The origin of flattery
Flattery comes from the culture of the Yuan Dynasty. Speaking of Mongolian families, they will have several horses to solve the problems of walking and transportation. Herdsmen often take pride in keeping good horses. Sometimes when people meet a horse, they often pat each other's horse's ass, feel how fat it is, and casually praise a "good horse" to win the favor of the owner. At first, people sought truth from facts, and a good horse said yes, but after a long time, some people only said flattery and called a rotten horse a good horse, regardless of the quality and strength of other people's horses. It is said that Mongolia is a nation that will win the world at once, so most officials in the Yuan Dynasty are military commanders, and horses are often a symbol of a general's power, status and status. The best praise from a subordinate to a superior is to pat and praise his horse. Gradually people call flattery to superiors "flattery". This is because compliments are different, but flattery is the same. This is the origin of "flattery". After Mongolia entered the Central Plains and established the Yuan Empire and Yuan Capital, its culture gradually infiltrated into the Han culture, and the word "flattery" was handed down. Some people also say that you should never kiss a horse's ass when you kiss a horse, but because Han people seldom ride horses, they think of "kissing a horse" as "flattering". As for whether the horse's ass can be patted, it is still inconclusive. Anyway, just don't shoot horseshoes.
Back to the fourth and fifth chapters of "Official Appearance": "The bookkeeper is embarrassed to refute him because he often comes in to kiss up to each other." Qing Qiu Jin's "The Benefit of Words": "This kind of top-notch person is insatiable. Today he welcomes officials, tomorrow he visits guests, and when he meets powerful people, he has to kiss up. " Huaguan's "Qingfeng Store" II: "As soon as her nose snorted, the silly boy Chen Gui immediately followed suit."
Flattery folklore
Once upon a time, there was a rich man outside the Great Wall. He bought a good horse and was very happy. So I invited my three sons-in-law to drink. After three rounds of drinking, the rich man took the BMW out of the stable and asked the three sons-in-law to write poems praising the good horse.
In order to please the old father-in-law, the three sons-in-law searched all the good sentences.
After a while, the eldest son-in-law came up and said in a clear voice, "There is Jin Baihe on the water, and my husband rode to Yinshan Mountain. After a hundred miles, the golden needle has not yet sunk. " The rich say yes again and again.
The second son-in-law took his time and read word for word: "Put goose feathers on the fire, my husband rode thousands of miles to Yuyao, but the goose feathers were not burned." The rich man was overjoyed.
At this time, it was the third son-in-law's turn. The third son-in-law is too talented to know what to say. He only patted BMW's ass. BMW got impatient and farted. The third son-in-law had a brainwave: "The horse farted, and the father-in-law rode to Huiji for tens of thousands of miles, leaving the fart door open." The old rich man is in distress situation.
There are three theories about the origin of flattery. It is said that in the Yuan Dynasty, Mongolians had a habit. When two people meet a horse, they should pat each other's ass to show respect. Second, a good Mongolian rider pats the horse's ass when he meets a fierce horse, making the horse feel comfortable, then jumps on the horse and goes straight away. Third, Mongolians love horses. If the horse is fat, those two strands will inevitably swell, so when I see the horse, I like to pat my ass and boast. It can be seen that "flattery" is a custom and has no derogatory meaning.
But snobs see powerful people riding his horse, no matter whether his horse is good or bad, they all try to flatter him: "good horse for adults, good horse for adults!" " So "flattery" has become synonymous with flattery, which is very derogatory.
Someone has compiled a book called Flattery. The annotator selected hundreds of materials about "flattery" from nearly 100 ancient books, such as Twenty-four History, Zi Zhi Tong Jian, Zi Zhi Tong Jian, hundred schools of thought and note novels. How far has "flattery" gone? It is disgusting to read. In the Northern Qi Dynasty, the slave and scholar of Emperor Chengwu got typhoid fever, and the doctor told him to eat "Huang Longtang". What kind of soup is this? So is shit. The adults are embarrassed. There happened to be a scholar present at that time, so he volunteered and said, "My Lord, this thing is very easy to take. I'll give you a try first. " Say that finish, drink off.
Not only China people have been good at "flattering" since ancient times, but foreigners also love "flattering". Staengel, a British expert, taught the secret of flattery by writing a book: be subtle and just right. It's really from experience, because there is a saying in China that "flattery is on the horse's leg". It is not good to please people, but it is not good.
