Lü Kun, a philosopher of the Ming Dynasty, said in "The Moaning Language": "When I was young, I told others secrets that should not be disclosed to others. My father scolded me when he found out. I said: 'I I have told others not to tell others. My father said, "You can't keep your mouth from speaking. How can you ask others to do it? And which one is more difficult for you to do in the future: warning others or warning yourself?" Pay more attention. '" In fact, there are often things like this in real life: either out of curiosity, or out of showing off, or out of showing off, or out of the need to connect emotionally, some people often tell others what they know but should not tell others. Tell the secret to others, including your wife or children. He repeatedly told them not to spread the news, but they didn't know that their wives, children, etc. also had close friends and relatives. If you can't even keep your own tongue, how can you expect others to keep their mouths? Therefore, such leaks often lead to losses in work, relationships and other aspects, and thus reduce one's status and image in the minds of others. This lesson must be kept in mind.
Having said that, when people encounter these "sad things", such as family disputes, physical defects, personal grievances and other purely personal matters, it is really unbearable for a person to be bored in his heart, and it will not help. . Generally, they will tell their friends and confidants in order to win their sympathy and love and help them come up with ideas and solutions in a timely manner. But the scope of those who know these "privacies" cannot be large, only "you know, I know."
My friend told you his "privacy", even if he didn't ask you to keep it secret, it proved his extreme trust in you. In this regard, you only have the obligation to share his worries and relieve them, but you have no right to publicize this "privacy". If you don't regard "confidentiality" as an obligation and a responsibility, you are keen on gossip, and make your friends' "whispers" public, and if it is an unintentional "leakage", you can be forgiven. Otherwise, it may cause many people to gossip and even distort the truth of the matter, which will not only be detrimental to solving the problem, but will also make things worse. At the same time, you will lose friends and even the trust of your colleagues around you, and eventually become a loner.
When Marx lived in Paris, the friendship between Marx and the poet Heine reached the point where "you can understand each other with just half a sentence." Heine was quite progressive in his thinking and wrote many battle poems. At night, he would go to Marx's house to recite his new works. Marx and Jenny worked with him to process, revise, and polish it, but Marx never "revealed secrets" in front of others until Heine's poems were published in newspapers. Heine called Marx his "best kept secret" friend. Their friendship is envied and praised by the world.
Among the disputes between friends, conflicts arising from gossip account for a considerable proportion. The first is the suspicion type. When they see a certain man or a woman having close contact with each other, they conclude that their relationship is inappropriate; when they see a certain person standing in front of someone's house for an extended period of time, they conclude that they are a "detective". They do not just pick up rumors, but also look for other people to bite their ears. The second is the spreading type. If you hear someone's past gossip, you will use it as the subject of a story and tell it in a colorful way. If you see someone who is more respectful to your wife, you will publicize it everywhere and call it "strict wife control".
The ancients knew the dangers of gossiping and gossiping, so they used the poem "Don't speak lightly before seeing the truth" to warn people not to be keen on gossip.
Only by keeping secrets from friends and comrades and "keep-mouthing" can we gain the trust of friends and comrades, and friendship can continue to deepen.