There is a saying in Tagore's Birds: The world kissed me with pain and asked me to sing back. The first time I read this sentence, I was very touched. Everyone is not born with smooth sailing, just like a ship sailing far away. All the waves encountered along the way, big or small, must be borne in full.
Some people can't bear the pain and suddenly leave before the tomorrow that never comes; Some people sang all the way with a whole body of pain, and they saw a dim starlight when they were tired. The index finger known as "the poetic soul of educated youth" is the latter.
His love for poetry creation and the pain behind this love are just like the ice and fire in his body. Ice and fire can't blend, so he is miserable, he is crazy and he is crazy.
When he was at his weakest, he won the greatest honor and the highest prize for poetry in a mental hospital. It was comforting but inexplicably sad. He mourned for what he had gained, and he was recognized by the world for his poetry, and he also had pain that no one else had.
In 1948, forefinger was born. His real name is Guo Lusheng, and the origin of his name is also very meaningful. Because his mother suddenly had abdominal pain while marching on the road, she went to the hospital to give birth to him, so she was named "Lusheng".
forefinger's parents are both literate, working in a literary unit, and his mother likes reading books in her spare time. Growing up in such a family atmosphere, forefinger has developed the habit of reading. He has been exposed to poetry since childhood and goes to a bookstore whenever he has time. It can be said that he spent more than half of his childhood in a bookstore, and his home is full of his books.
The academic performance of the forefinger has always been very good, and it has always been among the best in the class. Only later, the forefinger with always good academic performance was too stressed and nervous, and he played abnormally in the senior high school entrance examination.
His mother also said that Guo Lusheng is too simple and sensitive, so he is vulnerable, but he has an iron will. While waiting for the result of high school admission, he was very uneasy. Finally, he learned that he was not admitted, and his hair turned white overnight, which was the first big blow in his life.
This time, although it was a great blow, it also opened the door for poetry to enter the world of poetry.
After he was not accepted, he wrote his first poem "Waves and the Ocean" in a complete sense. Since then, his literary thoughts have flooded, and he has formally entered the world of poetry, and he has successively created two other poems, which are called "Ocean Trilogy".
I thought that fate had played enough jokes, and a failure in the senior high school entrance examination dealt a great blow to my index finger, so what happened after that can be said to be the whipping of fate.
In 1968, the forefinger began to jump the queue in the countryside. I have to admit that the poet's inspiration came from life, and it may have been an indelible spark caused by a momentary collision. At the moment when he was about to leave the hometown where he was born and raised, his heart was full of nostalgia for this place. He wrote "This is Beijing at 4: 8".
Good poems are touching. This poem was widely circulated among the educated youth who went to the countryside at that time. They read the author's disappointment and felt their own disappointment.
In 1971, it was a turning point. In this year, forefinger joined the army. Few people clearly knew what happened to forefinger this year, except that he met a fruitless love, which completely changed his forefinger.
He said, "The girl ruined me. I don't know what happened, and my heart is on fire. Slowly, it becomes a poem. When the poem comes out, the fire is gone. " In the past, a diligent and outgoing person became silent all day, only knowing to smoke, smoking the cheapest cigarettes, and spending all the subsidies on smoking.
In the second year, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, which was due to the doomed love, the pressure from all aspects of society at that time, and other reasons that were not pointed out.
after suffering from schizophrenia, the index finger is sometimes awake and sometimes crazy. His condition is repeated, and he will become crazy and delirious when stimulated by the outside world. During his sober period, he ushered in his first marriage. At this time, he was awake and happy, with the happiness of a normal person's marriage. He wrote "There is such a wedding" to commemorate his marriage.
It's just that this happiness didn't last long. A few years later, forefinger fell into a mental nightmare again, and his marriage ended in such a suffocating day. The index finger with more and more serious mental problems had to be hospitalized.
In this way, my days in a mental welfare home began, and I stayed here for twelve years. Even though the place of mental welfare home seems to be trapped with the index finger, here the index finger is free, which has never been before, regardless of the feelings of outsiders. He is just a person who loves poetry.
During his days in the welfare home, he never stopped creating. He tried to keep himself awake, did some simple manual labor and repeated a monotonous life day after day.
During this period, many people who like forefinger poetry will come to visit, and all the people who come to visit will be moved when they leave. One of his poetry fans said that if someone is indifferent after seeing forefinger, he must not love poetry enough. Yes, people who love poetry can see how people who are so crazy about poetry can have no waves in their hearts.
God cares a little about the forefinger. During his time in the welfare home, he met Zhai Hanle, his bosom friend, who made his love for the rest of his life.
The two of them are from appreciate each other, and she knows him. These three words are enough. Hanle married her forefinger regardless of secular vision, and they are happy even if they live in a small house of more than ten square meters.
Zhai hanle is also a fan of forefinger's poems. She also likes literature and all romantic words. When she first read forefinger's poems, she was deeply shocked. She stepped into the welfare home and the world of forefinger.
Even though the marriage was a poor life, she was wholeheartedly with her forefinger, which made her feel at ease. As a result, her forefinger gradually became calm, and he began to write quietly, leading a plain but leisurely and regular old age.
forefinger, who has been crazy for half a life, never thought that his poetry would have such power. At that time, misty poetry began to move towards the literary world, and forefinger was the representative figure of the misty poetry school.
Bei Dao, a poet who is well known to us later, can be said that his forefinger was the initiator of his poetry. His poetry shocked his heart. When he first heard his poetry, he was strongly touched and fell in love with poetry.
Later, Kitajima recalled saying: "Guo Lusheng wrote the feelings and experiences of their generation, and his poems touched a nerve like plucking the strings." As a result, the shadow of forefinger poetry can be faintly seen in the later creation of North Island.
The time spent in the mental welfare home was the explosive period of forefinger creation, and he first published poetry under the pseudonym of forefinger.
When it comes to this name, he said that it has two meanings. One is that his mother's surname is Shi, which means "the son of stone". The other is that poets are judged by the public, and there are too many people pointing at their backs. He uses the pointing forefinger as his motivation, firmly believing that those words will not affect an upright poet.
Facts have proved that he did it. In 21, he won the People's Literature and Poetry Award together with the dead Haizi, which was the highest honor of the poet at that time.
Summary:
The country is unlucky for poets, but the poets are unlucky for poetry. Many people say that the misfortune of forefinger's life destroyed him and made him. It was not so much his misfortune that made him, but rather his own achievement, because he never gave up.
The word given to the forefinger in the People's Literature and Poetry Award is: In his time, he independently undertook what a great poet should undertake. If Haizi is extreme, then his forefinger is tough. In the days when he is not cared for by God, he does not feel sorry for himself, but uses all his strength to embrace the poems belonging to his soul.
He was once confused, confused and even desperate. In that muddled time, his spirit was out of control, but his poetic spirit never changed. It was an innate love, not controlled by anyone or anything, and it was his own unique glory.