Kong Rong letting pears is an example of children’s education that we have always admired, but how should we interpret it today?
In ancient times, there was a child named Kong Rong. He was very smart, studious, quick-thinking, and had eloquent answers. Everyone praised him as a strange boy. At the age of 4, he could recite many poems and understand etiquette. His parents loved him very much. One day, his father bought some pears and specially picked the largest pear for Kong Rong. Kong Rong shook his head, but picked the smallest pear and said: I am the youngest and should eat small pears, so I will give you that pear. Brother. After hearing this, his father was very surprised and asked: Is your younger brother younger than you too? Kong Rong said that my younger brother is younger than me, so I should give it to him." The story of Kong Rong's giving pear to him soon spread throughout Qufu and has continued to spread. It has been passed down and has become a good example for many parents to educate their children.
In our traditional education, we constantly encourage children to selflessly share their things with others, and at the same time we constantly warn children not to ask for things from others at will, or to accept things from others at will. However, in the process of our traditional cultural education, it goes against the nature of children. Children's nature cannot be judged by good and evil. In our own growth process, one of the biggest shortcomings is that we have always been taught that others are more important than our needs. But how can a person learn to cherish others if he does not cherish himself? How can a person who doesn't even feel important to himself perceive the importance of others? We interpret the concept of selflessness from a psychological perspective. Of course, it does not conflict with social morality. The important thing is that in the process of educating our children, we should let them learn to respect themselves, love themselves, and be responsible for their own actions. I think children Only with this concept can we be confident and self-sufficient in social activities, and learn to respect all life around us.
We always see situations like this: in public places or kindergartens, the toys or favorite snacks that children are playing with are snatched away by other children; at home, friends bring When a child comes to visit, a plate of fruit is served, and the baby is hesitant to look at different sizes. From the bottom of your heart, as a parent, what do you want your child to do? When walking alone with your child, how would you educate your child in response to such an incident?
Does the spirit of "Kong Rong let the pear go" have to be promoted at all times? What do children lose when they learn to be humble? Are letting children learn "humility" and "rights protection" contradictory to each other? Everyone is welcome to express your opinions and express your feelings!
Out of date. People's moral standards and behavioral norms must be compatible with the economic system. What people do or don't do, what is right or wrong, are actually determined by their "economic status" and the overall level of social and economic development. Giving away pears is a product of the feudal system. If it were capitalism now, it would be time to grab pears.
I think there is nothing wrong with teaching children to let pears go. But things are different and require different methods.
When the amount is small, he is very weak, and other children don’t know what to do if they snatch his things. So I often lose things. Later, I discovered that this was simply not possible. This kind of education was not good for children. It can only make him weaker. Therefore, my education on measurement is: if others do not offend me, I will not offend others. If someone offends me, I will offend him. It can't be too soft.
I do not agree with advocating "Kong Rong gives pear" regardless of occasion or reason.
Kong Rong’s giving up to pears is a virtue. If you blindly emphasize this virtue, you will lose many opportunities in many things because of this humility. If two people have the same college entrance examination scores, But there is only one admission quota. If you practice the virtue of humility at this time, then the price you pay may have to be carried for a lifetime. Of course, there is no denying that it is a blessing in disguise.
Especially in this competitive society, you can carry forward this spirit, but not everyone will do so. What is advocated now is grabbing rather than giving!
However, at home and in front of the elderly, this virtue still needs to be promoted. Respecting the old and loving the young is something that should be promoted in any age. Let’s start with the one closest to us. When Chen was at her grandma’s house, the children of her relatives and neighbors were all younger than her. It was instilled in her since she was a child that older sisters should take care of their younger brothers and sisters, so all children younger than her would take care of her. She has never been stingy with toys. After returning to me, there were several times when she was having fun at the sports ground and there were children who wanted to play, so she obediently gave them up. Afterwards, I asked her if she didn’t want to play at that time, or did she think she should let others play if they wanted to? Her answer was that she still wanted to play, but if others wanted to play, she would let them play first, and then she would play again when others stopped playing. I remember what I told her at the time: "If this happens again in the future, you have to tell the children: I haven't played enough yet, I will give it to you when I have!"
