The autumn night covered with scarlet missed the pear flowers that looked like winter.
If I can, I want to send you the most beautiful four seasons.
Just after Ghost Festival, the air changes with the seasons and becomes refreshing. Clean up some small pieces of cloth used as insoles at home, which are filled with simple packets sewn with pink handkerchiefs. There is also a piece of white paper with rows of pencils painted on it. Some are horizontal, some are horizontal, some are three, and some are four. ...
There is always a sense of adventure in cleaning up old houses. Those shabby things will always bring some unfamiliar familiarity, and the dust will be brushed away by hand, and memories will follow.
There is a box on the bookshelf with cracks on the outside surface. There are some horrible photos of my primary school and junior high school, a centenary photo of my little cousin, a military uniform photo of my father when he was young, and a black and white photo at the bottom of the box.
Grandma has been dead for more than five years, which may be a great regret in my life. I've looked everywhere in my house, and all I can find is this photo, so it's precious.
In my memory, she is a woman like a child. She is not very beautiful, but she is very energetic and uneducated. However, she picked up scissors, plates and chopsticks, worked in the fields, washed her intestines and swept the streets. Her life is full of wisdom. She raised six children in her life and gave her years and everything to her children and grandchildren.
So a woman is great, not just seeing an ugly scar on her abdomen. At that time, I didn't know what life was like in the new China era led by Grandpa Mao. Every time I hear grandma say that I am happy, I can sing Dongfanghong and Sunrise when I am sewing. We can feel how much that generation loves life.
Her small body wandered in the years of famine and war, eating bark and grass; The plague of locusts came in the age of eating soil and roots. There are also scenes of picking hoes to join people's communes and queuing up with children to get food stamps.
Grandma told me that her greatest wish in life is that her children can grow up safely and healthily. More importantly, you can study, read, do more good deeds and make good relationships.
When I was in junior high school, my grandmother watched me do my homework every night and put a pencil with a small knife in my pencil box. She often points to my textbook and asks how to pronounce this word, or that this word is really beautiful.
I watched her rough and old hands touch the textbook, and I handed her a pen, and she would advise me to teach her to write her own name. Later, on her bed, she could be seen everywhere cutting a palm-sized paper with a small knife. The stapler board is neat, with one horizontal, two horizontal, three horizontal, four horizontal, five horizontal ... Remember the date. And her crooked name, like a ghost symbol.
I came to my senses and opened the bedroom where she lived for a long time. There are many sundries, and there are no traces of her life.
Young age
She was born in June of 1928+0. Whenever she hears firecrackers on New Year's Day, she will tell me again. When she was born, firecrackers were the loudest in 1 June.
On the fifteenth day of the first month, fireworks will be set off in the community. My mother said that my grandmother and I sat by the bed and turned off the lights to watch the fireworks in the sky.
"Grandma's year is over."
"hmm."
"Grandma, good-looking? . "
"Good-looking."
"Why do I feel so boring?"
That I will always think of her on New Year's Day and 15th every year.
Her hometown is Jimo, Qingdao, and she lives in a small seaside village. Grandma gave birth to three children, and grandma is the eldest sister. The oldest child in the countryside always undertakes some housework, so she has to help her mother with farm work since she was a child.
The old man in the village said that girls don't need to study at home, so grandma gets up early every day to mow the grass and feed the pigs and cows. When grandma goes to do farm work on the slope, grandma at home will carry her little brother and pull her little sister, clean up the pigsty, and sometimes go to herd cattle. My brother and sister grew up and had to send him to school. At that time, my brother was too young to walk far on the mountain road, so grandma went out with his brother on her back. My sister learns to work when she is old, but every time my grandmother asks her to do something that is not tiring.
Life at that time was much more difficult than it is now. There is nothing to eat, only meat can be eaten during the Spring Festival. Grandma's aunt always brings some snacks back from the county seat, and all the leftovers are put in the cellar. It was the happiest time for children. At that time, children liked Chinese New Year best, and the year of that time was the most interesting.
Grandma and grandma will cook the eggs and put them in a big bowl. Grandma's brother and sister will go to bed after celebrating their birthdays. Every time they get up in the morning, they will have two eggs in their pockets.
At the age of 26, there was a big family in a neighboring village with an only son, but no one wanted to go, because the old man had two wives and was ill all the year round, so he was not very easy to serve. But the young master of their family is a cultured person, and grandma thinks she has no culture. Being able to marry such a scholar can also be regarded as giving children more development opportunities in the future. Grandma married a young master who was six years younger than herself, that is, my grandfather. After marriage, grandpa went to the county to study, and grandma took care of the children and three old people at home, always taking care of the death of three old people.
The knot is a scarlet scab on the heart.
