In modern society, we have the freedom to choose a career, and at the same time, we have the freedom to be unemployed; we have the freedom to receive education, and therefore there is the risk of failing the exam. Freedom brings us many unlimited possibilities, but it also brings more competitive pressure in this era. Uncertainty brings us freedom and opportunities, but it also brings us a lot of anxiety. How can a person survive in this era? It is particularly important to live well in the current environment of the times. Let us calm down and think about the following points:
First, can we clearly understand ourselves?
It may be more important for a person to know himself than to know the world and to acquire various knowledge and skills. From an educational point of view, will the more skills a child masters, the better his future will be? But we rarely encourage our children to think about questions like, Who am I? What is the best thing for me to do? What can I do well? What is my favorite thing to do? Children are rarely encouraged to explore and discover themselves.
Looking back at my life, which has lasted for thirty years, I have been thinking, is life really about climbing as high as possible, running as fast as possible, and getting more and more? I'm particularly skeptical about this. I think the purpose of life is not to be higher, faster, or more, but to find the right position that suits you is more important.
To give an example among my readers, Zhang Jun grew up in a very good family. His family sent him to various remedial training classes since he was a child. He knew several musical instruments and dance calligraphy. Later, he passed He paid an expensive fee to attend a relatively first-class foreign university, and spent four or eight years in high-end circles as a coward in a high-end circle. However, his life was not happy at all. He only lived to make his parents feel more respectable. Rather than living like yourself.
I heard him say to me, Xiaoya, I envy you very much. Although you have experienced a lot, you can bravely choose to insist on being yourself, but I lack the courage in this regard, everything is... I have followed my parents' arrangements until now. I sigh, everyone is born differently. I was not born as good as you. I did not have good family conditions when I was young. I used to think this was unfair, but now I feel that this relatively difficult environment when I was a child has also changed my personality. Strong, optimistic and open-minded.
For another example, many people think that a boy has made a girl who is better than him because he is very lucky. Do you think he will live a happy life? I think the answer is no. He will feel inferior and pitied when getting along with the other person, which may make his life very tiring. A boy in our village found a girlfriend. His parents told people around us that their child was capable and how was his girlfriend. However, he ran away from the wedding on the day of the wedding. The bride who had prepared a banquet disappeared, and the family proposed to break off the engagement on the same day. , this is so embarrassing, and this happened in our village, and the person involved was a classmate who we grew up with. Therefore, life is all about fate, don’t climb up, a rich girl finds a poor boy, Cinderella will marry Fairy tales like the one in TV series about giving rich, handsome and domineering presidents cannot exist in reality, so this kind of perfect plot will continue to be played out on the screen, but when it is applied to life, it is just a farce.
Not long ago, at the end of the year, there was a general election for the party branch in our village. Many people and their parents asked me to be the secretary of the party branch in this village. A good college student took care of his children at home. It was a real waste of social resources. Everyone could I lamented that my college education was in vain, and was puzzled that I voluntarily gave up this opportunity. Everyone was scrambling to do it because I was not qualified, but I gave up voluntarily. My family said that it is not okay to just go around in meetings and earn more than 40,000 yuan a year. Okay? And I don’t like to embarrass myself for money and do things that I don’t want to feel like wasting my life. For a while, I was regarded as a fool among the villagers. I, who didn’t like to fight and chose to give up, became a veritable fool in the village. The reason is because I gave up an opportunity that everyone thought was a success.
I am very clear about my own personality and character. I just want to live more like myself. I don’t like to hold boring meetings. This is undoubtedly a waste of precious learning and creative time in my life. , as a free and undisciplined person like me, if I listen to my parents and do these jobs and take the civil service examination in three years, no matter what level I reach, I will feel that I am wearing a pair of shoes that are not suitable for my feet every day.
I have been thinking about a question, why are there so many depression and anxiety among teenagers nowadays? It’s because of this mismatch in life. Most people don't know their interests and personality traits at all before choosing a major or finding a job. Instead, they learn a major they don't like, do a job they don't like, follow other people's paths, and just let themselves go. The path of life that follows the crowd leads to a mediocre life and a lack of driving force for the growth value of life itself, which leads to many problems. Because the path chosen by most people means a sense of security in their eyes, so everyone rushes to it. to compete for the same position.
