-Chekhov
Time can't go back and education can't come back.
There are always some dusty past events in life, and I don't want to mention them again.
In the early spring of that year, when I experienced a night of labor pains and finally stayed up until the early hours of the morning, my husband immediately sent me to the hospital. The doctor said that the amniotic fluid had broken, and Dabao did not come into this world according to normal conditions. She is a premature baby, only weighing more than 4 kg at birth. The doctor said that the child's life was in danger and needed to be transferred to the Children's Institute immediately. Before I visited her, she was transferred to the Children's Institute.
Lying in the hospital bed, I saw someone else's house circling around a pregnant woman, and I recalled my unhappy marriage, and my heart was dying. My husband runs at both ends alone. Although we are young, we are soul mates. The sudden changes have really dealt a heavy blow to our lives.
My daughter stayed in the incubator of Children's Institute for 15 days. Every day, I have a needle in my head and a tube in my body. She's afraid I'll be sad. After leaving the hospital, she told me that looking at the children outside the glass window every day was full of distress and helplessness. The joy and heartache of being a parent for the first time made us cry.
The premature baby is in poor health, and I, a novice mother, have to think about many things by myself. I tried everything I had never done before. My husband is still busy going to work every day. He prepares lunch for me before going to work in the morning and buys food and cooks after work in the evening. Although the days are hard, we are full of joy when we look at the child's little face, which is moist, tender, whiter and redder every day.
However, the child's physical condition has always been a problem. He always has a cold, fever and bronchial inflammation. We are like a top that is constantly being beaten, spinning repeatedly in the hospital.
When my daughter was three years old, I finally decided to send her to my mother's house in order to alleviate the difficult situation and pay off some debts. My husband and I sneaked away. Later, my mother called and told me that the child couldn't find me when she came back, so she chased me to the intersection alone and said, My mother is gone! My mother doesn't want me! ! I will often stay alone in a daze in the future. My grandmother asked her what she was doing, and she always said that she was thinking about her mother.
At that time, every time I heard a child calling mom by the roadside, I could not help crying. Children still love to get sick at home, and their bodies seem to have no defense system, which makes the elderly at home miserable. No matter how distressed everyone is, no one can replace the child's illness. I miss her more and more. A year later, I brought her back to me.
When she was 6 years old, she was faced with enrollment, and finally decided to send her back to her hometown for boarding, based on our various realities. On the first night of school, the child hugged my neck and cried and said, Mom, don't go, just stay at home with me and let Dad earn money alone. I put my arm around her, and my heart was like a knife. The joy of entering a new school diluted my sadness of leaving. I went to see her at school for three days in a row, and she was full of joy. The teacher also said that she is lively and lovely, does not cry or make trouble, and has strong adaptability. She doesn't want to face the scene where mother and daughter are reluctant to part. I left home on the first day she came home at the weekend.
When we called on the weekend, we were reluctant to put the phone down for a long time. Maybe every mother who leaves her child will feel this way. Her mouth is full of happy words, but her eyes can't help but get wet. Like her, I miss and feel distressed constantly. I paralyze myself. Isn't that how so many children grow up?
Two years later, Xiao Nuo came unexpectedly, and the hectic new life made me temporarily downplay the pain of separation.
I really realized that the growth of children can not be separated from the company of their mothers. After Xiaonuo went to primary school, every morning, I carried my small schoolbag on Xiaonuo's back and watched her go to school happily, and suddenly I thought of Dabao. Who tidied up her schoolbag in those days? Every time Xiao Nuo comes back to tell me something unhappy, I think of her. Who wiped away the tears of injustice for her? Every time Xiaonuo's school holds a parent-teacher conference, on the way to attend, I will think, who will attend her parent-teacher conference that year? Every time Xiao Nuo takes back the prize and shares it with me, I always feel that she can only tell me her excitement and happiness on the phone. I really owe her so much. For a child, mother is her whole world and her emotional outlet. She can be as long as her mother is around at any time, no toys, no new clothes, and all this, all the love and companionship I gave Xiao Nuo, have never been given to her. I deeply, deeply feel remorse and guilt! !
I read her diary and understand her sadness. I made countless preparations and wanted to go back to accompany her, but the trip was stopped by various reasons. I told her that my parents are also working hard for her, and they want her to have what she wants. The only thing I can do is to go home and buy all kinds of things, and I can't wait to take everything I can buy to her. Her usual requests on the phone are always responsive.
A child without love can't talk about the cultivation of habits at all. A child without boundaries is destined to breed all kinds of rebelliousness and willfulness.
