At this moment, I am thinking, how many times have I been blessed by God and how many times have I made choices in these twenty-four years?
Why did my life track become like this? Why have I become the last person I want to be? And why did I think of such a topic in front of my father's tombstone on my birthday?
No one around, no affectation, quiet and comfortable, I took the strong liquor and rushed down my throat. I can't help asking myself, "Do I believe in cause and effect?"
My childhood was happy, although I don't know how to define this adjective.
My parents created the most comfortable environment for me to grow up.
They went out to work and let me live with my grandmother. The old man really loves my only grandson. They taught me to read, write and draw, sent me to school to take me home, and cooked me meals that were higher than the standard at that time. It's good to live a carefree life every day!
At school, I am always very confident, very confident, such as hosting a Children's Day and reciting a poem, which is a piece of cake for me. I can guarantee that I can naturally enter other people's sight and make friends with the opposite sex in grade.
I have never worried about not doing well in the final exam. When I get home, I will be "stewed with a belt" and "mixed doubles". Even if there is no room for further decline, I can even feel at ease!
I hate it when my parents say that my father pampers me with milk, so whenever I hear something similar, I will choke them back. I said, "I don't know what doting is, but I know that my father's milk hurts me from the bottom of my heart!" " "Then add from the bottom of my heart," you are far from it. "
They dare not hit me, which is unpredictable, because in this context, I often have milk in front of me.
I am the most popular child in my class, but I am also a problem of juvenile in the eyes of teachers. I like to ask my grandmother to hold a parent-teacher conference, because she is a retired teacher in my primary school, and it happens that she has three teachers who are her students. With their relationship, I can always discuss my existing problems better!
Grandma loves me very much. Even if my grades are worse than grandma's, she will always attend the parent-teacher conference, but every time she comes back, she will always take an extra step before going to bed at night.
Grandma held my swollen hand and said to me, "little boy, you should study hard." Don't be illiterate like your father. I can only work hard and I am sick all over. " When I hear this, I will feel and be moved. But more importantly, my mind is cluttered with a message-I don't seem to have recited any texts or finished any homework ... just study hard tomorrow!
So I admitted the fact that I couldn't learn well, and even acquiesced in the existing state. However, I don't think I will work hard in the future, let alone follow the path of my elders.
My father's way of expressing his love for me is different from grandma's. He is very direct. One day, he quietly took me to the music store and asked me a question directly-which one do you like, and then learn from now on!
Maybe dad knows that his son is not a piece of learning material, so he will have this move. However, this also suits the taste at that time, because not long ago I envied those students who played musical instruments on Children's Day! I feel that they are more eye-catching than their own hosts.
Looking around, it is really interesting to see the grand piano in the middle, and the price is also the most expensive. I didn't think much about it, so I finalized it immediately!
Unexpectedly, a week later, dad really took out the money to buy it.
Since then, my ass has been tied to the piano bench for a long time. Childhood also declared the disappearance of formal happiness.
I can't help it I chose this!
Learn piano, with the arrival of adolescence.
I moved out from my grandparents' house, and a new stage of my life followed.
When I think of this period in junior high school, I am full of sweetness and seem happier than before.
I fell in love with online games, fierce fighting and a class flower in my class.
Although I was rebellious in Grade One and Grade Two, it was not easy for me to learn the piano at the same time, although I never admitted that this strategy delayed my two classes.
After studying piano for two years, I decided to quit, for no other reason than that fat teacher looked at my mother in the wrong way.
That guy is the highest-level pianist in this city, but in my opinion, he is a master who needs batting practice. Every time he squints and taps my finger with a small bamboo pole, it always hurts and numb. If I hadn't cared about my mother's face, I would have slapped him decisively.
In the past two years, playing the classical piano is almost vomiting. Besides worshipping Eritrea, I am Hanon. Occasionally, I have to practice a few songs for the exam, depending on the teacher's face. This is simply tyrannical nature! So I'm more determined not to follow him. I want to teach myself modern pop, and I want to play my favorite music that can stir people's hearts!
I am the man of the hour in junior high school. Although I haven't taken off the label of "problem of juvenile", my teachers and classmates still like to appreciate me.
Art festivals, music festivals, New Year's Eve parties, as long as you can sing and dance, you can probably always see me.
The piano makes my left and right brains flexible, and my fingers are endowed with magic. I can match the music that hits my heart with the most authentic chords, and I can also make my classmates follow my rhythm with sadness or joy.
