Pomegranate is a good model for primary school students to learn to write materials and compositions. Read the text carefully from three aspects.
First, pay attention to the order
1, students who have just finished learning exercises have a vague concept of order. When writing a composition, they often write this and that for a while, looking around, making people confused. In particular, writing still life classes is more prone to such mistakes. Pomegranate describes the growth process of pomegranate according to the passage of time. The text begins with the second section. Let's briefly introduce pomegranate branches and leaves in spring, and use "summer" to describe pomegranate flowers. By the end of summer, these flowers will bear fruit. Finally, from "pomegranate grows up day by day and matures day by day" to pomegranate maturity in autumn, pomegranate description. Not only the growth process, but also pomegranate flowers are written clearly in chronological order, for example, "In summer, pomegranate flowers bloom one after another among lush green leaves. The flowers grew denser and denser, and soon they were covered with branches. " Pomegranate bloomed first, and after a few days, it grew denser and denser. Finally, it was covered with branches. The color of pomegranate peel has also changed. "Its skin is first turquoise, then gradually turns green and yellow, then yellow and red, and finally becomes half red and half yellow." It is clearer to use the word "first … gradually … finally" to express the time sequence. If students learn to describe in chronological order, the context of the composition will be much clearer. 2. The sequence of events in the fourth paragraph of the text "At this time, you picked a pomegranate, peeled it off, and saw an agate-like child next to it, red and white, crystal clear. Take a few tablets and chew them in your mouth. They are sour and sweet, and suddenly feel refreshed. " Take it off first → peel it again → take it again → chew it in your mouth, and write it in the order of things. The order is clear. It can guide students to describe things clearly in the order of development in their usual oral and writing, and cultivate students' oral and writing ability.
Second, personification rhetoric.
Personification is a lesson used in pomegranate. There is such a saying in the article: "The ripe pomegranate smiled happily, some grinned, and some even burst their bellies, revealing their full sons." A word "smile" made the pomegranate doll come alive. When the pomegranate is ripe, the peel bursts. The author uses the word "smile", which immediately makes us feel that ordinary pomegranate seems to have life. It's really like a little smiling face, and the "smile" has to change. Not all smiles are the same, some grin and some laugh. The pomegranate peel also cracked to varying degrees. "These pomegranate dolls are eager to open the green leaves and look out to report the good news of maturity to people." The humanized words "urgency", "opening" and "reporting" make pomegranate dolls more and more lovely.
Third, the description is meticulous.
The author's description of pomegranate branches, leaves, flowers and fruits is also very detailed. When writing "Leaves and Branches", although there is only a short sentence "Spring has come, pomegranate trees have pulled out new branches and grown green leaves." The word "smoke" describes the vigorous growth of pomegranate trees in spring. "Light green" also describes the color of leaves in spring. The "lush" written later also puts the characteristics of pomegranate branches and leaves in summer in place. The author writes more about flowers. The color of "fiery red" pomegranate flowers is different from that of ordinary ones. Not attractive crimson and delicate pink, but fiery red. Such bright flowers are not one or two, but "one after another", and they are "more and more dense, more and more prosperous, and soon covered with branches." There are many flowers. "Close up, it looks like a cute little horn" is also cute in shape, like a small horn, really cute. In the description of the fruit, the author caught the peel and pomegranate seeds. The author wrote the changes of peel color in chronological order very accurately. Pomegranate seeds are also very specific, "agate-like", "red and white, glittering and translucent, next to" pomegranate seeds, a broken pomegranate on the paper, people can not help but take a few in their mouths to chew. This text is clear in context, concrete in description and vivid in personification, which is a good example for junior students to learn to write materials and compositions. Interviewee: jkuibce | level 3 | 2010-9-821:16.
Don't hide your weakness and be full of feelings —— Interpretation of Guo Moruo's prose Pomegranate
Mr. Guo Moruo, a master of culture, has made great achievements and contributions in his life. His rich talent is reflected in all aspects of his involvement. As far as his literary creation is concerned, poetry, drama and prose are excellent. Regarding Mr. Guo Moruo's prose creation, Mr. Huang Xiuji said in "A Brief History of China Literature" (China Youth Publishing House 1984 Edition): Guo Moruo's prose is "unrestrained and uninhibited, and it seems that he does not pay attention to tempering. Like a spring, it seems to gush out, but it can also come to an abrupt end. That chic state shows the author's rich talent. " Mr. Huang's point of view is very correct. This paper attempts to get a glimpse of the "talent" in Guo Moruo's short story Pomegranate by interpreting his prose Pomegranate.
