Hello, dear classmates, welcome to my class.
Let's read the following article together.
Morality is the cornerstone of a successful life. Even if you have no experience and background, as long as you have a good personality, you will certainly gain contacts, enhance your popularity and wander freely among all kinds of people. In addition, you should have a flexible way of dealing with the world, and you can run a beautiful life with a little brain.
So from what aspects should we improve our personality quality? Let's learn eight aspects together.
First, personality can be improved.
What kind of personality you have, what kind of fate you have, because personality is a habitual behavior, which determines a person's way of doing things, and then affects a person's career choice, marriage and family, interpersonal communication ... and these contents all determine a person's life experience.
Although factors such as heredity determine a person's basic personality, the formation of personality mainly depends on his life, family and social communication environment. For example, a child is naturally shy and unwilling to associate with others, but when he enters the army, he has to associate with others, participate in many group activities, and even have a cruel struggle. In this way, the social skills he acquired in practice enabled him to gain something in establishing friendship, thus gradually gaining self-confidence, getting rid of shyness and timidity, and becoming strong, cheerful and open-minded. On the contrary, if you send a cheerful person to a tightly closed environment and forbid him to get along with others, this person is likely to become a taciturn person in the end. Therefore, the environment affects people's psychological activities and the formation and change of personality.
Age is a restrictive factor in changing personality. The research of Harvard University shows that the plasticity of personality is inversely proportional to the growth of age. The younger you are, the easier it is to change your personality. On the contrary, the older you get, the harder it is to change your personality. According to psychoanalysis, the upper age limit for personality change is 47 years old. But there are exceptions. For example, some people can make some personality adjustments in their 70s.
A warship sailed in dense fog at night. Due to the low visibility, the captain nervously directed the voyage. Suddenly the lookout reported, "There is a light not far from the port side."
"Is that light near or far from our ship?" Asked the captain.
"Close to our ship." The lookout replied. Once the two ships collide, the consequences are unimaginable. The captain ordered the signalman to inform the other party: "We are approaching, please turn 20 degrees."
The other party replied: "We can't turn. I suggest you turn 20 degrees. "
"Tell him I'm the captain and tell him to turn 20 degrees at once." The captain ordered.
"I'm a second-class sailor, so you'd better turn." The other party replied.
"Tell him this is a warship and tell him to turn around immediately." The captain shouted angrily.
At this time, the other party's signal came: "This is the lighthouse." As a result, the warship naturally changed its course.
Life is not like this, we can't ask the world to change, we can only try to change ourselves, change our personality, and let ourselves live happier and more freely in this world. For example, when choosing a job, a person should first understand his own personality, and then choose a career according to his own personality. This design is of course the most ideal. But more often, you have chosen a career that may not be suitable for your personality before you know what career you are suitable for, and when you find that you are not suitable for this career, you may not be able to get rid of it for objective reasons, or getting rid of it will cost you a lot.
This price includes time, energy, money and even success. At this time, do you want to find another career that suits your personality, or do you want to change your personality to adapt to the career you have been engaged in for several years, more than ten years or even decades? I believe it is difficult for many people to make a clear decision.
When the heart changes, the attitude will also change; When attitudes change, habits will change; Habits change, so does personality; When personality changes, fate will also change. "Many times, character is the helmsman who changes fate. We can't ask our destiny to change, we can only change our destiny by changing our own personality.
Second, form good habits and get rid of bad habits.
An old Harvard professor and his young students went for a walk in the Woods. The old professor suddenly stopped between four plants. He observed these plants carefully. The first plant is a seedling that has just emerged from the soil; The second plant is already a tall and straight sapling, and its roots are firmly rooted in fertile soil; The third plant has lush foliage, almost as tall as a young student; The fourth plant is a huge tree, and young students can hardly see its crown.
The old professor pointed to the first plant and said to the students, "Pull it up." The student easily pulled the seedlings out of the soil. "Now, please pull out the second plant." The students listened to the teacher's instructions and uprooted the saplings with a little effort. "Ok, now pull out the third plant." The students tried it with one hand first, and then pulled it with both hands until the students were exhausted. "Well," the teacher went on, "let's try the last one." The student looked up at the giant tree in front of him, thinking that he was exhausted when he pulled out the third tree just now, so he refused the teacher's proposal and didn't even try. "My child," the old professor said with a smile, "your actions just tell you how much influence habits have on your life!"
