? It is absolutely true that parents are the originals and children are the copy machines. If parents love to hold their mobile phones, are impatient, irritable, and like to sarcastically mock their children, their children will definitely be the same. Why do you complain that the copy is defective when the original is defective.
I have two children in my family. The eldest girl I call her Dabao, and the second boy I call her Erbao. When the parent-child relationship with Dabao was tense, I didn't like everything about her, and she would nag and reason with me countless times every day. The more I nag, the less she wants to pay attention to me. Let me tell you a memorable incident. I took her to the psychological counselor, Mr. Yang. I tried to speed up or slow down my pace to keep up with her, but she deliberately avoided it. I was deeply touched. More sadness and loss. I was determined to change my own discipline, and of course I had to start by changing myself. I started learning "Positive Discipline", being kind, caring, and respectful to children, and giving them kind and firm love.
? Come on, let’s get to know ourselves first. What type of parent are you? I’ll give you four gifts. Which one do you like least? Take your pick.
? Have you chosen? The four gifts above correspond to four different types of animals. Is your personality similar to the characteristics of the animals?
1. Lion: Striving for excellence
2. Eagle: Controlling type
3. Turtle: Comfortable type
4. Chameleon ：Pleasing type
? Through the above game, we know ourselves, so what are our advantages and disadvantages when raising children? Where else do we need to strengthen?
1. Strive for excellence (Lion)
Advantages of parenting:
(1) Set an example of success and achievement for children
(2) Teach children how to judge good qualities
(3) Motivate children to excel
Parenting defects:
(1) Preaching and too high expectations
(2) Make children feel inadequate and unable to meet their parents’ “high standards”
(3) Look at things in terms of “right” and “wrong” and fail to see other possibilities Sex
Areas that need to be improved and strengthened:
(1) Enter the child’s world and support the child’s needs and goals
(2) Enjoy the effort The process of cultivating a sense of humor
(3) Love children unconditionally
2. Controlling type (Eagle)
Parenting advantages:
(1) Can teach children organizational skills, leadership skills, tenacity, decisiveness, respect for rules and laws
(2) and the skills of reasonable time arrangement
Parenting defects:
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(1) Rigidity and control
(2) May cause rebellion and resistance in children
(3) May also make children become "pleasers"
Areas that need to be improved and strengthened:
(1) Let go
(2) Provide children with choices
(3) Heuristic questions< /p>
(4) Make decisions with your children
3. Comfortable type (turtle)
Advantages of parenting:
1. Allow children to See the benefits of easy-going, mature, and predictable behavior
2. Allow children to learn to enjoy life
Parenting defects:
(1) Pampering is likely to make children Children are spoiled and allowed to learn to be demanding
(2) More interested in comfort rather than "what the situation requires"
Things that need to be improved and strengthened Place:
(1) Set goals
(2) Teach children life skills
(3) Allow children to experience the natural consequences of their choices< /p>
(4) Establish daily routines
(5) Hold family meetings
4. People-pleaser (chameleon)
Parenting advantages: < /p>
Can teach children to be friendly, considerate, modest, compromise, peacemaker, willing, and defend the weak
Parenting defects:
(1) Submissiveness
(2) Resentment (now you owe me)
(3) May make children feel angry, frustrated or want revenge
Needs improvement and strengthening Places:
(1) Learn to give and receive
(2) Solve problems with children
(3) Believe that children can solve their own problems Question
(4) Express your feelings honestly
(5) Hold a family meeting
? My attitude towards my children is mostly criticism and rejection. That is 2 lions and 4 chameleons. So I must learn to let go, supervise appropriately, and let the children decide their own affairs. I purchased a Positive Discipline card and took it out from time to time to look at it and encourage myself to try to imagine which problems in the card were common problems for Dabao and Erbao.
In the past, I always felt that Dabao was ignorant. I helped her arrange everything, but she always looked indifferent. So, more often than not, I just nag. After nagging a few times and she ignores her, I will increase my voice. Although she sometimes did what I asked her to do, she was really unwilling to do it, as if she was doing everything for me. I left and she continued to do her own thing, or just gave me a blank look. Seeing her rolling her eyes, I felt helpless and collapsed inside.
? My commanding tone made her unhappy. I have now learned to use question mode. This summer, Dabao arranged his own summer homework, and I was only responsible for checking it once a week. Every day she makes time to do her homework without me nagging her. I just want to kindly remind you that your homework time is coming soon, and it’s time to preview the text after playing on your phone. After she finished what she was doing, she would finish what she was supposed to do.
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? Acknowledging feelings is really important. I believe many parents are like me before. When our children fall down or do something wrong, we always say some sarcastic words, "I told you not to run away, did you fall?", "Let you finish your homework before playing." "It's fine now. I wrote my homework until 11 o'clock in the evening. I can't get up in the morning and I will be late." This statement will only make the child more anxious.
? My second baby fell down while walking and cried in pain. I always asked him to get up by himself and told him that it hurt, right? After acknowledging the feeling, he can divert his attention from the pain, or it may take some time to get over it. It doesn't matter, just give him a hug. Ask him why he fell? He would say things like running too fast or being too anxious to see the steps. Okay, let's run a little slower next time and keep an eye on the road so we don't fall, okay? He responded, OK. He solved the problem happily and kindly reminded him to pay attention to safety next time. This is what Teacher Fan said, "Eat a cut and gain wisdom."
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? When Erbao bullied Dabao, Dabao always said things like: "Don't pull sister's hair", "Don't snatch sister's books", but Erbao turned to Dabao instead. The hair is pulled tighter, or Dabao grabs the book and throws it away when Dabao is not paying attention. Later, when something similar happened, I would say to Erbao: "You just said you wanted to hug the Coco Lion (his toy)" or, "Where is your excavator picture book?" Soon, he would give up bullying. Sister, go find his own toys and books.
? So, say what to do, not what not to do. 1. It can divert his attention and stop doing bad things; 2. Give him the right choice and let him have his own things to do; 3. For children in the rebellious period, the less you like what they do, the more likely they will be. Like to do it. So, let us tell our children more about what they should do.
? Life is a long time and we cannot decide anything for our children, but we can do things that can influence their healthy decisions and allow them to take control of their own lives. Using the right discipline methods, that's what we should do.
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