Saturday is a day of rest and relaxation. Not long after chatting happily with friends, WeChat sent a message saying: I have something to do, so it is not convenient to send WeChat to make a phone call. "What happened in the end, even the WeChat phone can't be contacted?" There is an ominous premonition in an instant, and girls' sixth sense is always accurate. Out of curiosity and worry about my friends, I didn't call, but WeChat kept asking questions. One minute … two minutes … five minutes … my mobile phone has been silent. After opening WeChat countless times, I still haven't received a message of "harassment", and suddenly I feel that the world is much quieter. Try my best to imagine what might happen to my friends.
My friend, like me, graduated from college for half a year and entered a construction company with good benefits at present. I started as a technician at the grass-roots level, but the work was not easy, and it was not much different from ordinary workers. I live and work with workers, so it is difficult to find my peers in such a big construction site, mostly at the uncle level of 40 or 50 years old. Even for technicians, the salary settlement is the same as that of workers, one a day, depending on the weather. He is content to do a slightly lighter job than a worker and get half his salary. He knows that his skills are insufficient and there are many places to learn and exercise. He is diligent on the construction site. Even if he walks in the city, he will be recognized as a migrant worker, and there will be no great resistance. After all, he earns money by his own hands and is worthy of his identity. As a friend, I know that this job is not what he likes and is satisfied with, but the decision on this job is not in his hands. Only one person can decide his whereabouts, and that is his father. On the other end of the phone, he cried very sadly, and the man never brushed his tears. At this time, he is as helpless as a child. Without too much words and inquiries, he needs to listen more at this time. He cried for five minutes and could hear his sadness and despair. He has never seen a big boy cry like this. It is not a crime for a man to cry! I can't be calm for a long time, and my voice is trembling.
Gently ask: What's the matter?
The voice is intermittent: my dad broke up with me!
Surprised but expected: Why?
He sobbed and said, my dad hasn't said a word since he entered the door, and he still has a long face. He wrote a letter at the scene, counting my mistakes. From my college entrance examination to my junior college transfer to my present job, the end of the letter is: our relationship is over, and my parents have come to an end.
I don't understand: why?
Sobbing: because they are dissatisfied with my work, their wages are low, and they are like migrant workers, and they can't lift their heads in the unit! Colleagues are comparing children. How can we say that children are migrant workers on the construction site?
I can't help being startled: it turns out that some truth is unreasonable. My dad used to joke with others that when a person is incompetent, don't say that outsiders look down on you, even parents will look down on you. Dad is right, especially in rural areas, where there are many children and a bowl of water is flat. Of course, parents prefer children who are capable and can add luster to their faces. There may be no cynicism about the children who are unable to honor them, but their words have revealed their disgust and hatred for iron production. Therefore, I can understand the behavior of my friend's father breaking off relations with his son. He just wants to encourage his son to grow up quickly, not rely on his parents, and be independent and self-reliant. But they feel that their son's working as a worker on the construction site makes them lose face and really can't understand it, so I know what the root of the problem is. As the saying goes, if you expect your son to succeed, you will expect your daughter to succeed. As long as you are your own, and no parents want your child to live a bad life, your child will have good parents. Chinese families are children as long as their parents are in one day. When our parents are serious, we are still children no matter how old we are. China people especially cherish the family affection, like to be obedient to their parents, selfless dedication to their children, and there is no privacy between families. My friend's family is a typical China family. Father blamed him for not calling home often for a long time and not caring about the family, so that a family of three was on the verge of breaking up. He blamed his ignorance as a student and his hard work and low salary. Father scolded him for his mistakes and didn't give him a chance to explain. My father, like a judge, threw him into the abyss with a verdict, and he was dictatorial and didn't even give him a chance to appeal. I asked him what the verdict was, and he said, My dad broke up with me, and I've been homeless ever since. His sorrow doesn't stop there. At this time, his mother, who used to spoil him very much, became indifferent. Her mother disliked his low education and incompetence, complaining that his father was not well connected and the job he was looking for was not glamorous enough.
These things can't help but remind him that when he was a child, his father was strict father and his mother was a loving mother. My father always arranges the way forward for him. Since he was a child, he had to study such obscure ancient books as Historical Records and Ancient Chinese Classics. He is like a chess piece at the mercy of others and has no right to do what he likes. In the best school in the county, elementary school and junior high school, he volunteered for the college entrance examination and entered a third-rate university of architecture according to his father's wishes, which is very different from the computer major he wants to apply for, so he can't participate in his future. He always told me that he envied my life, whether rich or poor, but he always had the right to choose what he wanted to do. Even if he is confused, he doesn't even have a chance to be confused. He can only keep moving along the road arranged by his father, and he will lose the game if he is careless.
This situation of friends is not uncommon, even common, in China's family. Many parents will impose their life dreams or wishes on their children. Children will be very disappointed if they violate or fail to achieve these goals. This actually violates another principle of family education, "people-oriented". Children are the core of family education, and parents should respect their wishes and give them reasonable guidance and support. He once asked his father to learn computer software, but his father threw cold water on him. He was rejected before he started. Since he was a child, he seldom did what he wanted. His study, life and work have always been the same, and I think so will his future marriage. As a friend, I can only warn him: If you really don't want to take the "Corning Avenue" arranged by your father, then do it according to your own wishes. Even if you encounter many difficulties, it is your choice after all. If you don't change your life, you will regret it one day. We are parents' children, but we are not copies of our parents. We have thoughts and feelings. We are all adults and know what we want.
Being a parent is a noble and great cause and a lifelong struggle. If you are a better parent, Mr. Kai-fu Lee gave us a vivid compulsory course:
First, praise more and criticize less; More encouragement and less punishment.
Criticize grown-up children and blame others.
Children who grow up with punishment will feel guilty.
Children who grow up with praise know how to be grateful.
Children who grow up in recognition like themselves.
Second, more trust and less strict management; More decentralization, less pressure.
Children who grow up under strict control cannot be independent.
Children who grow up under pressure are often worried.
Children who grow up in trust believe in others and themselves.
Children who grow up in decentralization feel a great responsibility.
Third, teach more fish and less fish; Do more and talk less.
Children who grow up preaching lose their judgment.
Children who grow up in confusion can only remember.
Children who grow up in interactive learning really understand.
Children who grow up by example are consistent in their words and deeds.
Fourth, be more good friends and less strict elders.
Children who grow up in rules are conservative and timid.
Children who are attached to their parents are passive and obedient.
Children who grow up relaxed are optimistic and happy.
Children who are friends of parents, love others and love themselves.
Father said that parents and children should get along like friends, not in a hierarchical relationship. If I were your father, I could order you. The reason why I can choose to do what I like and make important decisions in my life alone is because of the mode of getting along with my father.