The master invited a doctor to see the monk. Because the monk can't see the wind, the doctor should give a thick pulse through the quilt.
The doctor touched the monk's tender hand and thought it was the daughter-in-law of the host family. Said: "It's irregular menstruation, probably pregnant."
A rich man said to his servant, "When you go out with me, you should boast about my family and perform for me." The servant nodded his head.
On this day, the servant went out with the rich man. Someone on the road said, "The biggest house is Sanqing Hall." The servant quickly said to others, "My master's house is as big as Sanqing Hall."
After a while, someone said, "The biggest boat is the dragon boat." The servant quickly said, "My master's collection boat is as big as a dragon boat."
On the way home, I heard someone say, "The biggest belly is the belly of a cow." The servant quickly said to others, "My master's belly is as big as an ox."
Hearing this, the rich man's beard bristled with anger. 3. Once upon a time, there was a master Jinshi who was overbearing and arrogant.
One spring festival, in order to show off, he posted such a couplet on the door: father Jinshi, son Jinshi, father and son Jinshi; Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law It happened that a poor scholar in the town passed by the door of Jinshi's house and saw this couplet.
First he showed contempt, and then he gave me a smug smile. In the evening, when he saw no one around, he quietly added a few strokes to the couplet.
Early the next morning, there were a lot of spectators in front of Jinshi's door. They talked and laughed, and everyone praised them: "What a change! Well changed! " The noise outside the door alarmed the master Jinshi, who quickly opened the door and immediately fainted on the steps in front of the door. It turns out that the couplet in front of the Jinshi gate has been changed by the scholar to this: the father is buried, the son is buried, and both father and son are buried; Mother-in-law loses her husband, daughter-in-law loses her husband, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lose their husbands.
4. Once upon a time, a carpenter and a teacher lived together. Carpenters look down on Mr. Wang and often find some difficult words from ancient monuments to tease Mr. Wang.
One day, he found that the word "tea" was more than the word "tea", so he wrote a "teapot" and asked Mr. Wang if he didn't know it was a trick, so he casually pronounced it "teapot". The carpenter smiled and said, "You don't even know the word' tea' to teach!" A few days later, Mr. Wang found a broken broom in the yard. He sawed it off and carved it into a furry little monkey. He asked the carpenter what wood the hairy monkey was carved from. The carpenter looked at it for a long time but couldn't answer. Mr. Wang smiled and said, "So you've been a carpenter all your life, and you have wood you don't know!" " 5。
A tout who claims to be a bastard has no idea of promoting to a higher position and making a fortune at all. In order to please his boss, he specially arranged a sumptuous banquet for the county magistrate. When drinking, he asked, "How many sons does grandpa have?" Without thinking, the county magistrate said, "I have two sons and daughters. What about you?" The magistrate asked, but the touts were stumped.
He thought to himself, "the county grandfather also modestly called his son' dog'. What should I call his children? " After thinking for a while, I had to answer, "I only have a five-year-old turtle." 6。
There is a scholar who is going to take the exam. He worried day and night, and his strange appearance puzzled his wife. She said, "Look at your cowardice. Is it more difficult for men to write articles than for women to have children? " The scholar sighed, "It is always easier for a woman to have a baby than to write an article!" The woman asked again, "Why?" The reader replied, "a woman can have a baby at any time, but my stomach is empty." How can I write an article? " 7。
There is an old scholar in front of the old scholar who climbs the ashes. He is pretentious and often says that he knows heaven and earth and ghosts and gods. Who is ill, just write an article to accommodate ghosts and gods. His son is a freight forwarder, and he is away all the year round. The old man climbs ashes at home.
One day, his daughter-in-law, Ma Mi, hit her awkward place too hard, and suddenly she became red and swollen, and the pain was unbearable. She asked the old scholar to write an article to bend the rules, and the old scholar A readily accepted her life. But how to write it? It's disrespectful to write it directly. He asked himself how many roots and whiskers he had broken. When he was in a dilemma, he heard someone talking next door. He had a brainwave and wrote a wonderful article with a wave of his hand: the daughter-in-law smashed rice and smashed next door.
Please bless the Bodhisattva, and everyone will benefit! 8. Once upon a time, a host entertained guests with lotus roots. He cut off the tip of the lotus root and took it out for the guests to eat, but left the good lotus root in the kitchen. When the guest learned of this, he deliberately said to his host, "I often read poems. I once read such a poem:' Yu Lian, the peak of Taihua, spends ten feet like a boat.