Don't think that only small people can "kiss up". Stangel said that there are also many contemporary political leaders who are proficient in this field. For example, British Prime Minister Tony Blair visited Washington and met Bush for the first time. Afterwards, Blair said, "He really left a deep impression on me …" He also described Bush as "very capable" and "very smart".
Some people say that China people's "flattery" is similar to the idiom apple-polish, which originated in the United States at the beginning of last century.
Three hundred and sixty lines, and now another line has been added. What line? Kiss up. It is said that in Tokyo, Japan, two young people turned flattering services into careers. To put it bluntly, don't they make a living by "flattering"? And their business is booming, because there are people in the world who say, "Although I have to pay for a few compliments, I am still very happy."
The value of flattery
Life is alive, there is no isolation, you should get along with others. How can we avoid flattery? No matter who it is, it is inseparable from flattery. Flattery is a common-sense behavior in our life, something we don't want to do emotionally, but actually have to do. Those who once flaunted their integrity and never fawned on others were all pot calling the kettle black, self-righteous and self-deceiving. Everyone has the right to show that he doesn't like or is not good at flattery, but no one can insist that he is a person who never flatters.
You don't wear flattery, but there is something fishy behind it, you know?
Confucius said, "Governing the country by virtue is like Beichen, living in its place and surrounded by stars." (The Analects of Confucius) Although it sounds like a reminder to those in power and a way for them to "govern the country by virtue", the flattering nature of the last two sentences is too obvious. As long as you do it, "just like the big dipper in the sky, stay there and the stars will naturally surround you."
Some people say that in ancient times, those with history, admonition and shame were unyielding and never flattering. In fact, Sima Qian, a great historian, did not kiss up to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. That's because they are enemies, and Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty gave them to the "palace". On the other hand, look at Mr. Sima's flattering words to Xiang Yu. His flattery is loud. As for famous officials such as Tang and Ming, if nothing else, they just said "Long live, long live, long live". This is the most disgusting flattery in history. Not only several times a day, but also from the heart, so scrambling, for fear that the emperor does not understand his heart.
In addition to smiling at the shoulders, pinching the ass, pinching the fart, and clever flattery, I can understand people's feelings.
As for us ordinary people, we get together with flattery every day and get used to it. We must face our parents. We must face the teacher. We must face the leadership. We must face all those who are better than ourselves. At this time, flattery is a very effective attack weapon. If used properly, it is absolutely impossible.
In this environment where everyone flatters and everyone flatters, ironically, flattery itself is constantly criticized by so-called gentlemen, and even the criticism of flattery is written into textbooks for future generations to see.
Is flattery really related to emotional intelligence?
What an interesting thing it is to flatter, which attracts everyone's heart? Let everyone work tirelessly, innovate constantly and shoot endlessly?
Flattery is not enough. Flattery is not enough to recite dozens of gorgeous and disgusting words. Flattery is different from burning incense, and sincerity is not necessarily spiritual.
First of all, it needs to vary from person to person and prescribe the right medicine. Of course, enjoying flattery is a spiritual need, not a material need. No matter how rich the material is, there are rules to follow and categories to be divided. Cash is a great event, which can replace all material needs. Spiritual needs are very difficult. A person is absolutely the same, at every stage, even every day. Kiss up, don't spend time getting to know each other better, kiss up. Nowadays, how difficult is it to get to know a person deeply? Everyone is tacitly aware. Looking up at the high-ranking leader, his wife may not really understand him, but we must be strict with ourselves: surpass his wife!
Only by achieving such transcendence can flattery achieve initial results.
Second, adjust measures to local conditions. Flattery should not be taken for granted and casual. Although everyone enjoys the pleasure of being photographed, no one wants to bear the notoriety of flattering. Therefore, you must make a move when you should, and you must hold back when you shouldn't. If you make a mistake, all your efforts will be wasted.
Third, call names and justify themselves. Leaders become leaders because they have some advantages. They have heard a lot of flattery and have a certain ability to distinguish. So, is it harder to kiss up? The answer is: no, the key lies in the attitude of the flatterer himself. You should use your confidence to promote and support your flattery. You speak righteously and righteously, and you believe yourself, but you are afraid that the other party will not believe you.
Good flattery can really solve many practical problems. It's really embarrassing to boast about what the leaders think of the people all day, which can give us more benefits. Praise the rich for their kindness all day, or donate some money to those in need. Praise a director all day, and finally can't bear to use the "hidden rules."
You shouldn't say "flattery", that is, color change. To fully realize the initiative of "flattery", flattery has its inherent artistry, and then it is flattery in the traditional sense.
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