At the beginning of the writing of Pomegranate, it was said that "May has passed, the sun has increased its strength, and all the trees have opened their umbrellas ...", which is a summary sentence of the whole tree, successfully approaching the topic, and then saying, "How many trees are blooming at this time", easily narrowing the scope of the tree from the whole to the part. He went on to write: "Pomegranate tree is the cutest of these trees", and the scope of the trees he wrote was further narrowed from local to individual, so that the gait calmly cut into the title of this article: "Pomegranate" and neatly ended the first paragraph of the article. This banner was exhibited for the first time, showing the author's skillful writing skills and fresh writing style.
The second paragraph is closely related to the above, connecting the preceding with the following, and easy to connect. It takes "pomegranate" as a metaphor and uses the syntax of "double connection" to make a comparative description of pomegranate branches and leaves, which are "strange but not barren, fresh but not gentle and charming". There are two basic forms of "Shuang Sheng's inheritance" syntax. One is "AB, B'A", which can be seen everywhere in China in the past dynasties, such as "Jun is a rock and my concubine is Pu Wei; Pu Wei is like silk, but the rock has not moved. "That is. Another example is Han Yu's "Feng and Pei Xianggong Crushed Daughter Mountain in the East", in which "the flag wears Yunxiao, the mountain leans against the autumn sky, and the sword is bright". The ancients analyzed these two poems: "Take my flag first, then take my mountain, and my sword is bright." Another basic form of double bearing is "AB, A'B", such as "Last year today, this door set each other off. "People don't know where to go, but peach blossoms are still smiling in the spring breeze." That is. Guo Moruo uses the latter here, which is a common form, so it is typical. It shows the author's deep-rooted language skills.
After combining compact sentences, the author said: "This style has both the advantages of Liu Mei and the disadvantages of Liu Mei." In short, the second paragraph is lengthened.
In the third paragraph, the word "drunk" is used. Judging from the description of pomegranate branches and leaves in the last paragraph, the description of pomegranate flowers has simply changed. Almost the same as the word "most", the fourth paragraph begins with the word "single" with a very large amount of pregnancy: "that eggplant-shaped little bone flower is already a miracle." This word "single" not only makes the meaning of the text turn to a new level, but also has the meaning of "needless to say", and the language is economical and practical.
The fifth paragraph describes the change of pomegranate from flower to fruit. For this "absurd performance", the author's metaphor is simple and elegant: "The vase of red agate has changed from a Greek-style ampu thorn to a Chinese-style gold [field+field+field]". In this metaphor, the author uses three metaphors: "the vase of red agate", "the Greek-style Anpu thorn" and "the Chinese-style gold [field+field+field]", which will be denied in the following, so here we only affirm its simplicity and elegance.
The sixth paragraph is still about pomegranate fruit, but it has changed its technique and refreshed its meaning with a question: "Do you really think it is the gold for wine [Tian+Tian+Tian+Tian]? ..... ",in this passage, the author vividly wrote the childhood state of pomegranate seeds when they were mature and full of flowers in autumn, revealing a row of" transparent and tender "pomegranate seeds. The use of personification makes the language interesting, and the full-text description of pomegranate's vigorous, beautiful and optimistic characteristics ends here.
The article could have been collected in this place, but the author wrote three paragraphs without stopping.
The first sentence of the seventh paragraph of the full text: "I like summer", the sudden change of the situation seems to be far from the point, but it is actually a leap in the author's brushwork, which can not only be compared with the first sentence of the full text: "May has passed, and the sun has increased." Echo in the Distance shows the author's keen sense of structure, and with the last sentence of this paragraph: "So I prefer this summer's heart", it pulls the writing back to the topic and echoes the sentence "Isn't that the summer's heart?" In the third paragraph, it makes this sentence come and go at once, and it is not lonely, so it is rich and full of meaning.
Generally speaking, it is no problem to leave the full text in this place, but the author still feels dissatisfied, so he made another move. This is the eighth paragraph of the full text: "A friend in Kunming said that the pomegranate in Kunming is particularly big, the seeds are particularly full, both sweet and sour, and sour tastes more beautiful."
