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So much for Tokyo. When the cherry blossoms in Ueno rot, they look like a crimson light cloud, but under the flowers, there are groups of "Qing students" crash courses, with big braid overhead and towering above the students' hats, forming a Mount Fuji. There are also braids that dissolve and flatten, except hats, which are shiny and visible, just like a little girl's bun and her neck twisted a few times. It's really beautiful.
The concierge department of China International Student Club has some books to buy, and sometimes it is worth visiting. If in the morning, you can sit in some houses. But at night, the floor of a room will inevitably give off a lot of echoes, and the room is full of smoke and dust; Ask someone who is proficient in current affairs and answer, "That's learning to dance."
How about going somewhere else?
I will go to Sendai Medical College. Starting from Tokyo, I soon arrived at a post office and wrote: In the twilight. Somehow, I remember the name. Secondly, I only remember Mito, where Mr. Zhu Shunshui, a adherent of the Ming Dynasty, died. Sendai is a town, not big; It's terribly cold in winter; There are no students from China yet.
Probably hope is the most precious thing. Beijing cabbage is transported to Zhejiang, tied up with red rope and hung upside down at the door of the fruit shop, which is regarded as "glue vegetable"; The wild aloe vera in Fujian, known as "agave", entered the greenhouse as soon as it arrived in Beijing. I also received such preferential treatment when I went to Sendai. Not only does the school not charge tuition, but several staff members are also worried about my accommodation. I first stayed in an inn next to the prison. It's quite cold in early winter, but there are still many mosquitoes. Later, I covered my whole body with a quilt and wrapped my head with clothes, leaving only two nostrils to vent. In this breathing place, mosquitoes can't disturb, so they can only have a good sleep. The food is good, too But a gentleman thinks that this inn also provides meals for prisoners, and it is not suitable for me to live there. He said repeatedly. Although I don't think the prisoners' meals in the inn have anything to do with me, I have to find another suitable place to live. So I moved to another house, far from the prison. Unfortunately, I always have to drink taro soup that is hard to swallow every day.
Since then, I have met many strange teachers and listened to many fresh lectures. Anatomy is shared by two professors. It turned out to be bone science. At this time, a dark and thin gentleman with a moustache came in, wearing glasses and holding a large and small stack of books. As soon as I put the book on the podium, I introduced myself to the students in a slow and depressed tone:-
"My name is Fujino Genkuro ..."
Several people in the back laughed. He went on to talk about the history of Japanese anatomy, and those books, large and small, have been works of this subject from the beginning to the present. At first, some of them were wired; Others copied China's translation. Their translation and research on new medicine were not earlier than China's.
Sitting in the back laughing is the repeat student who failed last year. He has been in school for a year and is quite familiar with his story. They gave a lecture to the freshmen about the history of each professor. It is said that Mr. Fujino is very careless in his clothes and sometimes forgets to wear a tie. Winter is an old coat, shivering. Once I got on the train, the conductor suspected that he was a pickpocket and asked the guests on the bus to be careful.
What they said is probably true, so I once saw him not wearing a tie in class.
A week later, about Saturday, he sent his assistant to call me. When I arrived at the laboratory, I saw him sitting between human bones and many separated skulls. He was studying the skull at that time, and then published a paper in our school magazine.
"My lecture notes, can you copy them?" He asked.
"You can copy a little."
"Show me!"
I handed in my copied speech, and he accepted it and returned it to me in a day or three, saying that he would give it to him once a week in the future. When I took it down and opened it, I was taken aback and felt uneasy and grateful. It turned out that my handout was changed in red ink from beginning to end, which not only added many omissions, but also corrected Lian Wenfa's mistakes. This situation continued until he finished his courses: plastic surgery, vascular science and neurology.
Unfortunately, I didn't work hard at that time, and sometimes I was very headstrong. I still remember Mr. Fujino once called me to his research room, dug up a photo on my handout, pointed to the blood vessels on his forearm and said to me kindly:-
"You see, you moved this blood vessel a little bit. Naturally, such a move is indeed better, but the anatomical map is not art, and the physical object is so kind that we can't change it. Now that I have corrected it for you, you should follow the picture on the blackboard in the future. "
But I was still unconvinced and agreed verbally, but I thought to myself:
"I still draw well; As for the actual situation, I naturally remember. "
After the school year experiment, I went to Tokyo for a summer and returned to school in early autumn. The results have been published. Among more than 100 students, I am in the middle, but I am not behind. Teacher Fujino's homework this time is anatomy practice and local anatomy.
After practicing anatomy for about a week, he asked me to go again. Happily, he still said to me in a very restrained tone:-
"Because I heard that people in China respect ghosts, I'm afraid you won't dissect corpses. Now I am relieved that there is no such thing. "
But he embarrassed me occasionally. He heard that all women in China bound their feet, but he didn't know the details, so he asked me how to wrap them and how my feet were deformed. He also sighed, "I always want to have a look to know. What is this? "
One day, the student union officer at the same level came to my apartment and wanted to borrow my lecture notes. I looked it up and gave it to them, but I searched it and didn't take it away. But as soon as they left, the postman sent a thick letter. When they opened it, the first sentence was:-
"repent!"