So to a certain extent, our education does not encourage young people to discover their true selves, but allows them to escape themselves. Choose to escape from the unique self to the average other, escape from individuality to the so-called trend, and escape from adventure to the so-called safety. To give a simple example to illustrate one thing, ask parents why they enroll their children in interest classes? Most of the reasons are because "other people's children have signed up for that interest training class." Parents around me who sign up for their children will tell me this. The child next door has learned piano or dance, and I also put our I sent the money to my parents to prevent my children from falling behind. As a result, after paying the money, my children no longer wanted to go to school. I got angry and quarreled with my children every day because I sent them to remedial classes.
If you were to ask those college students who are about to enter college why they chose this major? Many of the answers are because "it's easier to find a job." My family once forced me to learn accounting because it was easy to find a job. During college, my grades in all accounting subjects were basically close to full marks. I successfully won many school honors, but I didn't feel that How meaningful it was. After graduation, I felt uncomfortable doing this type of professional-related work, so I quit my job.
I am asking people in the workplace why they do this job? Most of the reasons are because this job is "stable, has high income, and makes parents feel at ease." Even if you don't want to change jobs, it's not because you like the new job, but because you hated the last job too much. Therefore, a person's life is a cycle of endless escape. After graduating from college, I frequently changed jobs during my career journey and fell into this vicious cycle, which led to self-denial and suspicion that I was basically useless. I had worked 38 jobs, but none of them lasted long. I was I simply feel like I have fallen into a black hole in life in confusion and self-doubt and cannot get out.
I have been reflecting on myself later. The so-called sense of security that following the crowd brings us is actually a false sense of security. How can a person obtain safety if he chooses to go where there are the most people? It will definitely face stampede competition. I once read a book written by Peter Thiel, a Silicon Valley investor, "From 0 to 1", which refers to this investment principle. If a person wants to win from the competition, you must do 1 , don’t do 10001. If you do 10001, you will definitely lose at the starting line, because there are already 10,000 people in front of you.
Those so-called unfortunate people all have their own unique characteristics, while happy people each have their own happiness. Why do I say this? Because unfortunate people follow the crowd and follow the path of life that most people take, which means mediocrity. Mediocrity means the sense of security in most people's hearts, while those so-called happy people often find another way and walk out of the world. Your own unique and wonderful life.
I am a person who loves freedom by nature, but freedom does not just represent a space to me, but a learned ability. Everyone's self is constantly exploring and trying out a life path that suits them. A person can't sit in a room and think hard and rack his brains, and then suddenly realize, ah, I should do this. No one's "self" is a complete finished product in their teens or twenties, because it is not yet a beautiful piece of jade. What we initially found was just an ordinary stone. You have to slowly polish and carve this stone into yourself. This is the process of self-discovery.
My real name is Li Yuyu. I think that I am just a piece of stone, but I like to constantly polish myself into a piece of jade that I like. Therefore, I face my shortcomings, use my strengths and avoid weaknesses, and do not cover up my flaws. This is my self-encouragement. In other words, I like to share various jade ornaments and design jewelry, and the reason is the same. I deeply love the unique charm of that piece of jade that becomes jewelry after polishing and design. This is why many people in my circle of friends see me posting a lot of jewelry. , which also makes a large number of readers think that I am a micro-business who just sells things through advertisements. In fact, it is not the case. It’s just that the moment I saw the jewelry, I was deeply attracted and shocked by the beauty, so I will often share what I like. Everything, sharing everything that I think is beautiful is my own inner drive.
Of course, over time, it also attracted the love and purchase sharing of a group of loyal fans who love jewelry. This was beyond my expectation, but it also brought me a lot of unexpected income. I had a customer not long ago. I fell in love with a southern red ring in my birth year. The price was more than 3,000, but the ring size was not specified in detail. I ran to ask the manufacturer and found that the other party had deleted me. I didn’t know why at that moment, so I sent the verification information, and the other party said You haven't been able to help me sell a piece of jewelry in the past six months. Don't bother me. I despised that manufacturer at that moment. It turns out that I use jewelry as my own aesthetic to appreciate and share, but in their eyes, such beautiful jade It is only used as a means to obtain money for profit. In my eyes, I look down upon this kind of people who are too quick and quick to make money.