I always suspected that this poem was not true before. Why is the lotus root as long as a boat? Today, I believe this poem is really written. "The master asked him," why? The guest said, "Look at this lotus root." The tip of lotus root is here, but isn't lotus root still in the kitchen? "9. A scholar met a monk. Thinking of the monk's ugliness, the scholar asked the monk, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "
10, there was a son who was ignorant, but liked to show off his gentleness. He never leaves his mouth when he doesn't care, which makes his father-in-law very light. One day, my father-in-law was bedridden because of illness, and the child went to see him.
When I arrived at his home, I saw him lying on the bed in my father-in-law's room and shook his head: "Why is my father-in-law sick?" My father-in-law saw his sour face and didn't answer. When the children saw that they didn't answer, they said, "Why don't you invite a gentleman?" ? Father-in-law Ning Ran closed his eyes.
The child was at a loss: "Could it be-the dead?" When' tis once spoken, my father-in-law immediately jumped out of bed and threw a porcelain pillow at him. The children shook their heads and exclaimed, "What a big risk!" ! ".1 1. It is said that there was a scholar in the Southern Liang Dynasty who was stupid but eloquent.
He has never seen a sheep. Once, someone gave him a beautiful antelope. He thought it was an ordinary sheep, so he tied the antelope's neck with a rope and sold it in the market.
He didn't ask much, but he sold it many times without selling it. Later, people in the market knew that the scholar selling sheep was stupid and foolish, so they secretly brought a macaque to steal the antelope.
When the scholar saw the macaque, he thought it was his antelope, but he wondered why it had lost its horn and changed its appearance. I saw the macaque jumping about again.
2. Improper selection of paragraphs in ancient classical Chinese.
Online and in bookstores. For example, the joke is that a scholar will be seventy years old and suddenly gave birth to a son.
Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.
The next year, another son was born. Smile: 62616964757a68696416fe58685e5aeb931333656461"It's a joke to have children at such an old age."
Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."
There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".
In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".
The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.
The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.
Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."
There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."
This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."
The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.
The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."
Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.
The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."
Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.
The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."
The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."
A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."
Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, so he quickly called the servant to add rice to him.
Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.
Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."
People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.
My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."
The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.
My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.
He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"
There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."
Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "
One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.
His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I tell such a big lie to cover it up? "
The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.
The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "
The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."
The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."
The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" Even more unexpected.
3. disgusting classical Chinese composition classical Chinese is a sentence pattern that is completely out of touch with today's life.
Classical Chinese is not only used now, but also in the daily life of ancient people. This is just an ancient written language.
There are two ancient jokes that go like this: Zhao Nanxing's "Laughing Praise" in the Ming Dynasty said: "A scholar bought firewood and said,' Come here with a salary.' The firewood seller understood the word' come here' and took it to the front.
Q:' What's its price?' Because the word' price' is very clear, I said the price. The scholar said,' solid outside and weak inside. More smoke and less fire, please damage.
The firewood seller didn't know what to say, and the lotus went. There is also an old joke that a scholar was stung by a scorpion when he was sleeping at night and called to his wife, "Dear wife, burn a silver lamp quickly, your husband was attacked by a poisonous insect!" " I said it several times, but my wife didn't know what it meant.
The scholar couldn't help it and shouted, "Old woman, turn on the light quickly, the scorpion stung me!" " The wife understands her husband's meaning ... These two jokes can prove that classical Chinese is seriously out of touch with the daily life of ancient people. The ancient people probably spoke just like the TV series Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and most people could understand it.
The teacher gives lectures to students, probably in vernacular, just like we are explaining classical Chinese today. Confucius' The Analects of Confucius kept some oral things.
Since some people also spoke vernacular Chinese in ancient times, why didn't literati write in vernacular Chinese? I think, firstly, they are afraid of wasting paper. In the early days, there was no paper, and the words were engraved on Oracle Bone Inscriptions and bamboo slips and written on cloth and silk, which was very expensive. Of course, the article should be concise.
Second, if you don't write classical Chinese, there will be no culture, and the literati will feel ashamed, so there will be no need for vernacular Chinese. For example, Zhang Dayou of the Tang Dynasty wrote a poem in vernacular, which was later ridiculed.
China's Cultural Revolution began with language. The New Culture Movement and the Language Revolution during the May 4th Movement played an unparalleled role in promoting the ideological modernization of China people.
Hu Shi and others think that "the words in classical Chinese are readable but incomprehensible" and "half-dead words", so there must be living tools to replace the dead or dying tools. Driven by Hu Shi and others, the popularity of vernacular Chinese is vigorous and surprisingly smooth.
