Homework No.63 on the first page of the text:
Seven Rhymes and Poetic Heart (the first sentence should be even and smooth)
Or check the rhythm first:
I think this topic is much more difficult to write than the last issue of Rain Lane. The image of Rain Lane can be obtained from the original work, and it is not easy to write off the image of "Rain Lane, Lilac and Maiden". But a poetic heart is different. First of all, I asked myself if I had a poetic heart. . Without it, it is difficult to create a poetic heart. After thinking about it, I really lack a little poetic heart. Otherwise, how can I spend two nights doing this homework? .
Constructed a scene where women immerse themselves in reading at night. My humble work is as follows:
I don't know which is better After reading it, the teachers in the group approved the first song. Fairy Hui Ruo said that my artistic conception was good, and pointed out that there were problems in the two capitals. Take the first song as an example:
① Change "Shake the table" to "Shake the red"
Shake the Red is really wonderful. I personally understand that the word "red" can not only represent women, but also show that candlelight reflects women's faces. This painting is very beautiful and vivid.
② Replace "residual paper incense" with "burning paper incense"
Because the word "Rao" is a verb, the word "neng" here is biased towards adjectives, and the part of speech does not correspond, so it cannot be regarded as duality. Where is the word "burning"? My original intention is to express that drinking new words with wine gives off a faint fragrance from the paper. The word "burn" can better express the feeling of cooking incense and is more vivid. Great!
The word "Shao" does not belong to the "fourteen cold rhymes" in Ping Shui Yun (other rhymes are fourteen cold rhymes), but all the new rhymes are eight cold rhymes. In order to keep the beautiful word "burning", the whole poem was changed from Pingshui rhyme to Chinese new rhyme.
③ Change "eyebrow raising color" to "eyebrow raising angle"
"Eyebrow angle" is better than "eyebrow color" for "pen tail".
The modified version obtained is as follows:
Above.
Thank you again for your encouragement and support ~!
Special topic of poetry submission in the house of characters