Find a poem to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one (quickly)
"Reasons"
Escape may not necessarily lead to escape,
Facing is not necessarily the saddest thing,
Being alone is not necessarily unhappy,
Gaining does not necessarily last long,
Losing does not necessarily mean that you no longer have it.
You may be sad for a reason,
but you can find a reason to be happy.
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"Lost"
The most desolate and funny thing is not that you know,
the moment you lose your loved one,
but that you are still lingering,
still Unknown has been lost.
Both poems should be fine. You can make your own decision or send both poems. Poems to comfort the bereaved loved ones
The loved ones have passed away in a crane, and I can’t sleep without thinking about them day and night.
Put your hands together and face west, wishing you endless happiness in heaven.
The dead have long since passed away, and the living should encourage them.
The old friend has gone there by Yellow Crane, and the Yellow Crane Tower is vacant here.
The yellow crane will never return, and the white clouds will remain empty for thousands of years.
The ten years of life and death are so vast that they cannot be forgotten without thinking about them. Thousands of miles of lonely tomb, no place to speak of desolation. Even if we meet each other, we should not know each other, our faces are covered with dust and our temples are like frost.
At night, I suddenly returned home from a deep dream. I was dressing up outside the small window. They looked at each other without words, only a thousand lines of tears. It is expected that the broken part of the intestines will be cut off every year, on a bright moonlit night, there will be short pines.
The sad Chanjuan wants to break her soul, but it is difficult to break her soul. The mirror is like water, the moon is not stained by dust, the wind is chaotic, the piano is burning, and the heart is burning. Afraid of hurting God, but partial to hurt God. Flowing clouds cannot understand the traces of past events, and old friends are just passers-by.
In Zazhang, the Yao Qin sings to the moon, and the jade bamboo reflects the dust-free mirror. It's hard to describe how sad and sad it is, and it hurts my soul to sit there. If I can get this person, I will burn my heart and soul. It's like an old dream drifting away, old friends become passers-by. How to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one
Spend more time with him and talk to him. Let him know that you are still a good friend by his side and don't be too sad. These things will pass. It'll be fine if it's over.
The simple method does not require a thousand words, you just need to say, if you have anything I can help, that is enough. A simple sentence can go a long way. . . . . . .
God is fair to everyone. When you lose something, you also gain something valuable. Everyone should have a grateful heart.
Don’t be too sad when your relative passes away. In heaven, he won’t like you to be so depressed. Cheer up and work hard for your loved ones. How to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one
Don’t hesitate to contact the person as soon as possible
The most important thing is to contact the person who has been affected as soon as possible. For the bereaved, immediate contact is the most important factor in receiving support. Bereavement victims draw strength and support from others, just as plants rely on sunlight to survive and thrive. We must reach out so that the bereaved can draw strength from us.
If distance is not a problem, you should be present. If nothing goes wrong, visit the bereaved immediately. Of course, sometimes the two places are far apart and this is impossible. If this is the case, then make a phone call or write a letter to express condolences without hesitation.
People gain strength from being with others
Every time a loved one dies, we are always surprised by the people who come to comfort us. They are always people I never expected. At first, I would feel disappointed and unhappy with some of my closest relatives and friends because they did not respond to my grief. I later learned that my grief overwhelmed those with whom I had special connections, while the real ones were better suited to help. Close friends often feel overwhelmed with grief and hesitate, and fail to visit the funeral home. They can't help much, but the people who come to express their condolences involuntarily can be more powerful in cheering up the bereaved.
Therefore, you must listen to your inner call to determine whether you want to comfort others.
The English word "comfort" (fort) is composed of two Latin roots "" and "fortis", which means "people gain strength by being together with others." When a relative or friend passes away, the bereaved have a strong need for comfort, but the closest family members are often unable to be each other's backing because they themselves are overwhelmed with grief.
Sometimes distant relatives and friends—people who are not central to the situation—can offer assistance, energy, and strength that are often beyond the reach of exhausted loved ones. of.
For example, when a young child is killed and parents are so devastated, it is often difficult to help each other. Instead of supporting each other, they may instead drag each other down. One social helper compared this situation to two bent sticks. The bent part is the most painful part of the stick and cannot support anyone.
A father whose son died said that when he had a pretty good day and was about to see the light of day again, his wife was often still struggling on the edge of suffocation. The violent pulling will pull down the person who is about to escape, causing resentment, which in turn produces anger, guilt and countless negative emotions.
Therefore, let’s not think that the other person’s family has so many people, but we are an insignificant person. For the bereaved, outside assistance is extremely valuable, so please lend a helping hand gently.
Holding you in my arms
No amount of flowers, meals or cards can replace your personal presence. Warmth in the heart, a specific soothing effect, can only arise from human contact. Reaching out for a warm touch, being embraced by strong arms, and crying together are all extremely soothing to grief.
On the day of my mother-in-law's funeral, a nephew brought me physical contact, which made me understand the importance of this kind of physical and psychological support. It was a bitterly cold November day, with the temperature below ten degrees Fahrenheit (minus forty degrees Celsius). My husband, who lives in California, and I only have the thinnest of clothing on us. I wear a jacket made of very light material, and my husband wears a suit that he usually wears for work. In the desolate cemetery, the cold wind howled and the ground was frozen. We got out of the car, and there was a creaking sound under our feet.
My nephew David opened the car door for us and we got out of the car. Instead of walking away, he pulled his coat away and opened his arms to pull us towards his body. David was a big man and easily held us in his arms, using his coat to block the cold wind. We stood side by side until the funeral was over.