This kind of education has been carried out many times, and some results have been seen, such as competing with Xinxin for building blocks at the science and technology museum, and competing with Shunshun for toys at IKEA. I asked the kindergarten teachers and they unanimously commented that Chen is a good child and never grabs toys from other children. This behind-the-scenes behavior worries me. It seems that the "no-give" education will continue. I don't suggest that she must snatch things from other people's hands. At least make sure that the things in your hands are not snatched away by others.
Perhaps, I am a narrow-minded parent. I teach my children to be moral and loving, but I also want to teach her to protect herself!
Guangming Yang Zuoshi:
< p> When interacting with people, there is a story in China about "Kong Rong gives the pear", while in foreign countries there is a story about brothers dividing the pie.When interacting with people, there is a story in China about "Kong Rong gave up the pear", while in foreign countries there is a story about brothers dividing the pie. The story goes like this: Two brothers had a dispute over a piece of cake, so they asked their mother to share it. My mother just gave a rule and supervised the implementation of the rule. The rule was: the elder brother cuts it, and the younger brother takes it first.
I think these two methods of solving problems are very thought-provoking and useful for reference.
In the "giving pear" education, those who give up pear undoubtedly learned a very important psychological skill: fighting against their own desires. The status of the recipient is uncertain. He may be humble and yield useful learning, or he may choose to accept it, thereby alienating himself from the education process, or even having the opposite effect.
The "pie-sharing" method of solving problems teaches people that if a person eats less of the pie than others, the responsibility lies only with himself, and he has no reason to blame others. In the "give pear" type of education, those who eat small pears seem to be able to openly accuse others of not being humble. Is this kind of education the result of complaining about others?
And we have reason to ask: Is it fair that the humble often suffer? Whether Kong Rong can eat the big pear depends on whether the person being transferred is also sincere and humble. In real life, this unfair phenomenon often occurs.
In my opinion, sometimes rules are more effective and stronger. So often, a simple rule brings order to chaos.
Yanjing Beer:
Haha, let me tell you something. I told the little guy the story of "Kong Rong gave away profits", and the little guy listened very seriously. One day later, he asked me: "Are they too old to eat pears?" Dizzy! !
But I think children should still be taught what humility is, and good virtues should be maintained. Children will know better than we do: when to fight and when to give in. (I just can’t argue!)
What is the essence of morality? Morality is the criterion that mediates the relationship between people. Why do we need this guideline? Because it is necessary to reconcile the gains and losses of interests
Haha, what is the essence? It is something that mediates the interests of everyone, just like the price of a commodity is something that mediates the interests of buyers and sellers! Morality is a price-type thing! So times have changed, and the prices of things have naturally changed. In the past, water was free, but now it costs money. In the past, a mobile phone cost 300,000 yuan, but now it costs 300 yuan. The same is true for morality.
In fact, the essence of some things never changes. What changes is the understanding and expression of the essence!
Thoughts on the issue of "Kong Rong gave up the pear".
The story of Kong Rong giving up pears is an example of traditional Chinese moral education, which advocates a spirit of humility in the face of material interests. This spirit is undoubtedly noble and should be learned and spread at all times.
If a person lives only for himself, then he will not live well and may even be unable to survive. This is not only true when material is scarce, but also when material is abundant. Because a person cannot live independently in the world. If he wants to live well, he must have a cooperative relationship with other people to create and enjoy wealth together. In the process of cooperation, if everyone is thinking about themselves, or contributing less, or enjoying more, then this kind of cooperation will be difficult to continue, or the originally voluntary and equal cooperation will evolve into a forced unequal cooperation. . This was obvious in the early days of materially poor mankind. At that time, productivity was low and the material products obtained were limited. At this time, everyone had to do their best in cooperation to obtain more things to feed everyone. At the same time, when the material obtained was not much, The principle of distribution must be implemented under the circumstances, that is, everyone, male, female, old and young, must have something to eat. But taking into account various factors such as men doing physical work, women raising children, etc., there is a question of who eats more and eats less. In addition to relying on the universally recognized principle of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need," the solution to this problem also relies on a spirit of apology. The former principle is somewhat mandatory, while the latter's spirit is entirely based on self-consciousness, which is why the latter appears noble. "Kong Rong gave up the pear" is the ancient people's praise and praise of the spirit of humility.