Banhua Enron is my loyal fan. I played deeply with the music, and her eyes were full of tears; The sound of the piano is abrupt and the reverberation is around the beam. She can also stand like a wooden chicken for a moment and then applaud.
I have liked her since the second grade, and I didn't know she liked me until the fourth grade.
Study hard, I'm at Hewei. Enron has an ideal, and I muddle along.
But so what? She likes to come to my house during the day on weekends, listen to me play the latest pop songs, and then review my famous song "Wedding in My Dream". Besides, I invited my parents when they were not at home, which was a bit weird.
Actually, just holding hands, hugging and playing the piano together. This is the most sincere and pure memories of youth at that time.
I didn't read all the junior high school textbooks until the senior high school entrance examination. After thinking about it, it's really a pity. Because I didn't know that some things that were useless in the past actually became high-frequency knowledge points in high school.
Fortunately, Enron has been helping me. Her notes and explanations let me out of the penultimate category of the senior high school entrance examination in my class, leaving a lot of words to encourage and promote me. Now that I think about it, I still remember a lot
I didn't expect my memory to be so good.
Looking back, I walked through my memory again. I'm sure I didn't choose the wrong way.
Adults say children are "puppy love".
But I think this is the most unforgettable memory of my youth.
High school. I am a school choice student, and I entered the school at a high price; She is a top student and free of tuition. Fortunately, we are in the next class. Make the weather beautiful!
I'm the last one. She's Rocket One.
We are all students living on campus, and we have met many things together for three years.
In the first year of high school, my father died of overwork and alcoholism, and my grandmother followed him for half a year. My mother got pneumonia because of overwork. Successive blows have made me pay more attention to the people around me, and also made my tried and tested lacrimal gland no longer sensitive.
She is no better than me, because her father lost money in business and the whole family had to rent a house to live. I remember when she was in junior high school, her clothes would not be the same for a week. But in high school, even though she grew taller and taller, she still wore old clothes left over from the fourth grade. Seriously, it makes me feel bad, even though I don't seem qualified to say this.
Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends. There are many troubles in senior one and senior two, which we never take to heart. The journey back to the dormitory after school at night is the best process to decompress each other.
I couldn't help crying at the thought of my parents' death, so she held me in her arms and patted me on the back like a child.
Say to me: "don't be sad, you have a mother and me!" " "
Every time I think about it, I can always quickly draw a picture of the scene and Enron from my mind, and then comfort myself by saying, "Well, I will live well, for my mother's sake and for Enron!" " "
Enron has a strong self-esteem. She usually doesn't reveal her difficulties. Only when her swollen eyes can no longer be concealed can I know the girl's troubles.
She said that her family owed a lot of money; She said that she had to rely on the help of her uncle and aunt. She felt useless and couldn't help her half-bald father. Seriously, I envy her having a father and the most solid support. I really don't want to see her suffer any pain.
Look at my slightly thin shoulders. I don't know whether I love her or not, but I know that she is my lifelong choice!
At that time, I was in the middle of my sophomore year. Her experience and the reality of my family made me resolutely oppose my mother's idea and stop taking the road of music. But from the general science class, continue to enter the university.
In the summer vacation of Grade Two, I went to the remedial class of Grade Three without telling my mother who went out to work. I gritted my teeth and sold my piano.
I am still lofty, but I go out early and come back late every day. People I know probably think I am diligent and sensible. Really? I just went to a restaurant in the city to serve food.
After a month, 1000 yuan, I gained ten pounds. Plus the money I saved before, I got 10 thousand yuan!
That night, I changed all the change into whole, and then sat on the bed and counted, counting one hundred plus and one hundred MINUS. I repeated it several times and couldn't sleep at night.
A week later, my mother came back and slapped me. Trembling, she asked me why I wanted to sell the piano! Ask me where the money is spent!
Look at the place where my father used to put the piano. It's clean and dazzling.
I said guiltily, "I think of my dad when I see the piano, and then I feel uncomfortable." Anyway, I didn't take the road of music, so I sold it to invest in games. My number can appreciate. When the money is earned, I will buy a jade bracelet for my mother! "
The sweet words that used to be tried and tested have failed this time.
My mother cried her eyes out, calling me a black sheep, calling me an asshole, and asking who I sold the piano to! Ask me why I am so cruel?
I think my mother is making a mountain out of a molehill. "Ideal can't be eaten as a meal, it's better to get rid of it." I understand this truth. Why can't she let it go?
