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Recalling my father, I always want to write something, but I don't know how to express my memories. Even after more than ten years, every time I think of it, it is a kind of sadness, an unspeakable nostalgia. This feeling is heavy, warm and deeply remembered in my mind.
When it comes to my father, my heart is somehow as heavy as lead, and I immediately think of my father who once made me complain. I was always unkind to my father when he was alive. At home, father is the absolute authority, and we all have to listen to him, or the atmosphere is so overwhelming that you dare not say anything.
After marriage, my husband's family and I also quarreled over some things. Because we love our husbands deeply, we always blame our fathers. Because I was still young at that time, some things in the countryside were still agreed before marriage. Why didn't you say yes in advance? My dad put me in the middle. Don't argue and don't make noise. Later, my father fell ill, was diagnosed as acute renal failure by the hospital, and slowly turned into uremia. When my father was hospitalized for the first time, I was busy taking care of my daughter.
At that time, I moved from a small county to kidney disease hospital, and only my sister was serving him, but she didn't know a word. I always thought that my father's illness would not be so serious. In fact, I had to have hemodialysis every day. After I got better, I went back to the county for dialysis. But I think his thinking is still clear. I always think he can persist for several years, but I didn't expect the question of life and death.
But my daughter has gone, and my family has been hiding it from my father. I dare not tell him. I dare not go back to my mother's house, for fear that he can't bear it. I know his days are numbered, but my mother has been in Lacrimosa all day, and I can't help telling my father. My father was very painful when he learned that, so he called me and asked me to go home. I came to my father's bedside with trepidation, but he lit a cigarette with tears in his eyes, took a deep breath and said with distress, "Why did you keep such a big thing from me?" I crouched beside my father's bed, crying silently, and was moved by his profound pain. "Blaming myself for not telling my father made him even sadder." Then I can finally stay in front of my father's bed every day, get along with him day and night, listen to his life experience, understand my father more and resent less, because the company in the last few days is somewhat comforting.
I remember at that time, my father taught me a lot: "Don't cry when you are in pain, don't shrink back when you are afraid, and don't complain when you are helpless." This is your life. " Instead, my father encouraged me to come, but as time passed, my memory became more and more indifferent. But of course, I won't forget, what I want to remember is the remaining strength. Sometimes when I think of my father, I will stubbornly raise my head, listen to the wind whispering in my ear, carefully count the time, one by one, every inch, and force my calmness back.
After my father left, his voice and smile and his huge figure often came to my mind. Often, memories invade and the eyes are moist; Often, when I wake up in a dream, my pillow towel is wet with tears ... What I am left with is endless reflection, endless memories, endless nostalgia, a deep and deep sadness buried in my heart, and once my life passes away, it becomes a pain without regrets. The feeling of missing arises spontaneously, perhaps because I didn't do anything worth cherishing when I should cherish it.
My father was poor all his life, and he made us taste too many things. I silently realized that this kind of love is deeply hidden in my bones, sleeping in my heart, my dream is full of tears, and my father's figure is clear and blurred again and again.
The only thing I can do now is to take good care of my mother, sweep your lonely grave on holidays and cycle for several springs. I will continue to be your youngest daughter. My daughter now has a lovely son, a down-to-earth life and a happy home. Please rest assured. Then try to be yourself and live more sober, wiser and better than before, so as to comfort you in the spirit of heaven. Don't haggle with your family, forgive your parents' shortcomings and think that they are ordinary people and that they also had shortcomings at that time. They gave us life and a warm home. What are the disadvantages? You can't regret the past. If you think about the past seriously, you will never come back. This situation was just at a loss at the time.
Apricot blossoms are rare, and memories are endless. Sooner or later, I still miss you.