There are 18 ways to destroy children's self-esteem. Everyone has self-esteem, and self-esteem is very important to a person. Being hurt by others is a very hard thing, especially for parents, and it can't destroy children's self-esteem. Here are 18 ways to destroy children's self-esteem!
18 ways to destroy children's self-esteem 1 1. Have you ever made your child feel that he knows nothing and no one appreciates him?
For example, I have been telling him that he can't study, he is ugly, he can't communicate, he can't do housework, he is sloppy and careless, and he makes his family suffer for him ... In short, he has nothing to do.
2. Do you often stimulate him with people who are "better" than him?
For example, you should always say, "Look at others and don't let your parents worry!" " This kind of words is the most powerful and destructive, and it is the ace quotation to destroy children.
3. Do you make your children feel guilty?
Parents who portray themselves as family victims will make their children feel guilty. And a guilty person often spends his life giving up on himself.
Examples are as follows: Always tell your child that you haven't even seen a movie since you had him, and you are tired of it because he is ill. You'd better tell him what disease you have. Or, if it weren't for taking care of him, my career would have made great progress.
4. Do you never speak kindly to your children?
Never use the tone of negotiation, the volume must be above 70 decibels, and use the imperative tone.
With some sarcastic Chinese phrases. Such as "You are so stupid", "You are a fool", "I have never seen you so stupid", "How could you have such a thing" and so on.
Everything about children is up to you. You didn't give him any freedom, so you kept an eye on his whereabouts.
For example, if he has a diary, he must find a way to check it; If he has any letters, he must check them. Doing so will make him feel that he is not a person, but a manipulated puppet. A person who doubts that he is not a person can never make progress.
6. Have you ever angered your children?
If something happens at work, you should try your best to find a reason to pour dog blood on your child when you come back. It's all because of the child's fault and then teach him a lesson to stop crying. Doing so will hurt children's self-esteem, enhance their sense of inferiority, and also produce the feeling that they are not human.
7. Did your children give everything they wanted when they were young?
So when he grows up, he will take it for granted that everything is ready for me.
8. Do you laugh at him when he swears?
This will make his vocabulary more and more indecent, and his words will make his popularity half dead
9. Will you never give him moral education? Let him wait until he is an adult and let him decide everything for himself.
10, do you avoid telling your child that you have made a mistake, lest the child sometimes feel guilty?
In this way, when he goes out to steal or is caught for other crimes, he will feel that the whole world is against him, but he has become a victim.
1 1. Have you packed everything he left him? Never let the child do it himself, lest he be tired.
In this way, he will get into the habit of putting all the responsibilities on others whenever something happens.
12, whether you are a good or bad book, let them read it, leave it alone and don't interfere.
However, the home is clean and the tableware has been thoroughly disinfected, but there is no amount of garbage in the child's head.
13, do you often quarrel, making matters worse, and don't care about the existence of children at all?
In this way, parents' feelings will break down, and children will not be surprised by divorce.
14, have you given all the pocket money the children need? Don't let him work to earn money or save money. Why don't you let him suffer like his parents?
15, always tolerate his unreasonable demands on diet and daily life, otherwise, it would be terrible if he were angry and anxious.
16. When he has conflicts with his neighbors, teachers or police, do you stand by and let them know that those people are unfair to you?
17. The child made a big disaster and said carefully, "Isn't this little thing a fuss?" .
18, show the ugly children in public.
In front of outsiders (or classmates, relatives and neighbors), he was humiliated and degraded. Psychologically speaking, doing so will make a person feel afraid of society and ashamed. And a person who is afraid of society and ashamed of himself is hard to stand on the society.
18 ways to destroy children's self-esteem 2 1. Parents do everything for their children.
There are too many parents in China who take care of their children's diet and daily life, and arrange many study projects for their children after school, such as music, painting, dancing and foreign languages ... It is understandable that parents want their children to have great prospects in the future.
However, this method of overstepping one's duty will make children dependent on their lives and have passive emotions in their studies. This is extremely unfavorable to the growth of children.
A child must bear the responsibilities in life independently, and the overprotection of parents is a ruthless strangulation of children's creativity. A child who has done nothing but study will never become a genius.
On the contrary, if you do everything well for your children from an early age, when they grow up, you will feel that you are useless, have no self-confidence and have no ability to do things well in the group.
A parent said to me, "Teacher Dong, my child is very educated. I never let him do housework, never go out to get in touch with other students, and watch TV at home if he has nothing to do ... but he is a little poor in study and a little tired. " Finally, I got more than 200 points in the college entrance examination, but I didn't want to do anything. I'm too honest ... "
His children are really "honest" by him! The saddest thing in this world is to do bad things with good intentions. There is no doubt that our parents love their children. But when we spoil our child and do everything instead of him, it is in the name of love that we hurt his behavior.
There are also many parents who unconsciously turn their children into tools to realize their ideals, instead of really paying attention to how to realize their children's life ideals.