Thinking with their thinking mode, their life is hard on the road of making money. If a customer asks if he has not purchased, they think that the customer is the enemy. Why bother me if he does not buy? At that time When this manufacturer found me, he talked better than he sang. I saw that his jewelry was indeed beautiful, but the price was very expensive, ranging from tens of thousands to tens of thousands per piece. The cheapest one was only five or six hundred pieces, and it was like jade. I think jewelry depends on chance, which is what I call jade fate. When I share these jewelry, it is never for the purpose of selling them to make money for myself. Rather, I am attracted by the design style of this jewelry. I am lazy and never mark the price. Maybe I never thought about deliberately selling jewelry, but over time I will sell a large part of it within a year.
I directly replied to the manufacturer, you are not worthy of selling such beautiful jade, and then deleted this merchant. What kind of aesthetic taste can a person who only cares about money have? If he can’t make money, he will fall out. I am not an employee of that merchant. , I just think that their product pictures are in line with my aesthetics, and I chose to share them with the pictures when I posted the article. However, in the eyes of this kind of people, I felt a lot of resentment. I have to say, I can’t make money from anything I do. Thinking about problems from the perspective of money is really the root of the pain in life. A gentleman seeks wealth rather than wealth. I think wealth is in the sky. I pride myself on not having the talent to make money and become famous, but I have a sense of beauty, a sense of life and the meaning of life. Think about it and know what you love in this life is enough.
Second, a person must have the courage to accept failure
Since life is an adventure, and we are always moving forward through trial and error, we will inevitably make mistakes. The result may be failure. The reason why many people dare not try and make mistakes is because they are too afraid of the frustration and excessive pressure caused by failure, as well as the eyes and opinions of people around them.
Today’s era is full of various success studies, but there is no such discipline as “failure studies”. The entire society, teachers, and parents constantly guide children to "where there is a will, there is a way." However, in fact, success is a result that is possible only under the conditions of multiple factors such as strength, luck, connections, background, and emotional intelligence. It is not simply a result of success. With a person's passion, one can easily succeed.
It is better for a person to be a brave loser than a cowardly loser. In the end, even if I accomplished nothing, I became a brave and honest person. This is what I often encourage myself to say.
Third, think about it the other way around, what is success?
Another more terrifying "failure of values" is that the success criteria are too single and one-sided. What is success? Success means that a person can stand out, earn more money, become a bigger official, and have more fans... In short, if you become an ordinary person, then you are synonymous with failure. People in this world are too afraid Become an ordinary person yourself.
Where can there be so many successful people in a society? There are so many Jack Ma, Ma Huateng, Wang Jianlin, and Yao Ming. In fact, most of us are ordinary people.
I believe that my daughter will be an ordinary person like me, but I hope that she will have a free soul and independent personality like me, and become a happy person. I will not ask my children to have to take the exam. , I have to get a certain number of points in the exam. Every time I think about it, I gain the freedom of being a mother.
Some parents may tell me that our children do not have any comparative advantage, so what should we do? In fact, this is not the case. Everyone comes into this world with their own comparative advantages. The so-called comparative advantage does not mean that you can do one thing better than everyone else, but that among all the things you can do, which thing can you do better than anything else? Even if it is a very common thing, for example, my daughter likes to draw, and I encourage her to clean up the house and do housework. The child has a strong sense of autonomy to complete one thing independently, and does not let adults help. I think this is okay. Be a person's highlight. Our children may not be geniuses, but it is enough to live a contented life in their own little world. I call this a person's success.
Maybe because I have been a very strong person since I was a child, for a long time, I seemed to think that others should be the same. Although it is impossible for everyone to become a figure like Gates, Buffett, and Jack Ma, everyone should strive to become the "best self" and pursue a life of continuous transcendence and self-growth.
However, as I continue to grow, my idea has gradually gained new cognition and thinking, because I have gradually realized that the so-called success is often accompanied by greater responsibilities and pressure than others. There are many, and not everyone has to be such a good version of themselves.
