The first time I saw Beijing was September 20 1 1. Plastic bags of various colors can be seen everywhere in the square. Next to them, there are country people wrapped in thick gray-black coats and sleeping on urea bags. Occasionally, smart people in suits and ties bypass it, look at the inexplicably occupied area on the ground, squint in disgust, and rush to the bridge and leave. I turned around, looked at the huge gilded Beijing station and told myself: Beijing, I am coming. Father dragged his suitcase and carried a bulging schoolbag, and squeezed into a long queue. At the front of the queue is the subway ticket window. My mother and I waited at the end of the line.
"Mom, why is Beijing dirty?"
Mother glanced at the garbage on the ground and handed me a bottle of mineral water. "Drink and check things. Your father will be here soon."
The subway looks like a train, but it is smaller than the train. The three of us got in rustically, took a look, found an empty seat, and watched the subway station under the indicator light appear by voice one station at a time, and then disappeared. My ears fell into a detached scene, as if standing at the front of the car, looking at the deep and dark tunnel, blinded by the wind.
Via Beijing Railway Station, go to Jianguomen, change to 1 line, drive to Sihuidong, then change to Batong Line, stop at Communication University Station, exit B, get off the overpass, and it's dawn. I bought three meat pies with sausages under the overpass. After dinner, the three of us walked to Bangzijing Student Apartment, and I will live in Beijing for four years.
2.
Beijing, the place I've been longing for: it's close to home, and it's an eight-hour drive by ordinary train; Have a good university; Artists, writers, intellectuals and stars are the most; There are countless fashionable and beautiful girls in cultural media companies, cinemas and bookstores. Before enjoying the night view of the big city and the woman whose skirt retreated to the thigh root, she was dragged by a bus to Zhaitang, a remote mountain area along the Yongding River in Mentougou District, Beijing, for the most rigorous military training in her life. Unable to withstand military training, I proved that the trip was really worthwhile with my lovelorn, lame, tanned, meticulous bed and meatless life. After fifteen days of arduous trekking, I returned to a strange dormitory with a whole body of fatigue and sweat, and officially ushered in Beijing's National Day.
On the National Day that year, when I went to Happy Valley to play, the bustling crowd pushed forward and stood in line for an X-Men for two hours. I threw up after the game and couldn't touch other events. The next day, I went boating in Houhai, eating cotton candy, eating Sichuan food and singing. All the way, it seems that the face of youth is everywhere, and the past is gone forever.
After the formal class, I went to the classroom with three or five partners and gradually became a person. Sleeping at night, stepping on the overpass, watching the endless traffic under the bridge, flashing the red light at the rear of the car neatly, and then looking up at the stars that are always sparse in the sky, I asked myself, when can I become a car and melt in the torrent? When can I have a house of my own in Beijing, with a wide book wall, full of hardcover books of literature, history and philosophy, no TV, no coffee table, a pillow as long as me on the brown carpet, stars outside the window, passers-by and cars in parallel, and a clean woman in the window who always calls me "husband" lightly.
3.
People say that Beijing is the only city in China where people can talk about their dreams in public without being laughed at. I believe I have tried hard and never thought of giving up. I said to my family:
Even if I die, I will die in Beijing. I can't believe I can't get along in Beijing.
Later, I changed my mind:
Nothing can change my determination to stay in Beijing until I am thirty. If I reach 30, I still have nothing to do. Maybe I will consider going to other cities or going back to my hometown.
I want to be an original singer. I learn guitar, compose music, write lyrics, take part in the school singer contest to sing original songs, and choose some to send to some companies. On the recommendation of a friend, I went to a small music company in Guo Mao for an interview. As a result, they just contracted the production, let me pay for it, let me promote it myself, and finally hang the song on the audio player, that's all. I won't do it. Later, a singer in the company asked me to help him change a lyric and took 200 yuan, without signature or follow-up.
My musical dream was broken, just because I didn't love it enough, so I turned my attention back to my old job-writing. I want to be a novelist, a professional novelist like Haruki Murakami and Keigo Higashino. I started writing crazily, writing novels, poems, essays and letters. Almost all literary people say that there are only two shortcuts to writing, and that is to insist on reading and writing. I read, study hard, take notes, think and extract sentences. The lit literary dream has not been burned out, nor has it been fueled by salary increase. So far, there is nothing to praise: less than 100 people are willing to read these novels, and none of them can contribute. I came across the editor of the publishing house and said that an unpopular writer would die if he wrote a serious novel. However, dreams that can be easily realized are not worthy of the word "dream".
4.
Every time I go home for the New Year, some old people in my hometown will ask me, how is the big city?
I replied: that's it, that is, there are more buildings, higher buildings, wider roads, longer roads, expensive cars and full roads. But every holiday, there are traffic jams when going out, and people are crowded everywhere, especially some famous attractions such as the Great Wall. I can only see a group of heads in the dark, and I am not in the mood to see the scenery.
But what I think in my heart is that there are elites everywhere, and some people in high-end consumer areas know that classes still exist just by looking at their clothes. Whether innate or acquired, some people stand in the clouds, touch the stars and touch the moon, never worry about the next meal, and never lack a bed partner; In my class, I can't bear to add a steamed bread and meat. I can only smoke a cigarette if I get less than ten dollars. I can't bear to buy popcorn and coke when I watch a movie. After living in Beijing for at least ten years, I hardly feel recognition and conversion.
This is a big city.
I was born in the countryside, the first can of German stout, the first glass of scotch whisky, the first sea fishing, the first drama, the first 3D movie, the first meeting attended by elites, and the first senior with millions of wealth I met are tearing my cognitive boundaries. The outside world is really colorful. I've been a frog in the well for 20 years, and finally I've seen what a vast territory is and what's the difference between clouds and mud. I personally verified my previous guess: within ten years, it will be difficult for me to fully integrate into this city.
5.
2065438+In July 2006, two friends and I shared a two-bedroom apartment of 85 square meters in dingfuzhuang, Chaoyang District. We can afford to eat meat, take a taxi, watch a few movies, occasionally eat buffet hot pot or barbecue, and go to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. Each of us has our own job. We are rich and struggling to survive in Beijing.
Beijing is a cruel place, with high housing prices and high prices. It takes an hour on average to go out. People on subway buses will be squeezed and deformed during rush hours, and there will be sandstorms in spring and smog in winter. However, although there are too many shortcomings, it is still the most suitable for young people to pursue their dreams. It embodies the core cultural and political resources. There are countless people who persist in obscurity but secretly like you. There are countless job opportunities, all kinds of possible soil. There may be bole and stage for you. You may be lonely here, but you are by no means without the same kind.
After graduating from college, I was lucky enough to engage in a career related to words, and the distance from my dream was shorter than that of ordinary people. This is the result of my own efforts and luck, but whether this luck can continue as always depends on whether your progress and growth are worthy of everything you have. If I can't stand firm in Beijing for ten years, I will come back for another ten years and come back for another ten years; If none of them contribute, then vote again, with 10 articles and 100 articles; If the deposit balance is too small in four digits, try to reach five, six or even seven digits.
Since I chose Beijing, I will die here. Whether tragic or brilliant, I don't want some words related to "regret" and "weakness" engraved on my epitaph.
Hello, Beijing.
It's over.
Yin Gucheng, young screenwriter, signing author of Jane One, signing author of Studying in Weibo, official account of WeChat | Weibo | Jane One ID: Yin Gucheng.