I was sad and helpless when I looked at her sad appearance of wiping away tears.
But later, I persuaded my mother to give up the idea of tracing back to the source and saving her. Of course, the premise is that I will work hard and be admitted to the university, realizing my dad's last expectation for me in this life.
When I handed Enron 10,000 yuan, she was surprised and scared. I told her that I had saved the lucky money for many years, and the money for working every summer vacation was here. I just raised enough 10 thousand, hoping to help my uncle.
Enron likes me very much. She didn't refuse, and of course she didn't say anything too polite, because we never needed this between us. Just like the week my dad died, she called in sick and kept it a secret, and then she stayed with me to comfort me.
After entering the third year of high school, she is a heavyweight, and I am still at the bottom of the grade list, looking up to the so-called great gods.
The class teacher is very responsible. He told us that although the college entrance examination can't determine the fate of your life, it does determine the height of your starting point. Then, I quote the legendary cases of older seniors and sisters who are older than us to explain the importance of a high starting point.
I was very upset. Universities are not only not qualified to discuss the starting point because of their hopeless achievements, but also begin to consciously or unconsciously think about the direction of their relationship with Enron.
Even though I don't feel ugly or talented, I know from the bottom of my heart that Enron will be golden phoenix and soar in the sky. As for me?
Probably can't run out of this ravine. Is this precocious? Why was my idea so realistic at that time?
Maybe it's because I am a child without a father.
The bad news and good news of the college entrance examination results will come soon.
It's bad news for me. Because as expected, I have just reached the bottom line of the interval of the city technical school, but there is a place to go. Of course, I am more concerned about the good news that came from that day, that is, I learned about Enron's success. Because she is far overweight, she sat firmly before 100.
August of that year was the most unforgettable month in my life!
I cried for a long time when I learned my grades safely. She said that she would rather her father's business didn't improve, and that she got less 100, so I could go to a university in the same city with her.
I always smiled and touched her head and said, "Enron, don't worry about me, study hard and report to your favorite university." I will come to see you often! " "
"You know me, I am used to splashing water since I was a child, and it is harder to be a man than to ascend to heaven! Haha, don't be sad! "
That day, we hugged for a long time, and then she asked me to take her home and listen to my famous junior high school song "Wedding in My Dream". I can only politely refuse, saying that my mother is at home, which is inconvenient.
That month, I knew that the color of her clothes began to change again; I also know that the distance between me and her has finally begun to drift away!
A week before the start of school, Ping An had a meal and a drink with me, and even offered to go out with me to check in. This is my dream, but it is always rejected by her. I can't imagine.
Maybe it was out of reason, maybe it was a short circuit in my brain, but I refused. Sensitive, I feel that Enron is going to give me something in return, because I can see "shyness" or "reluctance" in her eyes.
A few days later, I said goodbye to her, got on the bus to the southern city, rubbed the damn sand in my eyes, and then turned and left.
That choice, now it seems, is a bit naive and silly! But if I have to choose again, I will probably be stupid again, because I really love her!
I am really selfish! I want her to feel that she owes me and thinks about me from the bottom of her heart. I can't wait to drag her to marry me as soon as I graduate!
I took a sip of wine and coughed several times.
The story behind is really realistic and powerless.
In technical school, I became studious, introverted and self-respecting, just for the words that my mother left.
"Son, you didn't finish your father's wish in the end. Your mother just wants you to be a regular worker in the factory. Don't let me down again! Study hard, you should grow up. "
For three years, I have been like a mechanical watch, studying at eight o'clock, sleeping at eight o'clock and making phone calls at eight o'clock. What do you like, pop music, online games, fantasy novels ... quit. Without Enron's company, habits can really become nature.
I became no longer self-centered, no longer self-righteous, and no longer took everything I did for granted. I live the same life, with no bright spots, and become the most annoying thing in the past.
The call with Enron changed from once a week to once a month, and the message every day was good night, which gradually became history.
I went to see her once. It's intellectual and beautiful! What I am not used to is the food there. Southerners eat exquisitely, and the plates are pitiful! But I am a serious Shandong man, so I think: I'd rather not eat like this!
I haven't been there since I came back She didn't invite me, and I didn't like going. More importantly, I'm not stupid. I can see a word in her eyes, "alienation" ...
Enron never mentioned video chat to relive old memories with a song "Wedding in My Dream". Perhaps I no longer expect to hear my clumsy amateur performance.
Sophomore, we broke up. It's very sudden, and it's very consistent with the development routine of the story. Sounds like a normal conversation.
