I am afraid of making noise recently, so whenever I hear my senior sister practicing the piano hummingly at home, the most stern word I say is: "Stop making noise!"
Senior sister likes to talk to me Relatives and friends chat about videos, and even sing to them when they are happy. I used to be used to it and didn’t feel any discomfort. But recently, whenever I chat like this, I always feel a buzzing sound in my head. I have been a quiet person lately. Impatient, he suddenly shouted: "Stop making noise!" Suddenly, as if a muffler was activated, the room became silent.
However, it is easy to quiet the external noise, but it is the most difficult to silence the internal noise. It is even more difficult to "quiet" the inside than to "not be noisy" externally. It is easy to stop the volume that irritates the ears. Interfering thoughts are always inseparable.
My husband asked me to "quiet my mind", stabilize my emotions, focus on the book, or focus my thoughts and ideas. Continuous practice can purify my thoughts and calm myself down. But it’s easy to say, often the thoughts in my mind are like thousands of troops, and my heart seems to be torn apart by five horses. If you want to count it down, the thoughts that flash into your mind in a few seconds are like an arrow piercing the brain, and one will be waiting for the next day. The articles, homework, and unfinished paintings that I have to deal with are among the five arrows. Furthermore, the various trivial tasks that my senior sister wants to do with me are among the three arrows. Furthermore, external disputes and frame-ups by others are among the heavy arrows. , enough to hold ten arrows, a total of dozens of arrows...
After carefully closing my eyes and sitting quietly to examine, I realized that no wonder I always frowned unconsciously, how could my small heart carry thousands of sorrows; "The cause of the disease" "There must be thousands of "causes" for "diseases" in the human body and mind. Among them, inner injuries are difficult to diagnose, but they are often the source of disaster. Focus, breathe, relax... After practicing for a while, miraculously, when the conditions are good, I can only have two arrows left; combined with yoga asanas, I have really improved. Through such practice, I can calm my mind, even if I can't Total control.
How powerful is silence? I feel like my heart is lightened, the lake is as flat and quiet as a mirror, my mind is thinking positively, and my smile is blooming like a flower; my heart is wearing armor, and when an arrow comes, it breaks and falls, and I can walk through the hail of bullets without getting hurt. The power of tranquility is better than worldly swords and intrigues in interpersonal politics.
However, if the practice of Taoism is insufficient, silence can only last for a short period of time. Therefore, I need to practice frequently and constantly replenish the drink of "quietness". Drinking "quietness" will stop "irritability". I started writing calligraphy, and I had to hold my breath and watch my breathing every time I stroked it. My senior sister couldn't understand why I had to think about each word for so long. As everyone knows, my purpose is not to write well or poorly, but to soothe my beating heart.
Things in this world are too difficult. If you can’t handle them, you should let them go, take them off, take them off your shoulders, take them off your heart, and give your heart a clarity... When I calm down, I see The beautiful image is the calm sea after the storm, with a faint dawn in the distance. When the wind and waves are aroused, it is difficult to see the truth of the matter, but when you calm down, despite the many wrecks on the sea, you can still clearly see the power that makes the waves. Then, Let your heart rise, move slowly and steadily towards the dawn, and stay away from the force that tears us into the sea.
I believe that the power of silence can suppress any deceitfulness in the world that makes waves.
When I was a child, I stumbled while walking, and my knee was broken, and bloodshot eyes rushed out instantly. I was a little frightened, and I opened my mouth to cry, hoping to win the care and attention of adults. But my grandfather shouted loudly: "I fell down." Just get up, don't cry!" Then, like an obedient soldier, the tears could only roll in his eyes, but they couldn't flow away.
That’s right! Don't cry! Slowly, it started to grow up. Even if he fell down and was injured, not only would he not cry, but he would also deliberately bar his teeth and grin. It must be a smile that is even uglier than crying.
I probably have some form of ADHD since I was a child. Even after I became a teacher, I still couldn’t stop talking. I was so naughty that my husband’s brows knitted into knots when he saw me. No matter what, I always got involved in something. It's like a pile of trouble and it's like sending it to your husband for repair without any help. In the first few months of the first year, we were still unfamiliar with the people around us. Often when something happened to a certain family, neighbors would rush over. Caring sounds nice, but watching the excitement may be the real meaning. So, the more cruel my husband was, the tighter I gritted my teeth. I would not cry or beg for mercy, but put on a righteous and fearless look.
