Shoupeng Wang, born in 1995, is an out-and-out Wuhan girl. When she was five, her biological parents divorced. After her parents divorced, they left Wuhan and sent her to her menstrual home for foster care.
"I knew from an early age that they had a bad relationship, but when my father sent me to my uncle's house and asked me to live with them, it was still hard for me to accept this fact. I cried all night, and that was the first time I felt really helpless and fragile. " When interviewed by the media, this resolute girl smiled and recalled that she suddenly choked when she was a child.
Compared with parents' divorce, what saddens Shoupeng Wang, who is 5 years old, is the sense of shame that "parents don't want me". "I don't like to tell others when I meet something. I like to hide in my heart and have precocity beyond my peers. "
This is probably the characteristics of unfortunate children in the family: sensitive, lonely, unsociable, suppressing their true thoughts, learning to read and ponder people's minds in order to adapt to the environment and survive.
Fortunately, my uncle, aunt and cousin love her very much. Nevertheless, Shoupeng Wang, who feels inferior, often feels insecure and always stays alone in her room. Menstruation in order to cheer her up, let her son who likes football take her to play football with a group of boys.
"When I arrive at my uncle's house, I want to show myself, prove myself and get more attention." The girl wants her uncle to feel that raising her is not a burden, but an honor.
She wants to be their pride, so she tries to hone her specialty.
Children who are unhappy in childhood tend to be masochistic to some extent. This kind of self-abuse is not necessarily self-mutilation, but almost harsh dissatisfaction and demands on oneself. Because, they clearly know that their opportunities are not many. If you miss one, you may miss a lifetime. One wrong step and you will be eliminated.
This sense of crisis that goes deep into the bone marrow is a cage that many people can't get rid of all their lives. Shoupeng Wang is no exception. He once said that he always tried to attract others' attention. "Many people think I am optimistic. In fact, I have a strong sense of urgency, but I don't like to show my fragile side. " .
Shoupeng Wang was famous for being cruel to himself since he was a child. Few girls play football. When Shoupeng Wang was young, he could only play football with boys. Because she plays football hard, her male teammates call her "Tie Jie". "They boys can't play football. When they touch it, some boys shout pain, but I never scream. "
In the Wuhan Youth Training Team, Shoupeng Wang, who is determined and eager to win, has been praised by the coach many times. The coach found Shoupeng Wang's uncle's menstruation and said, "Why didn't this boy play football? This child must play football! "
Playing football, if you want to be famous, you must go to Beijing. /kloc-When he was 0/2 years old, Shoupeng Wang was selected for the national junior football team and was sent to Beijing by his uncle. She didn't want to go, so she stood at the railway station crying. The traumatic memory of leaving at the age of five once again surrounded her. She thought that going to Beijing meant losing her favorite menstrual uncle. Uncle coaxed her into saying, "You go first, then we go." She believed it.
Only when she arrived in Beijing did she know that she had been cheated. But 12-year-old Shoupeng Wang didn't cry all night like when she was 5 years old, but chose to be strong alone: Uncle Menstrual sent her to Beijing not to abandon her, but to let her play football on a higher and bigger platform and win glory for her country. She quickly adjusted herself and put herself into training.
Autumn goes to spring, cold goes to summer, I get hurt again and again, I fall down again and again, I stand up again and again and fly in the wind. The little girl who once wore a ponytail and was insecure grew up to be a fearless and beautiful girl after a series of sweating trainings.
Shoupeng Wang 15 years old was selected for the National Youth Team; 18 years old, playing for the national team for the first time; At the age of 20, he represented China women's football team in the World Cup; 2 1 year-old went to the Rio Olympics; At the age of 23, she won the title of "Miss Asian Football" and was named one of the top ten athletes in China. At the age of 24, he was named the best China player by GOAL (Football Network). ...
In the meantime, she also joined the Paris Saint-Germain women's football team and went to France alone. In a strange land, she conquered the stadium again and again with wonderful performances, which made Europeans remember her beautiful face of china.
When I first arrived in Paris, due to the language barrier, inconvenient life and different customs, Shoupeng Wang described himself as follows: "I open my eyes every day and feel like a newborn baby." But she is no longer afraid, no longer panic. She knows that as long as she gets out of bed and runs to the training ground and the competition field, she will soon become strong, free and energetic. Because she has grown up.