China quickly popularized the vernacular, and introduced a large number of western grammatical structures, pinyin letters, Arabic numerals, punctuation marks, mathematical and physical formulas, etc. Finally, China will be in line with the modern society. Without the reform of language and writing, and without introducing new things from the West, how can the classical Chinese in China carry an overwhelming amount of modern information? How can China integrate into the vast torrent of this world? It is certainly a good thing that classical Chinese has been transformed into vernacular Chinese, but after the reform, new problems have emerged: today, each of us should not only spend a lot of energy to learn modern Chinese, but also learn classical Chinese, which is called the essence of China culture and has little practical value.
Chinese is the main course for students. A person has been studying from primary school to university for half his life. However, many people still don't know all the words, can't translate sentences, can't write well, and can't learn all the knowledge ... Alas, this annoying classical Chinese .............. ……PS: Give a +2 if you agree. If you don't agree, just say what you think. Thank you.
The classical Chinese paragraphs are all on my side, and the students are all seated.
It's so depressing that students don't come. The joke is probably like this: A private school teacher teaches The Analects of Confucius, and' gloomy literary talent' is mispronounced as' Everyone is equal to me'.
Later, a new teacher in a private school pronounced "gloomy literature and art" correctly, and the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and would not come to school. At that time, people ridiculed the poem and said,' Everyone is equal to me, and all students sit.
It's so depressing that students don't come. "-one day.
Who is wrong if the major is not hot? It is too late! "Yu You also sighed and said," I am destined to be a responsible person, suffering from bones and muscles, and the misery of the Chinese Department is just a shame! " His friend shook his head and said, "The misery of China people can be attributed to the injustice of five continents. The absurdity of chemistry often lies in remoteness and the incomprehension of ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my bones and muscles is something you don't know. "The other man kept silent, and I managed his endless life. Some people are twice as strong as me. He smiled and said, "My brother's career can be described as fiery, and my wife and children can be described as hungry, right? "My brother is angry when he is beige, and his exports are all surprised." Your career can make a living, but mine is hopeless. Why is it hot? "The other three people have explored, silent for a long time before answering," invertebrate linguistics! " - .
As soon as she approached, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu Daoan, "I'm not very handsome"! But when I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitching, I sighed, "Am I too ugly?" ? But see the bigger Iraq's eyes, the more Zhang Yue opens her mouth.
I'm afraid I'll always be a real gentleman. I've never offended her, let alone met her. I tried to turn around, but suddenly I heard Iraq shout.
Ah.
Strange. ! ! "。 Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away.
I'm already sweating.
5. Funny China Classical Butcher can damage the chief father's hill without starting a business halfway.
Today, we have a huge soup. Fiona Fang is seven miles away. This sincerity can be a tree with an inch diameter, a piece of jade, a beautiful island and a rock. However, the guards' ministers were filthy, loyal ministers were frozen thousands of miles away, and snow drifted in Wan Li. The cover chased the butchers all day to see the beautiful scenery of the field, and the more they looked, the more they entered.
Sincerely, it is advisable to cut bamboo and take the road and go to the countryside to feel homesick. Don't hold a holy meeting and stab me in the face to block the way of loyalty. The palace is full of smelly oil and rotten sauce, and there are rows of fines.
If there are criminals, honest and kind, they should show their tails and bare their breasts to show their unkindness. Assistant ministers Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, Zhang, etc. Are they all animals? Do they jump big? , is a butcher like a tourist, Jane.
Fools think that if they learn to read, they can "click" and read the drums all around and scatter tirelessly. Donkeys and generals in Guizhou love to make noises during sex. He tried in the past. The butcher called it "two wars, and he wanted to go first" because he regarded Zhong Yong as a satrap.
Fools think that if they learn from disputes, they can make their flags weak, and if they are chaotic, they can be in an invincible position. Feet confused, eyes blurred. This is why the Han Dynasty was so prosperous; I was confused by my own eyes, I was confused by my own feet. Since then, the Han Dynasty has been so depressed.
When the butcher is around, every time I look at his minister with a knife, I sigh that I am not a good marksman. Taihang, the palace, the son of the neighbor, the snake god, I know that I am a minister who died of chastity. I hope your majesty believes that then the Han Dynasty will be overthrown and nothing can be done.
I don't know who Chun Han is, but he is as tall as two millet. He devoted his whole life to the hidden place in the north, risking his life for the people of Wen Da in Chu. The butcher does not regard his ministers as fierce and chivalrous, but cares about him from left to right. Thanks to the three ministers in the Broken Mountain Temple, the butcher was allowed to live a quiet life with his territory and could not stay long.
When the post-value is overturned, when it is appointed at the end of the road, it ranks between two stocks, and it is useless for you to come. The butcher knew that my minister had thrown my food bar and cup aside, and I couldn't eat or drink, so he knocked my minister to the ground.