A mother once asked me for advice. She said, "Dr. Dong, is it right for children to learn skills classes after school?"
I said, "It's his choice to learn what. That's right if the child wants to. If the child doesn't want to, it's wrong. "
"But my daughter didn't say willing or not. I said let her go and she agreed. "
"Then you didn't ask her!"
"I didn't ask."
"Did the child finally learn?"
"Not yet. I think it's good to learn piano and calligraphy, and I want to learn ballet. I don't want to give up ... "
Have you noticed that mom said "I want to" and "I don't want to give up"! How many parents impose their will on their children because they have regrets in their lives, making them second, attacking this bunker and using them as tools to blow it up!
So, if you really love your children and really think about them, please put down your hand for doing everything for them and don't ruin their happiness in the name of love.
2. Parents are frivolous.
As james baldwin said, "Children are never good at listening to their elders, but they never fail to imitate their behavior."
Parents' behavior is a living teaching material for children. If parents have many indiscretions in their behavior, are usually rude and vulgar, and are used to gossiping, children will think that it is normal for people to have no respect. Even if he speaks vividly, the child will not learn to respect.
3. Ignore the existence of children
If parents don't listen to their children, ignore their children and ignore their existence in the early life, children will think that this is normal behavior and normal interpersonal relationship, so children can't build self-esteem.
An orphanage in the United States organized a group of female college students to come to the orphanage regularly and give the orphans physical contact such as hugging and touching for a certain period of time.
As a result, orphans are gentle every time they are caressed. The reason is that children are born with the need to be cared for and loved. If children feel neglected and ignored, they will feel that their self-esteem is hurt. The smarter and more sensitive children are, the deeper the damage will be.
Many parents find various excuses not to listen to their children. The general reaction of young children is: "parents don't explain anything to us", "parents only say what they want to say, and they won't listen to what I want to say!"
Therefore, if the child shows disrespect for others and can't listen to others quietly, we can measure that the person closest to the child usually doesn't pay attention to the child's words, doesn't always satisfy his wishes as much as possible, and inadvertently hurts the child's self-esteem.
4. Criticize children in public
If you want to destroy a child's self-esteem, all you have to do is criticize his shortcomings face to face, so that he has no chance to refute them, and you can get it done at once!
Too often, children don't listen and make mistakes in front of others. When our parents feel that they have hurt their self-esteem, they yell at their children. Our traditional educational philosophy thinks this is normal. As we all know, public criticism can only make children temporarily intimidated by pressure and dare not resist.
More importantly, it will hurt children's self-esteem. Not a bad word can hurt a child's young mind at once!
Therefore, in the process of education, everyone absolutely avoids criticizing children in public.
5. Criticize children destructively
Destructive criticism is a cruel deprivation of children's self-esteem.
When children do something wrong, parents hope to let them get rid of their shortcomings through criticism. We regard his criticism of children's behavior as a strength. When this force acts on the child's behavior, that is, your criticism is directed at his behavior, the child will develop in the direction you want.
On the contrary, this power acts on the child's personality value, that is, you attack the child's value as a person, which will make the child feel that he has no dignity and no value, and gradually lose his self-esteem and value.
The child didn't finish his homework carefully today. You accused him: "How come you don't like studying so much! You are a child without perseverance! ..... "You are directly attacking his personality. He was just not serious for a moment. You say a word, and he will become a child without perseverance!
This message was left in the child's mind: "Mom said that I am a child who is not serious, has no perseverance and does not like learning." These negative comments on the child's personality will remain in the child's subconscious and form a negative anchor.
On the other hand, he will think, "I studied for so long and only played for a while ..." He will find many reasons, and your criticism has never played a role in making him realize his mistake.
If your child is rebellious, then your child can still be saved. Because it shows that he still has self-esteem. If you hurt his self-esteem, he will pick up this shield to confront you.
It's like when people are fighting, whether it's a broom or a knife, they can use it as long as they bring it. So did our children's reaction. Whether what you say is right or wrong, he is ready to fight back.
When the child once gives up the confrontation: "Anyway, you think I am a lying child, then I will lie!" Explain that self-esteem has been deeply hurt and completely broken. You can't correct a child's behavior through words without self-esteem.
We see how many parents have "worked hard" to destroy their children's self-esteem and then complain: "How did he become such a person?" Isn't this enough to alert parents?
6. disrespect for children
Disrespect for children is the enemy of cultivating children's self-esteem. Every parent must understand that even the youngest mind can be very sensitive. If you don't get enough respect early in your child's life, it will lead to the self-esteem that your child is building being ruthlessly killed.
Many parents have a misunderstanding on this issue. They follow the old adage "Teach your children first, then your wife". Think that children can be reprimanded directly in front of outsiders and in public at home. Only in this way can children have memories, impressions and get rid of shortcomings.