That year, my grandmother got cerebral thrombosis. In the next few years, my grandmother and I slept in the same bed, and we often talked to me constantly before going to bed. Once I said I had six children. I counted them with my fingers and found that there were only five. I laughed at her head.
I bought a dress for my mother the year before last, and her mother praised it in the mirror.
"You have a good figure and are the thinnest in the family. Did you not like eating since you were a child? " I sat on the sofa and squinted at my mother.
"I really haven't eaten since I was a child. When I was a child, your grandmother used to make rough-faced steamed buns all day. When I got to my throat, I didn't eat. Your grandfather also asked me why I didn't eat. "
"Good picky mouth. Fortunately, I don't choose. I didn't inherit your bad habit. " I set up a stall and I play with my mobile phone.
"In fact, your aunt Feng is the most beautiful." For a long time, my mother slowly said a word. I looked up and saw that she was still looking at the skirt.
"Aunt chicken? The aunt I have never seen? " I became interested as soon as I heard it.
"Yes, if she were still alive, she must be a great beauty now."
"I'm looking forward to her giving me a handsome brother. My aunt, uncle and you are all girls. "
That aunt's name is Feng.
Aunt Feng is only six or seven years old and naughty as a little boy. It was a hot summer, grandpa was not at home, and grandma was working in the fields. At noon, the sun is burning. Not far from my home, there is a small pond where many children are playing.
When grandma came back from farm work, she told the other three children not to run around in bed and went to bed herself. Aunt Feng sat at the door, probably because it was too hot, looking at the ripples in the water in a small pond not far away. Sneaked through grandma's little cloth shoes and ran out. At night, the door was knocked down. The awakened grandmother ran out barefoot in a panic and ran to the river in one breath. She saw that Aunt Feng had lost her breath and was wearing a white shirt. No small cloth shoes.
Grandma touched Aunt Feng's little feet and cried.
It was the saddest and saddest time for a woman. She must be blaming herself.
My mother often tells me, one
You must pay attention to your own safety. My handwriting hasn't changed a bit since I went to college from kindergarten. I feel nagging. One year I went to the cinema to watch Dear. This story is about a family. They have been living as usual, and their children suddenly disappeared. This family has been constantly looking for it, and a family has brought out many such families. Imagine if something really happened to the child, then the mother must be blaming herself for the rest of her life.
Grandma has blamed herself all her life. Even if she has many children, she will always think about that child. That kind of pain is beyond anyone's comprehension.
She asked someone to help bury Aunt Feng in the ancestral grave, and quickly asked someone to write a letter to the county seat and give it to her grandfather who was studying.
Move from home.
1980, my grandfather had a job transfer opportunity to work in Zibo thousands of miles away. I wrote to ask my grandmother to come to Zibo to look for him.
Grandma has never left the small village since she was a child, and has been here for generations. But for the development of her husband and children, grandma decided to let her eldest son stay at home and take the other four or three children to Zibo.
How scared she should be when she steps out of the house. An illiterate woman is looking for a husband thousands of miles away.
She came to the railway station and didn't know how to buy a ticket. She stood for a long time at the entrance of the railway station. The fourth child in her arms is crying, and the third daughter is afraid to let go. The doorman, the PLA, is coming.
"Aunt, where are you going?"
"I can't read, I want to go to Zibo to find my husband, and I don't know how to buy a ticket."
The people's liberation army helped hold the fourth grade, took the luggage and bought tickets together.
"Aunt, the child is a little hot. Is he ill? "
"ouch! What can I do? I haven't eaten for a long time. I'm probably hungry. "
"Aunt, let me take you to our monitor."
"Want money? I have no money. "
"Don't worry, don't worry."
I gave Xiao Si an injection at the reception station and ate some Qingdao biscuits, which was rare at that time. When I grew up, my third daughter, my mother, married the People's Liberation Army and was still a small platoon leader. Both father and grandmother say that the PLA is practical and a good person.
Because she has no culture, she is afraid that her husband will look down on herself. She told me this herself.
She didn't want to stay at home for free, so she went out and found a job sweeping the road. Go to work at six o'clock every day and come back at six o'clock in the evening, prepare meals for the children, wash clothes and clean up.
Such a diligent woman, watching her eldest daughter get married, her second daughter get married, her third daughter get married, her youngest son get married, and she has her first granddaughter, and she is gradually getting old.
get sick
In 2004, she suffered from cerebral thrombosis and was admitted to the hospital. Then for a long time, her left side was uncoordinated, her legs were not agile, and her hands could not make me make a fist.
My father was a soldier all the year round, and my mother took my grandmother home. But living at home has not been idle for a day. When the child falls asleep, pick up the shoes and stuff them into the insole one by one, saying that you can leave a memory in the future. Children go to work, stay at home alone, and sometimes go out to bask in the quilt with crutches, and don't forget to hit a dozen with crutches.
