At the end of 2005, the patient who worked in the clinic for a whole day suddenly found that I was very tired and my left face was tight and painful. I picked up the cup to drink water, but the water couldn't swallow, and it all leaked out of my mouth. As a doctor, I know the seriousness of the problem. At that time, it was past seven o'clock, and my cleaning aunt turned off all the lights in the outpatient hall for some reason. Suddenly feel so wronged. !
The next day, my husband found that I wanted to rest and see a doctor. I didn't expect to change from a doctor to a patient in the blink of an eye.
At that time, my patient Miki Shinsei wrote me the whitest white in the world.
Many years later, when I saw this article, I was deeply moved by him and me.
A bolt from the blue: news from Dr. Bo
On the eve of nurses' day in 2006, with infinite good wishes, I came to the psychology department of Zhanjiang Hospital and presented a magnolia flower basket to Dr. Bo. Later, I visited the department leaders and head nurses, and wanted them to provide me with some materials about Dr. Bo's deeds since he became a doctor. But they all said in unison: "Dr. Bo has cured countless patients since she became a doctor, but she is always a very low-key person." We often hear patients praise her, but she never publicizes herself. This is Dr. Bo's character! "
So, I asked Dr. Bo to cooperate many times, but she remained silent all the time. The TV reporters were very interested after learning the news figures and stories, and asked me to take them to Zhanjiang for an interview and shoot the TV feature film The Story of a Doctor and a Patient. On May 8th, just as the TV reporter and I were going to Zhanjiang to interview Dr. Bo Xilai, I received an email from Dr. Bo Xilai!
Dr. Bo's painful message truthfully explained to me that she was seriously ill, saying that treating me was just a job, and she was a mortal. Now that she has been chosen to do this job, she will do her best. She also said that the song "Your Name, the Pride of angels in white" I wrote for her might make others laugh! Some time ago, I went to Guangzhou to have two Kama knife operations. Although I can still work, if I am tired, I have a heavy psychological burden and so on. She expressed her heartfelt thanks to my poems and songs!
After reading "Dr. Bo's message", my tears welled up. I was very sad, because she was seriously ill, and her noble sentiments made me admire. I can't help crying sadly. ...
It suddenly occurred to me that during my stay in hospital, I heard that Dr. Bo established the website of hospital psychology department and the spiritual oasis forum, and won the "Outstanding Contribution Award". So, I immediately searched all the medical information of Dr. Bo on the Internet.
Sure enough, her blog recorded many things and feelings.
"A thunderbolt exploded from the top of my head, because MR examined my head and found that I didn't know when I had a' tumor' about 2 cm in size, and I couldn't sleep at noon, because many, many things passed through my mind one by one, and I imagined that I shed a tear at noon.
San Mao once tortured such a question:' What would you do if you had three months to live?'
Thinking of this sentence, my tears flowed down again. I know I have too many things to do. How about three months? This time, it's not a bad thing to put off all the work and feel the psychological experience such as the pain and sensitivity of the disease. At the prompt of netizens, I wrote down my feelings during my illness, and also felt the spring flowers in the forum and your concern for me.
Extremely tired, extremely headache, as if unbearable feeling, so horrible! I'm afraid of implicating my family. Will my face be disfigured after the operation? Will you smile brightly in the future? I have a lot on my mind, alas, I will be safe when I come. Accept it, be patient, and let the pain come more violently! Who's afraid of who? Heaven or hell has nothing to do with me.
I remember a poem written by someone who doesn't know: the birth of that life, the death of that death/from ignorance to knowledge, from knowledge to ignorance/history has never been answered/the mystery of love/the strangeness of the soul/and dreams and time/the universe are going on/all layers of mysteries.
The unknown' tumor' is my unknown' soul'. When I became a cancer patient, Dr. Bo felt very sorry and didn't care enough about himself at ordinary times.
(Oasis of Mind Forum-Dr. Bo, 2005, 165438+ 10, 10)
"Surgery is intracranial R knife positioning irradiation (cobalt 60 radiotherapy). Because it was my first operation, I was very scared. Although there was no craniotomy, four holes were drilled in the skull under anesthesia, eight screws were installed and an iron frame was fixed. When drilling, I feel as nervous as a craniotomy blow. Then, I took a 20-minute bus ride and did an MRI scan and location of my head. After 30 minutes, I came back by car for treatment. It took me more than three hours to go back and forth. When I feel dizzy and have a headache ...
