I don’t know if you have noticed that the older we grow up, the more people we know and the richer our social experience becomes, the more serious our social difficulties become and the less we know how to socialize.
On the one hand, we live in a steel jungle city, and a lot of communication is through the screen. The contrast between us behind the screen and the real us is getting bigger and bigger, and our offline interpersonal skills are also getting worse. Coming weaker and weaker.
Just like many jokesters in the circle of friends, in reality they are often silent little sheep, and taking the initiative to interact with others can be difficult for them.
On the other hand, we are becoming more and more lonely, and we only get along with ourselves. When we encounter a lot of people, we hope to hide in a corner and just want to be alone.
A friend of mine has a golden saying: "Every time I am forced to participate in a group activity, all I think about is, 'Guangguangguang, don't you all get in trouble with me'".
The most direct result is that although everyone knows that social interaction is essential, they don’t know how to socialize.
So, I have summarized 20 common unspoken social rules and share them with you.
1
First let’s talk about common sense that everyone agrees on: people are social animals, and they will restrain negative emotions in interpersonal interactions.
Starting from this common sense, the negative emotions of others are actually far greater than what you feel.
In other words, if you feel that others are impatient with you is 1, then the real level should be 10.
Other emotions are the same.
2
A request without response is rejected.
Just like a classmate of mine who borrowed money from his friend to sell a house. After my classmate sent it via WeChat, his friend ignored him.
Later, I, a classmate, thought that the other party had not received it, so I called and sent WeChat messages again, and asked three times, but the other party did not respond.
After he told me this story, I said, if there is no answer, isn’t it itself the answer?
3
Don’t be too proud when others praise you. Life is generally conservative. As many people praise you as you do, there will be as many people scolding you or queuing up to see you. joke.
Just like when I started working, my dad told me that the neighbors who praised me for studying well and being promising were also laughing at me: So what if I graduate from Peking University? No matter what, the salary is so low that I might not even be able to afford food in Beijing.
So, don’t be complacent when others praise you, because you don’t know when you will fall down.
At the same time, don’t take it too seriously when others laugh at you. The best response to them is your grades.
Also, please remember my words: Awesome people always have mixed reputations.
4
“Being able to praise others” is an advanced level of productivity.
One time, I was having sex with Mr. He Chuan, the founder of Gazai Academy, on Guijie Street. When we talked about a social-related topic, I said, "For many novices, being sweet-mouthed is a Advanced productivity can help them improve many relationships and find many opportunities."
He Chuan corrected me and said: "Not just novices, having a sweet mouth and being able to praise others are high-level productivity for everyone."
I can share 3 things about praising people. Tips.
1. If you don't want to praise someone in person, you can praise them behind their back. Sooner or later, your compliments will reach their ears.
2. Don't always focus on obvious advantages when praising others, because the other person will be tired of being praised.
For example, you can praise a good-looking person for his connotation, you can praise a rich person for his culture, you can praise a person with a good figure for his good looks...
3. When you praise someone, don't talk in generalities, but focus on the details and be detailed and vivid.
For example, in Ang Lee's movie "The Wedding Banquet", his daughter-in-law Gu Weiwei commented on Gao's father's calligraphy works:
"No matter the pen or the structure, there is a carefully crafted It is exquisite but natural beauty, and the charm is perfectly integrated with this poem by Bai Juyi. This is a very high level in art, and there is not a single flaw in your calligraphy from beginning to end. It is really leisurely and full of energy. The Sign of Longevity."
This is so much higher than what others say: "Great, well written."
Of course, this is not for you to brag. It is hypocritical to brag if you really have no merit.
5
Don’t ask low-level, simple questions.
If someone keeps asking you very simple questions, this person may have three problems:
First, he is very lazy, and Baidu is not willing to check;
Second It's not using your brain. Some questions can be answered by yourself if you really think about them carefully;
The third is not valuing other people's time, not wanting to put in effort, just wanting to trouble others.
