I felt special since I was a child.
There is only one sun and moon in the sky, but they both belong to me. Wherever I am, they follow me. As soon as I run, the sun and the moon follow me. When I slow down, they also slow down. I stopped and they stopped.
In the evening, there is news broadcast on TV. No matter whether I am facing the TV or sideways, the two hosts have been watching me and staring at me.
They told me on purpose.
I didn't tell anyone about these things, including my parents. I secretly laugh, this group of ordinary people still don't know that I am such a powerful person!
Later, after watching it for more than two years, I realized that the sun and the moon are natural phenomena. What those two people saw in the news was a box.
I began to understand that living in my own world is illusory.
The time span is long, and everyone is ephemera, chaotic and stubborn, and fleeting.
The soul mate mentioned in the book is hard to find in reality, and the long shot in the movie is really hypnotic. The atmosphere created by jazz may not be able to soothe the soul, and people should not say something they don't understand.
2
With the increase of age figures year by year, I know more and more people, read more and more miscellaneous books, and life beats my head bit by bit. I gradually found that life is made up of trivial things in a place.
Most of us are the same, still living the life defined by others, carefully looking at the faces of people around us and trying to cater to the changes in this world.
I want to be a "child of other people's family" in the eyes of adults and accept all applause and praise frankly;
I want to live the way I longed for when I was a child, be glad for myself and give an account to the people behind me;
I want to fall down and become an excellent and keen adult, making people proud and not having to endure strange eyes.
However, the environment of life and study will gradually make people realize the smallness of individuals, and then a series of sadness such as anxiety, sensitivity, selfishness, inferiority and vanity will surround them.
I don't like myself like this, even a little disgusted.
Later, I was too self-centered and turned against myself.
So we are embarrassed, slowly learn to reconcile with ourselves and find a temporary comfortable living and living state. Then after this temporary comfortable living and living state is broken, we are embarrassed again, learn to reconcile with ourselves and find another new temporary comfortable living and living state, and then repeat.
three
Growing up, many people around us told us that you should be a talented person, sensible and excellent, but no one said that you should be a brave ordinary person.
We always fall into a dead end of self-pulling and feel different from the people around us, but this maverick does not make people feel happy.
I fought with my parents when I was young. I believe that one in ten thousand probability may happen to you, and you like the story of reversal and counterattack very much.
But later, when I was in a turbulent crowd, when I witnessed life and death happening all the time in the world, I was extremely sure that I was the kind of person who only served as the background of human flesh even if I appeared in the headlines.
Maybe it's our own fault, maybe we haven't worked hard enough, maybe we're going in the wrong direction, but every step along the way is our own choice, and every step is cautious and firm.
We are not born brave and talented. It would be nice to be sincere in the face of a sea of people.
Throughout our lives, we are learning to reconcile with ourselves and pretending to reconcile with ourselves.
I only hope that the pace of self-reconciliation can be accelerated again and again, so that we have no time to be enemies with ourselves.