Tibetan marriage customs
In old Tibet, most marriages were arranged. Parents had the responsibility to raise and settle their children's marriages, and children only had the obligation to obey and honor their parents. In the past, children had no right to interfere when looking for a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law. Women, especially, often did not know what their husbands looked like when they arrived at their house. After liberation, most of the marriages were independent marriages. A man and a woman fall in love, inform their parents, go through customary procedures, and finally get married. Old-style marriage has many restrictions and unreasonable aspects, which are listed below.
First, high and low cannot marry. In the past, you were very careful about being well-matched, and you couldn't just marry the person of your choice. The first thing to consider is status and wealth, followed by character and appearance. At that time, the children of nobles could intermarry with each other, but rich people and poor people could never fall in love with each other. Of course, the children of serfs could not marry lords.
The second is the restriction of superstition. Before proposing marriage, one must first present a khata to ask for the zodiac sign of the other person's year, and then take the zodiac signs to a living Buddha or a person who specializes in calendar calculation to see if they are compatible or incompatible. If there is a fate, the engagement can be made. If there is mutual conflict, no matter how willing both men and women are, their parents will not be able to agree.
Third, as ordinary serfs, love and marriage must be restricted by their own lord. If the master does not agree, serfs cannot get married. Generally speaking, it is easy for serfs of the same lord to marry, and the master can still agree. However, the marriage of serfs of different lords is related to the increase or decrease of serfs. The consent of the heads of both parties must be obtained before seeking the consent of the parents, which is indeed very difficult.
Fourth, the old Tibetan society was divided into eight and nine levels. Butchers, blacksmiths, beggars, etc. were the lowest. Their marriages could only be "matched", and people from other classes would not marry with them. of.
Tibetan people also prohibit incest marriage. Paternal relatives must not get married, and maternal relatives can only get married after four generations. Of course, in remote mountainous areas where transportation is inconvenient and sparsely populated, there are also consanguineous marriages. As a result, most of the offspring are underdeveloped, either fools or lame.
Because men and women do not have the freedom to marry, the social consequences are very bad. Some people cut off their hair and become monks because they do not have the right to love and marry, or run away to distant places, and some even commit suicide.
Nowadays, love marriages are basically not arranged by parents, but they still basically follow the procedures of proposal, engagement and wedding left over from the past. Therefore, it is necessary to briefly introduce the past marriage procedures.
Proposal This is the first step that must be completed. Before proposing, the zodiac signs should be determined first, and then a khata should be given to the other person's family to formally propose the proposal.
Engagement When both parties agree on the marriage, they send someone to choose an auspicious day and draft a marriage contract certificate. Marriage certificates are usually drafted by talented people who can write poems and essays. The content is about the union of a man and a woman, mutual respect and love, mutual understanding, filial piety to the elders, noble moral character, etc. Some marriage contracts also include future property inheritance matters. This kind of marriage contract is written in the form of poetry and can be recited.
On the day of the engagement, the man will give a khata to each of the young and old in the woman's family, as well as "milk money" for the other's parents to raise their daughter. The other party prepared tea and wine to entertain the visitors. After the representatives from both sides entered the main hall and took their seats, the host served "cheema" and toasted with tea and wine. The person who proposes to propose presents a gift, reimburses the expenses spent on the day, and also gives a "bangdian" (apron). The cost of sending this day is because the groom's family is proposing. Originally, all the expenses were borne by the groom's family. Now the woman is doing it on her behalf, so she should use money to compensate her. The meaning of giving "bangdian" is: the girl didn't know how many "bangdian" her mother had worn out since she was a child, and she gave this piece to compensate for the loss. After toasting tea and wine, two copies of the engagement document were placed on a high plate and read aloud by one witness and carefully proofread by another witness. After reading the engagement letter, the witness stamped the family seals of the two families on the book in public, and then solemnly handed it over to the father of the other party by representatives of the woman and the man. Then, the parents of both families offered khatas to the witnesses to express their gratitude. On the day of the engagement, neither the young men nor the young men attended, only family members attended. After the ceremony, have a day of fun. When leaving, the woman's family gives khata and return gifts to each other.
