My parents were both from the 1950s, and that generation, as the matchmaker said, got married early, that is, they were sixteen or seventeen, and later, they were in their twenties. It is also necessary to look at each other, but at first glance, the probability of love at first sight is very small, and everything is pleasing to the eye, not to mention that they didn't understand love at that time.
But I know that a mother loves her father, from love to shallow love to deep love. There is no way to love, love is insecure, because she can't feel the same love from her father.
At that time, the country was poor, the people were poor and the countryside was bitter. Those who have lived in the mountains for generations are more bitter. There are six brothers and fathers, and my uncle joined the army when he was very young. According to my father, it was more than ten miles to go to school at that time. Walking barefoot in summer and wearing sandals in winter, Tianma began to hit the road. I often carry firewood to the market on my way to school. Save money to pay tuition and buy paper and pens. The two simplest school supplies are simply primitive tools for today's children, but their fathers have to earn them themselves. Grandfather is a visionary. In those days, in such hardships, he tried his best to make every child read some books. Uncle Liu graduated from high school and was a scholar at that time. It's not easy. Father and brothers have made progress, too. After graduating from primary school, Bo Er also embarked on the road of his uncle. Bo Er served in the air force for 60 years, and then his fifth uncle joined the army. In the navy of 7 1, his grandfather's children are handsome and handsome, and with education, it is easier to join the army than others. From bronze drums, there are army, air force, navy, land, sea and air. At that time, it was very rare in the whole county, and everyone in Fiona Fang envied it. In addition, Bo Er and Wu Shu worked hard all the way, and they were promoted to regimental cadres early, and their children were also very filial. Grandparents have always been praised and respected by people in their hometown.
Father is a self-motivated man. Through our own efforts and suitable opportunities, we have also walked out of the countryside. He constantly improved himself, took an examination of recruiting cadres, read adult correspondence courses, and took an examination of college education; The cone is in the bag, and the career is getting better and better. The mother, on the other hand, became a mother early and was caught by the child. I went to school for a few days when I was a child, and my family was better than my father. Why don't I study? Mother's statement is that my grandfather won't let me see it, saying that my daughter will always take someone else's surname; I heard from my uncles that my mother doesn't like school very much. At first, there was a gap. As my father's career continued to climb, the gap between them became bigger and bigger. Apart from personality differences, educational level, life pursuit, values, mental structure, spiritual level, etc., this gap is like a deep gap between parents, which is difficult to break.
There were many illiterates in the 1950s and 1960s, especially female illiterates. In the father's circle, husbands are more officials, wives are less educated, and housewives abound. There are also disagreements between husband and wife, but nothing is more upside down than parents.
The first time I saw each other, I agreed to combine, at least I didn't hate each other. How did I get to the latter point?
Aside from the inside and outside, my father is tall and handsome, and my mother is not beautiful, but she is also exquisite. The appearance is not perfect, but there is also an 80% match. Father is introverted and warm-tempered; Mother is extroverted and grumpy. In fact, these external factors may lead to some frictions in life, but they are not the decisive factors of love or not. I think my father belongs to people who pay attention to spiritual pursuit.
As long as I can remember, my parents have quarreled and had a big fight. As a result, my mother hurt my father's hand with scissors, which was very serious. At that time, I was 8 years old and saw my father's left palm wrapped in thick white gauze. The middle piece was soaked in blood and asked, Dad, how did you hurt your hand? Father said calmly, it doesn't matter. It was done by accident. Clever, I gently blew with my injured hand, which was very distressing. I know they had a fight. I think they may have fought, but I'm not sure. I don't think my father can beat my mother. Later, when my uncle came, the adults talked behind closed doors. I still vaguely heard something like "hitting people with scissors". Although my uncle likes my father, my sister must protect him. It should be fifty dollars each. Many years later, my mother brought up the old story and said that her father had pressed her on the edge of the bed. She got up and pricked her father's palm with scissors. My father said that my mother was unreasonable and scratched her face, so he pushed her onto the bed and hit her on the head, not intentionally. This is different. The facts of so many years have proved that my father's words should be more in line with the facts.
My mother said that my father was attracted by bees and butterflies outside, and he was romantic, and he didn't have her in his heart.
My father said that my mother was unreasonable, suspicious and cruel to him.
Anyway, it is noisy all my life, and there are few warm moments at home. As a boss, I know it's early, and I'm hurt and suffering. What I wanted from childhood was to grow up quickly and stay as far away from home as possible.
Maybe I like my father better. I prefer to tell my father something. In fact, we all prefer our father to our mother. This is our mother's failure and sorrow. However, when describing these things, I should be impartial and respect objective facts.
Father does not love mother. He never.
This is an obvious fact, but it does not prevent them from having children and taking responsibility. Does not affect the maintenance of a complete and harmonious family. At that time, many couples were like this, and many people came like this.
