Parents want their children to be "lucky and lucky" and pay a lot of efforts and attention to it, which has almost become a common social phenomenon. As a result, almost all parents have high expectations for their children, hoping that their children are gifted, intelligent and superior to others in all aspects. Under high expectations, parents will inevitably have "high requirements" for their children. Every weekend, not many parents take their children to play and relax in nature, but hurriedly take them to various training schools to learn piano, calligraphy and painting. In addition, parents often "pay close attention" to their children. In terms of learning, they pay attention to whether children have met their expectations and met their own requirements; In life, they pay attention to every detail As long as it is found that what children do is not conducive to learning, they will step in and prevent children from exploring the world ... This family education model is not uncommon, but is it really beneficial to children?
Someone once asked the parents of Zhou Qian, the science champion of the college entrance examination in Yongchuan District, Chongqing, and a student majoring in industrial engineering in Tsinghua University: "If you tailor a' Peking University Tsinghua Growth Roadmap' for Zhou Qian and follow the map, will Zhou Qian be admitted to Tsinghua?" Zhou Qian's father, Zhou Zengqi, replied: "Impossible." He said, don't expect too much from children, health, kindness and happiness are more important than Peking University Tsinghua.
Some people have also studied some children, who have worked hard to achieve their parents' goals under their parents' "high demands" since childhood, so they have become "prodigies" and "little geniuses" in everyone's eyes since childhood. However, with the growth of age and the pressure of parents, they tend to slide from "top figures" to the level of ordinary people. Although some "prodigies" still have excellent grades, they will only "work hard" and adapt to the closed life of "not listening to things outside the window". When they grow up, it is difficult for them to adapt to society and communicate with others. Even with the title of "high score and low energy", it is difficult to find an ordinary job. ...
These two positive and negative examples show that it is difficult for the "three high families" to cultivate excellent children, which can only make children bear great pressure and make them have a psychological burden. On the contrary, if you want your child to get excellent grades, you should not put pressure on him or pay too much attention to him. You should give him a relaxed atmosphere and let him play freely.
A child as young as 1 1 ran away from home. After his family looked for him for a few days, they couldn't help asking him why he did it. The child's answer shocked everyone present: "No matter how hard I try, I am a failed child in my mother's eyes. She will never be satisfied with me. " Such a pessimistic idea is deeply buried in the child's heart. Under such pressure, he made an extreme behavior of running away from home. You can imagine how much pressure his mother usually puts on her children.
Through the investigation, we gradually understand the mother's usual attitude towards children: mother is a professor in colleges and universities, and she is very busy at work, but she is not relaxed in her requirements and management of children. She wrote the words "Shine on you" on the child's desk, and constantly urged the child with this expectation. Her requirements for children are that they must finish their homework and review and preview every day, otherwise they are not allowed to sleep; Every time you take an exam, you must be the top three. If you fail to take an exam once, you must write a review and guarantee. Before entering junior high school, you must have your own "two skills"-learning piano and painting well. The child said that he has never felt the real "Sunday" and has been in the cycle of continuous learning, supervision and inspection. Then, I gradually got the idea of getting rid of this "cage" and living a "free" life outside for a few days. ...
Nowadays, many children are stressed and unhappy since childhood, and even some children are prone to depression. This is certainly not the original intention of parents, but it is indeed influenced by parents' "high-pressure policy". Once, a high school tutor sent all the students the Depression Scale of Martin seligman, an American psychologist and founder of Positive Psychology, and found that 70% of the students were on the verge of depression. One of the characteristics of depression is depression. When faced with difficulties, self-confidence will collapse. Isn't this the direct result of parents setting too high a goal for their children?
It can be seen that parents should never impose their high vision on their children, which will not benefit their children's growth except causing excessive pressure and psychological problems. This educational method of "only success, no failure" and "only first, no second" will bring many negative effects to children: timidity, inferiority, conceit, inability to lose, inability to withstand setbacks, poor communication skills, narrow vision and depression. ...
Let's go back to the example of Zhou Qian. From primary school to junior high school, and then to senior high school, Zhou Qian's parents did not force her to read a lot of books and attend many extracurricular remedial classes, but tried their best to create a happy family atmosphere and give her room for free development. Even in the college entrance examination, parents never thought of taking two days off to accompany their children to the exam. They simply said to Zhou Qian, "You should take it as a task. Even if you don't do well in the exam, your parents won't blame you. You just have to work hard. "
Are Zhou Qian's parents ignorant of the importance of the college entrance examination? No. On the contrary, they are the smartest parents. They said, "going with children and encouraging them to do well in exams can only create more pressure for them." Seeing this, we may understand that Zhou Qian's Excellence is by no means accidental. It is her parents who know how to give her a free and happy growth space, let her let go of her hands and feet and constantly improve her ability.
It can be seen that parents should have the wisdom of "playing hard to get" when educating their children. Even if they are looking forward to his success, they just want to tell him "Don't force it, just work hard". Because the child is also a "spring", moderate "pressure" may make him rebound easily and high; However, if the pressure exceeds his capacity, he will never be able to rebound strongly. Over time, he may lose his original flexibility and lose the possibility of "rebounding" to a high place.
Parents should know how to relax expectations and not impose expectations on their children; You should also know how to untie your child, give him a flying sky and let him play freely. Haste makes waste, and high expectations will lead to "drawing water with a sieve". Water carefully, wait quietly, and one day the child will give you an answer sheet full of surprises.