If "humility" has its rationality when material resources are poor, then should we still advocate humility when modern materials are abundant? I thought so! First, because the current material abundance is relative to the past, it has not yet reached a level that is sufficient to meet the needs of everyone. Moreover, there is a huge wealth gap between countries, between regions, and between people. Some of this gap is reasonable. For example, it is caused by cultural level, scientific and technological level, etc.; some are unreasonable, such as caused by aggression, exploitation, etc. Therefore, adjusting the gap between rich and poor still requires a global principle and a spirit of humility; secondly, the spirit of "humility" is now It no longer only refers to material distribution, but also extends to many actions of people, such as as big as reputation and status, as small as getting on the bus and giving up your seat. There is no doubt that humility, as a part of moral content, has also become an important content of human spiritual civilization.
Spiritual civilization and material civilization complement each other and are indispensable. Human beings neither need a society of material poverty, nor do they want a society of spiritual ugliness.
Regarding the discussion of whether "Kong Rong gave up pears" is applicable at all times, I think the key is not the moral value of "giving up pears" itself, but why people question the modern meaning of "giving up pears" ? Going a step further, how have people's values ??and moral values ??changed now? Which of these changes are reasonable and which are unreasonable? This issue cannot be explained clearly in a few words.
Dad Muqiao:
I think we should combine "humility" and "rights protection" at the same time, and cultivate children's "competition consciousness" while integrating the cultivation of "collaboration consciousness" .
The purpose of small "humility" is to achieve greater and broader "rights protection". A person who possesses the virtue of "humility" will win the respect of more people, which will make the person noble in character. As a result, you will be more influential and collaborative, and you will get bigger "pears" in the future.
Little Bird Mom:
An education I gave my daughter
Yes, humility and rights protection should be combined. If the results of humility are taken for granted and are not recognized and respected accordingly, then if this humility continues, it will undoubtedly greatly damage the child's self-esteem and interests.
Let me tell you about the latest education given to my daughter for everyone to discuss. My daughter's deskmate (in first grade) is a ten-year-old Korean boy who is quite naughty. I have several records of deliberately breaking all the pencils (8-10 pencils) in my daughter's pencil case. I also often banged and kicked my daughter during class because she couldn't listen to the lesson, which made my daughter very angry. But she neither told the teacher nor thought that interfering with him in class would affect the teacher's lecture. She didn't take any measures to resist, because she always thought that being hands-on was not a good student, but reasoning alone didn't work, so she felt unhappy. I taught her several times to resist with her hands, even if she stepped on her hard when he made a move in class, and then explained to the teacher, but it didn't work, she thought it was wrong. So, after another pencil was broken, I had a serious talk with her and made it clear that she must break all the pencil ends of the boy to teach him a lesson. If you do it, I will give you a big reward. At the same time, I also considered that the boy might complain, so I practiced with my daughter how to defend myself against the teacher.
Modern Thoughts on the Spirit of "Kong Rong Lets the Pear"
The word "friendliness" first comes from the "Book of Han? The Biography of Xifu Gong": "Fu Yan, the Marquis of Kongxiang, and Gong shared the same county. , are friendly to each other." This means: Fu Yan and Xi Fu Gong are from the same hometown, so they are friendly to each other. Chinese people have always regarded kindness as the highest goal they pursue. Being kind to others and being kind to neighbors is our fine virtue. Among the fine virtues of being kind to others and being kind to your neighbors, the kindness of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" is strongly advocated.
1. The friendly spirit of “Kong Rong gives the pear” has profound connotations
The friendly spirit of “Kong Rong gives the pear” was formed in traditional Chinese society and culture For thousands of years, it has been subtly embedded in the Chinese national spirit, influencing the Chinese people's behavior and attitude towards life. The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" was born in traditional Chinese society and culture and has profound connotations.
