The TV series "Little Joy" has its own topic of national college entrance examination. In Little Joy, Hong Tao plays "Song Qian", a single mother whose daughter is in senior three. She is independent and self-reliant, has a successful career, and her daughter has excellent grades and is lovely and sensible.
However, her high standards and strict requirements for her daughter have reached the level of "suffocating": rummaging through her daughter's schoolbag, strictly controlling all aspects of her life and study, installing glass windows in her daughter's room, and constantly monitoring whether her daughter is studying. My daughter won the second place in her grade, and her disappointment was beyond words.
Hong Tao said with a smile: "After the summer of 20 19, my personal design collapsed and became a' bitch' in the audience's mind." But at the same time, she also thinks this role is very representative. "Many friends around me are parents, and you can see their desire for control due to insecurity."
The scenes in the play simply illustrate the handling of reality.
Hong Tao's ex-husband was rich and left her two houses after the divorce. She is not short of money, but also smart in her career. In educating children, she has scientific methods and ingenious means. The only drawback is that many tiger mothers are too demanding and controlling.
After the divorce, Song Qian chose to raise the children alone, and put all her hopes and energy on her daughter. Eiko couldn't breathe in such a depressing environment, and her father indulged her, so she chose to skip class.
The most serious contradiction between the pressure of college entrance examination and mother's expectation is on the verge of breaking out.
From anger to collapse, and then to the helplessness of hating iron not to produce, Hong Tao said the sentence that many mothers would say: "Am I easy? Am I not under much pressure? ! "
The latest versions of Eiko's truancy and Song Qian's collapse all started from this bowl of bird's nest.
Dad and Aunt Meng Xiao helped Eiko play truant, and the three of them enjoyed family happiness in Dad's house. Song Qian came to Eiko, and the mother and daughter had a big fight. They talk about whether their father and aunt Meng Xiao are better than their mother.
Eiko said, yes, I like Aunt Meng Xiao. I just think she is better than you. At least she won't make me do something I don't like.
This passage is really unbearable. Because it is real enough, like a knife, it pokes the deepest scar in the hearts of many good mothers.
It's too easy to be a good person in marriage. On the contrary, it is difficult to be a bad person. In the educational environment of China, there must be a "villain" between husband and wife, and this "villain" is often played by the mother who is most worried and pays the most.
In the play, Song Qian, played by Hong Tao, asks her daughter in tears, "Ask your father what he did, and he will do anything you like.
Have you been stabbed again? How many people who are less in charge of the family win the hearts of the people, and those who are more in charge make more mistakes? But if two people are good people, what about the children's study and even the future?
Don't tell me that light clouds and light wind energy make you a schoolmaster; Children can become Lang Lang without being forced.
Education itself is against humanity. In the current high-pressure and fast exam-oriented education environment, no child can study happily, especially in senior three. Who hasn't lived rather than died?
At this time, my mother was also forced to look good, know how to advance and retreat, and know how to measure. Children can think this way because they are ignorant; If society, and we adults, also impose this pressure on women, it is better to think about why the exam-oriented education is getting worse and worse, and the burden on children is getting heavier and heavier.
There must always be a person in the family who takes the exam head-on, either father or mother, but in real life, 90% of this role is played by mother. Children are under great pressure, but mothers are under little pressure. Why is the mother always to blame?
Eiko thinks that Dad is very good, and so is Aunt Meng Xiao. They won't force themselves to do things they don't like. The reason is simple-those who don't pay for your life are not responsible for your future.
Unfortunately, as a child, it takes many years to understand this truth. Therefore, every good mother is doomed to live in a state of being misunderstood, hated and accused for a period of time.
02
It dates back to 2008, when Hong Tao was pregnant with a child.
When she was immersed in the joy of being a mother, her mother found out the cancer. My stomach is getting bigger and bigger, and my mother is getting sicker and sicker.
Just after the baby was born, Hong Tao's mother died.
Grandma Hong Tao left when her daughter was one year old.
The following year, her father died of an acute heart attack.
In a short period of two years, Hong Tao has experienced four hardships: birth, old age, illness and death.
Before I could say goodbye, the world collapsed. She sleeps for more than ten hours and drinks more than ten cups of coffee every day, but she just can't wake up.
In those dark days, someone dug a gap for her-her daughter.
"My daughter needs me, and I can't go on like this."
Think of a topic in Zhihu called "How did everyone come out after their loved ones died". There is such a passage:
If everyone is a small planet, the dead relatives and friends are the dark matter around them. I hope to see you again. I know I can't see you anymore. But your gravity is still there. I thank our light cones for overlapping. You changed my orbit forever. Even if we can't meet again, you are still the reason why my galaxy has not fallen apart. You are the eternal composition of my cosmic web.
The world is bleak when your loved ones leave, but don't forget that you are also the love and star in the eyes of others.
Hong Tao supported herself and signed up for calligraphy, yoga, flower arrangement, parenting courses and psychology. She cleaned up her mind and left the beautiful world. The daughter is still young, and her husband is outside, so she can't be defeated.
In an interview, Hong Tao said flatly: "Because I didn't ask the elderly to help with the children, and my knowledge in this area is zero, so I must study hard."
This study is ten years.
Only those who have experienced it can truly appreciate how tired a mother is.
In the past ten years, Hong Tao seems to have lost all the glory of being a Grand Slam champion. When the reporter took her picture, she was naked and held her daughter tightly.
Pick up my daughter from school.
Take your daughter to dance class.
Take your daughter shopping.
She changed the name of WeChat to 2 1-7, which is the time for her to sleep with her children.
Some people call names, which is a child slave. Without my job, my life is gone.
Hong Tao doesn't think so. When someone asked about her parenting skills, she said:
"Instead of cultivating those skills, it is better to cultivate your own heart."
The biggest difference between Hong Tao and Song Qian in Little Happiness is that she loves children, but she never loses herself.
When the children grew up, Hong Tao returned to work. Sometimes when she goes out to film, her daughter Bao Xiao will block the door or hold her leg to prevent her from leaving.
Hong Tao would squat down and patiently tell her daughter, "Everyone must work. If you don't work, you can't buy delicious food and live in a big house. Work is mom's fun, and you will have your own fun in the future. "
Work is fun, mother is learning, and parenting is self-cultivation.
She figured it out, carried it clearly, and did well.
She knows that hard work can be appreciated. By myself, by my husband, by my daughter, and even by the audience.
This reminds me of a reader's message: "Children are by no means the end of a better life, but the beginning of a better life!"
03
Ma Yili said: In my twenties, I just want to control everything in my hands forever, so I worry about many uncertainties in the future inexplicably and miss some beautiful things. In his forties, he knows mortal things, has no eternity, and thinks about yin and yang. The only thing you can grasp is the present. "
The ancients said forty without confusion, but now Hong Tao, an actress, was born in 1969, and her edges and corners were hidden, making her more gentle. She knows that things are never absolute, and she won't force anyone to give her an explanation.
I used to like this metaphor. Everyone has a jar in his heart. Some people have an empty jar, while others have a jar filled with 80% water. When all the beautiful things come in, your jar will contain 65,438+0,000% water, and you will feel the beauty of life.
But the tide will always recede. When the tide recedes, people with empty jars will feel uncomfortable and feel that they can't live any longer, and people with water in jars will live more indifferently.
Hong Tao, an actress, was born in 1969. She is a woman with water in a bottle.