2, the blow to children's self-confidence Children are practicing calligraphy, which is a process of gradually getting better. It is impossible to write well at once. Parents keep pointing out that it is not good here and there, and children are not confident. They feel that they can't write well and can't meet the requirements of their parents. Over time, children should feel inferior.
3. It is easy to produce rebellious psychology. Everyone wants to be praised and encouraged by others. Blaming children blindly will make them feel uncomfortable and rebellious.
In short, I think that when children write, we will give them a quiet environment to concentrate on writing. When they are finished, we will check them, praise them for their good work and correct them for their bad work. After such a long time, children will write better and better! Let her rest for a while, you come! Just say, well, my wife has worked hard, so you are busy. I'll leave this little thing to my slave in the future. It's up to you, okay?
There must be harm! The children's enthusiasm for practicing calligraphy has not been hit.
The child has just started practicing and needs his mother's affirmation and encouragement.
If mom doesn't even recognize her, how can she have the confidence to practice well?
This is obviously inappropriate. Mastering any skill has a process of practice-cognition-practice-cognition. Of course, children should start by copying copybooks and then write them themselves later. In the process of practicing calligraphy, it is inevitable that the strokes are not standardized, but children should practice boldly first and then give necessary guidance; If you stare at the child, every time you raise a pen, it will only make the child timid and at a loss.
You blame your wife. It's a routine to blame the children with your wife.
They all stand by and command, feeling that others are not doing well. If you think others can't do it, you can do it yourself. Just like you said to your daughter-in-law: let your daughter-in-law write, and you stand by and comment to see how she feels.
This is a good idea, but it is the most important. Think about it: if you think your daughter-in-law is not a good guide, will you just come next time? I don't care about my children, but I stand by and feel that my daughter-in-law is not managing well enough. Isn't it easy to stand and talk?
Is it harmful for daughter-in-law to do so? Great harm ...
1. Learning anything new, never doing it, has a process. Your daughter-in-law guides children like this, giving them no room to make mistakes, but how can children grow up without making mistakes? So there is definitely no progress. ...
2. Every step is guiding the child, so that the child can get my wrong belief in every stroke, so that the child will not have his own judgment. All his standards of right and wrong are based on his mother's reaction. How can such a child be independent?
He believes that he is wrong. Will this make him drive? Is it to belittle yourself and have no confidence?
3. Under what circumstances do people learn most efficiently? Are you nervous or relaxed? His mother looks after the children every day, and he has requirements for every pen. Do you think the child is nervous or relaxed?
If children are nervous, how can they learn well?
This is a typical helicopter mother, constantly hovering over the child and gesturing to the child will make the child lose her independence. However, regardless of dad, he just went to the opposite side of fullness, completely leaving children without rules and boundaries.
So I just want my mother to adjust, not enough! One person can't change another. If dad wants mom to change, he has to change first. Don't just blame your daughter-in-law; I really can't get used to it if I have to feel bad and pay. You should teach yourself. Both parents are not perfect and need to grow up. However, in dealing with children, parents who are consistent often have better educational effects than parents who blame each other.
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I am a psychologist, focusing on education, emotion and psychology. I really like your question. With this question, I can sort out my experience. I'm glad if I can help you. @ Qingshui Zuoan
"My daughter practices calligraphy, and every time she writes, her wife says it's wrong." This practice is actually quite harmful. Let me analyze it from two aspects: study and psychology.
First, study.
1. stifle children's interest and experience no sense of accomplishment.
We should consider what our initial intention is when we do everything.
Take this case as an example. What is the purpose of your husband and wife to let your daughter practice calligraphy? Is it to cultivate her daughter into a unique calligrapher, or just to cultivate her writing habits?
No matter what you want to achieve, you can't do without cultivating your interest in writing. Interest is a weak flame, which will be extinguished mercilessly if you are not careful. And the child's mother is tirelessly doing fire fighting every day.
You can do two small experiments. One way is that mothers use positive reinforcement when their children practice calligraphy, that is, affirmation, praise and encouragement; Another way is that when the child is practicing calligraphy, the child's mother does not interfere in the whole process.