This is a sentence in the New Testament, but it was recently quoted by Tolstoy. It was the Russo-Japanese War, and Mr. Dongye wrote a letter to the Emperor of Russia and Japan, the first sentence. Japanese newspapers reprimanded him for his arrogance, and patriotic youths were indignant, but secretly he had long been influenced by him. Secondly, the topic of last year's anatomy experiment was marked on Mr. Fujino's handout, and I knew it in advance, so I could have such a result. The ending is anonymous. I just recalled an incident the other day. Because there was a meeting at the same level, the director wrote an advertisement on the blackboard. The last sentence is "Please attend the meeting and don't miss it", and a circle is added next to the word "missed". Although I thought the circle was ridiculous at the time, I didn't mind at all. Only then did I realize that the word was mocking me, saying that I had a problem leaked by the teacher.
I informed Mr. Fujino about it; Several classmates who know me very well are also unfair. They went to blame the director for the rudeness of the inspection and asked them to publish the inspection results. Finally, the rumor was eliminated, but the director worked hard and took back the anonymous letter. Finally, I returned this Tolstoy letter to them.
China is a weak country, so China people are of course imbeciles. If the score exceeds 60, it is not their own ability: no wonder they are confused. But then I had the fate of visiting and filming China people. In the second year, I taught mycology, and the shapes of bacteria were all represented by movies. I made several current affairs films before the class was finished, which naturally reflected Japan's victory over Russia. But there are also some China people trapped in it: working as detectives for the Russians, captured by the Japanese, about to be shot, surrounded by a group of China people; There is another me in the lecture hall.
"Long live!" They all clapped their hands and cheered.
This kind of cheer is always there when I watch a movie, but in my case, it is particularly harsh. Later, when I came back to China, I saw the people who shot the prisoners, and they all cheered like drunk. -oh, I can't remember! But in that place at that time, my opinion changed.
At the end of the second school year, I went to see Mr. Fujino and told him that I would not study medicine and leave Sendai. His face seemed sad. He wanted to speak, but he didn't say it.
"I want to study biology, and what my husband taught me is still useful." Actually, it wasn't me who decided to study biology, because I saw that he was a little sad, so I lied to comfort him.
"Teaching anatomy such as medicine is afraid that biology will not help much." He sighed.
A few days before I left, he asked me to go to his house and gave me a photo with two words written on the back: "Farewell" and said he hoped to give him mine, too. But I didn't take pictures at this time; He asked me to take photos and send them to him in the future, and then he kept writing to tell him the situation.
I haven't taken photos for many years since I left Sendai, and I'm afraid to write because the situation is boring and just disappointing him. After more than a year, it is even more difficult to talk about, so although I sometimes want to write, it is difficult to write. So far, I haven't sent a letter and a photo. From his side, it seems that after he left, there is no news.
But somehow, I always remember him. Of all the teachers I think, he is the one who makes me most grateful and encouraged. Sometimes I often think: His earnest hope and tireless teaching to me are all for China, that is, I hope that China will have new medicine; Generally speaking, it is for academic purposes, that is, I hope that new medicine will spread to China. His personality is great in my eyes and heart, although his name is not known to many people.
I have ordered three volumes of his revised lecture notes, which will be kept as a permanent memorial. Unfortunately, when I moved seven years ago, I broke a bookcase and lost half a box of books. It happened that this handout was also lost. Instruct the transportation bureau to look for it, but there is no reply. Only his photo is still hanging on the east wall where I live in Beijing, opposite the desk. Whenever I am tired at night and want to be lazy, I catch a glimpse of his black and thin face lying on my back under the light, as if to say something cadence, which suddenly makes my conscience discover and increases my courage, so I light a cigarette and continue to write something that deeply hurts Mr. and others.
October twelfth.
Genius Xu Zhimo Yu Jie 2007-04-20 19: 12 Throw away this heavy leather, no one wants to fly.
No one doesn't want to fly. If the skin is too heavy to carry, throw it away. If possible, fly out of this circle! Get out of this circle! -Xu Zhimo
1933165438+1October19 at two o'clock in the afternoon, a small Stimson transport plane spread its wings and flew north, projecting its figure on the beautiful land in late autumn. Suddenly, a sudden and overwhelming fog came, and the plane suddenly lost its course. After a few minutes of hard flight, the plane crashed into baimashan at the northern foot of Mount Tai, with a loud bang, followed by a raging fire, wrapped in smoke, falling down the mountain ... There was a special passenger on the plane-Xu Zhimo, a nightingale in modern poetry. In the flame, the young poet ended his 35-year-old life, and his soul has flown to the sky and wandered around happily.
