The end of the lunar year is a time to sort out the past and welcome the new year. It is also a time to gather for dinner. At this time, the most indispensable thing for Chinese people is different meals with acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, clients, etc. Dinner is of important and special significance to Chinese people. On the surface, it's just a dinner party, but behind the scenes, it's a favor. Text by Wang Junyi Pictures by Gu Tingting What we eat is food, but what we want is the game. We Chinese have always attached great importance to eating and drinking. Happy things, eat them. Sad things also need to be eaten. There are wedding wines for weddings, full-moon wines for the birth of children, birthday wines at the tenth anniversary, and various dinners for guests during festivals. In short, we have to find a variety of valid or invalid reasons to set up a dinner table. From birth to death, every important or unimportant period of our lives is inseparable from the word "eating and drinking". Once the word "bureau" is added to the matter of food and drink, the meaning becomes profound. It is related to feelings, to circles, to human relations and sophistication, and also to the inexplicable and unclear Chinese psychology. It is said that connecting eating with the word "bureau" was an invention of the Song Dynasty literati. The word "dinner" has a long history and has been spoken in Chinese people for more than 1,000 years. But turning something as simple as eating into a game existed long before the Song Dynasty. Elegant dining options include the Orchid Pavilion Banquet with meandering water bottles. On March 3, the ninth year of Yonghe reign of Emperor Mu of the Eastern Jin Dynasty, Wang Xizhi, Xie An, Sun Chuo and other forty-one people gathered together at Lanting in Shanyin (now Shaoxing, Zhejiang) for the purpose of "cultivating evil spirits". At this dinner, the middle-aged Wang Xizhi wrote the "Preface to the Lanting Anthology", which was a collection of his calligraphy achievements and has been passed down through the ages. More dangerous meals. Far away is the famous "King's Feast" in history - the Hongmen Banquet, and slightly closer is the "Release of Military Power over a Cup of Wine" hosted by Zhao Kuangyin, the founding emperor of the Song Dynasty, when he entertained the founding ministers. There are other meals with various moods. For example, a night banquet is depicted in Gu Hongzhong's long scroll "Han Xizai's Night Banquet". In order to avoid the suspicion of the Southern Empress Li Yu, Han Xizai, the minister of Zhongshu in the Southern Tang Dynasty, pretended to be indulgent, played songs and entertained guests every night. Of course, today's dinner parties are naturally not so complicated, and there are fewer disputes. But dinner parties are more closely related to the lives of us ordinary people. There is a saying circulating on the Internet: "A normal person has one meal a week, a famous person has one meal a day, a social butterfly has three meals a day, and a waiter has N meals a day." This shows that a normal modern person cannot live without a meal. , dinner parties have also penetrated into people's daily social interactions. Treating guests and eating are the basic components of communication. People who work in positions such as public relations, sales, and marketing are the ones who eat the most meals every day, and they are also the ones who eat the most. Because the targets of dinner parties are mostly customers, people who need to maintain good relationships. For those who discuss business during a dinner party, in addition to connecting emotionally, the dinner party also serves as a "business" function. Of course, there are also relatively relaxed meals. I once heard a book editor who moved from Beijing to work in Shanghai complain that "Shanghai doesn't have as many gatherings in the same industry as Beijing, and I feel very drifting." Among those dinner parties she misses, "complaining" is the most important thing during the dinner: which book is very tortuous, which author is difficult to work with, how is the boss, how is the translator... Only people in the industry understand these anguish. , and can only be told to people in the industry. Once you get out of this door, you have to shut up. But at the dinner party, if you can express your grievances, you will naturally feel happy and relaxed after eating. Kung fu lies in eating. Although the word "rice" is included in the dinner party, once it is involved in the game, "eating" is already ranked at the bottom of the list. Sometimes, what you eat is not food, but a circle. From the meal, you can see a person's social situation and the circle he is in. There are many dinner parties, which means there is a wide range of contacts. Lao She wrote in "Luotuo Xiangzi" that when Luotuo Xiangzi was pulling a cart, he could make more money if he met customers who had many dinner parties: "If he met a customer who had many social interactions and had many dinner parties, he would have an average of more than ten dinner parties a month. Two or three yuan of transportation and meal money are lost.” This of course also shows other things. The meal also promotes the social economy, not only contributing to the income of various restaurants, but also the development of surrounding industries. When looking at a person's social interactions, we not only look at the number of meals, but also the people who participate in the meals, that is, the partners. Is the Queen Mother's peach feast a dinner party? Of course it's the game. Because Sun Wukong was not invited, he saw clearly that the immortals did not accept him, and he saw that even though he was at the forefront of Bi Ma Wen, he was not an insider after all. Therefore, he became furious and staged a havoc in heaven. So the important thing is not the peaches or the eating, but the people. It depends on whether you have been invited and whether you are in the circle.
