A 10-year-old girl already knows the joys and sorrows, knows how to look at people's faces, knows how to keep silent about the creaking sound from the trampoline downstairs at night, knows how to love and hate.
People who know her mother always say, "It's a pity that the child is clever."
Luo Qiushui just stared at the focus that only she could touch, where the grass grows and the warbler flies, where the stars move, and where no one bothers and is clean.
She doesn't have to rush into the world of adults, and she doesn't have to trip over what adults say.
Although every time she hears that "what a pity", she will be conditioned, accompanied by a fleeting sense of disgust and nausea.
She knows the cause and effect of this "pity"-her father left home early and went to the south alone, saying that he would make a lot of money there and he would come back to build an ancestral temple for his father.
As a result, I didn't earn any money, but I found a home there, married a good-natured woman and gave birth to a chubby boy. Since then, I am happy to mistake my hometown for another place.
A very filial man has become a sad man who abandoned his wife and daughter. Nothing is more ridiculous than this.
He doesn't know how many people have poked his spine. He doesn't know how cold and sad Luo Qiushui and his mother have tasted. No, he doesn't need to know.
When a person is selfish, he can forget all the courtesy and shame.
When she was a girl, she was sure that her father was worried that she was a girl, so she couldn't carry on the family line for the Luo family. Therefore, Luo Qiushui's complaints and hatred for his father are mixed with real guilt and sympathy for his mother. Because of this, she is more obedient, more hardworking, more backbone and more competitive, so that her mother can live a good life in the future.
Many years later, Luo Qiushui grew into a slim girl with a successful career. She works in a coastal economic and trade company with good development prospects and never has many suitors around her. She has also personally experienced several different lengths of love. Can't say she read countless people, lived in Qian Fan, but it is by no means a blank sheet of paper, slowly come to the conclusion:
"The relationship between men and women in the world has periods of high tide and low tide. There is a strong feeling at high tide, and fatigue and doubt everywhere at low tide. There is nothing once and for all. In the face of low tide, some people make a safe transition and some people die halfway. "
Luo Qiushui's parents are just one of these men and women who died halfway and parted ways.
After Luo Qiushui became a "semi-orphan" without a father, many people around her laughed at her and taunted her. If she just gossips behind her back, she will regard them as unnoticed, but in her heart, she has put those people in the cold, and will never be close again. If it is cruel to face her, she will definitely do her duty and kill ghosts and gods.
Her character and self-esteem, which can't be profaned and trampled on, were built up through repeated struggles and wrestling with others.
Loneliness and courage are not only her armor, but also her weakness, so that wherever she goes, there seem to be four walls standing around her.
She doesn't have a bosom friend except Guan.
Guan is Luo Qiushui's classmate and her deskmate. She still remembers the amazing expressions of the new young female teachers at school when they read their names.
She recited leisurely: "Sunset and lonely Qi Fei, autumn waters and sky are one color. This is a poem by Wang Bo, a gifted scholar. It's so beautiful. When you grow up, you will learn such beautiful poems. Then Luo Qiushui will sit at the same table with Guan. "
She heard a relieved voice around her, and she knew from the bottom of her heart that no one in this class wanted to sit at the same table with her except Guan.
Her withdrawn temperament, like a fierce flu virus, keeps people in the class at a distance, but it's different.
When she looked back at him, he put his hands in his pockets and smiled proudly.
Luo Qiushui turned her face "disdainfully", but at that moment, she had a strange feeling in her heart, but she just wouldn't show it easily.
What really made Luo Qiushui feel good about Guan was that her "father" suddenly appeared at the gate of her school.
At that time, she was on duty, cleaning, and suddenly she saw a handsome man in a blue suit coming to her with a smile, carrying two boxes of expensive-looking food in his hand and saying, "Qiushui, I'm dad."
Hearing this sentence, Luo Qiushui subconsciously drew an arc on the ground with a broom. The ground suddenly raised dust and rushed to her father's place. Her father was stunned and embarrassed by the sudden situation, but he was not angry. With a simple smile, he made amends and said, "Qiushui, Qiushui, I'm dad."
Luo Qiushui immediately grabbed the pebbles around him and threw them at him. What reverberates in her mind is the picture of mother and daughter scrimping for life, the picture of mother looking for relatives and friends and borrowing money, the picture of cold tears falling on her forehead that night when her mother had a high fever, and the picture of her selling biscuits in town and being teased by some obscene and dissolute men.