Since he was appointed, he has always supported yellow on the left and blue on the right. He only knew how to shoot an eagle with a bow, and he was afraid that the entrustment would not work, so he hurt the young madman of the first emperor. So he brushed Zhang Suiyang with his sleeve and didn't dare to play. Today, the South China Sea has decided that the military revolution is not unyielding, and there is not much rice and millet. When the three armed forces were awarded prizes, they ordered the barbecue for 800 miles, but they were mixed with the former dynasty.
Therefore, the minister reported that the butcher's duty was to go home by the wind. As for the losers who sing on the road and the walkers who rest in the trees, Yu Shinan, Suiyang and Fang Ping will be appointed.
May your majesty languish for Iraq. If not, shoot it and sue the butcher knife.
If there are no novelists, blame the south, which has no good opinion of Yang and is slow to respond. Your majesty will also entertain guests and cut his throat.
I am very grateful to you. I am far away now. I'm fighting two wars, and I want to go first.
6. Translate the classical Chinese "Spear and Shield" and "Zheng People Buy Shoes". Spear and Shield Original: The Chu people with shields and spears are known as "my shield is strong, and things cannot be trapped." He also praised his spear and said, "The benefits of my spear are all trapped in things." Or: "Pick up the child's spear and trap the child's shield." There was a man in Chu who sold spears and shields. He boasted that his shield was so strong that nothing could penetrate it. He also boasted that his spear was so sharp that anything could pierce it. Someone said, "How about stabbing your shield with your spear?" The man was asked nothing. The central idea "Spears and Shields" is that a person boasts about the spears and shields he sells at the same time, but he can't justify himself because of self-contradiction, warning people to seek truth from facts when speaking and doing things, and not to exaggerate. Contradictions The author introduces Han Feizi (about 280-233 BC), a thinker and politician in China at the end of the Warring States Period. He was a student of Xun Qing, a famous thinker at that time. Han Fei inherited and developed Xunzi's legalist thought, absorbed his previous legalist thought and became a master of legalist thought. In the 14th year of Qin Shihuang (233 BC), he was killed for being slandered by Li Si. Oppose "cronyism" and advocate "meritocracy"; Oppose Confucian "rule by courtesy" and advocate "rule by law"; At the same time, it also puts forward that "technique" (the means by which the monarch controls his subjects) and "potential" (the power of the monarch) are the supplements to "law". Zheng Ren's explanation of buying shoes is used to satirize people who only believe in dogma and ignore reality. Everything is done by Han Feizi, and the foreign reserves say left, and the law is the master. As an attribute or adverbial; With derogatory synonyms, the story of Henan people buying shoes is a riddle. Those who buy shoes, those who have shoes to buy shoes, sit on their own feet first and forget to do it in the city. They have done it, but they said, "I forgot to take it." Instead, they took it back. If they object, they can't do it. People say, "Why not try it with enough?" Zheng has a man who wants to buy a pair of shoes. He measured his feet first, and then put the measured size on the seat. He hurried to the market and forgot his measurements. He has got the shoes, but said, "I forgot my size." He went home to get it. By the time he came back, the market was over and he was finally gone. He replied, "I would rather believe in size than my own feet!" Note Zheng, the name of a small country in the Spring and Autumn Period, is in Xinzheng County, Henan Province today. Shoes-music, shoes-music, thinking, here as verbs, that is, calculation and measurement. The word "le" at the back, as a noun, is a ruler. It is synonymous with classical Chinese, which refers to a good font size here. Take it, hold it and end it, which means that the market has been dissolved. Nihility-nothingness, no, it means no, no. Comment on the mistakes of dogmatism. He only believes in the size of his feet, not his own, and not only makes a big joke, but also can't buy shoes. In real life, he only believes in buying shoes. But there are such people. Some people talk, do things and think only from books, not from reality. He believes what is written in the notebook, but he doesn't believe what is not written in the notebook but actually exists. In this kind of person's view, only what is recorded in the notebook is the truth, and what is not recorded is not the truth. In this way, of course, his thoughts will be rigid and his actions will hit a wall. Vernacular story: In ancient times, a man in Zheng bought a pair of shoes and measured his feet at home. Here he comes. Suddenly, I found that I forgot to take a good size at home, so I said I forgot to bring it, bought it at home, and went back. The person next to him asked him why he didn't try on the size directly and why he didn't make it according to the original size. "I'd rather believe that my size is right, but my feet are not necessarily accurate." Later, people used "honest people buy shoes" to describe and laugh at those who engage in dogmatism regardless of objective reality.