On the first day of the wedding ceremony, the man has to send someone to wrap a set of beautiful clothes, as well as ba beads, gawu, bracelets and other decorations in silk and satin, and deliver them to the woman's home for the bride to wear tomorrow. For dressing up.
On the day of the wedding, the groom’s family will need to find a person with status, bring a team of people, and a well-dressed horse to be ridden by the bride. The color of the horse , consistent with the woman's zodiac sign; the horse must be a pregnant mare. At the same time, you must also bring colorful arrows with mirrors, jade, beads, etc. on them. Before the arrival of the horse team, the woman will hold a farewell ceremony such as paying homage to "Chema" and drinking wine; after the man's welcoming team enters, they will first insert colorful arrows into the bride's back to indicate that she already belongs to the man's family. Then he puts a piece of jade on the bride's head. This piece of jade is customarily called soul jade by the Tibetan people. This means that the man's soul has been entrusted to the woman. When the bride's family sends the bride off, she usually brings a companion. When the girl was about to go out, there was a man from the girl's family holding a colorful arrow in one hand and a leg of lamb in the other. He stood upstairs and shouted: "Don't take away the blessings of my family!" He repeated this many times until the girl walked away.
The cavalry team sets off, led by a person with the best zodiac sign, wearing a white robe, riding a white horse, and holding a Nine Palaces Bagua diagram in his hand; then, there are the representatives to welcome the bride; then the bride and her companions; and finally He was the one who came with him.
Along the way, the groom's family will wait on the roadside to toast the cavalry three times. If you encounter someone carrying water or firewood on the road, you should dismount your horse and offer a khata to the passer-by if you think it is the most auspicious. If you encounter someone carrying a sick person, taking out garbage, or carrying an empty basket, it is unlucky. After you get married, ask a monk to chant sutras to ward off misfortunes. As the cavalry marched, the entourage sang "Xie Qing" (big song) while the bride cried as they marched.
Before the bride arrives, the man must decorate the door and prepare a mat for the bride to dismount. The mat is a bag containing highland barley and wheat, covered with colorful brocade, and the "?e" symbol is painted with wheat grains on the surface. The man's family members greeted him at the door with "Chema" and highland barley wine in hand.
The traditional entrance ceremony is very cumbersome. From dismounting, entering, going upstairs to entering the hall, a carol must be sung and a khata must be presented every time. After the bride enters the hall, she sits under the groom. The procession of welcoming and seeing off the bride also enters the hall and takes their seats one by one. Then they offer "Qema", toast, present hadas to the Buddha statues and parents, and hang hadas on the pillars. Those attending the wedding sang Xie Qing to express their congratulations. The host offered hada to thank everyone. After doing this, the groom sends the bride into the bridal chamber, and the others eat, drink and have fun. This activity lasted for three days. During the three days, relatives and friends can come to send khatas and gifts one after another. The host entertains the bride with wine and tea, and the bride does not leave the room to socialize.
Before the wedding, the woman's family chooses an auspicious day, and the whole family comes to congratulate and officially hand over the dowry. The handover ceremony was hosted by representatives of both men and women. One person recited the dowry list loudly. After each item was read, the woman's representative handed the items to the man's representative on the spot. The amount of the dowry varies according to each person's economic status, but it must include a small bronze Bodhisattva, a book of scriptures, and a pagoda. It is said that Princess Wencheng brought these three items with her when she married Songtsen Gampo, so they have been passed down and become a must-have item for the wedding dowry. After the dowry is counted, the list is placed on a high plate and placed in front of the groom, which means that it is handed over to him to put away.
After the banquet with guests and the handover ceremony is over, the bride leaves the room to have fun with her family.