In fact, being born in a family is not like a bed. If you lie on it all the time, you will complain that you are incompetent, incompetent, unworthy and impossible. But if you are brave enough not to be afraid to try and explore, you will jump out of that bed, out of the dark's house, walk through the whirling shadows, cross the rolling mountains, wade through the steep rapids, come to the vast highland and meet another self.
A truly powerful person will be gentle with the world. Because, she has always been very gentle.
20 19, Shoupeng Wang returned to Wuhan from Paris to prepare for the Olympic Games. Wuhan broke out, and traffic control in the thoroughfares of nine provinces made Shoupeng Wang trapped in his hometown.
Although she can't take part in any competition, she never stops training: she does physical training alone at home, passes the ball to the wall on the roof, and sometimes she trains downstairs with her cousin Cao (a sophomore).
At the same time, she also donated 600,000 yuan to fight the epidemic in her hometown. You know, the income of women's football players is not high. Even playing in Paris, Shoupeng Wang's annual salary is only 500,000 yuan.
Shoupeng Wang's model is changing.
We also clearly see four facts about family background-
First, what is more terrible than parents' divorce is the loss of belonging.
Shoupeng Wang said that she had been quarreling with her parents since she was a child, and she had no resentment against her parents' divorce. But after her parents divorced, they did not support her, but sent her to the menstrual home. This has also become the root of her loneliness and vulnerability, even after many years.
With the love of menstruation, the love of uncle and cousin, and her own struggle, she gradually found two gifts. And these two gifts are what lucky children have from birth-the importance of belonging and self-confirmation.
Wang Shuang tells us with a true story that children whose parents are divorced may not be trapped on an island. However, after the parents divorce, they all regard their children as a burden, or treat them as weapons to attack each other and vent their emotions, and the children will fall into a dark predicament.
Divorce depends on character. Parents with good personality are the blessing of their children, because even if they are separated, they can be responsible, know true love, see their children's needs, understand their feelings and watch their children grow up safely and orderly.
Second, the most painful thing in this world is to admit that parents have hurt themselves.
To this day, Shoupeng Wang is reluctant to mention her biological parents: "I am not close to my biological parents, and I don't want to have too much contact with them. My biological parents now are my uncle and menstruation. They are my real family. "
Many unfortunate children in childhood are confused because they live in the escape of denying trauma. They used "my parents are all for my own good" and "my parents are not wrong, it's all my fault" to cover up and continue to attack themselves. The split between speech and heart will inevitably lead to the constant struggle between the false self and the true self, and eventually fall into depression step by step in self-punishment. Acknowledge that pain and injury are prerequisites for overcoming pain and curing injury. If you don't avoid problems, you can make yourself a problem.
Third, breaking the curse of the origin family is to hinder automatic processing.
The most touching thing about Shoupeng Wang's story is that she left twice when she was growing up: the first time she went to Beijing from Wuhan; The second time, I went to Paris from Beijing. She accepted these two farewells, broke through from a family background, and eventually became the top player of China women's football team.
What is the breakthrough of family background? In fact, I realized the belief that automatically emerged in my subconscious: "No one likes me." "I won't be happy." "I'm sure I'll screw everything up." "I will be abandoned sooner or later." These bad feelings of growing up, as well as the negative beliefs injected into your mind, will automatically emerge when you encounter setbacks. They are like spells, directing you to deliberately screw things up again and again and run towards the preset bad situation.
Breaking through the family background is to discover and correct these negative beliefs of automation. With hard work and change, action and optimism, let things develop in a positive and good direction and redefine yourself. When more and more actions and actual combat cultivate the sunshine belief of "I can do it" in our hearts, we will get out of the trauma of being born in a family.
Fourth, the broken layer grows, and the past will become the soil under your feet.
The only shortcut to get out of the family is to keep going outward, forward, far away and to a better and higher platform. Nothing can't be solved by growing up. If so, it must be that there is not enough time to grow up.
Like Shoupeng Wang, she became a famous football player in China. She took off her crown on the field, and her past pains and anxieties were trampled under her feet one by one. Although there are still dark wounds and weaknesses, she is willing to reconcile with the part that is not good enough.
This is the best healing: along the way, we have been paranoid, hurt and confused, but we persisted in going on, tolerated ourselves, found our love and preciousness, and became our spiritual parents, masters of will and gods of faith. We are still not perfect, but we are no longer afraid.
The truth of being born in a family comes from parents and the past, but it essentially depends on us and our growth.
May you grow up, be brave, tough, gentle, optimistic, sincere, humble, awe, peaceful and find yourself wholeheartedly.
Does it really take a lifetime to heal the injury caused by family background?
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