The plants in this short story, like our habits, are gradually formed from small to large. If you don't care about it when you are young, it will take root in your body and become a part of you when you grow up.
The conclusion of a study is that if an action is repeated for more than 2 1 day, it will form a habit; And repeat it for 90 days, and you will form a stable habit. Similarly, if the same idea is repeated for 2 1 day, it will become a habitual idea.
Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft who studied at Harvard University, said: "Good habits are a fortune. Once you have them, you will benefit for life. " If you think you are mediocre, you should first consider whether there is something wrong with your habits. Habit can lead us to success or failure. Since no one can escape its bondage, why not use it and change it?
Third, silly.
There are countless smart people in the world, but few can really achieve great things. On the contrary, those who look plain, honest and sincere are easy to succeed. Some people who are very knowledgeable and cultured look rather dull. They don't intrigue with others, and they don't calculate with heart. Because of this, some ignorant people make fun of him, talk about him behind his back and think they are smart.
Tell a story:
William henry harrison, the ninth president of the United States, did not like to talk when he was a child, and he was always a little silly when he spoke occasionally. Friends think he is a fool, so they like to make fun of him. They will think of different ways to play tricks on him.
Harrison never cares or is angry with the people who play tricks on him, so more and more people think he is a silly boy. There are often people in the yard who want to see how stupid Harrison really is. They will throw nickels and 10 coins on the ground and let Harrison choose one of them to take away. Harrison thought about the two coins for a long time, and finally chose to take the nickel.
Those who played tricks on him laughed when they saw that he was so stupid that he couldn't tell a nickel from a 10 cent. Since then, every time those people see Harrison, they will make fun of him in this way. Harrison felt very happy to see everyone laughing. Therefore, every time someone asked him to choose a coin, he would walk away happily with a nickel and never let everyone down.
Every time I see Harrison being teased, my mother is very sad. When Harrison came home, his mother decided to enlighten him: "I will teach you how to distinguish a nickel from a 10 cent coin." When they make fun of you again, you can show them 10. " Harrison smiled and said to his mother, "I know how to tell the difference." If I get 10, they won't let me choose next time. "
His mother didn't know until she listened to him that he was not stupid, but the people who laughed at him were really stupid.
People who are as stupid as fools often deliberately show their stupidity, and even act for potential competitors to eliminate their guard and achieve the purpose of saving themselves. People who think they are smart will never think that they will use such tricks to avoid danger.
In fact, no one wants to be an idiot, and everyone wants to see his opponent is an idiot. Because of this, your acting skills can just satisfy the selfish psychology of the other party. Under special circumstances, you really need to take the initiative to lower your IQ by several grades, because fools are often luckier than smart people. Many times, too conspicuous actions will bring disaster to yourself, while those seemingly stupid behaviors can build a solid protective wall for themselves, thus escorting their success.
Fourth, make good use of your right to speak.
Communicating with people is the most basic and important skill in life. From the time we wake up every day, most of the time will be spent on communication. Interpersonal communication is not simply making a few friends, but communicating with all kinds of people anytime and anywhere. We have spent many years studying reading and writing, learning all kinds of professional knowledge and skills, but how much time have we spent learning to listen and speak, and how to communicate with people?
In social situations, people are often eager to express themselves and express their immature ideas prematurely. The result is full of mistakes, ridiculous, and even offended others, thus affecting the further communication of emotions. On the contrary, the temporary stillness of behavior does not mean the stagnation of thinking, and silence is also an internal process of calm handling and serious thinking. Not talking casually doesn't mean you don't know anything, but it can show your maturity and introversion.
William mckinley was the 25th president of the United States. /kloc-enlisted at the age of 0/8, and gradually obtained the rank of major with excellent performance. After leaving the army, he worked as a lawyer, prosecutor, congressman and governor. From 65438 to 0897, McGinley was elected President of the United States.
After McGinley took office, he was determined to vigorously develop the American economy. He first adopted the policy of raising tariffs and stabilizing the currency, and then changed to a new tax minister. Such a "new official takes office with three fires" has aroused opposition from many political enemies. They privately condemned the President's actions and recommended several representatives to the Presidential Palace to discuss McGinley Theory. Among these representatives, a short member of parliament was chosen because of his big temper and high voice, which is likely to scare the president into changing his decree.
