The soldiers have been marching and fighting. They are dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced, "Soldiers, I have good news and bad news for you. Which one do you like first? "
"Good news!" They all shouted.
"All right," said the general. "The good news is that each of you will receive a complete change of clothes."
"Long live!" The soldiers said in unison.
"Now is the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change clothes with Tom. Tom, you will change clothes with Robert. Robert ....
Good news and bad news.
The soldiers marched and fought continuously. They are tired, hot and dirty. One day, the general announced, "Soldiers, I have good news and bad news for you. Which do you want to listen to first? "
"Good news!" They shouted.
"Well," said the general, "the good news is that each of you can completely change your clothes."
"Ulla!" The soldiers shouted with joy.
"Now, this is bad news. Jack, you change clothes with John, John, you and Tom, Tom, you and Robert, Robert ... "
[Humor]-How many miles did the car drive?
A blonde and a brunette are talking. The blonde is very nervous. The brunette asked her what was wrong. The blonde continued to tell her that she really needed to sell her car, but no one would buy it because it had run100,000 miles.
The brunette said to her, "I know a way to help you sell it." I have a friend who can help you, but it is illegal. "
The blonde said, "I will do anything." So the brunette gave the blonde the phone number of a man who could turn her automobile odometer upside down. A week later, the blonde meets the brunette, and the brunette asks if the blonde has sold her car.
The blonde said, "Why should I sell a car that has only driven 50 thousand miles?" ! "
[Humor]-An old maid
There lived an old maid in a small village. Despite her age, she is still a virgin. She is very proud of it. She knew that her last days were drawing near, so she told the local undertaker that she hoped to engrave the following words on her tombstone: "Be a virgin, be a virgin, and die a virgin."
Soon after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but because they were lazy and useless people, they thought the inscription was unnecessarily long. They simply wrote, "Return it intact."
[Humor]-The Last Chance of a Famous Actor
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. Many years later, he found a theater, and they were going to give him a chance to shine again.
The director said, "This is the most important part. It has only one line. At the beginning, you walked onto the stage with a rose. You just hold the rose to your nose with one finger and thumb, smell the rose deeply, and then say the following words: "Ah, the fragrance of my hostess." "
The actor is very excited. He practiced his lines over and over again all day before the performance.
Finally, the time has come. When the curtain rose, the actor stepped onto the stage and uttered the line with passion: "Ah, the fragrance of my hostess."
The theater was boiling, the audience screamed with laughter, and the director was very excited!
"You big fool!" He cried, "You ruined me!"
The actor was puzzled. "What happened? Did I forget my lines?"
"no!" The director screamed. "You forgot the roses!"
[Humor] My wife will change it tomorrow
A gentleman walked into a shop and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Leather cloth?" Asked the salesman.
"It makes no difference," the customer replied.
"What color?" The clerk asked.
"Any," he replied.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you like," the gentleman said with a little irritation. "My wife will come back tomorrow to change it."
Anyway, my wife will change tomorrow
A gentleman went into a shop to buy a pair of gloves.
"Do you want cloth or leather?" Asked the salesman.
"It makes no difference." The customer replied.
"What color do you want?" The salesman asked again.
"Any color will do." He replied.
"What's the number?"
"Just bring me a pair casually." The customer was a little impatient. "Anyway, my wife will change it tomorrow."
My daily life
Although my daily life is very monotonous, I try to adapt to it. Why? Because I intend to be a good student. I hope to serve my country. I get up at six every day. After I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I began to review my lessons. I go to school at seven o'clock. I go home after school. We usually have dinner at seven o'clock. Then I began to do my homework. I want to finish it before going to bed.
Although my daily life is monotonous, I try my best to adapt to it. Why? Because I intend to be a good student and hope to serve the country in the future. I get up at six every day, wash my face and brush my teeth, and then I start reviewing my lessons. I go to school at seven o'clock. After school, I went home. We usually have dinner at seven o'clock, and then I start doing my homework, hoping to finish it before going to bed.
Extinction has become a buzzword. Every day, an entire class of plants and animals are extinct, which is the first time in history, just because of the behavior of one species: human beings. We have known about five mass extinctions, and now the sixth seems to be in progress. This is different because it is artificial. The rainforest of deforestation station is only one aspect of this term. Most people may have heard of it, but few people know that most species in the rainforest have never been scientifically described. Usually they disappear before we know they exist. No one knows what treasure we have lost, maybe it is a cure for cancer or other modern diseases.
Edward O. Wilson, a world-famous Harvard professor, studied life on our planet in his book Diversity of Life. He doesn't choose his readers, but states what he knows about the earth's past and the influence of human beings on its plants and animals in a realistic way. At the same time, he proposed a solution to the current crisis.
