"All the gifts given by fate have been marked with prices. 」
0 1, extramarital affairs
Extramarital affairs are easier to come in than to go out.
Trying to forget your extramarital affair is like getting clean.
Half of it is ethical torture, and the other side is endless thoughts in it and anxiety after coming out.
Student Xiao Liu left me a message saying that he broke up with his lover seven times, but all failed.
Intellectually, she knows that going on is not good for each other and each other's families.
But emotionally, she really can't be so free and easy and can easily forget.
02. Three stages of experience
It's hard for people to forget extramarital affairs, because in extramarital affairs,
In addition to love and sex, there is also the aura you add to each other.
So even if you make up your mind,
There will still be an attachment and obsession for him.
Tu Lei, an emotional expert, said: "Everything has stages of development, and so does extramarital affairs.
People who forget extramarital affairs will go through three stages, and only after the second stage can they really forget.
03. Rejection period
0 1. Rejection period
At this stage, are you determined to break up with your lover or are you forced to break up?
When you can't contact each other anymore, you will feel very uncomfortable.
You become anxious and subconsciously refuse the fact that you have broken up.
I will feel that this decision is wrong and keep reminding myself.
Breaking up is just an impulse, and he will wake up again.
Sometimes, you even suddenly feel that this is just a nightmare you had.
When you wake up, everything will pass, and you will still be as passionate as before.
So during the denial period, many people broke up the day before and got back together the next day.
04, resentment period
02. Resentment period
When the extramarital affair lasts for a long time and one party has more feelings,
There is often such a stage: the period of hatred.
You will be very angry and feel like a rag, hurt, used, and abandoned, and all kinds of rhetorical questions will burn in your heart like fire:
How could he have the heart to hurt me like this? Where are all the promises?
How could I fall in love with such a treacherous person?
Why doesn't he care if I am so miserable?
Why can he let go of our feelings so quickly?
Why is he indifferent to me?
Why am I divorced and his family is so harmonious?
05. Have expectations and fantasies.
The longer you persist in a tangled relationship, the more disgusted you will be, even if you are calm.
The other side of resentment is love, which shows that your feelings for him have not been put down.
I still have expectations and fantasies about him, so I hope he can change his mind and take the initiative to save you.
This hate-love, very confused stage is the darkness that comes before dawn.
It allows you to see the reality of extramarital affairs bit by bit, because the discomfort caused by huge psychological gap and emotional changes is the most painful time.
But you must stick to it, loyal wife, until the third stage,
You will see the light again.
06. Acceptance period
03. Acceptance period
At this stage, you will still think of him occasionally, and it will still hurt when you miss him.
But the degree of pain is much lighter than before.
You will learn to make peace with yourself and stop torturing yourself, hating yourself and doubting yourself.
And feel that the decision to break up is correct.
People who walk out of extramarital affairs are like children who have lost their parents.
The loss of intimacy will make you feel very uncomfortable, just like weaning.
The hatred shown in the period of resentment is like a child blaming his parents for leaving him. This is a process of asking for things from the outside world.
And the acceptance period is the process of internal demand. When you accept life without him,
When you have no illusions and expectations about him, you can face him calmly and rationally.
At this stage of extramarital affairs, you are completely out.
07, dangerous relationship
Esther Pairel, a marriage counselor and Belgian writer, described the harm that extramarital affairs caused to her partner in dangerous liaisons:
"This is betrayal on many levels: deception, abandonment, rejection and humiliation, all of which promise to protect us from it.
When the person you rely on becomes a liar in front of you, when you don't get basic respect, the world you live in will be subverted.
Your life has become fragmented and you can't put it back together.
Extramarital affairs destroy not only your partner's trust in you, but also your own trust in love and humanity.
08.conclusion
In fact, we should have known:
All the gifts given by fate have been marked with prices.
Extramarital affairs, temporary happiness, the rest are pain and grinding,
It's not so much passion as burden.
So, if we can break up gracefully and forget gracefully,
It's actually a good thing. Getting out of an affair is no less than rebirth.
In the words of Buddhism, this is a process of exploring "self-nature".
If you don't break it, you will feel free, refreshed, enlightened and thoroughly remoulded.