Shi Pingmei, a modern unlucky talented woman, is being known and loved by more and more contemporary readers.
Love, sadness and tears Shi Pingmei once said, "Just throw yourself into tragedy and experience life."
Her life is a very beautiful tragedy. However, her years are really too short. As for this masterpiece of life, she just finished reading Love, Friendship and Depression, and was about to touch all aspects of life more extensively and deeply with her smart and sensitive mind. At this time, this masterpiece of life suddenly closed. Therefore, in Shi Pingmei's prose, although there are descriptions of "major events outside the body", "bloody events" and natural scenery, such as: the female normal university after the newspaper office-sending crystal clear by the Cuihu Lake, the tragedy of the female normal university-sending crystal clear, blood corpses, crying but precious, infinite red smoke and dust, and so on. Trench, social drama, accidental wife, Dong Ersao, etc. They are all about social life and the world. The long travel notes "Vague Afterglow-Travel Notes of the Second Group of Domestic Tour Groups of Women's Normal University" and "Afterglow of Clouds" are about the experience of traveling south and the scenery in the western suburbs of Beijing, among which there are many excellent works. However, on the whole, she wrote the most and best, or love, friendship and depression.
Love is the theme written by Shi Pingmei with blood and tears, which constitutes the essence of the author's prose.
Shi Pingmei's love stories are mostly written after the curtain of his love tragedy falls, so they are full of memories and reflections. Memories and reflections make his lyricism more touching and profound. In Shi Pingmei's works, we clearly read a heartbroken and regretful soul, tracking, interpreting and chewing that beautiful and painful dusty dream alone in loneliness and bitterness: before the hospital bed, she looked at Yu Jun with tears in her eyes, tacitly (the last scene); In the sunset of Taoranting, she walked side by side with Yu Jun and confided in a low voice ("I only buried the barren hills alone"); On a stormy night, Yu Jun came to visit the sick Mei Ping at the critical moment (stormy night) when he was avoiding the enemy's persecution. On that lonely night, she sat alone under the lamp, with Yu Jun's portrait in front of her, silently bending her head and knitting a rope dress until she fell asleep at her desk ("father's rope dress"); On a snowy day, she drove to Taoranting alone, crossed the bridge through the snow and came to Yu Jun's grave, holding the tombstone and calling in a low voice. Tears melted the snow around her. When she left, she wrote the words "I'm coming" on the stone table under the snow cover with her fingers before deciding to leave ("I only buried the barren hills alone"). When the snow covered the ground and the new moon was in the sky, she was heartbroken and wailed, hoping that she could not save Yu Jun from the tomb with tears and call back the lost soul ("tears turned into ice"); She faced the coffin and shook the magic lamp, very regretful. She asked herself: "For many years, the friendship between ice and snow has only brought eternal hatred, caressing coffins and crying!" She resented the deceased: "Why didn't you bleed to death on the battlefield? Why didn't you die in prison? " However, it is not the people of the whole country who stand in front of your body and mourn for you, but a person who has a special embrace and lost your deep love. "(Silent after Dreams) Whether you blame yourself or others, it comes from her wisdom and deep affection.
1927 Tomb-Sweeping Day, who wrote a gripping elegy beside the high tomb of Taoranting, dedicated it to the deceased. She is willing to lie drunk beside the tombstone, let the frost and dew invade, and never wake up again.
When we read these sad love stories, it is not difficult to find that Shi Pingmei's concept of love certainly contains modern consciousness with personality liberation as the core; But what is more precipitated is the traditional cultural and moral factors. Her emotional world is basically closed; Her lyric style is basically self-sufficient. Unfortunate beauties and talented women like China regard love as a spiritual and emotional "sacred thing" and feel sorry for themselves sooner or later; In front of the boudoir, there is no shop in the middle of the village, feeling sorry for myself and sighing, chewing the ups and downs carefully. Perhaps it is the complexity of this love psychology that makes Shi Pingmei's love story full of classical lingering. Look: put on a dress embroidered with butterflies and walk to the dresser blocked by the dust net. Oh! In the mirror, I can see my haggard face, like a pear flower shivering and dying in the wind and rain.
I love, I want to find that beauty and dedicate it to your green grave. Who knew that the remnants of youth had been buried with you?
This kind of emotional appeal, this kind of lasting appeal, this kind of atmosphere, and even this kind of image, for the readers who have accumulated China classical culture psychologically, how harmonious their hearts will be.