If you are interested in the future of the earth and want to learn to see the bigger picture, this book is for you. This is not reading before going to bed at night, and it may make you feel uneasy. However, for people living in the 2 1 century, it is important to think about how we can pass on at least part of this diversity to our children. Recent research shows that after a major crisis, it will take about 10 billion years for the earth to recover the lost species. Ten million years is not much for the life of a planet, but it is too long for human beings. Wilson's book should help us start a process of rethinking.
strange
A lawyer named strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone producer to engrave on his tombstone: "Here lies strange, an honest man and a lawyer."
The epitaph insists that such an inscription will be confusing, because passers-by will tend to think that three people are buried under the stone.
However, he proposed another option: he would write: "Here lies an honest man who is also a lawyer.
In this way, whenever anyone walks past the tombstone and reads it, they will say, "How strange! "
That's very kind.
A woman frequents a small antique shop. She seldom buys anything, but she is always picky about the goods and prices. The manager and her shop assistant took this woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why have I never got what I want in your shop?" The woman asked.
The clerk smiled and calmly replied, "Maybe it's because we are too polite."
That's very kind.
A woman frequents a small antique shop, but almost never buys anything, but always finds fault with the goods and prices. The manager and her salesman always deal with that woman's rude complaints, but one day she went too far. "Why can't you always buy what I want in your shop?" The accused woman.
The clerk smiled and calmly replied, "Maybe it's because we are too polite."
wing
One day, the fried chicken shop where I worked had a rush to buy before closing, and we couldn't sell anything except chicken wings. When I was about to lock the door, a drunken customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if the wings were okay, he leaned against the counter and replied, "Madam, I'm here to eat, not to fly."
Yong Bang
One day, the fried chicken shop where I worked went on a buying spree before closing, and everything was sold out except chicken wings. I was about to lock the door when a drunk passenger came in and asked for dinner. I asked him if his wings were ok. He leaned against the counter and replied, "madam, I'm here to eat, not to fly!" " "
Bear Restaurant and Two Travelers
Two people were traveling together when suddenly a bear met them on the road.
One of them quickly climbed a tree and hid in the branches. The other, seeing that he had to be attacked, fell flat on the ground. When the bear came over and touched him with his nose and sniffed his whole body, he held his breath and pretended to be dead as much as possible.
"Bear Restaurant" soon left him because it was said that he didn't touch dead bodies. When he left completely, another traveler came down from the tree and jokingly asked his friend what the bear said in his ear. "He gave me this advice," replied his companion. "Never travel with friends who abandon you when danger comes."
Unfortunately, it tests a friend's sincerity.
Nails or flies?
An old gentleman whose eyesight is failing checked into a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. There is a fly on the wall, which he thinks is a nail. So when he hung them up, the bottle fell and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what had happened, she felt sorry for him and decided to do him a favor.
So the next morning, when he was walking in the roof garden, she nailed a nail where the fly stayed.
Now the old man walks into his room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly there again! He walked up to it carefully and slapped it with all his strength. Hearing a loud cry, the kind waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor with his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
English humorous stories
Nails or flies?
An old gentleman whose eyesight is failing has checked into a hotel room. He has a bottle of wine in each hand. There is a fly on the wall. He mistook it for a nail. He hung two bottles, and the bottles fell and broke, and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what had happened, she felt sorry for him and decided to help him.
So, when he went for a walk in the garden on the roof the next morning, she nailed a nail where the fly stopped.
Speaking of which, the old man returned to the room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of that. He looked up at the wall and the fly stopped there again! He approached gently and applauded as hard as he could. Hearing a loud cry, the kind waitress rushed into the room. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand was bleeding.
Is it far?
Ali works far away from home. He wants to write a letter to his wife, but he can neither read nor write, and he has to work all day, so he can only find someone to write to him late at night. Finally, he found the home of a writer named Nasreddin.
Nasreddin has gone to bed. "It's late," he said. "What do you want?" "I want you to write a letter to my wife," said Ali. Nasreddin was very unhappy. He thought for a few seconds and then said, "Can this letter go far?"
"What does that matter?" Ali answered.
Well, what I wrote is very strange, only I can understand it. If I have to go a long way to read your letter to your wife, it will cost you a lot of money.
Ali will leave soon.
Why have you never called me?
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband died, but she had a son. He is 2 1 year old and his name is Jeff. He worked in a shop in the village and lived with his mother, but later he got a job in a town and lived there. Its name is Green Sea. It is far from his mother's village, and she is very unhappy about it, but Jeff said, "Mom, there is no good job for me in the country. I can earn a lot of money in Gracia and send you some every week."
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got on the train and went to her son's home in Gracia. Then she said to him, "Jeff, why didn't you ever call me?"
Jeff smiled. "But, Mom," he said, "you don't have a phone."
"No," she replied, "I didn't, but you did!"