As soon as he saw the president, the representative with a big temper and a high voice played his advantage. Turning your face to President McGinley is a reprimand. McGinley tried several times to express his thoughts, only to find that the little representative was getting more and more fierce and hoarse. So he just took a deep breath and shut up.
I saw McGinley's eyebrows spread out gradually, and her mouth smiled slightly. The little representative quarreled for a long time, probably because his mouth was dry and his voice was getting smaller and smaller. Seeing the president patiently listening to his temper and nodding from time to time, he was embarrassed to continue shouting. When McGinley saw that he stopped talking, he felt that his anger had dissipated and asked tentatively, "Are you finished?" The other person looked at him and nodded.
McGinley went on to say, "Normally, you are not qualified to lose your temper with me in my office, but I am still willing to explain my reasons to you." After listening to the president's explanation, several representatives present looked at each other, and the angry representatives were even more ashamed. Instead of blaming him, McGinley said to him, "Actually, it's not your fault. Anyone who doesn't know the truth will be as angry as you. "
These delegates were so impressed by the president's quality that they had been talking to McGinley when they went back to report to their allies. McGinley's "submit to humiliation" won him political support and his decree was successfully implemented. During his administration, the American economy advanced by leaps and bounds, and McGinley gained the reputation of "prosperous president".
When angry, people often lose their minds and say ugly things. However, after losing your temper, your reason will gradually return and people will realize that they have said something wrong. So it is more convincing to keep silent at the right time.
Of course, silence is conditional. After all, social activities are inseparable from language. When you speak, you must take the initiative to speak, or you will miss the opportunity, especially when others ask questions, you should respond in time, or others will think you are impolite. Choosing silence at an inappropriate time will make a fatal mistake, which will not only promote communication, but also affect the success rate of social interaction.
Before talking to people, we should ask ourselves three questions: First, are you telling the truth? Second, do you have to say this sentence? Third, is this sentence out of love? Out of love, we should not only have good wishes, motives and purposes, but also have the attitude, angle and way of speaking to adapt to and meet each other's psychological needs. Why is love the most powerful force? Because the greatest psychological need from one person to all mankind is love, not anything else.
Fifth, learn to praise and make yourself more popular.
Known as the "fox in the desert", German general Rommel was one of the most famous generals in World War II. He is an excellent strategist. Although he worked for fascist Germany and Hitler, no one can ignore his military talent. British Prime Minister Churchill learned Rommel's skill, so when evaluating this opponent, he sincerely said: "He is a calm and cunning enemy. Although we fought each other in the war, please allow me to say that he is a great general. "
General Patton also attached great importance to Rommel's military talents. When they first met on the battlefield, Barton, who hated fascism, did not yell at Rommel, but smiled and complimented him: "Rommel, I have read your book."
It is hard to imagine that a sworn enemy on the battlefield would praise his enemy like this. The real strong will always treat their enemies rationally and face and evaluate their opponents with the most objective attitude. They don't just erase the bright spots of others, but dig them out, praise them and respect them.
Everyone likes to listen to compliments, but compliments are not always nice. Because praise is an art, but also pay attention to certain skills. If not handled properly, it will be self-defeating.
First of all, praise others must be sincere, and sincerity must be realistic and cannot be exaggerated. An 80-year-old man is praised by you for being young and strong, which is obviously indecent and makes people feel too much. He is suspected of flattery. Sincerity requires that the attitude must be sincere, you can't praise each other with a black face and you can't have different opinions. You obviously don't like each other in your heart, but you still have to praise them eagerly. The other party will think this is irony and trap, but it will hate and alienate you even more.
Secondly, praise language should be appropriate, words can not achieve good results, and even express the opposite meaning, attracting disgust. For example, it is quite outrageous for a young man to be praised as a flower. He knew at a glance that his expressive ability was not strong, and as a result, he would make jokes and even be misunderstood as satirizing the other party.
Thirdly, the content of praise should be specific. If someone else has something good, praise it. Don't make things out of nothing and let disasters drown them out. Some people like to lie with their eyes open and preach "omnipotence". As long as they find a little bit of good, they subjectively think that everything is fine, and they also take the initiative to create many advantages for each other and wear high hats for others. What is even more ridiculous is that even the other party can't agree with these advantages. Making things up may be regarded as an insult, at least it is not sincere enough for others to accept.
Finally, we should pay attention to praising others, not too often. Hard-working speech will inevitably be smeared with oil, which will make people feel untrustworthy and disgusted. So you only need to say a good word once, and if you say it too much, it will taste bad and lose its due effect.
