When watching the movie "July and An Sheng", apart from feeling that they are like twins, there is also an idea that it is really good to be so close between girlfriends.
July and Ansheng have known each other since childhood, share the same interests, are both only children, and become increasingly friendly. Because of Ansheng's natural personality and special family situation, it is common practice to eat and drink at home in July. In July, Ansheng was regarded as one of our own, and Ansheng did not regard himself as an outsider.
An Sheng seems careless and heartless, but she is actually very observant and flattering. July, honest and selfless, but also have bad feelings in my heart. It's just that they hide these things well, cherish each other's feelings and deliberately ignore them.
When I was a child, I was simple-minded and didn't care, but when I grew up, the deeper my contact, the deeper my bad feelings.
In particular, the last heartbreaking feelings of the two can be seen. In fact, those grievances have been around for a long time, and the dissatisfaction born of knowing each other too well finally broke out.
Because of the tolerance in July, An Sheng became more and more unscrupulous. She lacks too many things, just like a hungry person who grabs all the straws that can give her vitality and even takes her lover away in July.
Such an unbalanced relationship is bound to collapse.
In fact, there is no clear sense of boundary between two girlfriends. If they go too deep into each other's lives, it is not conducive to the long-term development of their feelings.
2
A few days ago, my friend Maruko told me about her troubles.
Maruko is very generous and hospitable on weekdays, and has become a good friend with a neighbor next door for a long time. The two often go to each other's house for dinner, take the baby out to play, and share something good with each other for the first time, which makes her husband a little jealous.
Once a neighbor's father was seriously ill and needed a lot of hospitalization. The neighbor was very sad. Maruko couldn't bear it, and quickly launched all his relationships to raise money for her.
Maruko gave tens of thousands of dollars raised by adding up his salary for several months to his neighbors. There are only dozens of dollars left to buy food, and I have to ask my husband for some change.
The neighbors were very moved, and after this ordeal, their feelings became deeper.
It's just the next pace of development, but it makes Maruko a little depressed.
Maruko's good temper is beginning to be unbearable.
She accompanied her through hardships, but she was pushed too far in her daily life. The other party completely broke the boundaries between friends and came and went freely; I take the friendliness and generosity of meatballs for granted. But she didn't pay at all, not even for meatballs. The balance of friendship is seriously out of balance.
Friendship is like a flower. If you don't water it, it will wither soon.
The affection between girlfriends is tolerant in nature, because tolerance is long-lasting. But if you ask too much unilaterally, friendship will eventually be destroyed.
three
My cousin Xiaoyu had a similar experience and told me that it is better to keep a little distance between girlfriends.
She used to have a very good relationship with her best friend. At the best of times, she tells everything and secrets, hoping to become a person.
Xiaoyu's work, life and study are almost transparent to girlfriends and big girls. It can be said that besides her boyfriend, the person she relies on most is the big girl.
The older girl is the older sister, so she manages all aspects of her for the little fish like her parents.
Small fish buy more things, and the big girl will say that she spends money indiscriminately; When quarreling with her boyfriend, the big girl scolds her boyfriend. What are the shortcomings or poor performance of the small fish? The big girl pointed it out directly whether there were others present or not, which often embarrassed the small fish. Xiaoyu told her about her troubles, and she said Xiaoyu made much ado about nothing. But the big girl has her own troubles, and she has to pull the small fish to talk endlessly. Xiaoyu even left her job and boyfriend to clean her up until she was happy.
When two people participate in each other's lives too much, their shortcomings are often exposed. When encountering a little disagreement, the shortcomings can be easily amplified and even become a sword that hurts the other party.
Xiaoyu began to think that the big girl was too arrogant and autocratic, and the big girl also felt that Xiaoyu had no opinion and narrow vision. The original high-concentration friendship gradually faded.
Friendship also has a peak, and it will slowly fall back after reaching the peak.
Because people often forget to keep a sense of distance when they reach the peak, it is easy to exaggerate friendship and ask for too much. On the contrary, it will leave a little gap and mind for one or both parties. When these grievances accumulate more and more, the differences between them are getting bigger and bigger, the desire to communicate is getting lower and lower, and there is no sense of singing, and the sense of indifference and strangeness is gradually increasing. Feelings can't go back to the past, which is embarrassing and regrettable.
four
Being good friends means that we have something in common. But there are differences between individuals, and everyone must have their own shortcomings.
Those girlfriends who keep their feelings concentrated all the year round have a smart communication philosophy.
They don't get bored with each other every day, don't have to report to each other on big and small issues, and don't waste each other's time excessively, because each of them has his own work and life. Contact only in your spare time, meet on holidays or travel with your family, and send birthday wishes in time.
Have a sense of proportion and space, and can be highly integrated.
When the other party asks for help or needs to talk urgently, they will come forward at the first time and become the strong backing and think tank of the other party.
Leave some space for each other, even if lovers have this need, let alone girlfriends?
There is a "personal space effect" in psychology:
Too close can make her see you better. If your shortcomings happen to be unbearable to her, she is likely to alienate you gradually.
There is such a story:
Keep the temperature of the group without hurting each other. The distance between porcupines is actually the distance between feelings.
five
Xi Murong said that friendship is like flowers, it is best to be faint. The weaker the fragrance, the more attached it is, and the longer it lasts.
When I was young, I thought I had a good relationship with my best friend, that is, I did everything together and shared everything together. But with the growth of my age, I have my own ideas and opinions, and I began to want to leave some space for myself, and I don't like being interfered.
There should be a rational and appropriate boundary between girlfriends, instead of doing whatever they want under the guise of iron relations, like moral kidnapping, without considering each other at all.
No matter how good the friendship is, it is not endless companionship, unlimited penetration and unlimited demand.
A true good friend can nourish you and enrich your soul. Instead of consuming you and making you tired.
Mastering the sense of boundaries, keeping close to each other, and letting the other side feel your advantages more is the best way to communicate, which is more conducive to lasting feelings.