Ants and pigeons
An ant went to the river to quench his thirst, was washed away by the rapids and was drowning.
A pigeon stopped in a tree hanging on the water, picked a leaf and let it land in the stream beside her.
The ant climbed the tree and floated to the shore safely. After a while, a bird catcher came. He stood under the tree and put his lime branch on the pigeon that stopped on the branch. The ant saw his intention and stabbed him in the foot. The bird catcher threw down the twig painfully, and the sound made the pigeon fly away.
Good must be rewarded.
Mom: Mary, you must take off your beautiful sweater when you sleep.
Mary: I don't want to take it off.
Mom: Why?
Mary: Why doesn't the rooster take off his beautiful coat when he sleeps?
Mom: Mary, you must take off your beautiful sweater when you sleep.
Mary: I don't want to take it off.
Mom: Why?
Mary: Why doesn't the rooster take off his beautiful coat when he sleeps?
Rabbit and tortoise
H: Good morning, Mr. Tortoise.
T: Oh, it's you, Mr. Rabbit. Good morning!
What are you doing?
T: I am running.
H: running? Hahaha!
Can you run? Your legs are too short!
T: certainly.
H: My legs are very long. I run faster than you.
T: don't be so sure.
H: All right. Let's run to that big tree over there. Let's see who can get there first.
T: ok. Are you ready? Let's go
Storyteller: The tortoise walks very slowly. But Mr. Rabbit runs very fast. Soon, he came to a small tree.
H: Where is Mr. Turtle? Aha! Here he comes. He lags far behind me. How slow he is! Well, it's too hot! There is a tree here. I'll sleep for a while first.
Oh, hi, he is sleeping under the tree over there. But I can't stop. I have to go on.
H: ah! What a good sleep! Let me go on. Oh, where is Mr. Tortoise? Where is he now? I must hurry.
Storyteller: Soon he ran to.
1. Diligence is the mother of good luck.
Diligence is the mother of good luck.
2. People who are really eager for knowledge can always get knowledge, which is the characteristic of knowledge.
Those who really crave knowledge will win. This is the characteristic of knowledge.
All my advantages are attributed to books.
All my excellent qualities are attributed to books.
Keep in mind that every day is the best day of the year.
Remember this: Every day is the best day of the year.
5. The three foundations of learning: observing more, suffering more and studying more.
The three basic conditions of learning are: observing more, suffering more and learning more.
Two hearts are beating.
Nurse: How do you feel after the operation?
Patient: Exactly, but I can feel two hearts beating inside me.
Nurse: No wonder. The doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now.
Two hearts are beating.
Nurse: How do you feel after the operation?
Patient: Fine, but I feel two hearts beating inside me.
Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now. 1, what is puberty (puberty)
One night, while preparing dinner, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what is puberty?" My wife was busy at that time, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, and then they could discuss it.
A few minutes later, Peggy came back. Her mother asked what the dictionary said. "Adolescence means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl can tolerate her children."
"What do you think of this?" My wife asked.
"I'm not sure," Peggy replied. "I have always been able to tolerate children. What I can't stand is adults. " .
puberty
One night, while preparing dinner, our ten-year-old daughter asked, "Mom, what is puberty?" My wife is busy now, so she suggests that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, and then they can discuss it.
A few minutes later, Peggy came back. Her mother asked what the dictionary said.
"Adolescence means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl can bear children."
"What do you think?" My wife asked.
"I don't know," Peggy answered. "I can always stand children. What I can't stand is adults.
Note: Xiong Haizi: Give birth to a baby. The word bear can also be used to mean "endure"
2、
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
A boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I am a woman," she told him.
Mom said, "Because I am a woman."
"I don't understand," he said.
The boy said, "I don't understand."
His mother hugged him and said, "You'll never understand."
His mother picked him up and said, "You'll never understand."
3. Poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is to get along with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asked me a question and then answered it herself. Then she explained to me why my answer was wrong for half an hour.
Poor husband
"You have no idea how difficult it is to deal with my wife," a man complained to his friend. "She asked me a question, then answered it herself, and then spent half an hour explaining to me why my answer was wrong."
I didn't fall asleep
When a group of women got on the bus, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed that a man seemed to be asleep and worried that he would miss his stop, so he nudged him and said, "wake up, sir!" "
"I didn't fall asleep," the man replied.
"Didn't fall asleep? But your eyes are closed. "
"I know. I just hate to see ladies standing next to me in crowded cars. "
I didn't fall asleep
When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats on the bus were taken. The conductor noticed that a person seemed to be asleep. He was worried that the man would miss his stop, so he nudged him and said, "wake up, sir!" " "
"I didn't fall asleep." The man replied.
"Didn't fall asleep? But your eyes are closed? "
"I know, I just don't want to see a lady standing next to me in a crowded car."