People who know how to praise others are often the most popular. You improved their dignity, and the other party deepened their impression of you. French writer laroche Foucault said: "Praise is a shrewd, secret and ingenious flattery, which satisfies those who give and receive praise from different aspects."
Sixth, losing is wise, and losing is a realm.
Everyone has the instinct to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and few people are willing to take the initiative to suffer losses, but the practice of blindly pursuing advantages may not always be right. Many times, people should know how to suffer losses, or even take the initiative to suffer losses, and suffering losses is not always a bad thing. A person who has suffered a loss can't see any benefits on the surface, but from a deeper level, it can bring many benefits.
An Italian man wanted to buy a birthday present for his little daughter, so he walked into the shop in high spirits and was knocked down by a flustered young man. According to his previous temper, this man will definitely go up and argue with the other party in a rage, but he was in a particularly good mood that day and stood up directly and smiled casually at the young man who hit him. The young man was dazed, his face was slightly ashamed, and then he left quickly with his head down.
When the Italian chose his birthday present to go home, he saw a murder on TV in the morning. A young robber knocked down a passerby during his escape, and as a result, the passerby was brutally killed because he pestered each other too much. The Italian man broke out in a cold sweat when he saw the killer's jet lag, because the murderer was the same person who knocked himself down in the morning.
In life, people are very sensitive to the word "lost", as if accidentally touched by it, it will become unlucky. For those who have suffered, people's eyes are always full of pity. In fact, everything has its gains and losses, and eating some losses is not necessarily a bad thing.
Someone asked Li Zekai, the boss of Fengchi Media, "Did your father teach you some secrets of making money successfully?" Li Zekai said that his father didn't teach him how to make money, but just taught him some principles of being a man. Li Ka-shing once told Li Zekai that he cooperated with others. If he gets a reasonable seven points, an acceptable eight points and a six points, it will be good.
Li Ka-shing means that if he loses, he can win more people who are willing to cooperate with him. Think about it, although he only got six points, but now he has 100 partners, how many six points can he get? If you get eight points, 100 people will become five people, and the result can be imagined as a loss or a gain. Li Ka-shing had long-term or short-term cooperation with many people in his life. When sharing, he is always willing to share less money. When business is not satisfactory, he wants nothing and is willing to suffer. This is a kind of grace, a kind of magnanimity, and it is this kind of grace and magnanimity that people are willing to cooperate with him and the business will grow bigger and bigger. So Li Ka-shing's success is more because he can afford to suffer losses.
The measure that a person can bear hardships is not small, because he can tolerate things that others think are unfair to him, and at the same time he can tolerate people who hurt him. Such people are often more likely to achieve great things than those who haggle over every ounce. Because of good conduct, you can have better interpersonal relationships. So, most of the time, what's the harm if we suffer some losses?
Seventh, small things make people, and big things make people.
Everyone has vanity and a desire to be competitive, and they don't want to be a member of the disadvantaged groups, so few people have the wisdom and courage to show weakness, and no one is willing to bow to Nuo Nuo. As we all know, if you want to hold your head high, you must first learn to bow your head. If you want to get help from others, you must first learn to be polite.
1968 The American election is a confrontation between Democratic candidate nelson rockefeller and Republican candidate Nixon. Kissinger, as Rockefeller's brain trust, naturally stood on the opposite side of Nixon. In order to help Rockefeller successfully run for president, Kissinger often attacked and vilified Nixon in front of the media and the public. He also ridiculed that Nixon was destined to be the second child, so he suggested that experienced Nixon should try his best to compete for the position of vice president.
In order to further reduce the credibility of his opponent, Kissinger also called on people not to vote for Nixon. He claimed that Nixon might be the most dangerous president in American history, but even so, the election situation was more and more inclined to * * * and the party, and the Democratic Party was gradually at a disadvantage because of insufficient preparation, and finally lost in the general election.
Kissinger, as a think tank of the Democratic Party, has actually lost the opportunity to continue to play its role. Of course, the loser's ending is decline, but at this time Nixon did not dig at his opponent with the arrogant attitude of the winner. Instead, he lowered his position and extended an olive branch to his opponent who almost scolded him. He sincerely hopes that Kissinger can join his staff team. Nixon certainly had his own plans. On the one hand, Kissinger is indeed an outstanding diplomatic talent. At that time, the image of the American government in the hearts of the people was deteriorating. Low-key and tolerant performance can not only ease the relationship with the Democratic Party, but also gain the support of the people.
