She told me: You should ask yourself first.
Indeed, at present, my inner voice is noisy and I am faced with multiple-choice questions: whether to continue working in this industry or change careers, whether to switch to a big factory or still find a small company, whether to continue studying or ups and downs in the workplace … but I don't know how to choose.
I don't know myself as well as I thought. There may be many misunderstandings about myself, so I am confused, confused and hesitant.
At this time, by studying psychology, I can better explore my heart.
Zhang Peichao's My Heart is Infinite tells us that when you don't know how to make a choice, it's better to look at your heart and manage your own. In the process of exploring our hearts, we can know ourselves in various relationships, understand the defense mechanism in our hearts, understand the emotions that plague us, re-examine ourselves and find our true value.
Schopenhauer said: "Life is like a pendulum, constantly swinging between pain and boredom." Seek your own way, even so.
We often know ourselves through constellations, personality tests and so on, and nest ourselves in this framework.
If you are a Virgo and your behavior is not the performance of a regular Virgo, others will question you: Are you a Virgo? At this time, you can't help but doubt yourself, and then you will rely on the characteristics of Virgo.
In fact, this is a misunderstanding of self-knowledge. Take some external rules and popular actions for reference, even scientific personality measurement.
Undeniably, these external frameworks are necessary for us to know ourselves. But if you believe it completely, it is dangerous.
It is true that it is very difficult to know yourself and be your bosom friend. We need to spend a lot of time, energy, thought and courage, and at the same time have an initial heart to explore the unknown. In the process of self-exploration, as the author Zhang Peichao said, "We should always put our doubts about ourselves and the initial feelings that accompany them in an important position and often ask ourselves: Do I really know myself?"
As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together." From others, we can know ourselves and know ourselves. We can use "interpersonal concentric circles" to draw concentric circles on paper, and the closest person writes the innermost one, and then the second one. When you have written all the names in the concentric circles, you will find that these people look for their own characteristics from others, which has a lot to do with our cognitive self.
"My Inner Infinity" wrote: "Humanity: Pursuing a single type of relationship and rejecting complex relationships." However, in actual communication, our social circle is very complicated.
Associating with some people will make you more energetic, confident, courageous, comfortable and safe. Some people make you feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable and discouraged. It can be summed up in one sentence: the former can help you charge, and the latter can make you consume electricity.
But why can't we live without such a bad relationship? Zhang Peichao put forward the theory of checks and balances, which he thought was a key to understand interpersonal relationships.
Like the principle of conservation of energy, self-systems also follow the law of conservation. For example, when Xiao Ming became a father, he thought he must not beat the child like his father, but the child was too bear, which made him very angry. Because of conscious weight, Xiao Ming doesn't hit the child, but under the weight theory, Xiao Ming's angry weight will be transferred to his wife, and she will beat the child instead of Xiao Ming.
Therefore, we need to keep this knowledge in mind and examine our behavior from time to time, and we will certainly gain more feelings.
Each of us has a different role, and different roles give us different personality masks. In general people's cognition, wearing a mask looks a bit fake.
Psychologist jung doesn't think so. He thinks masks don't contain many derogatory meanings. When a teacher has the "look" of a teacher and a doctor has the "look" of a doctor, these professional masks have no derogatory meaning in the work process.
However, if we wear masks for too long, it will reduce our personality freedom. Imagine that the teacher's parents wear the teacher's mask after work, so they and their children become "teachers and children", which will make both sides fall into an excessively harsh environment and suppress their personal nature too much.
It can be seen that wearing a mask properly has the function of blessing and empowerment, which can make us adapt to various occasions, otherwise it will be counterproductive and lose ourselves. At the same time, a lot of energy will be consumed here.
In the face of setbacks or nervousness, we will unconsciously produce a series of self-protection measures to get rid of troubles, ease inner anxiety and seek inner stability. This reaction is the psychological defense mechanism.
There are three types of defense mechanisms:
The first is the primitive defense mechanism. This is a defense mechanism that most people have and can be flexibly used according to different situations and relationships. When you get along with others, you either think this person is very good or you think this person is very bad. Black or white is their defensive performance.
The second is the intermediate defense mechanism. It is a defense mechanism with repression as its core. Simply put, if you want to go to the bathroom now, there is no bathroom nearby, and you will resist this impulse until you find the bathroom. The restraint in this process is carried out under the guidance of consciousness. There are usually four auxiliary mechanisms: rationalization, reverse formation, intellectualization and emotional isolation.
Third, mature defense mechanisms, such as humor, sublimation or altruism. When friends get along, there are contradictions, such as speaking out of proportion. At this time, you make a joke and skillfully resolve it, which not only solves the embarrassment, but also maintains the inner balance.
Procrastination is a typical defense mechanism. There are many reasons, for example, people can't give up their previous living conditions, are afraid of success or failure, or identify themselves as losers, which leads to people's subconscious procrastination in order to keep themselves in the comfort zone and maintain a continuity.
Similarly, there are sensitivity, autistic defense and reason. What we can do is to face them bravely and really understand them in order to solve them better.
Have you ever lost control? When a child knocks over a bowl, he will fall into the fire. If he works overtime every day, he will be very sad. When he is old, he will be afraid of his physical problems, and he will often be sentimental ... is this you?
Our emotions are like spectra, except what is visible to the naked eye, and what is invisible.
"Annoyed", a common word, "You are annoyed", "This matter is very troublesome" and so on. Why are there so many things that bother us?
"My Inner Boundlessness" mentioned: "In clinical observation, fear is usually behind troubles, even almost all of them." We are tired of what we have to do but don't want to do, and tired of not being able to do what we want to do. At the same time, I am worried about losing something important to myself, and ask myself from a moral level. What follows is fear and anxiety, which makes people breathless.
Although there are too many disappointments in life, what we can do is to check our fear system and find out the root of the problem.
Life has given us many roles and labels. We are disturbed by them, and we can't even see our true selves clearly: who are you? Who the fuck are you ?
Why don't you tear off the labels that make you uncomfortable, such as "I'm not a gregarious person", "I'm a glum person" and "I'm a failure person" … and keep them away from your life.
Just like life is a process of subtraction, only by throwing away those shackles can we accept new things, reintegrate and face ourselves again.
The biggest problem in life is not knowing what you want, and the solution is to know yourself constantly. My inner infinity can help you explore your inner world, find your true value and get a wonderful life.
@ Donkey Xiao Lv Tree Cave? Read books together and apply what you have learned together ~