Then look at the results and speak with facts, so that children and mothers can realize which method is more scientific. I believe this is much better than arguing with her.
2. Destroy children's concentration and habit of independent thinking.
Many parents are worried about their children's poor hearing in class, but they don't know that this kind of poor hearing is the performance of their children's inattention. The cultivation of concentration must have started at an early age. Our parents do a lot of things that they think are good for their children, but in fact they undermine the development of their concentration.
For example, when a child is writing calligraphy, his mother always interrupts him at the back, which destroys her concentration and independent thinking ability.
For children of primary school age, her concentration should be around 10 minutes, and by junior high school, it will reach 25 to 30 minutes. This kind of concentration is very valuable, because it is directly related to whether a child can think deeply when facing a difficult problem.
If the child's concentration is not enough and he can only concentrate on a problem or an action for a few minutes, then there will be a common phenomenon of muddling along in homework or drinking water for a while and going to the toilet for a while. When she is faced with the increasingly difficult knowledge points in junior high school and senior high school, her concentration of only a few minutes is not enough to support her to listen and think. In other words, she can only be distracted. These problems will directly affect her deep thinking and academic performance.
It is better to give her time when she is writing and let her experience the process by herself. Not being interrupted by the outside world is the process of her independent thinking and focused thinking.
After she finishes writing, parents can take time to interact with her, which is a process of commenting on calligraphy. In this process, parents must insist on positive reinforcement, that is, give their children interest and confidence in continuing to practice with words of encouragement, affirmation and praise.
Parents can also guide their children to look at their own shortcomings and let her find out the shortcomings through observation and comparison. In fact, this is also a process of thinking and learning, which is much better than what the mother pointed out directly to her, because it not only affects the quality of the child's writing, but also affects the depth and quality of her future thinking. This is very important.
Second, the psychological aspect.
1. Hit self-confidence and have rebellious mentality.
The practice of the child's mother will hit the child's self-confidence again and again, making the child retreat and lose self-confidence.
Now the child is still young and dependent. Whether she likes it or not, she may accept her mother's criticism, but with the growth of age, the arrival of adolescence and the strong self-awareness, she will have rebellious psychology.
Mainly in defining the relationship between yourself and your mother, that is, whatever you do is wrong and bad, and you will be criticized. As a result, the mother-daughter relationship is not good, either I do nothing or I don't listen to anything.
2. Not conducive to personality development
Children who have been severely criticized for a long time have a flawed personality and a very low sense of personal value. Correspondingly, the performance in life is inferiority and inactivity.
It is also possible to go to the other extreme. For example, when she is in contact with others, she will also use this kind of criticism instead of praise, leaving a bitter impression on the other side. This will bring great trouble to children's future interpersonal communication and partner communication.
After talking about the influence on children, I also want to talk about the behavior of children's mothers.
Mom is a good mother with a strong sense of responsibility, but she is competitive and controlling, and always wants to show her sense of value and existence. Therefore, in the process of interacting with children, the above performance will occur, but she may not realize it.
As a partner, the landlord can communicate with the child's mother to see if she has been in such a nurturing atmosphere since childhood, so as to help her avoid her personality weaknesses as much as possible, interact with the child correctly and create a good environment for the child's growth.
I believe that with your loving father and responsible mother, the child will be great! Start (a disease)
# Emotion # Psychology # Parent-child relationship #
Many of our parents are used to staring at their children's shortcomings. As mentioned here, staring at the children's bad strokes, there are also children who scored 98 points. Ask them how to deduct those two points first. This is because our parents have high expectations for their children and think that their children have the ability or potential to score 100, which can be better. We believe that as long as the child's imperfections are corrected, the child will be perfect. But the facts are often contrary to our hopes. For example, a child whose strokes are constantly corrected here can't write well. As soon as she hears that it is not good here, she will go there to change it, which will not only hurt her self-confidence, feel useless, affect her enthusiasm for practice, and lead her to have emotions when practicing in the future; It is also easy to affect the feelings of parents and children. Children are often very sensitive and can't understand whether mom and dad's "turning around" is "all for your own good". She only realized that she was unhappy, wronged, restricted and her needs were not seen. And the child is constantly told what is wrong, and sometimes she doesn't know what is right and will be at a loss.