At the thought of this, Luo Qiushui began to cry. She no longer cares about the classmates and teachers who come and go around, but just lets tears meander on her face and curses: "Get out, get out ..."
The word "roll" is like a cold and stiff snowball in winter, hitting a man hard, but he never gave up and wanted to continue.
Suddenly, a bicycle flew out of the oblique thorn. Sitting on a bicycle, it is eleven-year-old Guan. He bumped into the man regardless of the consequences. As a result, the menacing bicycle wheels knocked the things that the man was carrying all over the floor.
It turned out to be one toffee after another. The toffee that Luo Qiushui has only seen in the animated stickers is reflected in the sunset, which is messy and redundant.
Luo Qiushui's father suddenly looked angry. If the teacher hadn't happened to come forward, Guan might have been scolded by Luo Qiushui's father.
Luo Qiushui just ignored the chaotic and unbearable scene and quickly fled the place. He walked alone under the dense maple tree behind the teaching building and sat quietly sobbing.
The afterglow of the sunset fell on her face, accompanied by golden leaves falling, and there was a dry pain in her face that flowed through tears. Slowly, her sobs stopped, and her heart suddenly became unusually quiet, with empty vicissitudes and satisfaction, which was not in line with her age, as if because she had ruthlessly retaliated against herself and her mother's hardships over the years.
When Guan came to her side, she still quietly watched the sunset set behind the mountain and was indifferent.
His figure, blocking the thin sunshine, still said romantically, "Don't worry, I drove him away, don't cry."
Luo Qiushui suddenly raised his face coldly and stubbornly, looked at Guan, and said bitterly, "Who is crying? Who wants you to be a hero? "
He didn't excuse himself, but quietly took out a shiny candy from behind and handed it to Luo Qiushui. Luo Qiushui glanced at it in a hurry and thought it was one of those sweets brought back by her father, and he knocked it over. Without thinking, he threw it on the ground:
"Whoever wants his stinky candy, eat it yourself."
Guan seemed to be humiliated in an instant and answered her angrily: "This is not his, this is mine, which my father brought back from Beijing."
"Who wants it?"
Luo Qiushui patted his clothes and knees, then silently walked back to the classroom to pick up books and walked home alone.
When she got home, she saw the man sitting on the sofa at home, smoking with his legs crossed. There are two boxes of nutriments on the table, with resplendent Chinese characters printed on them, but Luo Qiushui's eyes were pricked stiffly, which hurt a lot.
Her mother's eyes were red and swollen, probably crying, but there seemed to be a whisper of joy in her eyes, and Luo Qiushui suddenly felt a little disdain from the bottom of her heart.
Seeing her back, my father put down his legs and greeted her warmly, as if everything that happened at night was just a dream. My mother came to help her unload her schoolbag.
She walked into her room without saying a word and slammed the door to make her position clear.
Luo Qiushui, who has always been sensible and considerate, lost his temper for the first time in his life. His parents stood outside the door and looked at each other, but they also understood consciously.
Naturally, she doesn't understand that these stubborn little emotions are just her own forbearance. In this farce and tragedy, her mother is the most important. If she chooses to surrender, then Luo Qiushui's grief and indignation is just in vain.
After all, she is just a helpless ten-year-old girl, despite her pride and stubbornness.
Until late at night, she heard a continuous creaking sound from downstairs. After many long silent nights, the sound appeared again like footsteps in an empty valley. Her heart seemed to have an irrefutable palace, which suddenly collapsed.
She suddenly felt suffocated and lonely, and wanted to escape from the room, find someone to talk to, look at the stars in the night sky, and then cry without restraint. She knew that she was completely isolated in this world at this moment.
Her mother, who once stood in the same camp with her, finally chose betrayal and succumbed to her duckweed-like fate.
Luo Qiushui's hatred for his father finally naturally transferred to his mother. She just feels lonely, and no one can understand and share it.
No, maybe one person can. He is Guan.
At this moment, she stared at the starry night sky outside the window, but suddenly remembered the young man who was laughing, brave and naive, as if he were a traveler walking in a desperate and barren swamp and found a thin and ethereal dawn.