I didn't feel too heavy when I wrote this title yesterday, but when I started writing and thought about the meaning of these words, I found that these words actually contained too deep mystery. The more I think about it, the more I feel that life is full of profound philosophical implications that I can never understand. I can only try to look back on the past, so that my future life can go better and my originally silent heart can get more relief.
Many times, I feel that the days have passed like a few years, but all of a sudden, I can feel the time flies. Time is like a quiet river, flowing gently, leaving nothing behind, and a year has passed. Looking back suddenly, how many memories are lost in the corner of the years, whether we care or not, we will eventually make a silent curtain call.
Time passes by like running water, and every second, every minute, every moment and every day is like footprints that have passed, erased and filled again and again. When you stop and look back, the seamless and boundless emptiness makes you unable to find your way back, so you can only go forward bravely.
So, quietly leave a sigh for the past, and let the helplessness, sadness, happiness, pain and happiness along the way drift away in the gradually clear breath of 20 1 1.
Yesterday has passed, and tomorrow is a new day. The footsteps of winter are gently ringing, and spring is not far away. Thinking of the new year and the needs of imagining the future, longing and expectation ripple in my heart like water.
two
When I walked through the bumpy road and touched the scarred wound, I was secretly glad that my childlike innocence was still beating warmly in my body. In retrospect, I wrote so many "maybe" sentences and used so many "ifs" to sum up the past and think about the future, but life is like this. There is no fairness, no success or failure, and your life is the way you must accept. Since there is no ability to change, we must work hard to accept and adapt. If time must change me, I believe the biggest change is to accept fate, that is, to believe that fate is inevitable.
Facing the dull teaching career every day, I once wanted to put on Wen Ya Xian Shu's beautiful clothes, show my noble and elegant temperament, be an elegant and beautiful princess, wander in my fantasy fairy tale kingdom, treat everyone around me gently with my own cultivation, and hope to influence people around me with a pure and kind heart, so that my students can have their own dreams and stick to them. But when the difficulties of life and work are in front of me, all I can do is bear it alone with a weak backbone.
When many realities and ideals conflict, I can only tell myself frankly that I have tried my best and can't change others, only myself.
I have been trying to persist in my work, just like waiting for the god in my heart. After all, I still need it to provide me with the source and motivation to support my family. Many times, I also feel that the past is unbearable. Fortunately, everything finally worked out, and the problem I worked hard for half my life was solved smoothly. Although it was a little later than expected, my dream came true.
three
For writing. This is just a teenage dream of my school days.
I like writing very much when I was a student, and I like the meaning and elegance of poetry and songs. Like the casualness and freedom of modern prose; I like the vivid souls endowed by novels, especially Jane Eyre and Gone with the Wind. No matter the poetic life or the wonderful romantic love described in it, I was as moved and surprised as Cinderella met Prince Charming, so at that time I often wrote articles for the school newspaper, describing the world in my eyes with ignorant brushstrokes, expressing the wonderful feeling of adding new words and expressing my fantasy for the future.
I always like reading all kinds of books, and sometimes I even save money from my poor living expenses to buy books. Li Qingzhao, Su Dongpo, Xi Murong, Wang Guozhen, Shakespeare, Byron ... From ancient times to the present, from far to near, beautiful poems are deeply cast into my soul like romantic molds. Experience the helplessness of red cliff smoke in a sad state of mind, and feel the softness of life as an outstanding figure in the heroic "Gone forever"; After the Buddha turned me into a tree, I witnessed the pain of missing and recalled the time when my soul returned every night. Because I love roses, I bravely showed my sincere youth. I understand that when you fall in love with someone when you are young, you should also be grateful for the artistic conception and charm. Because I read a lot and made some imitations, those youthful melancholy became long and short lines, decorating my beautiful and pure youth.
Looking back, we have been working hard for so many years. Apart from release and pursuit, there is also a very important reason: as long as people and hearts are constantly dusty in the growing society. Reading and writing are essentially an individual's desire for a clean and full "initial heart" in the helpless sinking, and also a main reason for maintaining physical and mental balance. In the process of writing, we can not only release emotions, but also perceive the dialogue of the soul. It is this original intention that I often sit under the lamp and tap the keyboard, which fills a lonely time well. I can also use words to create images of light and shadow that have disappeared, keep some beautiful things I long for, and open the words to read the past smoothly. This is actually a good enjoyment. I can keep my soul at a high level at any time without being immersed in the secular world.
Reading and writing are still my persistence and desire. I believe I will doodle slowly. No matter how good or bad my writing is, it is not easy to stick to it, because the precipitation of words is also the process of spiritual precipitation. Only a quiet heart and a lonely heart can let words have wings and record the beauty of those lives at any time.
I also believe that after so many years of running around and ups and downs, my once enriched and clean soul will still guide me quietly on the future road. Maybe one day, I will find absolutely accurate words to describe the essence of life sitting quietly inside. Perhaps, the process of pursuing words is a process of dancing with the soul and a process of interpreting life.
I know, I'm still on the road. I have no regrets and move on.
four
Zhang Xiaoxian said: "The happiest thing in life is to have a man who can do anything for you."