It wasn’t until the second year that my husband revealed his true feelings: “Who told you to be naughty, not to study hard, and to pretend to be a tough guy without crying, and with a tough mouth without admitting your mistakes... The more stubborn you are, the more disobedient you are. , Is this okay? If you don’t fight to death, can you still learn real skills? "Think about it, I rarely see adults crying, even in movies, crying is reserved for children and women.
I have always felt that my husband is one of those "cold-faced" and "ruthless" people, and he must also be in the category of "men don't shed tears easily". However, I witnessed with my own eyes the scene where my husband cried bitterly after being drunk. Later I found out that because his mother was hospitalized again due to illness, and due to the current epidemic, he could not go back to visit immediately. The usually taciturn husband seemed to have a lot of complaints that he could not clear away after drinking, and he was even more depressed than usual.
I couldn’t stop him from drinking for several days. After all, he felt miserable. Even without two glasses of wine, he couldn’t suppress his sadness. He drank too much and I helped him into the bedroom. It looked like he was about to vomit. Of course I knew that at that moment, the atmosphere in the house was a bit strange. He didn't say anything, but I could sense that some unstable factors were fermenting. So, I carried the washbasin in and placed it on the ground beside the bed. Just as I was about to give him a warning, I was shocked to hear him crying.
His crying is certainly not the same as mine. His crying is stuffy in his throat, like thunder, roaring stuck between his mouth and fists; although his back is to me, but I Just knowing that he was in extreme pain and heartbroken. I was about to go out quietly when I heard him clearly calling out from his soft sobs: "Mom!"
My world collapsed instantly!
In my eyes, my husband is God, how can God show weakness? How can God be weak and cry?
In the bedroom that smelled of alcohol, I hated alcohol; it was all because of alcohol that my heart collapsed.
I also learned that since ancient times, heroes cannot touch alcohol. In many dramas, alcohol is the poison that can cause trouble.
In my third year with my husband, it’s time to start teaching. Although I don’t want to start teaching, my husband’s discipline to me is no longer as strict as before. Occasionally, he will take me to get to know the society. I further learned why wine is indispensable in the adult world; wine can relieve fatigue and invigorate the emotions of peers; but wine can weaken the will and is also a kind of tear gas, which will completely collapse the psychological defense line.
As I spend more and more time with my husband, and gradually understand his past, I sympathize with him more and more; the misfortune of his childhood, the difficulties of his youth, and the ups and downs of his youth have not only left him broken. His mind could not be repaired, and even crying became a curse. I don't even dare to think about this. If I'm not careful, the embankment of tears will collapse and disintegrate. I can't stop it!
Perhaps, the stoic and lonely tower built by my husband when he was a child has been unable to withstand the wash of wind, frost, snow and rain for decades, and has gradually become weathered and withered, making it unsustainable.
Although it has been a few months, fortunately, my husband finally received auspicious news about his mother. I suddenly found that my husband’s face, which had been tense for a long time, finally relaxed, and sometimes I could still see a smile!
I heard the sound of my husband’s piano again yesterday afternoon. Perhaps it was the music flowing from his fingertips, perhaps it was his freehand indulging in the sound of the piano, or perhaps it was the perseverance and perseverance prominent in his eyebrows. The frown lines at the corners of my mouth... In short, a certain stone pillar supporting my heart suddenly tilted, and a huge disintegrating force tore down my rational defense line like a torrent; I felt like I was alone in the wilderness. A panicked child in a desperate situation, tears were flowing freely. If I hadn't blocked my mouth with a handkerchief, I would have cried.
Afterwards, I did a self-analysis. During that period, I suffered huge setbacks that I had never encountered before. Not only did my interpersonal relationships fall apart, but I also had nowhere to express my indefensible grievances. The added pressure was like tons of bombs that only needed to be detonated. Just a little spark. But my husband did not abandon me. On the contrary, we got closer and closer. Perhaps the reason why he did not abandon me was because he understood the taste of pain and could not bear to let me fall into pain.
At that moment, I really realized the bitterness behind my husband. His mother was his only relative. He tried his best to save his mother from death three times. His love for his mother became a huge force. , when he once again heard the news that his mother was seriously ill, that is, his perception of maternal love was touched, and the fuse was lit. Therefore, a loud bang, like a magnitude 7 earthquake, shattered his already empty and powerless soul, and also released the defense of his tear glands that had been imprisoned for a long time; as the sadness and anxiety poured down from his tears flowed thousands of miles, pouring into the boundless sky, Sometimes I look at the sunset and it turns out that is the direction my mother is.
