Make it by seeing chickens
Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens. The tenant rented his family's fields, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He had to give him a chicken first. There was a tenant named Zhang San, who went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented the land in the following year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the next year's tenancy of the field. He insisted that his hands were empty, and he said with his eyes open, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" Zhang San said, "Your words have become so fast!" The landlord replied, "Just now, that sentence was' nonsense (chicken talk)', and now this sentence is' acting according to circumstances (chicken talk)'."
Here's the ear
The newly appointed magistrate of a county is from Shandong. Because he wants to hang a bill, he said to the master, "Buy me two bamboo poles." The master listened to the "bamboo pole" of Shandong dialect as "pig liver", and quickly agreed, and hurried to the butcher's shop and said to the shopkeeper, "The new county grandfather wants to buy two pig livers. You are a wise man, so you should know it!" The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave away a pair of pig ears. After leaving the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the pig ear and stuffed it into his pocket. When I returned to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back, Grandpa, I bought the pig liver!" When the magistrate saw that the master bought pig liver, he was angry and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and hurriedly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" "
There is an opportunity
A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to go by plane, so he sent a telegram to the manager for fear that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement: "There is an opportunity, do you want to take it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was the "opportunity" to close the deal, and immediately called back: "Take it when you can." When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified enough and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.
About place names
On New Year's Eve, my younger brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more formal. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone, raised his head and gulped it down, and then said, "I'm from Yangon."
The advanced mathematics teacher said: I teach advanced mathematics this semester;
The college physics teacher said: I teach big things this semester;
The analog circuit teacher said: I teach analog electricity this semester;
The socialist economic teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.
Peking University said, I'm from Peking University.
Tianjin University said: I am a giant.
Shanghai University said: I went to college.
Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!
General Li Zongren said: I am kind!
General Fu Zuoyi said: I am righteous!
General Zuo Quan said: I have the right!
General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!
Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said: My door is made of plastic.
Lao Zhang's door is made of willow. Lao Zhang said: My door is made of wood.
Lao Wang's door is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is made of brick.
Lao Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You talk, I'll go first!
white jade says: my name is white jade.
The emerald jade says, My name is Jasper.
The red jade says: My name is Hongyu.
apricot jade said: you talk, I'll go first!
the students of teachers' college said: I'm a student of
Railway College of Teachers' College said: I'm a student of
Vocational College of Iron College said: I'm a student of
Technical College of Vocational College said: You chat, I'll go first!
Lang Ke said, "People call me a ronin, which is nice!"
The samurai said, "It's nice for people to call me a warrior!"
The expert said, "People call me an expert, which is very nice!"
The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"
Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying"
He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jie"
BiBi Zhou said: "My fans say my idol is Chang"
Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"
Bunny said, "My mother calls me Bunny, which is nice!"
piggy said, "My mother calls me piggy, which is nice!"
The puppy said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is also very nice!"
the chicken said, "you talk, I'll go first!" "
Little Rabbit said, "I'm a son of a bitch!" "
piggy said, "I am a pig son of a bitch!" "
the chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" "
The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "
No. sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero escort, which is nice!"
No.1 sparring partner said, "It's nice to be accompanied by outsiders!"
No.2 sparring partner said, "It's nice to be called an escort by outsiders!"
No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, I'll go first!"
The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. Nice!"
the dog said to me, "I am your grandmother's dog, and it sounds good!" "
the fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish, and it's very nice!" "
The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "
"Bi" said to "Bei": Husband and wife have a fight, so why divorce!
"towel" said to "coin": Son, if you wear a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.
"Chen" said to "Ju": I have three rooms and two halls with the same area as you.
"Jing" said to "Pin": Isn't your home decorated?
"Qian" said to "Sun": It's sunny, why don't you wear a straw hat?
"Bing" said to "Qiu": Look at how cruel the war is! Both legs are blown off!
"Zhan" said to "Dian": Did you buy a car?
"Japan" said to "Japan": It's time to lose weight.
"Man" said to "Cong": Why haven't you had the separation operation yet?
"Inch" said to "Guo": Old man, did you buy a recliner?
"You" said to "A": Is it tiring to practice one-finger meditation like this?
Mu said to Shu: If you have a mole on your face, you should consider yourself a beauty.
"Xin" said to "Yan": Just talk empty words, no one will believe you!