Friendship and affection constitute the second theme of Shi Pingmei's prose. Shi Pingmei, regarded as the apple of her parents' eye since childhood, naturally has a deep attachment to her parents; When the storm of life strikes, parents' affection is the shelter of their hearts. Not only like "Mother" and "Return", she wrote a paragraph of affection for her parents; Even in "Father's Rope Clothes" and "Woke up with Melancholy"; In these essays mourning Yu Jun, there are also calls to parents: she said, "After Tian Xin died, I knelt under my parents' seats"; She wants to tell her mother about her "strange dream".
Of course, it was Lu Yin and Lu who always gave Shi Pingmei relief and comfort in the hardships of life. Their friendship is an "ark" that bumps in the bitter sea of life, so it is also the same theme of their prose.
Shi Pingmei's essays, such as Yu Wei, Lou Sha, Mei Yin, Yu Shu, Su Xin, To Lu Yin, Xiao Yu in the Mountain and To an Old Friend by the Sea, are all voices of friendship and love.
In this kind of prose, she conveys each other's news to her friends, confides her secrets and pours out her inner anguish; At the same time, she expressed deep sympathy and comfort for the pain and misfortune of others. Try reading "Send an old friend to the seaside". This article was written the year after Gao's death. Obviously, Shi Pingmei's mental trauma has not completely healed, but she is comforting the unfortunate Lousha. She said: "In the past six months, the silence of our news was my intentional isolation. You earned it in this stormy sea, and you turned around in this crying. I hope you won't think of me at this time, and I just forget you. I hope you will cover your tears and watch the flame of your life turn from residue to ashes, and then ambush another fire from the grief of mourning the ashes and erupt the flame of your future life. " He also advised Lu Sha "not to be depressed, which has annihilated your literary genius and wonderful spirit", hoping that she "can get rid of grief and depression" and vent her resentment for her "unspeakable friends" with her own trauma and life experience, which is also a good thing for her to "take this opportunity to repent and entrust".
Shi Pingmei and his best friends, who are both "people who are reduced to the end of the world", are always sympathetic to each other despite their impermanence of gathering and parting: in this world of "nothing, nothing to ask for", they are holding hands and holding their heads, whispering their fate in a corner of the world, and only they "understand the plaintive cry of the lonely goose" and "understand the nightingale". (Xiaoping).
Shi Pingmei's personality and experience doomed him to be accompanied by sadness and tears all his life. Her prose is her slender, sensitive and sentimental heartstring, trembling in the bitter wind and rain of life.
Shi Pingmei's anxiety stems from both the contradiction between ideal and reality and her own psychological conflict. The former cannot be changed; The latter is more difficult to surpass. Her love tragedy is also a psychological tragedy in essence.
Therefore, in love, on the one hand, she loves so persistently; On the one hand, she loves it too much.
Emotion and reason, love and morality are always at war in their hearts; However, it failed to break through the barriers built by itself and achieve self-transcendence. It was not until Gao died that she realized "the mistake of taking life too seriously in the past"; However, this kind of "consciousness" did not realize the real liberation of ideological shackles; Instead, she tied herself to another traditional concept. She wants to be a "martyr" and compensate her debts with self-sacrifice. This can't help but make her continue to struggle in the pain of love.
On the outlook on life, Shi Pingmei also showed contradictory anguish. She said that her mood, "sometimes as calm as an old monk who meditates beside the ancient Buddha, sometimes as a galloping horse on the battlefield, sometimes as a flowing spring, sometimes as a cold lake;" So sometimes, although she is in the mountains, she will feel a kind of noise similar to the city, and in the city, she will be as lonely as in the mountains. "
She sometimes fantasizes about dominating fate: "fate is the mud in our hands, and the casting of all life is like the mud in our hands." "How do we shape ourselves? Only care about ourselves "; But instead, I fell into fatalistic pessimism: "I also feel that fate has cast me for many years. How dare I cast my destiny?" She said that she would like to be a "galloping horse", put her life on a pony saddle and trample on the earth's axis, fly and raise the dust of the universe, so that the whole world will shake at her feet and the whole universe will be destroyed at her iron feet; However, she can't be a heavenly horse in the end, because she is not a heavenly horse. Whenever she rushes to the enemy with equipment, there are always human feelings that make her sigh. She wants to know whether society or herself caused her fate. She couldn't find the answer: she also tried to explore the truth of life, but she couldn't get the answer. She is confused about her beliefs; She even had doubts about the love she was pursuing. She said, "The only nourishment for young people is love, but I doubted love from the beginning." She thinks that "sweetness, lovelorn love and vows of eternal love" are all "deception" and "cosmic deception", and only "emptiness" is "eternity"