(1) The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" is the sublation and sublimation of the ideas of "kindness" and "benevolence" in the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation. Ancient sages have many insightful discussions on kindness. Laozi said: "The reason why the river and the sea can become the king of hundreds of valleys is because of their kindness." The Analects of Confucius said: "Be kind to yourself and blame others less." Xunzi knew the importance of friendliness. He said: "Be kind to others." "The words are as warm as brocade and silk, and the evil words to others are as deep as spears and halberds." "People like to do good, and although good fortune has not yet come, misfortunes are far away." In the vast cultural ancient books of our country, there are many aphorisms about kindness, benevolence, and aphorisms, such as "Don't be arrogant when you are above, don't be negative when you are below", "We are all brothers in the four seas", "Good can't be lost, evil can't be long." ", "Love each other, benefit each other"... all the golden words of life passed down from generation to generation are the wise thinking and ideal descriptions of benevolence and kindness by sages and sages, and all of them have an impact on the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear". Although some ideas are not without historical limitations, they generally reveal the nature of interpersonal relationships and some basic principles for handling interpersonal relationships in a certain sense. The core of these ethical and moral thoughts and the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" is benevolence, which advocates the moral concepts of loving, befriending, helping and benefiting others. This is the dominant basic moral code in ancient China and one of the important ideological and theoretical sources of friendliness we advocate today.
(2) The "Kong Rong gives the pear" style of friendliness simply explains the basic connotation of friendliness. Kong Rong's behavior of letting pears embodies the positive side of Kong Rong being friendly to others, being kind to others, and always thinking about others in his life. Being friendly means caring for others, not demanding or imposing on others, and thus helping others. It shows that people have a broad mind and a pure and noble spiritual realm. Friendliness is the externalization of love, and a world full of love is a beautiful world. From a macro, broad, and group perspective, the "Kong Rong gives pear" style of friendship reflects the strong desire and moral ideals of the people of all ethnic groups in my country to pursue stability, harmony, and unity on the basis of the same fundamental interests.
From a micro, narrow and individual perspective, the "Kong Rong gives pear" style of friendliness is the moral pursuit that every citizen should have in dealing with interpersonal relationships. Living in friendship has become an important part of socialist moral construction. All in all, "friendly" means friendly and kind. Friendliness refers to an approachable and approachable attitude towards others. Kindness means that a person can consider others and society everywhere in life. "Friendly" means being friendly to others and being kind to others.
2. The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" has distinct contemporary significance
The "Implementation Outline for the Construction of Citizen Morality" includes friendliness in the basic moral norms of citizens, which is both inclusive and inclusive. It not only captures the essence of traditional morality such as benevolence but also gives it the significance of the times that reflects the development of human society and the practical needs of contemporary China. The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" has distinct modern significance.
(1) The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" is the moral pillar for the peaceful and healthy development of human society. An important feature of the 21st century is the increasing degree of interdependence between people, between nations, and between countries. The division of labor is becoming more and more detailed, but it is also an organically connected whole. If there was a friendly spirit of "Confucius gave way to the pear" between countries, then perhaps we would not have seen the ruins of the Yugoslav Embassy, ??nor would we have seen the displacement of the Iraqi people. Since no country, any region, any position or job exists in isolation, then let the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong let the pear" become the moral pillar for the peaceful and healthy development of human society, and all mankind will work together to create a friendly life It is very necessary to ensure the peaceful and healthy development of the overall function of human society and the working atmosphere.
(2) The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" is an inevitable requirement for social stability, harmony and order. People and people can achieve good governance. Building a harmonious socialist society requires carrying forward and advocating the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear". The friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" has become an important part of socialist moral construction. If a person is kind to others, others will be kind to him. Only in this way can we form a synergy to achieve great things, the atmosphere of the entire society will be harmonious, and the overall efficiency will be improved. Over the years, all walks of life have carried out various mutual help and love activities, such as the "Hope Project" and "Sending Warmth" activities, so that the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" can be carried forward under the new historical conditions and fully It embodies the harmonious interpersonal relationships of the socialist family and has a huge affinity and promotion effect on reform, opening up and socialist modernization. We are happy to see that in the mass spiritual civilization creation activities, countless touching and friendly deeds have emerged between comrades, neighbors, departments, and regions. In building a new type of interpersonal relationship with socialism with Chinese characteristics, we have every reason to believe that the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" is an inevitable requirement for social stability, harmony, and order.