Let me give you an example of my husband and me. I am a person who particularly likes to learn and constantly surpass my own cognitive boundaries. I don’t like to watch entertainment programs such as variety shows and TV series, and I never play. Games, and my husband happens to like these. I saw him doing these a few years before I got married. I was very angry. I felt that this man was really unmotivated as a man. My husband said that everything a person does in life is destined, not human. Everyone will be a great man like Mao Zedong. After listening to his judgment, I became even more angry, saying that he was willing to degenerate. The two of us are often different because of this. As long as we encounter unpleasantness, I feel that this man is hopeless if he does not make progress. . Too lazy to learn and think, I always wanted to change him. This obsession brought a lot of pain to my married life, and also caused a lot of unhappiness between the two of us.
Every time, I always argue with reason and speak eloquently. He is more powerful and ignores me. I am bored and it ends, but I don’t feel that I am very happy. Later I observe the people around me. I found that people are different. To live well, one must accept that others are different from oneself. After broadening one's mind, I found that the original unhappiness disappeared.
Later I reflected on myself and came to a conclusion, because everyone’s value ranking is different to a large extent, and not everyone is willing to exchange comfort, so-called ease and happiness for those so-called It is not necessarily a sin to settle for the next best thing and live a leisurely, relaxed and happy life. It is not necessarily a bad thing for a person to choose to be comfortable and give up success.
I used to be particularly disgusted with the people in our village who were on welfare. I thought they were a burden to society, especially the lazy ones among them, and I looked down upon them more or less. I also feel that the government provides too little and fights with each other, making it difficult for village cadres to do their jobs. This is also a very important reason why I don’t like to do this kind of work. I hate dealing with the work related to the rights and interests of these people.
But now I think about it, these lazy people who enjoy the welfare of the Communist Party have also made great contributions to society. Perhaps the welfare of the Communist Party is actually a reward for this contribution. What contribution do we lazy people in poor areas make to society? I keep thinking about this in my mind, precisely because their existence greatly reduces the intensity of social competition.
When I was in the cities of Guangzhou, I felt that the pressure was too great and the pace was too fast. I couldn't adapt to my hometown. After living in the countryside with my parents-in-law for a few years, I was the only one around me who was more active in study and life. Others never did. Reading and studying, but over time I discovered that I study because I am happy and it is my own way of life, rather than deliberately learning a certain ability for the sake of survival and competition. On the contrary, I live a very happy life. I am wondering what is the reason behind this change. ?
You might as well think about it carefully. In today’s society, we strive for speed and success. Everyone lives very anxiously and out of breath every day. If each of us is a desperate person, we will be exhausted. What does it look like? So, in a highly competitive and fast-paced era, there are some lazy people like our Murakami in the society, and the society will be much less anxious. While they sacrificed themselves, they also saved countless people from the brink of collapse. In fact, I experienced this process when I returned to rural life from a big city. The people and the surrounding environment in the big city brought me too much pressure, but instead Being in the countryside allowed me to live a free and easy life, and I suddenly felt that this was my nature. I found that when readers asked me what I did, I said that I farmed so confidently and calmly, but when I was studying before, I didn’t I felt that farming was such a good thing. When I was a child, adults told me every day that if I didn’t study hard, I would have to farm like us. At that time, I felt that farming would be looked down upon and inferior to others.
So, I think the best educational concept as a parent is to inspire children to know themselves and learn to accept their true selves. This is not only to make children’s lives easier, but also to make our parents and children We get along better. I believe that education that takes advantage of the situation will do more good than harm in terms of the output of education itself, which is the optimal allocation of social resources and family happiness, harmony and stability. Only when everyone can do their best to maximize their value can a society be full of vitality.
I was a severely depressed suicidal patient. Depression means mental health problems. Later, I became a person who survived a catastrophe and was bound to be blessed later. Then I was thinking about why I had to go. What is the root of the problem in using death to escape reality? After I recovered from depression, I compared my mental state with my previous state and found the following changes. That is, my inner acceptance is much greater than before. , my adaptability to reality is much greater than in the past, my tolerance for the interpersonal relationships around me has also expanded a lot, and my ability to make myself happy is much stronger than before. To sum up, my heart has become much stronger than I used to be. few?
I think the greatest significance of a person's efforts is to seek more choices, thereby saving more security for oneself, so that one does not lose control of his heart, so that his life will not be out of order. in trouble.
The ultimate goal of studying is not to get a diploma or make a fortune, but to become a warm, interesting, thinking, and free person with an independent personality. I think this kind of study It is valuable, and such a life is worth living. A life that has not been seriously thought about is not worth living.