When I meet people who ask this kind of question, I want to explode every minute.
Teacher, Qin or Han, which one is in front and which one is behind?
In order.
Teacher, I want to learn writing and make money. How should I do it?
Start writing first.
Teacher, I also want to have an annual salary of 1 million, how can I do it?
First reach an annual salary of 10W
...
In many cases, it’s not that others don’t care about you, but that your questions are neither nutritious nor done in advance. Knowledge preparation is also an offense to others.
6
No one likes to hear criticism. If he says he likes it, he is lying.
The criticisms on others’ physiology, character, family, work values, and spiritual aspects are criticisms that go straight to the core.
If you don’t mean to end your friendship, it’s better not to talk nonsense.
For example, I have a friend who told me several times: I feel that your work is of little value. What’s the use of writing all that stuff? Why don’t you change careers?
So, we haven’t contacted each other for more than a year.
7
Be sincere when dealing with others, because sincerity itself can solve many problems.
Especially when there is a problem, you must communicate in a timely manner. Don't wait until the matter is beyond control and then cover it up with lies.
The day before yesterday, I went to visit CITIC Publishing House. During dinner, the editor mentioned that a new media author had been arranged to interview a best-selling author.
On the morning of the interview, the author said he was ill and could not come. Reluctantly, the two parties agreed three days later.
On the day of the second interview, the author did not show up at the appointed time.
Later, I didn’t reply to WeChat or answer the phone.
Later it was discovered that the author was not sick at all, but was traveling temporarily.
Lying can definitely directly destroy all good feelings.
8
Remember other people’s names in time, because no one will think that they are insignificant.
Two years later, at a New Year celebration event, this foreign executive actually remembered my name.
I was really touched at the time. The other person didn’t understand Chinese and was so busy. It was really not easy for him to remember my name after such a long time.
Many people say they can’t remember other people’s names. That’s just because you think the other person is unimportant.
However, no one will think that they do not deserve respect.
9
You must be on time for your appointment. Even if you are not on time, don't lie and say "you will be there in five minutes" when in fact there is still half an hour.
Previously, a senior brother introduced a relative of his, saying that he wanted to take the postgraduate entrance examination at Peking University. He asked me to introduce various teachers in the college.
Because I couldn’t resist the other party’s enthusiasm, I had no choice but to make an appointment for coffee.
It turned out that this girl was more than an hour late, but every time I asked her, she said she would be there in five minutes.
She later apologized, saying that she was habitually late.
This is not habitually late, it is simply habitual lying.
10
Be sure to be wary of people who "have nothing to do and just want to talk to you."
People who have not contacted you for several years but still chat for half an hour are usually looking for you to do something.
It's okay if you tell him your purpose quickly. If you always talk about him, it's often because he knows that this matter will make you very embarrassed.
In this case, there is no need to worry about face, just do it if you can, and don’t do it if you can’t.
You think rejecting the other person will hurt your feelings, but actually it will hurt your feelings even more if you agree and fail to do so.
11
It is strongly recommended to abandon useless social networking. If you are not good at it, it will be useless to meet anyone.
Someone once told the writer Li Shanglong: "I have participated in a lot of social activities and have many friends, but until today, no one has helped me with many things, which is very sad."
Li Shanglong asked her: "How do people usually introduce you in social circles?" She said: "My friend, Xiaobai."
Li Shanglong said: "How do people usually introduce outstanding people?" she said : "Independent writer, anchor, director, professor..."
So, if you are not strong yourself, a lot of social networking is actually of little use.
If you can't create value or potential value for others, why should others know you if they know you want to find opportunities with them?
12
Relationships that take great effort to maintain are ultimately thankless.
Someone once added a certain leader to a certain alumni group. From then on, he became a weather forecaster every day, greeting the leader every day, reminding him to put on more clothes when it was cold, and reminding him to bring an umbrella when it rained...