(3) The group nature and mutual benefit advocated by the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" are the inherent requirements for citizens' survival. Marx said: "The essence of human being is not an abstract object inherent in a single person. In terms of reality, it is the sum of all social relations." Human beings are group and social, "Kong Rong gives up the pear" style Friendly spirit is an indispensable factor for people to survive and develop. People who are friendly to others are bound to gain the respect of others, while people who are hostile to others often fall into isolation and helplessness. In life, you will encounter many "I'm sorry" from others. In life, everyone may also make many "sorry"s. Every citizen should have the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives pear". Not only "dedication", but also "social joy", pay attention to treating people equally, helping each other, respecting each other, understanding each other, and respecting each other. Support and collaboration in all aspects and links are necessary conditions to ensure our success.
3. The lack of the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gave up the pear" in the modern era and the responsibilities of moral education workers
In real life, there is a typical wrong view - " Nowadays, people are generally becoming more and more selfish." He believes that "Kong Rong gives the pear" kind of kindness is not something everyone can do, nor can everyone benefit from it. Not long ago, 75-year-old Xu Fusheng, a former football star and the first "national goalkeeper", had a collision with a car while riding his bike on the streets of Beijing. In the ensuing dispute, he was beaten to death by a young driver with an old fist, as evidenced by this. Therefore, some people adhere to the life creed of "honest people suffer, and kind people are bullied", and they play tricks and show off their strength in interpersonal interactions. It seems that whoever is aggressive, vicious, ruthless, and tyrannical will have the upper hand in society. , Don’t suffer a loss. This kind of intolerance and misunderstanding is a huge obstacle to the practice of "Kong Rong gives up pears" style of friendliness, and also directly leads to the lack of the "Kong Rong gives up pears" style of friendliness in real life. Confucius said: "If you don't cultivate virtue, if you don't learn it, if you don't learn it, if you hear it, you won't be able to learn it, if you learn it, you won't be able to achieve it, that's what worries me." The behavior cannot be corrected and is worth worrying about.) In the current new era of moral education, it is the current moral education work and the mission of our moral education workers to promote and cultivate the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" among students.
(1) Seize the opportunity to promote and cultivate students' "Kong Rong gives pear" friendly spirit at critical moments. The promotion and cultivation of the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" is undoubtedly a long-term historical accumulation process and cannot be achieved overnight.
Carrying forward and cultivating students' "Kong Rong gives pear" kind of friendly spirit requires the unremitting efforts of moral education workers. In the current new era of moral education work, moral education workers always attach importance to, strengthen and improve students' friendly education. Through the joint efforts of teachers and students, most students show a good trend of being kind to others. At the same time, we must also see that the promotion and cultivation of the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" must seize critical moments. There is a student in the 2005 senior graduating class of our school who is both good in character and academics. On the eve of the college entrance examination, because his father was hospitalized and the family's finances were tight, his enthusiasm for learning plummeted, and he seemed out of tune with his classmates. After understanding the situation, the head teacher asked the classmates who were close to the classmate to take care of the classmate as much as possible. On the other hand, he took the initiative to approach the classmate and, with the classmate's consent, mobilized the entire class to donate to him. Because the head teacher seized the educational opportunity at the critical moment, not only did the student improve his relationship with his classmates, but the other students in the class also received a good friendly education. The class where the student belongs also sent out the most college students in the 2005 college entrance examination. Countless facts have proven that students’ sense of friendliness will be particularly strengthened during extraordinary times and critical moments. Correspondingly, the students were touched and felt much more profoundly than usual, and the impact was far-reaching.
