warning, or take laziness as an advice, or take righteousness as a strategy, or take yourself as your own business, and say each word. Listen to each other's ears, look back at the facts and do a little inspection. That is to say, morality and industry advise each other, and faults are consistent with each other. " This family motto also stipulates that family gatherings are hosted by everyone in turn, and they are informal. "Gathering for convenience is more important." Anyone who doesn't attend the meeting for no reason is a "self-destructive person". This family meeting is similar to today's democratic life meeting system. It is indeed a good way to strengthen the moral concept of family members, educate and motivate family members to suppress evil and promote good, and form good moral habits. (2) Fill in "merits and demerits" as "knowing right and wrong every day and changing it every day". In Xun Zi Yan, Huang Yuan introduced his method of strengthening moral cultivation by filling in "merits and demerits". The specific methods are as follows: divide the "merits and demerits" into 50 items, and mark each item with the points that deserve or deduct, such as "adoption is helpless" and "quasi-fifty merits"; "If you are sick, you can't save it", "Allow five passes" and so on. "Every night's merits and demerits, today's case will be remembered clearly", accumulated to January 1, showing that there are many good and few evil. (3) Carve a stone as an inscription and check it from time to time. For example, in the Book of Filial Piety written by Lv Kun, he carved the concise moral code for his family to be a family on a "stone" and asked them to "recite it day and night". In his letter to his son, Zuo asked his son to post the instructions for studying and being a man on the wall, "read it once a day" and check his own reflection. In addition, there are ways and means to recite the teachings of ancestors, copy quotations from family training, and recite songs and proverbs from family training.