The result of these wrong practices is exactly the opposite of what parents hope-such children behave rudely, rudely, recklessly and disrespectfully in the crowd. If you have similar behavior in family education, please search for one:
Scream and curse when you are angry with the baby.
Yelling at young children loudly: "Shut up! Let you talk? " "If you don't obey, leave you here and see who will take care of you!"
Threaten teenagers with words: "If you don't listen, never go home again!" "I have no son (daughter) like you!"
Criticize the child's behavior and swear: "If you are dishonest, I will skin you!" " "
Even some parents let their children kneel in public and humiliate them in order to make them better.
Imagine, is there an adult who can stand the almost humiliating treatment of another adult? Children's weakness determines that they have no choice but to obey. However, in the name of love, adults stubbornly use the rules of the adult world to forcibly restrain and hurt children.
The rules of completely ignoring adults are different from those of the children's world, and there must be his own reasons behind ignoring children's behavior. We personally cultivated the child's rudeness and arrogance, and then complained to the world: "How can this child be like this ..."
In the feelings of children who are not respected, they are not respected because they are not worthy of respect. Therefore, many children who seem arrogant and conceited are not so satisfied with themselves, and their behavior is just treating others with feelings.
Therefore, parents should always bear in mind that children are equal subjects in personality. Children are born with the right to be respected. Please respect your children like yourself, leaders, colleagues and friends.
7. Don't trust children
Distrust of children is a common educational misunderstanding among parents in China. Too many parents don't realize that distrust of a person's ability is a ruthless challenge to human dignity. When parents are afraid of their children lying and criticize, judge and question their children's words, they plant a seed of doubt in their children's hearts.
Parents' distrust of their children is also manifested in their ability to understand the feelings of both sexes. We are wishful thinking that children must not distinguish pure emotions from dirty emotions.
The truth is that children's feelings about sex and all kinds of things related to it are as natural as looking at other things in nature. Most of the unhealthy tendencies of teenagers are caused by parents' anti-reinforcement.
8. Compared with other children
Comparison here means that parents compare the advantages of other children with the disadvantages of their own children.
We wishful thinking that comparing with excellent children will stimulate children's motivation to learn and grow, but it is not. Among children of the same age, there is already a comparative psychology. Doing so will not only fail to achieve his goal of learning from outstanding people, but will be contrary to what parents hope, leaving a negative shadow of inferiority for children.
This inappropriate comparison may arouse the rebellious behavior of aggressive children; For children who are less aggressive, they will leave a shadow in their hearts. "I'm not as good as other people's children. He is valuable, I am worthless ... "The child feels that he can't lift his head in front of others.
The real method that our parents need to master is to educate their children to compare with themselves and their own yesterday. "Yes, your grades have improved this time!"
9. Beat and scold children
Beating and scolding children is the most direct harm to their self-esteem. Up to now, some parents still stubbornly believe that "a dutiful son is born under the stick" and that corporal punishment can correct children's bad habits.
Because a child depends on adults materially, he can't compete with adults, but this doesn't mean that the child will obey the will of adults.
As an adult, you can use the power of corporal punishment and scolding to change your child's behavior, but it can't change your child's mind.
The child's behavior must have his own reasons. If parents don't understand the root of children's behavior and simply judge according to their own views, children will not be persuaded by your strong pressure. If parents blindly punish and abuse in family education, they can only make children feel helpless and have no dignity.
Some excessive punishment will even breed seeds of resentment in children's hearts, and will still leave a negative shadow in adulthood.
10, forcing the child to do something he doesn't want to do.
Children are as independent subjects as adults. They're not your fancy toys. Parents should respect their choices.
If you are the child's food supplier, you gain the power to control the child's will, and he has to do whatever he is asked to do. You are the slave owner and the child becomes your slave! Forcing children to do things they don't want to do is tantamount to ignoring their dignity. This is the "high-voltage line" that parents must always pay attention to in family education!
1 1, conditional love
A person who has the conditions to give love is equal to a discount on feelings. The most direct consequence of parents' conditional love for their children is that they will never learn to love others seriously and be loved by others.
Too many parents do not express their unconditional love for their children in the process of educating them, but associate their love and behavior with their children. In life, this is a very common scene:
"If you become the top three this semester, I will buy you clothes!"
"I will take you to travel when I get into the top five."
"Do your homework well and I'll buy you something delicious!"
"If you fail this exam, you don't have to come back!"
Parents show love on the premise that children must act accordingly, which makes children realize that "love can be calculated and exchanged" from an early age.
So he won't give his true love unconditionally. Because his love is conditional, he can't establish a stable relationship with others as an adult, which determines the misfortune of his marriage. He will be despised by others in the environment and eventually become a snob of ordinary people, wandering at the bottom of society all his life.
Therefore, please parents who hold the scepter of "love" don't abuse their power. If a child doesn't know how to love others unconditionally, it will be a tragedy of his life.