After a physically and mentally exhausting day, I am copying to make up for the update. Don’t like it if you are a passing book friend.
That day I was twenty-one years old. In the golden age of my life, I had many extravagant hopes. I want to love, I want to eat, and I want to become a half-dark cloud in the sky in an instant. I feel like I will always be strong and nothing can beat me. When people live in this world, happiness and pain cannot be distinguished. So I just want it to be genuine.
— Wang Xiaobo's "Golden Age"
That day I was twenty-one years old. It was the golden age of my life. I had a lot of arrogance. I wanted to shine, be hot, and still be in the world. In an instant, I turned into an omnipotent demon witch. I felt that as long as I had real abilities, no one could stop me, and nothing could strangle me to death. When people live in this world, it is impossible to distinguish between stupidity and arrogance. I just want to burn with all my joy.
That day I was thirty-five years old. It was the darkest moment of my life. I felt a lot of depression. I wanted to escape from my shell, to be free, and to become a traceless wind in an instant. I feel that I will live forever, and no one can save me. In this world, it is impossible to distinguish between futility and impermanence. I just want a quick solution.
That day I was seventy years old. It was an ordinary moment in my life. I had a lot of powerlessness and I didn’t want to struggle. I hugged it tightly and wanted to incorporate it into my spinal cord in an instant. I felt that there was nothing. It will be forever, good or bad. After being castrated by life, I still want to love and wander. When people live in this world, it is difficult to distinguish between endurance and enjoyment. I just want to die in the freedom of the sky and the sea, and meet again. To my twenty-one year old self.