In July 2002, I entered senior three ahead of schedule.
Although the summer vacation of senior two has just begun, the school regretted the two-month holiday for us, so we lived up to expectations and skillfully shuttled through the overwhelming cram schools. I officially handed over the post of deputy editor-in-chief of the school magazine. I sat in the classroom and looked at the formulas tossed and turned on the blackboard. The smell of sweat was mixed with the encouragement of the electric fan and could not be suppressed. The college entrance examination was far away, and the blackboard at the back of the classroom seemed to have a sense of advancement. They like to calculate the time from the college entrance examination in hours. The result backfired, which made us think that the college entrance examination was hundreds of years later. That huge number reassured us. Tutoring and attending classes are like a kind of psychological comfort for us. We sit here reading, sleeping and chatting on time every day with the title of senior three. After returning home, I still surf the Internet, rent DVDs, watch terrible TV dramas and make phone calls until my parents hate Bell. Life is so easy that we forget when to change from short sleeves to long sleeves. In the chaos, we ushered in a real senior three.
The school officially opened in September 2002.
There seems to be a pride complex in the classroom. Every year, when we upgrade to a higher level, it will climb to the next level. The school seems to want us to realize our identity when climbing the stairs. But it's no use. At the beginning of school, everyone's only complaint is that climbing stairs and doing leg work every day, which not only does not increase the heavy feeling in their hearts, but curses heaven and earth. So lazy people have lazy ways. Except for earthquakes and fires, we will never go downstairs easily. However, there are also exciting things. As big brothers and sisters in school, we have the privilege of not wearing school uniforms. For a time, the classroom was full of colors, and the topic of chatting with classmates was more premeditated about what to wear tomorrow. The first half of the semester is undoubtedly easy. All the geographical creatures that have caused us headaches and troubles have disappeared. People who study literature don't have to study physical chemistry hard, but they enjoy it, which makes all the science teachers in the past angry. Those who study science thoroughly will bid farewell to history. Although politics can't escape, the atmosphere of the course is too relaxed. They simply regard the political teacher as an invisible person and change it into a self-study class privately. As we all know, under the premise of the college entrance examination, teachers will definitely give you enough face in these minor courses. Senior one and senior two have a heavy academic burden in senior three. The beginning suddenly disappeared without a trace. This really makes me a little too happy to believe. Although I still convince myself to do extra-curricular exercises consciously and recite ancient Chinese and political views in advance, my brain is completely out of it. Sit at your desk for four or five hours every night, and then deceive yourself with the voice of "1 1".
I still can't remember when the nervousness started. It was premeditated, but it was a silent invasion. With too much homework, too much practice and too many exams, we always feel as if the teacher had just finished the exam and strolled into the classroom with a stack of papers. Thick counseling books seem to be distributed free of charge. Every time we receive one, we will sigh with emotion, swear that we will never finish reading this book, and then smile and sign our names on the cover, saying that we will take them to sprint for the college entrance examination. However, we never imagined that they were just the beginning, and their life span was so short that they were quickly solved by us and then pushed aside to accumulate dust.
I finished the first half of the third year of senior high school, and the final exam results were not outrageous in my half-year waste. I squeezed into the top 100, which means you can enter the first-class prestigious schools in our key high schools. But my parents are not satisfied with this ranking. They can't understand that I can still come back with my fourth grade when I am in Grade One and Grade Two, and I often wander around in my twenties and thirties. How could I have regressed into this when I was supposed to be in grade three? My explanation is that everyone is working hard, and my strength is too small to fight. In fact, my heart is quite gratifying, because I know that I didn't work wholeheartedly in the first half of the semester, so I have enough reason to strengthen my confidence. During the Chinese New Year, a primary school girl from Grade One and Grade Two called to ask me if I was bitter in Grade Three. I bit a bunch of candied haws on the other end of the phone and vaguely answered that I was fine, alive and with sound limbs. They can't help laughing there, but I am extremely optimistic here, and I firmly believe in my future.
The holiday is not over yet, but we still sit in the classroom in advance. Being in senior three, I can better understand the good intentions of teachers and schools. Obviously, everyone is not as careless as when they make up lessons in the summer vacation. Not only did they come on time obediently, but they rarely saw anyone dating Duke Zhou at the desk in class. The head teacher praised us for being senior three. Of course, there are still less than four months. Now we have more or less observed the ruthlessness of time, and no one wants to bet on his future.
In mid-February, 2003, the third year of high school started again.
One day before the start of school, I wrote my motto on N posts, which were posted all over the floor-"Heaven has made a great task, and people must first suffer from it, work hard on it and starve it." I always believe that as long as you work hard now, even if it is very bitter, as long as you get through it, then the future will be brilliant. This idea is not only mine, but also every senior three student's. We all know what it means to enter a famous university and what it means to be backward in today's society. We shoulder not only our own destiny, but also the whole family. This truth has been instilled in me since I was a child, so I know I must work hard.
Teachers generally believe that only exams can truly reflect our existing learning level, so exams are more and more difficult. I didn't break 90 points (full mark 150) in several consecutive math exams, and I began to feel the beginning of a nightmare. Faced with the test paper full of red crosses, I was almost desperate and didn't want to see the numbers again. The class teacher comforted that it didn't matter. These exams are very difficult, and many people failed. But what I care about is not how many people got low marks in the exam. What I saw was that there were still excellent students who got a score of 1230. This comparison scares me. I can't imagine how I can knock on the door of my ideal if I haven't broken the passing line in math.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, I repeatedly asked myself: Where did the confident "I" go a few months ago? I think I may have lost her. In those days, I frantically looked for someone to find a math tutor everywhere. I took the bus twice to go to class alone, and then I walked alone through the long street without street lights in the dark night. It is difficult for me to tell my friends that I am a math tutor, and they will make a fuss and say, "Are you still making up math?" So what should we do? "Everyone's standards and ideals are different. Because of my personality, I demand perfection excessively. I hope that the college entrance examination will bring me excellent. I'm afraid that a mistake will make me completely rolling in the deep.