From elementary school to junior high school, her grades are from upper middle school to middle school and then to lower middle school. I will take her with me every summer vacation, and the state of her homework will always make me fly into a rage. I understand what the teacher said. Your child is very clever, but he just doesn't like doing it. I realize the meaning behind this sentence. However, I haven't changed anything. Before school started, I insisted that she go back to study, no matter how resistant and unhappy she was. I had no choice but to call her more every day until I got a call from my teacher saying that she had played truant.
I can't accept this fact. I recall her previous performances and blame myself for not paying attention to what she once revealed to me. Every time my husband successfully resolves my worries, I denounce my stupidity.
I hold the banner of "for children" every day and enjoy the peace of not being disturbed by children's illness; I ignored her patience on the phone and let her fall into deep disappointment; I gave her many beautiful promises, but I found countless reasons to tell my helplessness; I only pay attention to her academic performance, but forget that a girl needs her mother's considerate care most when she grows up. A child's healthy physical and mental growth and personality are more important than her performance 100 times. No matter how distressed I was, I didn't take any action. I made her from full of hope to constant disappointment and then to deep despair, wondering why the days when her mother came home to accompany her were always so long, so far away and so difficult to realize. Finally, she was no longer afraid of the consequences and unwilling to compromise. She resisted. At that time, I realized that I was the culprit of all these consequences, and I left her with no hope and no future.
God gave us all angels, but I lost them!
Come on, honey,
Let's fall in love,
When you and I,
Still alive.
Rumi
Everyone is not an island.
/kloc-When I was 0/5 years old, I finally pulled her to my side.
Different living habits and adolescent rebellion constantly collide, we quarrel and cry, and the scene at home once turned into a battlefield. Dad is terrible, I shouted, and the children cried. We constantly collide, blame each other and hurt each other, but a family that clearly loves each other glows every day. We always feel that her goodness can't get her response, and that her parents can't understand her inner thoughts. And these are the consequences of separation. The alienation of adolescent parents and the lack of communication in love will eventually make it difficult for parents and children to open their hearts easily.
However, the better way than guilt is not to overcompensate, but to love and hug. In this world, there may be nothing more powerful than love. I want her to feel my love. No matter what happened, my mother always loved her. I let her see my efforts, my persistence, and I try to make myself better every day. I thank God for giving me three years to change and shape before she came of age. I hope that every harmonious atmosphere in the family can give her strength.
But love does not mean that there are no boundaries and no positions. I try to correct her mistakes in a kind and firm way, without connivance, connivance or scolding. But let her know her mother's firm position.
Positive discipline says that if you want to change your child's behavior, you must first change your relationship with your child.
Gradually, we all found a way to get along in the collision. We gradually understand the bottom line and principles in everyone's mind. Finally, we can sit together and have a long talk at night. She knows what her mother expects of her, and she is trying to change it. The time spent playing games is gradually decreasing. She will share things with her mother at school. She signed up for the oral English test and she has a strong desire to study hard. No matter what she did, the change began with the awakening of consciousness. I can only try my best to broaden her horizons and send her further with the strength of my life, because I deeply know that nothing is more terrible than parents' shortsightedness and giving up.
Life is not perfect, but we can never give up the pursuit and imagination of perfection.
If regret can't be changed, then accept it, and don't worry about perfection.
Leave some regrets for life and experience the years around you.
Facing the scars of years, let's look at ourselves calmly, think about confusion, relieve anxiety, learn to correct ourselves, and constantly use time to heal.
04
Children have keen nature and intuition. Our understanding and understanding of life, our attitude and flexibility towards life, our handling methods of negative emotions, and our ability to handle intimate relationships will be continuously passed on to children in various intangible ways.
Dear friends, if your child is by your side, love him well, accompany him with your heart and learn more scientific parenting methods. Children are not an obstacle to your career, but the best weapon for your self-growth; If your child is not around, then do your best to create conditions together and slowly heal his lack of love for his family! Let him know that no matter where he is, his mother will always be the one who loves him the most in the world. You know, in this world, the only child is a woman's biggest career! No matter how prosperous your career is, an unworthy child will make your efforts meaningless. Those selfish reasons are not enough to excuse your children from entering your career. God has given us all angels, but mothers, don't lose them! !
I would like to give this document to parents whose children are not around. I hope to give you a warning with my own mental journey. Not everyone is as conscious as I am, and many people are trapped in the whirlpool of increasingly alienated parent-child relationship. If you want your child's future life to have nothing to do with you, then create all conditions to return to him, give him love and care, and accompany him. From then on, his life will become more substantial.