< p> Later, the leader directly deleted this person. At a certain dinner, he mentioned this person with contempt: young people have the energy to do something serious, and don't always want to follow crooked ways.So, please remember my words: If you lick the dog until the end, you will often get nothing.
13
Don’t overly show the details of your life. Keeping it mysterious is the only way to add charm.
This is the so-called "no great man in the eyes of servants". If you get too close and show too many details, you will lose too much mystery and your charm will be greatly reduced.
14
Learn to be polite!
The more people I come into contact with, I find that many people don’t have basic courtesy. In fact, saying "Hello, please, thank you..." even if it doesn’t add points to your social life, it certainly won’t Points deducted.
After many of my readers added me, they directly said "I am very confused, what should I do" and "I have a xx question now, please tell me the answer."
Often there is not even a question or hello, so I can only silently say, "Then you can continue to be confused."
Many things can be solved as long as you talk nicely, but many people don't. In the final analysis, they still don't pay enough attention, or they haven't developed good habits since childhood.
15
Stay irritable and you'll be fine.
What is an irritable state?
When someone touches your bottom line or makes you uncomfortable, you have to express it or fight back.
I once saw an example: There was an alcoholic father who beat and scolded his mother every time he was drunk. The mother suffered silently until the eldest son of the family grew up, and this problem stopped.
Many people think that there is something wrong with the father. But in fact, my mother also has problems, and she has endured it silently for more than ten years. If she had found an opportunity to resist or divorce at the beginning, she might not have endured domestic violence for such a long time.
So many times, you don’t need to endure it all the time. Protest when it’s time to protest, and fight back when it’s time to fight back.
If others know that you are not easy to bully, they will naturally not bully you.
16
There is a saying in "The Grandmaster": If you don't see people being kind and you don't see people being wise, then you are a villain and you have no room for others.
Be sure to stay away from such people.
Because, if you have a bad life, that’s it. If you have a good life, he will try his best to trick you and spread bad words about you.
17
Be as balanced as possible in social interactions, and don’t neglect anyone intentionally or unintentionally, because some people are really fragile and sensitive inside, and we still have to take care of them. other people's emotions.
After all, socializing is to strengthen interpersonal relationships. There is no need to offend others because of small negligence.
18
Don’t care too much about the opinions of strangers.
A girl from a very poor family told a story, saying that before she went to college, she had never eaten at McDonald's, never put on lipstick, or flown on an airplane...
The thing that bothered her the most was when she went to a Western restaurant for the first time and ordered an 8-minute steak.
Because she later learned some Western food etiquette, she knew that when ordering a steak, you usually order an odd number. Ordering an even number seemed very amateurish, and she might have been silently laughed at by the waiter at the time.
Actually, I think that when you go out to spend money, what you buy is happiness and comfort. If you worry too much about whether you are showing off your timidity or whether you look earthy, it often means that your inner strength is not strong.
In fact, you don’t need to mind the looks of strangers too much, because no one knows anyone anyway, and no one will feel embarrassed except you after 3 minutes.
19
People of any personality are worth dating.
Some people like those who are outgoing and familiar with others, but the space of the human heart is limited. People who are enthusiastic and familiar with everyone will not be emotionally long-lasting.
On the contrary, it is easier for friendships to last for those people who find it difficult to get into their hearts and seem to be very introverted.
20
Losing a relationship is a normal thing, especially the faster you grow, the easier it is for you to break away from your old relationship.
I have always believed that the best interpersonal relationships should be constructive, which means that two people have basically the same values ????and code of conduct, are more comfortable together, and can supervise each other's growth.
The overall pace of both parties should be consistent.
If one party is always ahead of the other, then both the leader and the laggard will feel particularly tired.
Whether it is in terms of values, social status, or similar topics, the intersection between the two will become less and less, and it will become increasingly difficult to communicate.
From this perspective, don’t try to save a failed relationship, because there will always be someone left behind because they can’t keep up with you.