"I left quietly, just as I came quietly. I waved my sleeve without taking away a cloud. " In the history of modern literature in China, Xu Zhimo is a talented poet full of romance from head to toe. His whole life, like Byron, Shelley and Keats, he devoted himself to distant ideals. I am very surprised that in China in the 1920s and 1930s, which Lu Xun described as "darkness everywhere", how could there be such a poet with "pure" beliefs? I still don't think he is a pure China person. Because China people seldom dream as happily and seriously as he does. China people are sophisticated, homesick and smooth. In Xu Zhimo's eyes, life is like a clear spring, full of water drops and flashes; Life is like a mountain road, full of flowers and grass. Unfortunately, chaotic times and difficult reality are eroding his bright heart day by day. He longed to cry and laugh like a child, but life forced him to grow up. His singing is getting deeper and deeper, his eyes are getting dim, his smile is getting weaker and weaker, and his poetry is getting more and more obscure. Bald pen goes, bald pen returns, and there is no Cambridge. The bondage of life, the oppression of politics, the accusation of public opinion and the departure of friends surrounded the poet who insisted on romantic ideals. "You can't blame me more. I think I'm covered in blood. Just don't bow your head. " Yes, Xu Zhimo never despaired in his life, nor did he resent anyone. Before the arrival of the most tragic scene, although the darkness of reality swallowed up the brilliance of his ideal new moon bit by bit, he still struggled with all his strength in pain, writing poems, teaching, running publications, opening bookstores, and even trying the rural utopia plan ... As a poet, he was destined to make a white cocoon with his life like a silkworm and fly away on the day of cocoon formation; As a poet, he is also destined to be like a thorn bird, with a sharp thorn in his mouth, singing for his ideal on the night when there is only a crescent moon, until his mouth is dripping with blood until the end of his life.
Xu Zhimo lives for art, freedom and beauty. "I am willing to take the world by storm and try my best to be a struggler, not seeking to escape the pain of fierce suffering, but seeking the settlement of conscience, the establishment of personality and the redemption of the soul ... I will visit my only soul mate in the vast sea of people; I am lucky to get it; No, my life, nothing more! " In response to Liang Rengong's criticism, Xu Zhimo spoke his mind. But is there a real soul mate in the world? Zhang Youyi, Lin, Lu Xiaoman ... Some people love reluctantly, some people love but can't love, and some people love and don't love. In short, no matter how to seek, his "love" was shattered by reality again and again. This is the inevitable result. Romantic love has a remarkable feature, that is, it is always out of reach, always exists in the state of pursuit, and is always regarded as sacred, noble and ethereal. Once you come into contact with reality, you will freely combine with such a beloved and beautiful woman, and your fantasy will be shattered immediately. The original love turned into hate, the original freedom turned into bondage, so I started my love from the beginning. This cycle, twice and again, even death.
This is an inevitable tragic pattern. Xu Zhimo was caught in the whirlpool, and every struggle accelerated the operation of the whirlpool. Xu Zhimo shouldn't have come to such a world, just like a grain of sand falling into his eyes is bound to be washed away by tears. He can only be regarded as a heresy. An unguarded city often attracts the most violent attacks, which is a logic that he can't understand. After entering the 1930s, Xu Zhimo began to feel that although the weak wings of poetry were there, he still didn't have the strength to fly out of the sky with the whole baggage. "Too ugly, we can't love with love in our fiery chest; Dirty to our admiration, because we have admiration; It's too dark for us to hope. The sun was eaten by dogs, and we can only be silent in the darkness of the horizon, forever silent! This seems to be a tragedy after a strong earthquake. Thoughts, feelings and personality have all been smashed into unmanageable pieces, which are no longer systematic and coherent and will never be discovered. " When every clever adult praised the emperor's new clothes, the child who shouted "I didn't see anything" could imagine the end. At this point, Xu Zhimo is very much like Andersen-he not only deeply understands the suffering of the world, but also maintains his childlike innocence. However, Peter Pan who didn't grow up is just a distant myth, and Xu Zhimo is a tree that can't bid farewell to the land. After pursuing beauty all my life, I suddenly found an evil flower proudly in front of me. We can't fathom his state of mind in those days, and the most impressive scene in my friend Liang Yuchun's memoirs is that Xu Zhimo borrowed the light of a friend's cigarette and said "kiss". The experience in the world is like a big fire. Many people stay away from ghosts and gods, watch the fire across the river, take out a cold heart to measure everything, and dare not throw themselves into the vigorous flame. Therefore, this bleak life has no light at all. "Only Xu Zhimo will personally kiss this lively fire, and it will shine brightly. Turning decay into magic, spring flowers are everywhere. No wonder he is surprised every day. No wonder his eyes are similar to those of Greek statues. The life of a Greek is like kissing the fire of life and singing the legend of life. " Or Liang Yuchun really see through, Xu Zhimo's blood, really have the Greek naive curious factor?
"Flying" is a symbol of Xu Zhimo's ideal. In the poem "Traveling in the Clouds", he wrote: "I am out of this world, and I don't know where I am. It seems that a lotus-like cloud is holding me/holding me to a far-away place/alas, I really don't want to come back/people say that I am free, maybe that's it!"
So, he really didn't come back, really relieved. This is the fate he has seen. I have to believe in fate. Otherwise, in this swamp-like world, how can Xu Can Zhimo, a man who doesn't wet his shoes and socks, come for a walk?