Chuang said to Ma: I also have a housing project!
"Fire" said to "Inflammation": You are so angry that you are inflamed!
"Ear" said to "Smell": Don't think that you can't hear when you close the door!
"Lan" said to "Lan": If you want to enjoy the cool, plant trees quickly!
"Flash" said to "Man": You will be safe when you enter the house!
Gu said to Gu: I live in a quadrangle!
"Jian" said to "Ri", "I also installed a security door!
"Zhong" said to "Ren": Am I good at acrobatics?
"Drought" said to "Liver": Do you always work on a moonlit night?
"servant" said to "Bu": What, are you still single?
Yuan said to Rabbit: I have my own nest!
"Kai" said to "He": It looks good to wear a croissant braid!
"He" said to "Kou": Don't plant crops, wait for starvation!
"Qi" said to "Ji": Go your own way!
"Donkey" said to "Horse", Brother, it's useless to run fast, so close your account quickly!
"Yue" said to "Xiao", Sister, tell me quickly, how can I get such a cool hairstyle?
"filial piety" said to "teaching", do you want to run a class to teach people if you have a little culture?
"Tang" said to "Tang", Dude, hurry home, your backyard is on fire.
"Ugly" said to "Niu", have a good life with her. It's not easy for us to find a woman like this.
"Bear" said to "Neng", Dude, you're so poor. Did you sell all four paws?
"Kou" said to "Hui", honey, you have been pregnant for so long, why didn't you say something?
"Li" said to "Ban", what are you doing? If you have money, just carry two bags and hang around.
Second, the story about Chinese characters:
The first story
Once, the Xiongnu in the north wanted to attack the Central Plains, and sent someone to send a "battle table" first. When the emperor opened it, it turned out to be "heavenly heart takes rice". None of the great ministers of Manchu Dynasty solved this mystery. The emperor can't think about it, so he has to post a list to recruit talents. At this time, an official named He Tang in the palace said that he had a plan to withdraw his troops, and the emperor urgently declared He Tang to go to the temple. He Tang pointed to the four words on the "battle table" and said to the emperor: "Heaven, my country is also; Heart, the Central Plains also: rice, holy also. The heavenly heart takes rice, which is to seize the country and take the position of king. " The emperor said urgently, "What shall we do?" He Tang said, "It's okay, I have my own way to retreat." As he spoke, he took a pen in his hand and added a pen to each of the four words. The original letter was returned to the bearer. The Xiongnu marshal, who led the troops, thought that the Central Plains did not dare to fight, but when he opened it, he was frightened to disgrace and made an urgent withdrawal. It turned out that after He Tang added a pen to each of the four words "heavenly heart takes rice", it became "not necessarily dare to come".
The second story
tells that a man and his wife were entertaining two friends at home, and friend A toasted the hostess and said, "The drunkard's sake is not wine", which is very impolite; The hostess pointed out that "drunkenness means nothing" and said that the friend deviated from the original intention of catching up with the host and drinking; The male host is also a little unhappy, as if criticizing that friend A "the drunken man doesn't care", which is nonsense; Friend B is laughing stealthily, implying that the host "cares that the Weng is not drunk". I was very impressed when I read it. This is the charm of Chinese. In any other language, I'm afraid it's hard to find such a wonderful example. It's a pity that I haven't learned Chinese well since I studied. What a shame! Not from the patriotic point of view, I also think that Chinese is the most beautiful language in the world. Not to mention that Chinese is the most abundant vocabulary and expressive expression among the known characters in the world at present.
