After dinner, I took a walk with my husband. The lights in Liuku were twinkling, which made this small town very well connected with the modern city. There was a kind of luxury and romance with bright lights everywhere, especially the roar of the Nu River. The sound flowed, adding a bit of unknown ambiguity and warmth to this small town.
Many houses were constantly being demolished and their decoration styles were constantly changing. Soon they appeared with a new face. The lights in the distance flickered abnormally, and there were a few dazzling large characters, which were grand and fashionable. My husband always laughed happily at the stupid questions I asked as I had no sense of direction.
"Look, that building is so tall, the lights are very bright, and the name is nice. Is it a new house just built?"
"Little pig, you are so stupid, you Look, that building is opposite your parents’ house. It was a converted hotel. It seems that you are completely unfamiliar with this beautiful small town of Liuku.”
"Yes. I have always been in the countryside. When my parents and I lived and studied in this town, many of my classmates came from the countryside. After working, there are really only a handful of people working in the countryside. . And I finally went to the city once. Occasionally, a classmate invited me to eat, and I didn’t know the direction. When he called me, he always asked you to help me, and then helped me remember the location and told me the direction.” I laughed at myself. I smiled, and he who was not very sensitive would not notice the slight loneliness in what I said.
There are many distinctive lights in the small town of Liuku. In addition to the brightly lit bridges and small bridges, there are also the dazzling golden characters of the Nujiang Grand Canyon. At night, these characters The flickering lights decorate the Biluo Snow Mountain and become the symbol of Nujiang Lisu Autonomous Prefecture. Anyone who sets foot on the land of Nujiang will be shocked and moved by these big characters that come into view. Whether you are going out to study or to play, as long as you see those few words, you will know that you have arrived safely in Liuku, and the warmth of home will fill your heart.
Whenever it gets dark, this part of the new city is extremely beautiful. The dust during the day is completely covered by the beautiful lights, and only one piece of prosperity is shown, which makes people sigh, as if it is also like a song. As luxurious as the city that never sleeps as sung in it.
When I get tired from watching TV or am dazzled by playing computer games, I will stand in front of the window and let my eyes drift to the flashing words "Nujiang Grand Canyon", and then slowly slide my eyes towards the new city. These romantic and beautiful lights represent the changes in the small town of Liuku, and they also impact my soul again and again. Many times I feel that in such a beautiful place, no corner can accommodate my little figure. No one understands the feeling of drifting like duckweed.
I think that for any woman, home means harbor and support. Home is the place where the heart stays. Otherwise, no matter you are in a lonely village or a bustling city, you will not have that feeling. A warm feeling, only the helplessness and loneliness of wandering.
Perhaps due to professional reasons, or perhaps due to personality reasons, the circle of daily contact is very small, and I don’t spend much time interacting with people. Every day is a very simple "three points and one line" The life in the dormitory is "classroom-office-dormitory". The reason why it is called a dormitory and not a home is because I am the only one in the dormitory most of the time. That place is only available when my husband comes to visit me on weekends or during breaks. Got the taste of home. And I have been studying because of the holidays, so I really have very little time at home. Therefore, I hardly know anyone and have no means to maintain regular contact with the outside world. Apart from my classmates, colleagues, and the occasional few netizens, I don’t have a few new friends throughout the year.
As the saying goes: The more friends you have, the easier your journey will be. But for me, this is harder than reaching the sky. It’s no exaggeration at all. If I walked around Liuku City, our state capital, by myself, it would be difficult for me to find a few familiar faces, even if there are many people hanging out on weekends. When I walked with my husband, people greeted him everywhere. He led many teams, so there were many team members. In addition, he also taught physical education for a long time and led many students to participate in competitions, so he naturally had many acquaintances.
Another thing that impressed me deeply was that walking with my best classmate in high school was also very lively. She is a doctor and usually has many patients. In addition, she is very friendly, cheerful and easy-going. She also likes to keep in touch with her classmates. When we go out to drink cold drinks, there are tons of people who know her and nod to her everywhere. Looking at them, I feel like an orphan abandoned by this city. And whenever the lights dim, I encounter this contrast between prosperity and desolation, I believe no one can understand the loneliness hidden deep in my heart.
Although, my classmates are also kind to me. When we go out to parties, whether it is drinking tea or playing mahjong, whether I lose money or win money, they all rush to pay for it, except because they are more familiar with these processes. , more because of their love and care for me. After all, they have lived in this town longer than me and are better able to understand all the rules of the game in the world of fireworks. However, sometimes I am still embarrassed and always feel that I owe them a favor. , even if I laugh at myself at any time, I still have to look at our once pure and beautiful classmate friendship with a pure look, but sometimes I still feel that I can’t keep up with the pace of this town.
When the weather is warm, sit in a teahouse by the river, drink tea, play mahjong, or drink a glass of red wine or a cold drink, listening to the pleasant sound of the river and the sounds around you. People chatting and laughing, watching the lights flicker, and everything has an illusory warmth, which still makes me feel lonely. I will be immersed in these laughters and cannot find the direction to go home. I even feel I feel like sleepwalking. Life in the countryside has always been lonely. Except for a few barking dogs and scattered not-so-bright lights, it is difficult for you to see such excitement and hustle and bustle. Therefore, at such times, , I always smiled and rarely spoke, but I was still lonely and lonely inside, but no one understood or understood.
Therefore, I often say without shame that I understand the loneliness and loneliness that others cannot know, and I understand the pain and loneliness of certain figures turning around after the prosperity. Because, in the deep dim light, I have experienced pain and loneliness that others cannot know.
However, no matter what, I am still a person who is not easily defeated by negative emotions. After all, I know that life must go on. Looking back suddenly, the lights in the distance are still flickering, but there will never be I want something to be rendered. Since it is a thought that no one can understand, I don’t need to get too entangled in it. I must also adjust my bad emotions at any time, let alone let those bad emotions affect my life. Therefore, many times, some loneliness can only pass by in a flash. I also quickly returned to normal in an instant. I didn't allow myself to get stuck in it like I did at a certain stage in the past, making myself physically and mentally exhausted. In the end, I only harmed myself.
Many things in the world exist dialectically, with contradictions, pain, laughter and happiness. It is this cycle that promotes the continuous development of things. Heraclitus also believed that everything is flowing and everything is constantly changing. His famous saying is: "One cannot step into the same river twice, because both the river and the person are different. "This also reminds us from another level that we should be the masters of our own moods. Even if we encounter the loneliness and helplessness of being lonely in dim lights at any time, we should not defeat ourselves.
2012.03.08