Think of myself a few years ago, those five or six years. Lonely, draw your own land as a prison. Consciousness is like being locked in this body. Indulge in emotions. I wake up from my dream every day and am constantly attacked by sadness, anxiety and depression. The inner conflict is serious, and I am constantly fighting with myself until my world falls apart. My inner energy has been hollowed out. I have no energy to do anything, and I don't feel the slightest happiness. I thought if I disintegrated, I would change. No, when I see people later, I have a sense of fear and I am even more afraid. I am eager to establish intimate relations with some strangers. Visual fear. But I am still full of endless desire for the outside world. Always walking on the dark and obscure road. A person has been lonely for a long time, and his heart is empty, without any happiness, and his heart has become a hotbed of loneliness, anxiety and sadness. Negative emotions are constantly nourished. When communicating with others, I am afraid, afraid and anxious. Continue to escape, always can't get out of the infinite loop.
Reason: 1, cognition. It is caused by social desire, fear of conflict and not accepting your own ideas. You must reconcile another way of thinking that is afraid of social conflicts and does not accept yourself.
2. Personality. Avoidant personality disorder, neurotic personality, plus social phobia.
3. Reality. If you have interpersonal conflicts, don't solve them.
Solution: 1, reading any book is minimal, with only a little guidance. Remember, don't do what you know. Please recommend some books.
Ankie Lau-neurotic personality: the code of human mental pain
Scott Peck-the road few people take.
Roland Miller-Intimacy
social psychology
2. Think of three names of people who have a good relationship with you in your mind. These three people should be close to you in space. Tell them more than 10 sentences every day. Don't underestimate this goal, it is very difficult to achieve, and I couldn't do it at that time.
3. Think back, who has been better to you in the past two years, who is more enthusiastic or more concerned about you, and contact quickly. If you want others to care about you, you must first care about each other. If you want others to respect you, you must first respect you equally. If the other person doesn't want to get on well with you, change your goal.
When you have done the above, you should still take the initiative to be nice to strangers. Being more positive than others, being too positive, is also exhausting.
5, especially the book of intimacy, learn more social skills.
6. You say that people who don't understand you and respect you, if the other person's character is poor, you should stay away immediately. Don't go away, next time, it will hurt you.
Goal: Your problem will be solved if you don't escape.
1, the result changes. Successfully established a deep intimate relationship with several people. No longer escape or exclude others.
2. Cognitive changes. Realize that not all people crowd you out and ignore you. There are still people who care about you at present. When I no longer think that I will no longer set limits.
3. Action changes. According to the above methods, we should know new relationships and reconcile and maintain existing ones.
4. Emotional changes. Communicate with others, no longer be indifferent, protect yourself, but follow your true feelings.
The first question, loneliness.
If you want to get friends, you have to pay, pay and have a method. Pay, continue to insist. On the right person. If you want it, you must act at once.
If you don't know who to communicate with, generally speaking, communicate with outgoing and cheerful people, or communicate with people who have the same experience. Or take the initiative to be nice to you. Believe this, you can see it. After the communication, actively express what kind of way you need to get along with each other, as well as your needs and reasons for each other.
The second question, escape
You feel miserable, mostly because your heart tells you that you have taken the old road and made mistakes. We have to go back. You run away now, you must get close now. If you keep running away, nothing will change today and tomorrow. If there are some problems that must be solved. If the problem can't be solved, please ask for help. Put aside everything and ask yourself what you want. To pursue and give. Give, persist. Persistence is fruitless, you should make peace with yourself.
Third, we should see the advantages of others.
Life and feelings need to be managed. You are always denying others, denying the relationship with others. What led you to such a conclusion? If your understanding is the same as before, then your life will not change.
Fourth? Learn to express yourself.
If you need anything, express it at once. No one will understand until they tell their needs. You can also tell others how you feel inside. Get a temporary relaxation. But you still have to solve the problem yourself.
Postscript 1, you ask: What is faith? Everyone has different beliefs. Everyone can find their own way of life. The key is what kind of life you want. How much did you pay for it? We can only grasp the present, respect our hearts and reality. In order to be rewarded. To be a "utilitarian", utilitarianism is "utilitarianism" in philosophical sense, not hedonism. Achieving the greatest happiness of the greatest number of people "is the core principle.
According to your description, you have read many literary books. It's no use looking for * *. It can only be solved by practical actions. Taking action is actually very difficult, and the first step is very difficult. In short, don't be afraid and do what you want. Take the initiative to make friends with someone, and act immediately.
3. Whether it's work or marriage. You can't avoid these questions. These are all about socializing. Who do you want to date? Express your good feelings directly.
Apart from psychological contradictions, there are many realistic contradictions to be solved. School, career, family, marriage, social life. This road is really tortuous and long. As long as you are strong, it will become easier and easier. You and I still have a lot to go, and you and I are encouraged.