The first mock exam, I ushered in a depressed state. The result is naturally not good. According to the ranking in the district, I can only enter China politics. This prediction made me extremely disappointed. I am not demanding that I must enter a famous university, but Fudan has always occupied a very important position in my heart since childhood. It is my dream, my ideal and my pursuit. One day when I found this dream, this ideal, this pursuit, I was not sure to grasp it. It seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me, and that kind of heartache was unbearable in life.
For several months, I have been busy making friends with mathematics. Every day, no matter how much homework I have and how late I finish it, I strictly demand how many pages I have to do to study the topic paper. There is an old saying in China, "Diligence makes up for mistakes". I firmly believe this, so I put my schedule under the table. If I am lazy and don't finish writing, I will write a cross on the paper in scarlet. This method is very effective, because the forks will hurt my eyes when I do my homework at my desk the next day. I also posted my poor math test paper all over the room. Those shameful grades inspire me, but every time my parents come in, they feel uncomfortable. They said, "People put up awards on the wall. It's very kind of you to promote such an ugly paper. " I said, it's not ugly now, and it will never look good in the future.
I don't know whether the training in recent months has worked, or whether the teacher made it easier for us to give us face. Anyway, in the future exams, the scores gradually became beautiful, and I began to change the problem of jumping up and down, which made me very happy. But according to the class teacher, my mind is getting better and better, which leads to stable grades. I don't know what "mentality" really means, but self-confidence is indeed an indispensable thing. Later, when I went to college and saw this road, I felt that sometimes people's self-confidence was supported by some very small things. A few failed exams can almost destroy a person, but also several successes can rebuild confidence, but this kind of "success" is the most difficult, depending on how hard you work to get up from the ground. I tried my best to attack mathematics in those months, but now I think it may not be as effective as psychologically, because I have made great efforts to overcome it, so I have absolute reason to believe that I can see the gains after my efforts. The spiritual strength endowed by this "absolute rationality" is enormous.
I did well in the second mock exam in the city. I climbed to the top of the liberal arts class.
In May, it should have been the last sprint time, but the string of half a year has been tightened, making everyone tired at this time. At this time, a veritable uninvited guest, SARS, came to China. It has turned our lives upside down. In this kind of confusion, we are told by our teachers not to forget to study hard every day, make progress hard, look at the thermometer when we have time, and wrap ourselves up in crowded places. Shanghai is still calm, but the atmosphere is still tense, which makes us feel a little excited and the boring study is swept away. We tried our best to find all kinds of beautiful masks from the stalls to show off at school, and we had enough reasons not to drink boiled water, so we went to the grocery store to buy more fresh oranges rich in vitamin C.
But this happiness didn't last long, because the school soon gave us a big holiday and let us go home to review. When I got home, I suddenly felt at a loss. The next day, I slept until two o'clock in the afternoon, and then I wandered around alone for two days. Then I remembered that the teacher repeatedly told us to be nervous when we left. So I blame myself. In order to stop my behavior, I took off the test paper on the wall and put on a look that "heaven and hell are only one step away, and success and failure are only a stone's throw away". Horizontal batch is "killed in Fudan". I pasted this scribbled couplet all over the room to warn myself. But my parents thought my decision was that I would go to hell if I didn't go to heaven, so they called me to tear it up. But this time I said no in a clear manner. People sometimes have to push themselves with a sense of oppression. As for what to do after failing the college entrance examination, that is another matter. However, if you give yourself too relaxed future from the beginning and leave too many retreats, it is inevitable that you will never be able to bring your full potential into play in the exam, which is why Xiang Yu cut off his own retreat. I said to myself in my diary: the world is a one-way trip, and it is impossible to go back after going. There is no room for carelessness in the college entrance examination, otherwise I will enter another life track.
On June 7, 2003, the college entrance examination officially began.
I can't remember the exact three days now, only the first day after the math exam is the most impressive and unforgettable. This year's math exam is very difficult. Many of my friends left the examination room in despair after taking the math exam, and then brought this despair to the next four exams, infinitely doubling. In fact, I did badly in the exam, too bad to even think about it now, which is quite different from my original hope. On the way home, I was so cold that I almost lost my temperature. But I keep telling myself that there is only one bad thing, and I have no reason to give up like this. "Looking forward" is the most perfect way, otherwise I will regret bringing depression to the later exam subjects.
Later, my grades came out, and my math was really as bad as I thought, but the other five subjects were normal, and several subjects were extraordinary. So the total score is not ugly, and later I received my dream admission notice.
Sitting in front of the computer today, I saw myself reappearing on the screen under the tap of my fingers in the past year. That feeling is very complicated. The college entrance examination will really make people grow up, and there are many feelings that can never be expressed in words. Only when you really walk through this road can you appreciate the taste. In that year, we often lamented that there was such a strange thing as "one exam will be fixed for life". However, now we relive those days with a little gratitude. In this year, we have tasted the ups and downs, cried and laughed, and matured in that tempering. Looking back, it's really just a paradise one meter away, and you can embrace heaven and earth after walking.