Nixon later met Kissinger many times, and their public conversation changed Kissinger's view of Nixon. Kissinger even praised him: "In foreign policy, Nixon is better than all presidential candidates since 1956." Nixon was deeply impressed by his broad mind and extraordinary ability to recognize people. From then on, Kissinger began to step onto the political and international stage and actively advised Nixon.
Politeness is not weakness, but a low-key attitude and compromise, which is a life strategy. Harvard psychologists believe that everyone has the side of rejecting foreign things, but also has a strong desire to integrate into the external environment. No one wants to take the initiative to make enemies and give themselves trouble. When the opposing side can take the lead in humility, generally speaking, the other side is likely to make some positive responses, answer blows with blows, and often laugh it off and bite the hand that feeds you. Therefore, the best way to conquer an opponent is not to suppress and crush him from strength, but to eliminate his hostility and pull him to his own camp.
If you set yourself too high, others may not be able to "climb high". Only by making yourself more low-key than others can we have an inclusive effect and everyone will be willing to lean over to you. Putting down your shelf and figure moderately will not lower your identity and status, nor will you humble yourself, nor will others look down on your existence. On the contrary, those who are above others will always be rejected by others.
Eighth, people who know how to compromise know how to be worldly and flexible. If a person is strong everywhere, it is easy to become a target of public criticism. This is the so-called "big trees attract the wind". Therefore, when it's time to compromise, don't try to be brave, but learn to lower your status. This is a good way to preserve our sanity.
William Willa was originally a star player in the national professional baseball game. At the age of 40, he was forced to retire because of physical decline. After retiring, he didn't continue to eat and drink like others, but took the initiative to apply for a salesman of an insurance company.
He thought he should be admitted because of his popularity, but he was eliminated. The personnel manager said to him, "the salesman of the insurance company must have a charming smiling face, but you don't." After listening to the manager's words, William was not angry, but decided to put down his posture and go home to practice smiling faces. He laughs a hundred times a day at home, which makes his neighbors think that he is crazy because of unemployment. After a period of internship, he went to see the manager of the insurance company. The manager said, "Still no good." William didn't get discouraged and continued to practice hard. To this end, he specially collected many charming smiling faces of public figures and pasted them all over the house for observation and research at any time. Later, I bought a big mirror as tall as my figure and put it in the toilet to observe my progress. After a while, he went to see the manager of the insurance company again. The manager said coldly, "A little better, but still not attractive enough."
William didn't give up, but he stepped up his practice when he got home. One day, he went out for a walk and met the community administrator. He smiled at him naturally and said hello to the administrator. Unexpectedly, the administrator said to him, "Mr. Willa, you look very different." Originally, he greeted people with a smile, but he never greeted the community administrator and didn't want to smile at people he didn't like. Now he puts down his star airs and smiles at him. He suddenly realized that although he practiced smiling every day, it was not from his heart, but to get the job. So he changed his mind and showed a heartfelt smile to everyone. Later, he finally conquered the picky manager and became an insurance salesman. He conquered many customers with his charming smile, which was called "million dollar smile".
No matter how rich and arrogant a person is, he will inevitably bow his head slightly in the face of the coercion of life. William used to be a dazzling star, but after he retired, he didn't continue to put on airs like a star. Instead, I took the initiative to apply for the job of salesman, repeatedly compromised with the picky manager, and finally conquered each other and won my own bright future.
People should learn to bow to reality, to know how to bow to powerful opponents, and even endure humiliation for it. Because many times, survival is the most important thing, and survival can practice the meaning of life. The wind in the sky has changed, and the vegetation on the ground has to bend over. This is the need of survival. When necessary, our autonomy, our personality and principles need to compromise with social reality. People who know how to bear the burden of humiliation and bend over for the "five meals" may need more courage to survive. Of course, they also know how to survive skillfully and accurately, so as to better adapt to social life and competitive environment.
Walking in the world is like walking a tightrope. If you are not careful, you will fall straight and your life will be dying. If we can have a flexible mind and reach a flexible state, then even if we encounter more twists and turns, we will survive safely. All setbacks and humiliation will be transformed into rising strength in the transformation of flexion and extension to pursue greater success ahead.
Classmate, you are really good. See the end, please stick to it. The fun is yet to come! Oil; Fuel filling; Make greater efforts