So what should we do? Praise the children more. Don't just praise "you are great" and "you are really smart", you can be more specific, and constantly affirm "this stroke is better than last time" and "this word is well written", slowly cultivate children's interest, discover and carry forward her bright spots, and increase her self-confidence.
Regarding "how to treat your wife", I suggest you bring your wife a cup of tea in a gentle and considerate manner, let her rest and enjoy it, and tutor the children by herself.
Great harm!
Every child wants to be affirmed and encouraged by his parents, which is the source of self-confidence. If parents often deny their children, in the long run, some children will feel particularly useless and can't do anything well. As a result, children can't do anything well, and some children will have rebellious psychology and break the jar. Anyway, if you say I'm not good and I'm not good for you, I'll go against my parents everywhere.
Your lover is denying your daughter, so aren't you denying your lover? If your lover is an adult, he can refute you. If his daughter is a child and he can't refute his mother, he will use the prodigal son to deal with it.
It can be seen that you and your lover love your daughter very much, but there is a deviation in direction. From a psychological point of view, the relationship between husband and wife should be higher than that between parents and children! If I guess correctly, your daughter's handwriting practice is just a microcosm of your family life. Your lover not only disowns your daughter, but also often disowns you. Because she grew up in denial, she had to inherit it like this.
If you really love your daughter, love her mother first! You can be sure that your lover is a perfectionist and a mother who loves her daughter very much. Then I see the positive significance of all my lover's words and deeds in all aspects of life, and constantly affirm and praise her, so that she can realize the significance of positive evaluation. When her heart is full of love, this love will naturally flow to her daughter, and she will naturally give affirmation and encouragement to all her words and deeds. In this way, the whole family will be happy.
I wish you happiness!
The expression on your daughter's face when she was practicing calligraphy showed that she was extremely disgusted. In the long run, children will have rebellious psychology, and your wife will never only interfere with children's handwriting practice. There is something wrong with her way of education.
1. If the child can't teach calligraphy, give the child a class or download a teaching video. Reduce your wife's participation. Give the child a space where she can concentrate on practicing calligraphy and let her concentrate. Always disturbing children will lead to children's inattention and endless troubles. Moreover, always communicating and blaming with a negative attitude will make children lose self-confidence and think that they are useless. What your wife did was all wet!
2. Your wife should go to a class on educational methods, or educate parents to know a little about children's psychology. Such a morbid attitude, which does not allow others to criticize, will not only affect children's current calligraphy practice, but more seriously, it will become a lifelong shadow for children. Recommend several books: a good mother is better than a good teacher, love and freedom, and capture the sensitive period of children. In addition, pay attention to the official WeChat account of education and parenting, and usually read more articles and learn more. Being a parent also needs constant improvement.
You and your wife have different educational ideas, so don't quarrel in front of the children. This will cause a dislocation of "parents don't know who to listen to" for children. Causes children to have psychological problems. You and your wife should talk in private. If you can't convince her, you can find an education expert or someone with more parenting experience among your friends and give her some positive guidance and help.
Share that you have a good wife and attach great importance to children's education. I suggest criticizing your wife's education from the back to the front.
What does this mean? That is, let the wife and adults explain to the children how to write these words well before the children practice writing. After the explanation, let the children practice writing. Then whether the child's handwriting is good or bad is partly the child's problem, and the other part is whether the wife's explanation is in place and whether the child understands it. Well, once a child's handwriting is not good enough, the child will reflect on his writing process. Wife's adult reflects on her own way of explanation. Then exchange ideas with each other. When parents and children make progress together, in fact, the rapid progress of children will crush parents immediately.
Haha, because children are in the strongest learning stage.
In other words, from another perspective, it is more helpful for educators to become classmates and solve problems together.
Teacher Zhou Jun teaches writing. I hope I can help you.