On New Year’s Day this year, I wanted to post to Moments, and I saw many people writing summaries in Moments. A friend’s Moments posted all the honors he had received in the past year, in the form of a nine-square grid, and the awards, titles, and status were special. Dazzling, I just happened to see it that day, and because I was familiar with it, I said, I am proud to see you have achieved great success this year, but a man who is obsessed with worldly honors and success may not necessarily have such a wonderful life. Then one of my friends probably felt uncomfortable. Later he deleted the honorary circle of friends that he posted and simply said Happy New Year to me. I instantly felt that I had said the wrong thing.
The freedom of a person's life is often manifested in the moment when the so-called money can no longer please you, when the so-called world can no longer bind you; when you find that you no longer have anything worth showing off. From then on, our lives can be considered to have reached a considerable height.
Plato said: "A happy life cannot be found in wealth, fame, or various decorations. You must turn inward and search in your own soul."
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I used to transition from city life to rural pastoral life. I also gradually changed from the exquisite life to simplicity. I also got used to wearing old clothes. I gave up wearing long skirts and shorts. I look very fashionable, but I changed into old clothes that are almost the same as those of the surrounding villagers. People in this place can't remember to buy clothes for a year. I used to always think that clothes look good, but now I wear them at home for a week or two or a month. I only have the same set of clothes, but occasionally I will change into very beautiful and fashionable clothes when I have time, arrange myself and take a beautiful photo. This seems to become a ritual and a small blessing in my life. In my previous life, every day I think this is a waste of time and money. In fact, this simple and pure life reduces the worries in life.
My daughter saw that I received many honorary certificates in college and asked me, Mom, how can I be like you? I said that if you do what you like well, you will get many honorary certificates one day. But you must understand that you do what you like to make yourself happy, not to get honors. Those honorary certificates I used to have Behind the scenes, it was actually a manifestation of my inner self-confidence and insecurity. At that time, I thought that by winning many honors, I would be recognized and admired by the people around me. The reason why I was unhappy and unfree was just because I wanted to use these to prove myself. But now I look back at the honors I once had, and how fragile I was when I was wrapped in honors in college.
A person who tries to elevate himself with the so-called honor of success in the eyes of others is doomed to a certain fate. If you fall in one day, you will fall into an abyss, and my life has gone from being a top student in college to falling into a state of self-denial and depression and suicide. It is this view of education since childhood that makes me feel that only fame, wealth, success, and a shining life are extraordinary. It is the values ????that lead to success. After I gained these, and then fell from the high point of life to the bottom, I realized that I had dug a big hole for myself, and then threw myself into it. I fell into pieces. Now I see that I have been With those honorary certificates, I no longer feel how great I am, but when I accept real ordinary life, and live the present moment in life, without relying on external fame and fortune to prove anything, I find that my soul is free and easy. Only then did I realize that this was my true self. I would never get angry because someone said, "Aren't you a top student? Why don't you understand this? If you don't know it, you don't know it. It's okay to be humble and learn." I suddenly changed. I like to appreciate myself like this.
Taoism likes to compare Tao to light, and light represents the awakening of wisdom. Laozi likes to say that "light does not shine." But don't be dazzling. Lao Tzu also said, "Become the same as the light." In a certain environment, if your own light is too dazzling, you will easily become the target of others' treatment and ridicule. Therefore, you must know how to restrain yourself and be able to mix with the dust. , when others are covered in dust, and you are slightly contaminated, if you are completely clean, others will exclude you, and you may even be in danger. Therefore, being in harmony with the light means understanding the external environment and respecting other people. A very important accomplishment.
In the short thirty-two years of my life, I have recorded my experience of life and my reflections on my past life. Wherever I go in life, I will leave behind Leave footprints; wherever I strive, I will experience growth.
As long as a person chooses to struggle in life, the process of growth is a kind of self-cultivation of inner powerful strength. If a person has not experienced tests, setbacks and the process of self-struggle throughout his life, then this person's inner world will be empty and lack the so-called real strength.
No matter what field you are successful in, there is a story of struggle. But the point of the problem is not to look at others, but to return to oneself, to understand what kind of potential exists in oneself, and what methods can be used to temper it, so as to practice all this in one's own life. This is This is the road of life that I am thinking about at the moment. I will write it down and share it with you.