Wu Chengen understands the world and human feelings, and this stroke also expresses the sadness of a person who is "out of the game". It’s not about eating, it’s about being careful. There are many things to pay attention to at a dinner party. Who is the main host, how many guests are invited, how many dishes are ordered, how much the dishes are ordered, what day of the week the appointment is, and where the appointment is, all depend on whether the "board" is successful or not. It doesn't matter whether you are happy or not. There are also rules for dinner parties, such as how to arrange seats, when to sit down, when to use chopsticks, when to toast, what to say, when to disperse... there are all rules. If you don't pay attention, everyone will be unhappy and the whole dinner will end unhappy. The best meal is naturally the one where both the guest and the host enjoy themselves. The main purpose is to connect emotionally and hang out in social circles. Everyone has a happy and interesting chat. The main thing is to entrust people to do things and ask people for help. Of course, the guest of honor eats happily, and the guests also know that "things are done." There were also many jokes about the dinner party. For example, someone laughed at themselves, "I made a reservation a day in advance to really treat you, but I made a reservation half a day in advance to keep you company, and I only invited you after the food was served to make up for the meal." This shows the several identities of the people at the dinner. Most people who have been involved in dinner parties for many years and have rich social experience can't help but smile knowingly when they see it, which shows the important position of treating guests to dinner in Chinese people's life. There are situations everywhere in the world. Dinner parties related to social interaction are not a specialty of China. In the international-style Shanghai at night, there is also a Westernized "dinner", that is, a banquet. The more common ones are called "parties", and the more western ones are called "party" by its original name. A certain fashionable dinner party, in the name of eating, but how many people actually came to have this meal. There are also some banquets in the name of charity, and how many people go there to raise donations. Most of them are wearing dresses and suits, chatting politely about literature, art, fashion, movies... In fact, they are building relationships and connecting feelings. These foreign-style gatherings and meals are nothing more than variations of Chinese-style dinners. But the so-called banquets, parties, cocktail receptions, buffets... are really not as humane as dinner parties, which can be both up and down, civilized and martial. It can not only adapt to the bold atmosphere of eating big meat and gulping wine, but also adapt to the elegance of eating, drinking tea and listening to music. It can be a game among literati, or it can be a game among stars; there are games in the same industry, and there are exchanges between different industries. Food is the most important thing for the people. Eating is a big event. Every country has various customs and rules about eating, but only the Chinese connect the meal with the meal and develop a profound and subtle wine table culture. Eating is a cover-up Gu Wenhao, book reviewer and column director of "Wenhui Reader's Perspective" Life Weekly: In your opinion, what kind of "eating" can be called a game? Gu Wenhao: I think it can be called a meal because it has a purpose, whether it is a personal purpose or a collective purpose. Everyone has something to ask for, whether you are the one giving the treat or the one being invited. When friends eat together, they don’t expect anything to happen after the meal. The meal itself is not as important as before and after the meal. At a dinner party, one of the parties must be passive and judge based on whether the other party is happy or not, not oneself. Normally, both parties can eat whatever they like. Of course, eating etiquette is another matter. For a dinner party, the number of people will be larger, with leading roles, supporting roles, and accompanying guests. Some people are responsible for taking care of others, and some are responsible for regulating the atmosphere. Life Weekly: What about the dinner party in the circle? This kind of meal is not aimed at achieving things. Gu Wenhao: Dinner in the circle is mainly about communicating feelings. People who know each other relatively well get together, just like animals need to get together. Sit together and talk and talk. Life Weekly: There are so many dinner parties at the end of the year. Some people have eaten to the point where they can no longer complain, but they still have to attend various dinner parties. What do you think about the situation of "having to participate"? Gu Wenhao: This is called "Fasi". I don’t want to go to this one, and I don’t want to go to that one, but I still want to go to everyone. If you are controlled by the meal, it proves that you are needed. A large number of meals proves that you are in greater demand. It's like everyone wants to fall in love with you. Being demanded too much is annoying. Not even once, which is also very lonely. Having many dinner parties shows that you may be the center of your social circle. A meal without meat would be a joy, and a meal without you would be a joy. Life Weekly: What is a better and more enjoyable meal? Gu Wenhao: To have a happy meal is to have a happy conversation. If you feel good about eating and not having fun talking, then that’s not good either. When a person meets a close friend, a thousand cups are too few. For Chinese people, a meal is a conversation. If there is someone you dislike at the dinner party, then it depends on whether the person you like is attractive enough for you to attend the dinner, and also on the ratio of the people you dislike to the people you like. Life Weekly: In your opinion, why do Chinese people attach so much importance to dinner parties? Gu Wenhao:.
If you talk about things seriously, it will be a little embarrassing if you don't cover up whether you talk well or poorly. Chinese people like to cover up and pretend. If the conversation is happy, then eating is also happy; if the conversation is not happy, there is also an excuse to eat. This has nothing to do with personality or not, it has to do with hypocrisy. It is both a social venue and a pit for complaints. Xu Ping, executive director of a public relations company, Life Weekly: In your opinion,? Xu Ping: Dinner can connect people emotionally, obtain information, and get things done or be done. The focus of a meal is the meal, not the meal. Where you eat and how much you spend is more important than what you eat. Since it is a bureau, it needs to be promoted. Food, social interaction, and lifestyle all need to be taken into consideration. Life Weekly: Since you want to flirt, is there anything particular about how to make a date? Xu Ping: You have to pay attention to the time when making office appointments. Mondays are busy and Fridays have many personal arrangements. It is not suitable to disturb family time on Saturdays and Sundays. Therefore, it is best to leave business meetings at noon or Tuesday to Thursday. One-to-one is too dry, one-to-many is insincere, one-to-two or three-to-one depends on whether the age, horoscope, aura, hobbies, and positions of the other two or three people are consistent. Those who organize the dinner party must not be hasty. The time, place, personnel, and even the name of the person making the reservation must be carefully arranged. Life Weekly: What kind of game is a good game? What kind of game is a bad game? Xu Ping: There is no best. It’s good to find the right place, the environment, the taste and the right people. The worst thing would be to attend a dinner organized by others. There are many people, the atmosphere may not all match, and you are late or say the wrong thing, which is very embarrassing. The best match needs to be someone who is easy-going, loves to share, can talk to each other, and is a foodie. The person who made the appointment made sure that the people who came were in the same group. Life Weekly: Do you prefer a meal with many acquaintances or a meal with many strangers? Will you attend a dinner party with annoying people? Xu Ping: I like dinner parties where acquaintances can chat and eat together, but I need dinner parties where I can make friends with strangers.