What's the problem? First of all, my father didn't love my mother, and he did have an affair at one time. The affair is younger and more beautiful than my mother, more elegant than my mother, more educated than my mother, and has a common language with my father. Maybe the two sides have reached some kind of consensus. I don't know whether my father asked my mother for a divorce or whether my mother had conclusive evidence. My mom went to my dad's office to make a scene, and everyone knew about it. But my father's career was affected and the other party lost his job. The marriage failed and the family was saved. I can't judge whether my mother is right or wrong, but it is right to stay at home, isn't it? We are all children and need a complete family. And the mother, she will not let go of her father, who is her glory and her proud capital. Mother is the best married among the sister handkerchiefs, and is also the envy of many people, saying that her life is good. At home, she can rely on her husband and wife, with a straight back and a sense of superiority; Outside, I occasionally pretend to be an official wife. Regardless of the child, even for this vanity, the mother will not divorce. Divorced, she is a housewife, where to go? Besides, divorce was not as common then as it is now. From here on, it is the father who is sorry for the mother.
Mom is a little smart, but not really smart. She doesn't pay attention to the way of doing things. She often compares her father to other husbands face to face: who can be an official, who can take care of the family and hurt his wife ... Finally, to sum up: everyone is better than you. Try which man doesn't resent being compared like this. When educating children, mothers are not afraid to "use old tricks" and are used to comparing other children. We are also disgusted.
Mother can't get her father's love, confidence and security. She always suspects that there is someone other than her father. As long as she sees or hears any woman touching her father, she will suspect that it is proper relationship, and she will ask her father, which will eventually arouse his disgust. Maybe that's how my father gradually lost patience. This sounds biased. Actually, my mother has a really bad temper. She feels inferior and self-righteous, and her words are vulgar and sharp. Her reason is truth, others' reason is not truth. No matter whether she is wrong or not, you must stand by and get along with her, otherwise she won't rest for three days and stick to it for four days. After the big fight, my mother distrusted my father even more, but she still loved him. And my father must be more annoyed with my mother and chose not to divorce. It should also be for our children.
Four years later, my father was suspended from school for half a year by my mother again, and my career was no longer energetic. The last affection between them was exhausted.
As far as I can remember, my parents separated long ago. In middle age, they sleep in their own rooms and are busy with their work. Father is busy with work, mother is busy playing mahjong, playing during the day and night; Busy believing in Buddhism, she seems to have found spiritual sustenance. She believes in the formalization of Buddhist beliefs and asks, "Amitabha, how does Bodhisattva work?" Keeping silent, she tirelessly mobilized all of us to join and generously donated money and materials to the temple. I am so disgusted that I dare not speak out, thinking that if this can really become her spiritual sustenance, we will do it well.
After the age of 40, my mother mainly does three things: playing mahjong, going to the temple to believe in Buddhism and doubting my father. Mothers are even more ignorant and of low quality.
In those years, my parents separated. We are old enough to find someone to marry. My mother left home wholeheartedly and lived in the temple, leaving us alone. A lot of things that my mother should teach her daughter, we have never obtained. Growing up, my mother often told us about my father's betrayal, ruthlessness, disregard for family and promiscuity. Regardless of our feelings after hearing it, we also asked to stand on the same front with her and denounce our father. I said, "He is the father, and we have no right to accuse him, just as you are the mother, so we have no right to accuse you of anything." The result attracted a series of scolding: "What's wrong with me? What is to blame? Also used to compare with him ... "She felt wronged and angry, and I could only look at her piteously.
After the age of 50, my mother mainly does three things: going to the temple to believe in Buddhism, finding fault and losing her temper, and telling her illness. In poor health, I played mahjong less, but began to toss my father. My mother's love for my father seems to have turned into hate, or love and hate. Accusing my father for decades, digging up old scores and criticizing … is endless.
We all broke things up and analyzed them to her: feelings can't be forced. There is no love and affection. When you are old, stop it and be considerate of each other. You believe in Buddhism for so many years, I wonder if there is such a saying as "let go"?
After his father retired, he took part in interest classes such as calligraphy and painting for the elderly, but his mother interrupted him many times.
Now that my parents are old, my father has always been patient with my mother. Mother's side is always at home for trivial things. Noisy is a common occurrence. Whoever advises not to listen, who is in a hurry, has to follow her words. The doctor said that mother was a little neurotic. It is said that there must be something hateful about the poor, and they are unwilling to look at their mothers like this, and they can't avoid this fact.
Mom is getting more and more nagging, sometimes even unreasonable, and dad has put up with it. My father is exhausted and getting older. I looked at the two old people, distressed and helpless.
Doubting my father seems to be the goal of my mother's life, or it may be a habit. I still can't let go after a lifetime. Life has turned this life into a proper dissatisfied wife. My mother has been entangled in love and hate for her father all her life, and she can't extricate herself from it.
I can't get over it for a long time. This is the portrayal of my mother's life. She is bitter, so is her father, and we have always lacked the warmth of family. You say that you are suffering, and all beings are suffering. Only you can cross the river.