The third story
Shi's History of Eating Lions is a limited article written by Zhao Yuanren. The full text is * * * 91 words (including the title of 96 words), and the mandarin pronunciation of each word is shi. You can understand the short article Shi Shi's History of Eating Lions, but if you read it to others, he won't understand it anyway! This article is the most difficult to read in Chinese. If you want to try it, please prepare a glass of water and a stick first to avoid tongue and teeth injury. Shi Shi's History of Eating Lions: "Shi Shi, a Shishi poet, loves lions and vows to eat ten lions. Shi always sees lions in the market. At ten o'clock, ten lions are suitable for the market. At the right time, Shi Shi is in the right market. Shi regarded it as ten lions, relying on the vector potential to make it ten lions die. Shi picked up the corpse of ten lions, which is suitable for the stone room. The stone chamber was wet, so I made a servant wipe it. Stone chamber wiping, Shi's first taste is ten lions. When eating, the first thing I knew was ten lions, and the corpse of ten stone lions was real. Trial interpretation is a matter. " Only one pronunciation is used to describe one thing. I'm afraid no other language can do it except Chinese. The Story of Shi Eating Lions There lived a poet named Shi in the stone room. He loved lions and was determined to eat ten lions. He often goes to the market to see lions. At ten o'clock, ten lions just arrived at the market. At that time, it happened that Shi also came to the market. When he saw the ten lions, he shot an arrow and killed them. He picked up the bodies of the ten lions and took them to the stone room. The stone room was wet with water, so Shi told his attendants to dry it. The stone room was dry before he tried to eat the ten lions. While eating, I found that the ten lions turned out to be ten stone lion bodies. Try to explain this
3. Chinese homophonic allegorical saying:
Bag in the air-pretending to be crazy. (install wind).
Song Jiang's strategist-useless. (Wu Yong).
an old woman goes to the henhouse-an idiot. (running eggs).
The straw hat seller loses his pole-watch out. (Leave the rope).
Brother is not at home-come on. (sister-in-law).
My nephew plays lanterns-as usual. (according to uncle).
the rain hits the plum head-bad luck. (pour plum).
half a grain of cotton-no way. (free of bullets).
Bald men open umbrellas-lawlessness. (no hair and no law).
short transition-peace of mind. (flooding the heart).
the horse shop buys pigs-that's not true. (There is no such city).
December weather-hands and feet. Frozen hands and feet.
A father kowtows to his son-outrageous. (no such gift).
The public toilets are still stoned-causing public outrage. (causing male feces).
wear a fur coat backwards-pretend. (pretending to be a sheep).
Confucius moved-it was a total loss. All books.
Pregnant women walk on a single-plank bridge-desperate. (it's quite risky).
Grandma's dead son-hopeless. (No uncle).
Husband slaps a fan-bleak. (the wife is cold).
a scholar's towel-a bag loses. (Bao Shu).
the tortoise climbed the threshold-but look at this. (But look at this page).
it's not surprising that the needle is still picking a towel. (Not enough for a flag).
the blunt knife breaks the bamboo-it's hard. (It won't ring).
how dare you tie a chicken feather to a telephone pole. What a big duster.
when you knock melon seeds, you get bugs-everyone has them. There are all kinds of benevolence.
I don't want to play the drums. (silent).
rush crutch-can't be the master. I can't do it.
chatting in the salt shop-nothing to do. Too salty to do.
Zhang Tianshi does not need a boat to cross the sea-it has its own laws. (have your own method).
Blow the horn through the window-it's famous. (singing outside).
The Dragon King moved-awesome. (out of the sea)
Laojiu's brother-honest. (old ten).
an empty coffin is buried-arrogant. There is nobody in the wood.
Wang bazhong's explanation-rules. (turtle lifts).
wear gloves in June-conservative. (hand protection).
raw peanuts-you have to make a noise. (I have to fry it).
cobblers don't have awls-that's good. (needle line).
He Jia's girl married the Zheng family-just right. (Zheng Heshi).
the monk's house-the temple. (wonderful).
washing Huang Lian by the river-why bother? (The river is bitter).
Blind people wear glasses-false intelligence. (pretending to be clear).
Dreaming becomes a butterfly-daydreaming. (Want to fly).
monkeys learn to walk-pretending. (fake orangutan).
hardcover maotai-a long time. (good wine)
the spider drags the net-selfishness. (from silk).
a blind man carries a blind man on his back. (Blind plus blind).
long live grandpa with a nosebleed-true red. (I am red).
what comes next-get to the bottom of it. (tattoo to the end).
a walk in the watermelon field-both sides meet the source. (The left and right sides meet the circle).
Take off your old shoes for new ones-turn over a new leaf. (change shoes).
sacks and straw sacks-each generation is not as good as the next. A bag is not as good as a bag.
The beans at the bottom of the bowl are vivid. (the grain is in the eye).
selling cloth without a ruler-bad intentions. (deliberately not measuring).
The poor carpenter opens his shop-only one sentence. There is only one saw.
fire in brick kiln-rumor. (kiln smoke).
a lamp without oil is a waste of heart.