My grades have not been very good, but every time I am lectured, I will go to her to complain. She thinks her granddaughter is the best, and when chatting with the old lady in the community, she will proudly say that her children are not bad, and buy her this and that.
When people are old, sometimes they will move slowly and may feel useless. If the children say a few words, they will be bored in the room all afternoon. Sometimes I secretly wipe my tears, but we can't understand her pain, the sadness from aging and death.
When I was in primary school, I studied erhu for a while. My grandmother encouraged me and said that I had an uncle who studied violin as a child. He played well and was the pride of his family, but he died young. But she kept saying it would go first.
After I was in high school, she went home. I was busy studying and seldom visited her. But every time I go, I will be taught how to sit on the bench and not fall down, how to drink porridge and not paste. There will be two eggs crunching in my pocket during the New Year, and my name will be loud, and sewing insoles will sing Dongfanghong.
Missing is the longest memorial service.
I wonder who invented the word "missing". This is most appropriate when I can't think of any words to express my feelings.
Every year when fireworks are set off on the fifteenth day of the first month, I turn off the lights. In the dark bedroom, I can see the undulating fireworks in the distance and sit quietly by the window for a while.
I didn't know how to cherish when I was a child. I don't know. Take more photos, spend more time with her and leave more memories for her.
20 1 1 April 28th, before Labor Day, it was sunny, neither too hot nor too cold.
Go to grandpa's house for dinner after the evening study. I was very unhappy when I failed in the physics exam. I sat on the bed crying, and my grandmother comforted me. She took an egg out of her pocket and stuffed it into my hand.
I'm going to study at night soon, I said, holding her hand before I left.
"Grandma. I'll come to see you on May the day after tomorrow. "
Studying at night and going home, I quarreled with my mother because of a little thing. My chest was stuffy that night and I didn't sleep well.
Then, grandma left in the early morning of the 29th.
On that black Friday.
I took off my colorful clothes and put on dazzling white clothes.
At the funeral home, my mother cried bitterly.
Later, grandma's sister came from her hometown with her son. That night, the ever-burning lamp on the table danced by candlelight and sat in the living room to wipe grandma's portrait.
Long time no see, goodbye.
"Elder sister, how do you go ..."
In crying, I finally knew that others had it, and I didn't think it was anything. Why, family ties slip away so easily?
I was caught off guard and cried in a mess.
Now sometimes, my mother will tell me that she misses her grandmother very much. I'd love to, but I never said that sometimes I dream and wake up and say it myself.
For a long time, every time I walked to the door of the unit, I always felt that the door was opened. She called my name and stood at the door to meet me. Walking into grandpa's alley, I always feel that when I turn into an alley, I will see her coming out on crutches and smiling at me.
When I passed the kindergarten, I watched the swing in the gate swing with the wind. That was when I was young. I was pushed by my grandmother to swing. I turned to my grandmother and said.
"Grandma, when I grow up, I will buy you a big house, and then we will move in together and buy a flower cat."
The leaves want to stop and the wind will not stop, and the sons want to be filial and not stay.
This wish will never come true.
I know I will miss her for a long time. I can only keep crying and thinking about her on certain days, and then let the memories slowly scab into a part of the years.
I still remember the night when my grandmother left, it rained hail in the early morning, which broke the street lamp at the gate of the community and knocked off many branches.
However, no matter how heavy the rain was that night, it couldn't wash away my thoughts.
No matter how strong the wind was that night, it couldn't blow away my tears.
The next day, I got up early and went to grandpa's house to help with the funeral. The leaves under my feet are heavy, just like my heavy heart at that time.
If I still have a chance
Then I will accompany it with actions, not with words. The price of growing up slowly is to understand the truth that I didn't want to understand, lose things that seem unimportant around me, slowly add a lot of regrets, relive the bitterness left by time in regret, and understand what happiness is in regret.
Tagore said. The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death. It's the distance between fish and birds.
For me, the furthest distance in the world is that I can't cross life and death, and I can't say that I love you and miss you very much.
I have never said these touching words to her. I don't know why I was ashamed to express my feelings when I was a child. That summer, it was a sad summer, because I lost something that could never be recovered.
On the way to my thirties, I began to learn to cherish and pay attention to the important people around me. My mother told me that it is never too late to learn to cherish.
At the end of a book, I said a very poetic sentence:
If you miss someone too much, that person will come to our world through life and death, and our memory will be left somewhere, turning into a flower, an umbrella, a fish, a rainbow, or a fragment.
Waiting for me to touch and wake them up, and then we meet again.
This article pays tribute to her death in the fifth year.
Go * * * to encourage.