(2) Encourage students to actively participate and promote and cultivate the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" through personal practice. The cultivation of the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" is inseparable from publicity and guidance, but committing to practice is a more effective way. What I have learned on paper is ultimately shallow, and I know that I have to do it in detail. Schools can create conditions to organize students to personally participate in various activities organized by the school, give full play to their initiative, enthusiasm, and creativity, and make due contributions to others and the collective, the school and society. For example, schools can carry out "dedicate love to underachieving students" and guide students to dedicate smiles, encouragement and appropriate praise to underachieving students, and promote and cultivate the "Kong Rong gives pear" style of friendly spirit through personal practice. Schools can also encourage students to actively participate through campus art festivals, sports games and other activities, and promote and cultivate the "Kong Rong gives pear" style of friendly spirit through personal practice. The school also encourages students to be friendly to friends and family in real life, "I am as old as others, and as young as I am young", so that their surroundings are filled with kindness, goodwill and good deeds. Schools should encourage students to carry forward and cultivate the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives up the pear" through personal practice.
(3) Create an atmosphere and promote and cultivate the "Kong Rong gives pear" style of friendly spirit in true interactions. The promotion and cultivation of the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong Lets the Pear" require a certain environment and atmosphere, just like the smelting of steel in a furnace requires the necessary temperature and conditions. There are 15 Tibetan students from Tibet in our school. The school seized this opportunity and carried out the "Hand-in-Hand" activity for Chinese and Tibetan students, creating a platform for teachers and students throughout the school to carry forward and cultivate the "Kong Rong gives the pear"-style friendly spirit in genuine interactions. The "hand-in-hand" activity between Chinese and Tibetan students not only allows Tibetan students to integrate into the school's learning life more quickly and feel the sincerity and friendliness of Han students, but also creates an atmosphere for cultivating other students' "Kong Rong gives pear"-style friendly spirit. , carry forward and cultivate the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives pear" style in true interactions. In this atmosphere, trust, care, confidence, and true feelings interact between school teachers and students, and between classmates, and emotions and rationality blend, forming a vibrant and peaceful atmosphere in thoughts and feelings. Students feel like they are in a powerful magnetic field and melting pot. Create an atmosphere, carry forward and cultivate the friendly spirit of "Kong Rong gives the pear" in true interactions, strongly attract students, deeply cultivate students, and inspire students to show more enthusiasm and friendliness.
How did this huge paradox come about? As an educator, shouldn’t we reflect?
We have traveled for thousands of years before we reached the primary stage. I think this primary stage of socialism not only refers to the lack of material wealth, but also includes the lack of spiritual wealth and lack of noble morals. Perhaps that is why people are asked to salute. But if you don’t keep the bottom line of being a human being, how can you be polite? Just like what is sung in a song, "We are the successors of communism", this actually means that people will not take over. How far is communism from us? Who can survive until the day when we take over?
That’s why I say that the education of “Dharma” is the foundation, it is for the public, it is always the first priority, and it is the top priority. We can force everyone to abide by the law, but we cannot require everyone to be polite. If a certain ritual reaches the day when everyone can perform it, then this "ritual" will become another "law", because the "law" is also constantly improving. (In fact, if "ritual" is not used as a kind of cultivation but as a regulation, it will serve an unequal hierarchical society and is only suitable for small-scale peasant economy and agricultural society. It is not suitable for market economy and democracy based on freedom and equality. Modern society with political system)
Four-year-old Kong Rong knew how to take pears according to the "law" and understood the principle of abiding by the law. How valuable this is! This vivid material fully tells us how respectable law-abiding is. But we just ignore the fundamentals, do not learn the method, and use those empty so-called virtues to deceive future generations. This is so regrettable!
Humility, comity, and tolerance are undoubtedly signs of social civilization and progress, but fairness and law-abiding are the foundation of social progress. A well-educated person starts by educating him to abide by the law.
Therefore, in our education, we should first educate students to abide by the law, take things according to the law, dare to take things according to the law, and then give way and be gentle and courteous. Don't do it for the word "give". In the end, the "etiquette" is not learned and the "dharma" is not taught. It is neither fish nor fowl and misleads the children.