2. Xiao Li goes to a restaurant to eat noodles. When the waiter brought it, he felt that the weight of this noodle was obviously not as good as before, but the waiter asked him, "Where did you sit last time?" "By the window!" That's right.
Tom went to a restaurant for dinner and asked for a non-smoking seat. A few minutes later, the waiter took Tom to a table and said, this is the boundary between no smoking and no smoking. Please don't breathe to the left.
Jack went to the shoe store to buy shoes. Jack took a fancy to a pair of shoes and asked, How long can these shoes last? Shoemaker: Not sure, sir. Our customers don't have to buy a second pair after they buy this kind of shoes.
Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!
6. Wife: Husband, you are too capable. After dinner, why don't you do the laundry?
Husband: If you praise me, I will definitely suffer!
Wife: That's right! The word "boast" is composed of "big" and "loss"!
7. I bow my head when I see a pretentious person. It is not that I am modest, but that I am looking for bricks.
8. Now I know that Li Bai, a house slave, bought an unfinished building, which is evidenced by poems: the foot of my bed is as bright as a thread-there is no window; Is there frost already? -The door is not installed; Looking up, I found it was moonlight-the roof was open; I sank again and suddenly remembered home. -It hurts.
9. Women love you, and you are the husband; Several women love you, you are a man; A dozen women love you, and you are a lover; A hundred women love you, and you are an idol; A thousand women love you, you are a hero; Ten thousand women love you, and you are the leader; Women all over the world love you, you are RMB!
Don't worry, boys of grade10,09, your future wives are still jumping around in middle school ... Successful people are 12 years older than their spouses on average, so many of your future wives jump around in the first grade of primary school. So it is someone else's wife ~ ~
1 1. If I am in charge of horses, you can call me a groom. If I am in charge of the car, you call me a coachman; If I am an accountant, what should you call me?
12, although you are not a mother, you have helped many women become mothers; Although you are not a woman, you have turned many girls into women; Although you are not a woman, you make so many women happy.
1 >. The director dances with a beautiful virgin. The director was a little excited at the climax of the dance music, and the people below stood up. Noticing this, the Virgin asked curiously, What's under you? Director: Below me is the section chief. Virgo: The official is not big, and it is very hard.
< 2 > There is only one cake left at the birthday party, and the word birthday is written on it. The boy generously picked up the knife and split it in two. He said to the girl gently, "I am in charge of one day, and you are in charge of your whole life, okay?"
< 3 > A man and a woman are crossing the bridge. On the bridge, a tiger glared, and the woman took off her clothes after a little thinking. The man also learned to undress, but was tackled by the tiger. Men don't understand? The tiger said, "You have a stick. Do you think you are Song Wu?"
< 4 >. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.
< 5 >. Miss explained to the police that she didn't sell Yin, but I only sold 200 yuan's double avoidance, which was the most expensive. The policeman said, "What happened later?" The young lady said, "Teach him how to use the after-sales service."
〈6〉. After the performance, the leader took the stage to hold the beautiful Mongolian actress's hand and asked her if she was cold and what her name was. The actress said excitedly, "Maragabi".
[7]. A village head, Qiang Jian, and a goddess just entered the bottom of the well, and the goddess said, "Come in and die." The village chief hurried out, and the witch said, "You can't live if you go out." The village chief asked the witch what to do. The witch said, "Go in and out to keep safe."
[8]. Some people say, "Smart women can inspire men, beautiful women can confuse men, talented women can fool men, and women with everything can confuse a group of men."
〈9〉. The township head wears shorts to make a report, and when he is excited, he puts one foot on the chair. The little brother was exposed and the meeting was silent. The steward thought everyone was impatient. He said loudly, "This is just the beginning, and there is still a long way to go!" "
<10 >. Feeling of life: When work and love are unhappy, you can take out your little brother and stare. Meditate on the spirit it contains: it can be long or short, thick or thin, soft or hard, and learn from it. The immediate difficulty is a bird!