From this point of view, I am still a happy woman, with a well-behaved and obedient daughter, and my academic performance is passable. A husband loves me very much and takes care of me like a baby. Although he is a very ordinary person, he can't give me a luxurious life or even solve the separation between the two places for so many years, but he always loves me.
I have always been a romantic, so I have had disappointment that my marriage is too dull and despair that the reality is too cruel. However, I have gradually transitioned under the love of my husband. In the process of accompanying my daughter to grow up, I gradually matured, from that inexperienced little girl to a charming woman. These life experiences are hard, tortured and painful, but they are also warm and touching.
Many times I am enjoying loneliness and loneliness alone, so I want to turn this truth into deep yearning and simple words. When one of the lamps lights up for me, when my wandering heart reaches the other side of stability, and when the storm comes, a solid umbrella covers my head, my soul may get a turn for the better. I know that all the waiting and giving will be rewarded by love, as long as I try my best to persist. Gentle enough, all the pain will be compensated in the warm and powerful arms of her husband, so the meaning of home has really become synonymous with love and warmth, and it is also the most real harbor in fireworks.
Most of the time, I am accompanied by loneliness. Accustomed to being inexplicably moved by a song, a sentence, a look and an action. My fragile heart was wet and slightly painful in an instant, and I recited it repeatedly, experiencing such a scene and such a mood. How I wish I were the protagonist of that scene, and how I wish I could be blessed by fate in the movement of life. However, I must also face the pain of reality and the gap between ideals. Therefore, the music and words that accompany me are my most loyal soul mates.
I know that if you remain lonely, you will remain happy.
five
Because of the words, I gained a lot of touch and warmth. Online and offline, whether virtual or real, there can be some real warmth in my heart. In this way, I have gone through a bumpy life, moved to silently dispel the haze, and moved to communicate with my heart invisibly. Different experiences and different processes have been understood and blended in the same emotion.
Every cycle leaves an unforgettable memory.
Whether it's happiness or pain. I will never forget it.
Every step of the journey of life is like dancing on the tip of a knife. Heartache and happiness can only be tasted and felt by yourself.
However, I have always had a grateful heart, and I have always been grateful to those who accompanied me all the way. Thank them for their company in those lonely times, and thank them for making me feel the truest warmth. Moreover, I will always take this gratitude as a guide to complete my future trip.
six
I don't know what we can never thank, what we can love for a lifetime and what we can't forget until we die.
Although I have been pursuing an eternal aestheticism and romance, in the face of the real and helpless reality, sometimes I can only turn a blind eye and let myself dream comfortably.
Many times, there is a feeling of yearning for some people and things. That kind of yearning is a kind of concern that can't be put down. It used to occupy your heart from time to time and make you think unconsciously. I imagined countless times that the beauty would be washed away by reality, and gradually I felt hopeless, and then I suddenly realized that everything was just like this, so I bowed my head and let go. That fantasy finally stopped occupying the heart, and then gradually faded away. I suddenly realized that some people and things should not be kept in my heart, so I can only do it myself. Everything is just a smoke cloud, which will eventually disappear, and eventually everything will fade away.
Perhaps, some of the past is only suitable for being buried in the bottom of my heart.
Maybe occasionally, but the more I think about it, the more nostalgic I am. I miss the past more and more, and sadness is inevitable, but I can finally adjust.
Once upon a time, I felt like a wandering soul, always wandering, always trying to catch the dust settled soul, hoping that pure and true feelings could accompany me through the rest of my life. The dream of Pisces is sometimes as simple as spotless, as simple as a single desire. The contradiction between reality and ideal is separated between the appearance and reality of Pisces, sometimes true, sometimes painful, and sometimes happy.
However, real life is the most severe teacher, which will make people wake up from hitting the wall and suffering again and again. So I learned to cover up my inner weakness with something and protect my weak character with some strength I can find. Facing all kinds of people, I use snail shells to resist those vague eyes, and use sensitive tentacles to test my outstretched hands to avoid waves of flames or seawater that can drown me. I know that I am still a fish, I still like freedom, I like fresh air, I am simple, and I long for some simple beauty.
seven
Time seems to start from a new place. When the past is gone, there is only a trace of memory left in the memory, and there is a trace of sadness in the memory, as if homesickness is getting stronger and stronger.
Memory is so fragile.
Time is so cruel.
Everyone's comings and goings were wiped beyond recognition in its hands and finally disappeared.
Sadness is always just a moment, and it has been a thousand years in a blink of an eye, as if it was a lifetime ago. Let bygones be bygones, stay in the dream.
Tell myself that I can know myself clearly and eliminate the blind spots that I can't see. Beneath the strong appearance, there is actually a kind, considerate and gentle little woman. Maybe it's a little simple, maybe it's a little short-tempered, but I have the basic qualities necessary for a woman, kindness.
Because it is simple, so pure, I try to restore a truth and a true self with simple words.
Looking back at 20 18, I know that some time has passed and there is no need to pursue it. Even if we catch up, it's just some broken fragments and vague shadows. Those who have loved, hurt, hurt, moved, done, not regretted and regretted are just clouds. Therefore, there is no need to regret.
Time never stops, everything is fleeting. Our life is just playing games with time. Everyone's ending is nothing more than being remembered by history, or sinking into the deep sea of endless years. There are few winners and many losers. History will cast a wasteland for each of us, and the trajectory of each of us will be eternal in the years.