His melancholy complex, because of this earth-shattering cry, cleansed a fertile field with sunshine. After the tidying up, it was natural to re-sow and plant seedlings, and the harvest was an unexpected harvest of melons, dates, fruits and vegetables.
Therefore, the ancient saying "A man should not shed tears lightly", which carries a heavy burden, has had different interpretations after the washing and examination of his half-life experience. I have also cried heartbreakingly, I know, but I have found that moderately opening up the heart and softening the stones in the tear ducts is really more effective than alcohol for relieving worries in sorting out emotions and maintaining a healthy mind.
Ten years is actually long enough, and he has never been truly happy for a year. I was thinking about the ups and downs in my career, my lover’s betrayal, my mother’s illness and medical treatment for several consecutive years, and he was trapped in the same emotional quagmire. They were tied to each other, struggling, and full of sorrow. Life was a rhythm that was in a hurry. . So, for the past ten years, he has been living alone in a corner of the mountains, surrounded by wind, frost, snow and rain, away from the troubles of the world. Maybe this is what he really wants.
I asked him several times, but he never said anything.
His words are independent, well-planned, and complete.
There was a long silence, and then he stood up and smiled. It was a helpless and bitter smile. The golden light in the yard seemed to be all because of him at this moment.
Need to say more? Finally, he told me firmly: "I will only bless you."
He chose not to say anything that would hurt people or make things complicated, and he would not allow me to say anything.
The gentleman told me something.
He said that he knew that the senior sister believed in Christ, so he asked her: "What about Christ touched you?" The senior sister said: "Jesus' spirit of sacrifice and tolerance." The husband asked again: "The matter of sacrifice is Don't tell me, I know that story. But where does tolerance come from? Is it because he said, "Only the poor can go to heaven, and it is harder for the rich to go to heaven than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle." I can't see how tolerant it is. The senior sister smiled and said, "No! It's the saying in the New Testament, 'When someone slaps you on the other cheek, turn your right cheek as well.'" The teacher laughed and asked, " Did Jesus say it? Or did Jesus say it was God?” The senior sister asked, “Sir, is there a difference?” The teacher pondered, “Oh, of course, I think there is no difference, but others don’t think so.”
After listening, I asked my husband: "Why do you want to tell me this?"
"Don't say it. If anyone thinks it is a happy thing to slander you, then Just make it happen," the gentleman said seriously.
I won’t say. This has nothing to do with moral cultivation. I think it is because I have tasted the feeling of being hurt myself, and I have also seen that after talking about it, I am busy, wasted, wasted, and my vitality is wasted. Then, I will be left with a self that I don’t like very much. . This should be related to my preference for simple kindness between people.
Like my husband, I am also a person who is quick to talk to others. This is also related to my low ability. Like my husband, I often feel that I have too much to do and not enough time. use. Although I sincerely admire how others can do so many things, be active in so many social interactions, and be considerate of so many things in the world, it doesn't seem to do much good. What I admire most is Coco Chanel, who never paid attention to criticism and gossip. This legendary celebrity of the 20th century, she was busy leading fashion and creating popularity. I like what she said: "I don't have time to hate you.
"
Of course you will suffer if you don't speak. Those who have the strength to speak out have the right to speak. But besides you and him, doesn't God know the truth?
Me I have always liked this story:
Su Dongpo was imprisoned because of the Wutai Poetry Case. An official who was in the same prison with him mentioned him in a poem: "I pity Wu Xingshou of Beihu from afar and criticize him." I can't bear to hear it all night long." The injustice and torture he suffered were more profound than others.
The person who took the lead in framing and interrogating Su Dongpo was called Li Ding. One day, the civil and military officials of the Manchu Dynasty were waiting outside the gate of Chongzheng Hall. In the morning, Li Ding proudly told everyone about the interrogation of Su Dongpo. Everyone must be interested in this famous case. The strange thing is that no one spoke or asked questions. Li Ding pretended to sigh with emotion at the fate of the great talent. , everyone was silent.
I can't be a messenger of justice or an iron-faced judge, but I can silence the cheerful and unreasonable criticisms and calm down the irresponsible ones.
It is powerful even if it is not said.