"Are you there?"
"yes."
"Let's break up."
"Well, Enron."
There is nothing black, and there is no other bloody bridge. I applied for her QQ, and the password has remained unchanged for several years, even though everyone uses WeChat now.
I almost didn't hesitate to choose that night, and my fingers slipped, announcing the end of a relationship.
Just like that seemingly clumsy grand piano, maybe we have no feeling there, or it may be an eyesore; But if it's really lost, you will understand what's in this steel box ..... The great voice is endless, and there is nothing to say.
That night, I listened to "The Wedding of My Dreams" for countless times with tears. It is a famous song in my junior high school, and it also witnessed the death of a relationship.
A little ridiculous and melodramatic. But I really cried that night, thinking about falling asleep. Weakness, self-blame, blame, and finally taste, become a sad dream.
I have lost a lot of weight these days, and all my pains and misfortunes have been concentrated in the fierce struggle.
Before going to bed in those days, my mind was full of one sentence: study hard tomorrow! I also want to be a formal worker in a steel mill!
After graduation, I worked as a temporary worker in the top five steel mills with a monthly salary of 3,000.
My job is to turn over the refined red steel, which comes out of the heating furnace and enters the rolling process. Workers need to turn it over with big pliers to unify the yin and yang sides.
This is hard work, which requires arm strength and high temperature resistance. But it is also the easiest job to turn positive by performance.
Formal work, for me, is more important than college! Because this is what I promised my mother, and because I have never done anything since I was a child! I am eager to prove myself.
In the first week, I understood what "purgatory on earth" was, and then I understood the pain of "lifting my arm". Later, I sent away a temporary brother who accompanied me for two months. Finally, I learned to adapt.
I took my first month's salary and bought my mother the "smoky gray" bracelet she wanted most. After half a year, I bought an electronic organ and put it in the position chosen by my father!
Looking at my thick fingers that are no longer flexible, the keys of the cocoon are not harmonious. Mom smiled.
"Son, can you still play the previous piano music? Have you forgotten? "
I can't tell how bitter it is, because my joints are rusty and my fingers are stupid. Even if some songs still have a little muscle memory, the pop-up style can only be a little star, slow and half-beat.
But I am very happy, because my mother smiled! This is a heartfelt smile.
In two years, I changed from a temporary worker to a temporary monitor. My arms have become strong, and cupping on my back is the most unspeakable achievement!
On this road, I sent away almost all the people who walked with me, and then I took others with the same original intention. They are lofty and proud, ashamed or ignorant, but they respect me from the bottom of their hearts!
Looking at the clear performance report and stroking the bronze diploma, I was satisfied and proud.
If you give me another choice, there probably won't be a better result than now.
Today, it's my twenty-fourth birthday. Enron, who stayed in the south for graduate school, sent a message of blessing, and my mother made me a table early.
Yes, I was very happy from beginning to end.
I didn't say much. I ate a little with my mother. I lied that my friend was going to give me a birthday, so I came to the monument of my father in the city cemetery alone with a bottle of wine of more than 50 degrees.
In our hometown, it is not popular to print black and white photos on tombstones, but we prefer to engrave some life stories of the deceased behind tombstones to leave memories for future generations.
Burn some paper, light some incense, stuffy some spirits, shed some tears!
I read the inscription that I have read several times. Tracing back to my father's ordinary but remarkable life, this time it seems to make me feel something.
That's right. God has blessed me many times and given me too many choices. Every time I make an important choice, I will pick it out from Memory of Death and choose it again. I will stick to my original answer.
This is probably what people call the established trajectory of fate.
Now everything is the way I have to go. Just like my father, I have been a laborer all my life, but I still firmly made my own right choice.
At a time when the monthly salary was1.2000, he resolutely bought a piano with1.2000 for his son, and then subsidized me to study for two years with 60 yuan's weekly salary. When he heard grandma's and mom's complaints, he could only turn them into pure motivation and then give everything he could for this family.
Dad loves to drink. It's this kind of cheap spirits with more than 50 degrees in my hand. I used to sneer at it, but now it is mellow.
Stuffy mouth, the right choice, and the change of personality seem to be irrelevant. In this process, I have tasted the ups and downs, and until now, I really understand something.
Pour the last sip of wine in the bottle on dad's grave, kneel down and kowtow three times.
I asked myself: Do you still believe in cause and effect?
The answer is yes.
Because I know that since I have chosen, there will be no more ifs.
? End—