< 1 1 >. A man went to see a doctor, and the doctor asked him what was wrong with him. The man said, "Don't laugh after listening." The doctor said, "Hmm." The man took off his trousers, and his penis was only the thickness of a matchstick. The doctor laughed wildly. The man said angrily, "it's been swollen for several days, and you're still laughing!" ! ! "
< 12 >. A lady attended a seminar. When someone asked her how she felt about condoms, she replied, "It depends on what's inside."
<13 >. A man went to see a doctor, so he was embarrassed to say it, so he wrote a note: "Little brother is short, sleeping with his wife, and he can't tell the end. What should I do? " The doctor didn't answer, so he wrote a prescription: "Grasp the younger brother in one hand and the cucumber in the other, both in depth and depth. Insert it several times. Cucumber is too long, take a bite and then insert it. "
<14 >. In Taiwan Province Province, a couple gave birth to two girls in succession. So I went to the clinic and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what should we do if we want a boy?" The doctor said, "Maybe the posture is wrong, you two come here ..." After hearing this, they left happily. A year later, they came to the clinic again. Doctor, another woman. "No, it is estimated that it is still a question of posture! How's this? You do it and I'll guide you. After calculating the time, the two men came to the clinic, and the doctor was beside them: "A little to the left, no! A little higher, still not right! At this time, the wife was anxious: "Well, husband, you go down and let the doctor come!" "
"15". One day, the wife suddenly said to her husband, "Take the private money out of your underwear." The husband looked surprised. How did you know? The wife said disdainfully, "When did you survive like this?"
"16". One day, the wife suddenly said to her husband, "Take the private money out of your underwear." The husband looked surprised. How did you know? The wife said disdainfully, "When did you survive like this?"
< 17 >. To live a good life, lovers are indispensable; If you want to live well, hold it in your arms; If you want to live high, you must have a few tricks with the young lady; You must be strong and live, and a good woman will go to your bed; You have to endure hardships, and your daughter-in-law sleeps with you every day!
<18 >. In the lucky 52 scene, the husband motioned his wife to guess that the picture was an popsicle. The man said, "two words, long and hard, come out with your mouth in it and become smaller." This woman has a blank face. Male tip: You ate it last night. The woman blushed and immediately replied, "penis!" " "
<19 >. Two ladies complain that the bus is crowded now, which makes them very miserable. One said, "I'm really unlucky." I was crushed to death in the car! " "Another said," I'm really unlucky. The car is so crowded that I'm pregnant. "
[20]. A female worker had a leak in her heart, so she took a day off to repair the house. The next day, the customer sent a note to the company. As soon as the leader saw it, his legs were weak with fear. The note reads: "The sexual intercourse is unfinished, and there is too much running water to control. Come again one day! "
< 21>. Hard, it's really hard to be a man! It's too late to dig it out, too short to take it out, too soft to put it in your mouth, too shallow to go in, too hard to twitch and breathe, too lazy to lie on your stomach, it's better to lick it after a long time, and it's really shameless to be comfortable!
〈22〉. The female doctor scribbled too much and ordered the man to check the B-ultrasound. After a long time, the man turned around and said, "I have searched all over the hospital, but I can't see where 13 is." The female doctor smiled and said, "It's B-ultrasound, not 13! The man said angrily, "your b is too wide!" "
< 23 >. A couple is staying in a hotel, and the lady calls: "Want to play?" Don't! Dave hung up the phone. Soon, the young lady called again: "How can you feel wronged when you are not at home?" The husband said, "I brought my wife." The young lady smiled and said, "Sir, that's wicked. There are fast food restaurants everywhere, why bring instant noodles! "
< 24 >. Sanxin Jixiang Bao: Dad (hmm), how did you ride Mom (what) last night? I saw it all at the door. You two fight naked (you children), and the three of us are sex families!
< 25. Five stages of drinking: adolescent stage, strictly guard against death; Little woman stage, half-pushing; In the prime of life, newcomers are not far away; Widow stage, you don't look for me, I look for you; In the old lady stage, if you can't do it, you will do it blindly!
[26]. A man went to a brothel and asked a woman the price. The woman replied: "50 yuan." What men see is cheap and dry. The woman said, "Please pay 100 yuan." The man asked why, and the woman replied, "50 yuan in and out." The man said angrily: "You are fucking China Mobile, and you also charge in both directions!"