This is really a wave of turmoil, and it is a wave.
At this point, it should be over, but not yet. There is a ninth paragraph. Although there is only one sentence in this paragraph: "I can't help but spit!" But this short sentence can be said to be a stroke of genius! This sentence seems casual, but it comes easily, but it has collected seven or eight hundred words in one fell swoop. Mr. Guo Moruo is a real master of his generation. His writing is naive, spontaneous and natural, so it is appropriate and ingenious. This is Yang Liuzhi, but it has the ability to beat steel knives.
After summing up the last three paragraphs, we have to be impressed by Mr. Guo Moruo's lightness and agility. The full text of Pomegranate is only seven or eight hundred words, one * * *, and only nine natural paragraphs, but the author can flip and jump between square inches, skillfully perform his twists and turns of stunts, sing and sigh, which is fascinating and memorable. The author's talent is beyond words!
Gold is not enough, people are not perfect, and there is no end to writing. Although Guo Moruo's Pomegranate is beautiful and successful, it still exists if it is carefully scrutinized, inappropriate or debatable. In my humble opinion, the white wall has two flaws. Please advise.
One of the defects is three inappropriate metaphors; The second defect is that several paragraphs are not properly arranged.
Say one first.
There is a saying in the article: "The vase of red agate has changed from a Greek-style ampu thorn to a Chinese-style gold [Tian+Tian+Tian+Li], which is a bronze ware with a strong ancient flavor in the Yin and Zhou Dynasties." This sentence uses "vase of red agate", "Greek-style Anpu thorn" and "Chinese-style gold [field+field]" to describe the three stages of pomegranate morphological changes. Among them, the "bottle of red agate" can hardly imagine its color and shape, but even for the "Greek Ampu thorn", our understanding of it is at a loss: what is this? What about the color? What shape? Why can it be compared with pomegranate? We don't know these things. We have never seen "Chinese gold [Tian+Tian+Tian+Li]". Even after reading the author's note: "a bronze ware with rich ancient flavor in Yin and Zhou Dynasties", we still don't know its exact shape. Every time we read here, we don't know whether the author is using these things to compare pomegranate. Or compare these antiques with pomegranates? Did he violate a basic principle of metaphor: what he knows is what he doesn't know; With its constant feeling, what about its extraordinary feeling?
Some Chinese teachers with a keen sense of language reluctantly interpret these three inappropriate metaphors as "ancient Olympics" and "not very popular". In fact, there are many less popular words in pomegranate, such as "rising in a foreign land", "wandering in a foreign land", "performing arts" and "overflowing". If you want to be popular, the author can change a word to express the same meaning. However, these three means of transportation cannot use other words to express the same meaning. If you want to change it, you can only change it to another means of transportation, that is, change the ancient means of transportation into a lively and everyday means of transportation. Therefore, these three improper means of transportation are not a question of the popularity or unfamiliarity of any language, not a question of quantity, but a question of quality. For the broad masses of the people, that is, ordinary readers, such a "noble" metaphor is too aristocratic, spending money like running water and abandoning jade like tiles.
Second to none.
Guo Moruo's Pomegranate has nine paragraphs. The number of words in each paragraph is roughly the same except that the ninth paragraph is a sentence. Eight paragraphs with roughly the same number of words are arranged in one breath. Visually, that is, in the external shape of the article, they are neither beautiful nor rhythmic. In content, they are too divided and fragmented. If the author is not well connected, he is most likely to get lost in the sand. If the author doesn't write fluently, then this article will become immediately. The sixth and third natural paragraphs can be completely divided and merged into one large paragraph, because in content, these three paragraphs all describe the shape of pomegranate. Formally, because the first three paragraphs are small and the last three paragraphs are also small, if the middle three paragraphs can be combined into one, the full text will form the structure shown below:
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In this way, the visual effect of the article can be changed immediately, the length of the paragraph can be staggered, and there will be the beauty of change and the literary spirit will match. This form may be more suitable for expressing the author's talent and wealth. Mr. Guo Moruo has been dead for a long time. Do you think so?
You can also use Baidu to search the novel reading and writing network. The first one is it. There are many novels in it.