Today, I trained my dog at home. After the training, my husband walked over and said to the dog earnestly, "Oh, how dare you fight with the tiger?" You are just a dog. "
3. The weight does not exceed 100, and it is either flat-chested or short. Just like you can have a good figure after 100.
4. Mom: You should get married! Me: Is it necessary to be happy when you get married? I have a classmate who has been married three times. Why bother? Mom: If the marriage is bad, how many people can get married three times?
5. A friend coughed while smoking. I advised him: can't you give up smoking? He said: I can't quit! Quit. This is fatal. Me: Are you that addicted to cigarettes? He said: no, your sister-in-law said that if I could quit smoking in my life, she would be dead. ...
I went downstairs and saw my nephew bullying a little girl. The little girl scolded him angrily: You are really bad, bullying girls. You must be single dog when you grow up. My nephew pouted and said, single dog is single dog, and my aunt is single dog. Eat and sleep every day, not to mention how happy you are.
7. I met a girl in the street today. I gave way to the left and she gave way to the right. I gave way to the right and she gave way to the left. After going back and forth several times, I told her that this is fate. Do you want to leave a phone number? Sister sneered: fate is a fart! We have a narrow road to go, a narrow road to go. ...
8. Mom shows her daughter a mobile phone: Look at me! The daughter exclaimed: When was it taken? Mother is proud: it is natural not to pay attention. Daughter: Ugly! Mom defended: You are right, it is really ugly. ...
9. Waiting for the bus at the station, a student said to me with a donation box, "Sir, many people have donated money to poor college students." Deeply moved, I silently took the donation box and said, "Thank you!" " "
10. Customer: The boss gave me a fish. The boss quickly grabbed one and put it in the bag. Customer: You pour the water and weigh it. I didn't buy fish or water! Boss: if you marry a daughter-in-law, your mother's family will get some dowry!
1 1. My left eye jumps and I: I'm going to make a fortune. My right eye jumped, and I: I can't be superstitious.
12. Don't look at me watching plays, chatting and playing games in Weibo all day. I slept like a log the rest of the time!
13. Whenever someone asks my cousin why she has only half a front tooth, she will look up at the sky at 45 degrees and tell her sorrow. A: I think that ruthless car accident made me lose my front teeth forever. When I look at the questioner's face full of apologies and comfort, I will give it a hard slap in my heart. It's just that I fell into a ditch by bike. Let you say this sadness ..
14. As an experienced person, my advice to young people is: Don't come.
15. At the party, everyone likes to take photos with you. It doesn't mean you are popular, but it may be because you have a big face!
16. The couple were chatting in the yard when a strong wind suddenly blew. The husband pointed to the small tree in the yard: Come, wife, go and hug the tree. Wife hahaha smiled: What, are you still afraid that I will be blown away by the wind? Husband: No, I'm afraid that little tree will be blown away.
17. From scanning code payment to brushing face payment, it is not our IQ that is improved, but our consumption speed.
18. My classmate came home from work by bus yesterday. I feel a little itchy when I sit down, but there are many people in the car. The classmate said that as a gentleman, I had no choice but to take out my mobile phone and block it. At this time, the aunt sitting next to her said loudly, hey, the young man is so trendy! Take a snot selfie!
19. Speaking of the advantages of a boyfriend, I can sum it up in one sentence: I have a vision and will choose a girlfriend!
20. The unit carefully selected several kind-hearted crouching female men to participate in the tug-of-war competition organized by the district. That day, seeing that we were about to lose, the female leader next to us was anxious and shouted loudly: Come on, sisters! Let's let you beat your husbands! We unite our strength and turn defeat into victory!
2 1. Some people stay in bed because they have money, and they can sleep as late as they want. I stay in bed because I have no money, so I can save a meal.
22. It's hot every day in summer, and my husband and some friends go to a restaurant for dinner. The air conditioner was not turned on in the box, and in a short time, several old men were so hot that they took off their shirts and were shirtless! One of the buddies said, Oh, it's so hot, waiter! Attendant: Here we are! Can I help you, sir? The elder brothers said: Go and call two bathers for me! Attendant: Sorry, this is a restaurant, not a bathhouse. The buddy said, then what are you doing? Turn on the air conditioner!
23. I smoked half the cigarettes on the balcony that day, and the rest were all sucked away by the wind. I didn't follow suit, which may be trouble. But the more I think about it afterwards, the more angry I get. The wind blows!
24. When I was in the first grade, my teacher asked me to write a composition entitled My Teacher. As a result, a male classmate in the class wrote: My teacher's hair is black and bright, just like a cow licking it. When a fly falls, it will flash!