Every time I talk about this incident, I always get choked up and burst into tears. The most important thing was not that David's body temperature gave us warmth, but the shelter that his arms brought, and his thoughtfulness and thoughtfulness that moved both of us and made our grief feel better.
I am grateful for those moments and memories when people of all generations reached out to each other when they were needed most.
Resolving the misfortunes in the world
Carl Menninger once said that the main purpose of our lives is to resolve the misfortunes in the world. Every day of our lives provides opportunities to do this. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort, sometimes it’s a piece of cake, sometimes it’s hugging one’s relatives in a coat at a funeral! But many people hold back because of laziness, fear, or selfishness.
Helping someone who is suffering from bereavement is a solution to the misfortunes in the world. That may delay your plans and disrupt your schedule, but helping others is a valuable thing, and this is your reward.
In his book "A Gift of Hope," Robert Winninger talks about how to survive shock and heartbreak. He interviewed more than a hundred people to find out how they could withstand the major tragedies in their lives. The result was an important finding: Those people always remembered someone who supported them and gave them hope.
Louise Carroll also wrote about the sad person in the article "Comfort", "Although you can't see the tears in his eyes, the physical touch and love The care will definitely warm his heart. In the future, he may not remember what they said at that time, but he will remember the warmth and closeness that will cover his sadness. to help him through difficult times."
How can the ointment of love be created? Just sincere care, a willingness to help, a listening ear, sincere prayers, and being there with them whenever possible.
When you first come into contact with bereaved people, it is difficult to say something to them. Many people will avoid them because they cannot think of what to say. No words or phrasing seemed right. But you don't have to do that. You just need to express how you feel. Saint-Exupéry once wrote: "Only when you look at things with sincerity can you see things correctly. You cannot see the key points with your naked eyes." The reason for this is because most people are too good at hiding their true feelings. emotion. When we ask someone who has lost a loved one how they are doing? The answer we get is often: "It's okay." We need to go beyond these stereotyped answers and find out the true feelings.
I'm with you
Sometimes a hug or a handshake can express your feelings better than words can. I often ask those who have lost their loved ones what message made the most profound impression on them. They always say again and again that they don’t remember what they said at that time, but they always remember the people who came to the home that day. .
When you go to the home of the bereaved to express condolences, your attitude should be tactful, calm and sympathetic. Compassion means moving from pity to empathy, and opening your heart to them in a kind way. This means putting aside personal worries and needs and making oneself completely available to "be with" the grieving person.
Expressing sympathy usually means saying nothing at all. A perfect example of this is what I saw a pastor do. The pastor came to the bedside of the deceased and after praying with the relatives, he entered the living room, took off his coat and tie, and then sat down in a rocking chair without saying a word.
As soon as our hospice volunteers saw the pastor sitting down, they knew that what they should do was done and there was no need to stay any longer. The priest would take care of the deceased's wife until other relatives arrived. He didn't say anything, but the whole room could feel the compassion of his presence.
It was a similar situation the night my uncle died. A young man came to express his condolences and claimed to be a student that my uncle taught in middle school ten years ago. He said my uncle was a good man and a good teacher. After that, he sat down in a corner of the room and stayed there for four hours.
In the end, the young man knelt silently beside his uncle's coffin before resigning. My uncle's family and I were so moved that we were speechless. During those four long, sad hours, the young man didn't have to say a word. His presence was worth a thousand words.
Appendix -
Inappropriate polite words
People often use clichés when they are upset or speechless. I have learned from many conversations with people who have experienced bereavement that when a person has just lost a loved one, it is the worst time to offer them polite words. The clichéd pleasantries are too contrived and meaningless to be of any help. In fact, it can make the grieving person feel ununderstood and lonely.
Please don’t say:
Time heals everything.
Just look at it.
Your loved one has gone to heaven.
God will never let us bear it.
Please express your condolences.
I understand how you feel.
Everything will be fine.
If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Please say instead:
You must feel that there is no end to this pain.
The pain was too much to bear.
Your loved one has been relieved, but I know you are still in pain!
You must feel very miserable.
Please feel free to cry, it’s okay.
I'm so worried about you. I can't imagine how you feel now.
What can I do for you? Please tell me.
I'll call again tomorrow to see if there's anything I can do to help.
You can only let time slowly dilute this pain, encourage him to talk more, and not keep it in his heart. As his friend, you need to listen patiently and sincerely comfort him. Everyone comes to this world first and later, and accordingly they leave sooner or later. It does not depend on human will. If you are filial to your elders during your lifetime, you will have less regrets. If you are loving to other relatives, you will have less regrets. It is a blessing to have enjoyed it. Don't let your deceased relatives worry about you anymore. They have spirits in heaven and they will also hope that the living people are safe and happy. A few years later, people who love and care about each other will eventually meet in heaven. How to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one
I have experienced the feeling of a loved one leaving. Coincidentally, I was also called Lin Daiyu. It's a long process to get out of it. It's best if you don't say anything, lend her a shoulder and let her cry. Or if she doesn't want to show her vulnerability, leave a message or send her a text message to comfort and encourage her. Don't mention it in person. She will not be able to control herself and will be very sad.
How to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one
Be grieving and accept the change. People cannot be resurrected after death, and it will not help if they are in pain. Only cheering up is a kind of comfort to the deceased. He does not want you to be depressed!