Because the intracranial tumor grows closer to the optic chiasma, the dose of cobalt 60 radiotherapy is only half, and it will be redone for the second time in April next year. I'm not afraid anymore. "
("Spiritual Oasis Forum-Doctor Bo", 65438+February 6, 2005)
"On March 7th, I finished the second R knife operation. I don't know why there was a lot of blood in the four screw holes when I fixed the head iron frame in this operation (I was later told that my blood pressure was 160/ 100mmHg). It hurt all night that night, and I was discharged after a few days of operation. On Women's Day, a friend came to see me and brought a bunch of flowers and a basket of fruit. I told him that I was no longer a patient, but a healthy doctor. Disease is a disaster, especially cancer. I am surrounded by cancer patients. I was surrounded by tears from patients and their families, and I was trapped inside. That sense of helplessness hurts me. "
(House of the Soul-Dr. Bo's blog, March 3, 20051)
"Disaster is a double-edged sword, which can kill a person mentally and forge him stronger. Therefore, choice is very important. If we say that when we encounter a disaster, it is beyond our control, but after the disaster, how to get through it is a difficult problem. Anyway, we can see the rainbow after the storm. ...
(House of the Soul-Dr. Bo's blog, March 3, 20051)
"I am now a doctor and a patient. I cook medicine every day and eat bitter Chinese medicine. To be honest, being a patient feels bad. The job of a doctor is to make people live healthier, not only physically, but also psychologically. Health is beauty!
……
With the continuous development of society, we face more and more things, and the psychological pressure is getting bigger and bigger. There are more and more mental diseases, and even children who should be happy in childhood have psychological obstacles. I feel that I can't lie down yet, and I have to continue to work after rest. Let the patient get out of the psychological shadow area and let the mind shine forever. "
("Spiritual Oasis Forum"-Dr. Bo)
A doctor who calmly faces a serious illness, a doctor who has to leave his feelings in pain and suffering, and a doctor who is seriously ill and still thinking about his work and patients. You moved me and shocked me!
July, 2006 1 1 day marked the eighth anniversary of the establishment of the Psychology Department of our hospital. The Propaganda Department of Maoming Municipal Committee led a delegation of 8 people from Maoming City to visit Dr. Bo in Zhanjiang City and held a gala with the Ministry's angels in white. At the party, the leaders of the Propaganda Department of Maoming Municipal Committee personally framed this "special" congratulatory letter with more than 60 red seals and handed it to Dr. Bo personally. At the same time, the honorary certificates issued by Maoming Municipal People's Congress Internal Affairs Judicial Committee, Municipal CPPCC Education, Culture, Health and Sports Committee, Municipal United Front Work Department Office, Municipal Federation of Trade Unions Office, Municipal Federation of Returned Overseas Chinese and other units 1 1 were read out. The certificate of honor reads: "Warmly congratulate Dr. Bo on being awarded the honorary title of" Century Talent "by the organizing committee of the seventh" Voice of Harmonious China in the New Century ". You hold high the banner of the times and make outstanding contributions to building a harmonious society. You are not only the pride of angels in white, but also the glory and pride of Maoming people in our hometown! "
Dr. Bo, who is obsessed with white clothes, is a holy angel in white clothes and touched everyone.
Ah, I have seen white once and painted white once, but your white suit is the whitest.
The whitest white in the world!
Today, the forum of spiritual oasis and the blog of spiritual hut no longer exist; And I also lost contact with Miki Xinsheng; However, the written records of Miki's new classmates have collected my original mood and situation, and I am very grateful.
I saw Miki's record and praise to me at that time, and felt the difficulty and preciousness of practicing medicine in my life. I'm still on my way to practice medicine. Keep moving. ......
Ajie comments:
That time should be the most painful and tragic time in your life. You are different from me. As a doctor, you have faced countless times where you will go, and you can face death more calmly than I can. Letting go and giving up are two different things You don't want to give up your family, colleagues, friends, career and nightmares. Fortunately, everything has calmed down and your attitude is good. Accept the reality and face it bravely. Fight wisely. Finally, the disease fell at your feet, surrendered, and you won. This shows the value of family and friendship. None of us know what will happen tomorrow. We must be happy day by day, live the best life, cherish and be grateful!