She said that her husband was sent to work in a foreign country last year, and because he could only come back once a week, he fell in love with a divorced female colleague in a foreign country.
When she knew, she had a big fight. Her husband separated from that female colleague, transferred back from other places and chose to return to the family.
However, things are not over. Can the husband forgive him for cheating and go back to the past? How should I heal myself if I feel uncomfortable?
Her husband thought it was over, and he still accompanied her to eat and sleep every day as before; As for her, although she chose to forgive for the sake of the integrity of her children and family, she also accepted her husband's return to the family.
but
She said to me:
Although I forgave my husband in action, I always felt that there was a hurdle in my heart. As soon as I saw him and thought that he was unfaithful to me, I had a thorn in my heart, which was very painful. ?
It feels like the day is coming to an end. What should I do? ?
Why is it easy for women to forgive their husbands for cheating? We often see this phenomenon in our life. The husband cheated, and the wife was angry and sad, but she finally chose to forgive.
Not only around us, many female stars finally chose to forgive when they cheated.
For example, Ma Yili and Wen, Chen Sicheng and his wife Xie? Wait a minute.
However, does forgiveness really mean letting go?
On the surface, women are more likely than men to forgive their partners for cheating, but this is not the case.
Many times, women forgive on the surface, but they always care about it in their hearts, which is always difficult to let go. They can't get around this hurdle and can't get out of this psychological dilemma.
Why is this happening?
Because emotionally, women pay more attention to inner feelings than external forms.
Forgiveness is only an external manifestation, but letting go requires women to truly understand and accept men's infidelity from the heart.
This can't be done for a while.
Some women may have forgiven men on the surface and spent their whole lives with him, but they may never let go or even remember them for a lifetime.
This is not a good thing. This proves that the relationship between husband and wife has not been really repaired, and the emotional trauma of women has not been repaired.
To repair emotional trauma, women should get out of the psychological dilemma of being derailed, and the other half will cause great emotional trauma to women.
If we can't let this knot go, it will not only lead to emotional problems, but also cause psychological problems in the long run. Like depression.
At the same time, the relationship between husband and wife will be affected more or less, even because you can't let go and often turn over old accounts, which leads to problems in the relationship between husband and wife again.
Therefore, for the happiness of marriage in the future and for their own mental health, women must let themselves out of the psychological dilemma of being derailed.
You can try to change from the following aspects.
First, accept the reality with a future-oriented attitude.
It's hard to accept her husband's infidelity. However, if a woman wants to get out of her psychological predicament, she must learn to accept the reality with a future-oriented attitude.
First of all, we must realize that the fact that my husband cheated has already happened.
Secondly, in the face of this matter, think about what you want and what your future life goals are.
If you want a family to continue to live a good life and the goal of future life is to have a complete and harmonious family, then after forgiveness, you should tell yourself that it is more important to live a good family life.
Focus on how to live a good life in the future, and don't always get stuck in the quagmire of her husband's infidelity.
Second, divert your attention and learn to vent your emotions reasonably.
The psychological trauma brought to women by her husband's infidelity cannot be healed at once, and negative emotions will fluctuate repeatedly, sometimes good and sometimes bad. At this time, women need to learn to solve it in time and don't take it to heart.
You can do more beneficial aerobic exercise such as running, yoga and fitness. Through exercise, your brain will secrete happy monoamines to help you relieve depression and vent your emotions.
At the same time, learn to divert attention. We can cultivate some hobbies we are interested in, such as reading, writing, painting, calligraphy, planting flowers and so on. And try not to think about those bad things. When we are immersed in what we like, our mood will become stable and relaxed, so that we can slowly let go of our obsession.
Third, carry out more family activities to promote emotional communication.
It is impossible for a woman to get out of her psychological predicament herself.
It is necessary to carry out more family activities with the whole family, invite husbands and children to get together for dinner, watch a movie and climb mountains in the suburbs together. In the interaction and integration of emotions, in the happy atmosphere of beautiful nature and family, you will naturally let go of your heart.
Fourth, objectively analyze your own problems in marriage.
In the face of her husband's infidelity, women should objectively analyze whether they are not doing well in marriage.
For example, some women ignore their husbands after giving birth, and some women are too strong for men to feel the warmth of home?
When you take the initiative to make changes and make yourself a better half, the other person will feel your change.
This society is actually very realistic. Everyone is very busy, and no one will really take care of your feelings completely.
At any time, a woman must be strong and independent if she wants to live a good life. This kind of strength and independence doesn't necessarily mean material things, but you must learn to be strong and independent spiritually, and all your emotions and feelings can't depend on others.
There is a good saying: the more you care, the more heartache you get.
Do what you like and grow into a better self. You can care, but don't rely on it. You can care, but don't be inseparable.
Let go of your obsession, and you will find that life is vast, the world is wonderful, and life will be better after you get out of trouble.