Praise is a science, in which there are endless mysteries, and "knowing what to do" is an important rule. The essence of "knowing what to do" is to grasp the essence of praising things, not to speak layman's words, and to make others sound knowledgeable and sophisticated. Many people often make laymen's mistakes. They say everything when they see it, and everyone speaks highly when they see it. Some people don't know how to pretend to understand it, and some only know one thing, but they don't know the other. The language is not in place, and they can't get to the point, which is irrelevant and lacks strength. At the calligraphy exhibition, we often hear people who seem to understand or pretend to understand exclaim, "This word is really well written!" Asked what was good about him, he hesitated for a long time and couldn't say a thing or two. Or someone sighed: "This handwriting is really unique! I can't recognize any of them! " Such praise is not only superficial, but also insane. Hang it all!
to be a compliment, you need to know professional knowledge. Interlacing is like a mountain. In modern society, the professional division of labor is very fine, and each major is relatively independent, forming a relatively closed system. If you have a narrow knowledge, you will undoubtedly become a "layman" with a kind heart, but you can't find a topic of praise.
first of all, be good at using technical terms. Terminology is the cell that constitutes a science, and it is its basic component and basic concept.
Secondly, you must have certain accomplishments in a certain line, so that your praise will be accepted by insiders and you will be regarded as a close friend.
An expert admirer also shows a unique eye. A discerning admirer is good at discovering advantages, strengths and meanings that others can't.
1. Know what you are proud of
Some people think that people are just symbols of history, and at the same time, in the historical process of everyone's growth and development, they are full of historical records, including many things that they are proud of. For these proud things, everyone is eager to get a higher evaluation from others. If you can get heartfelt affirmation and praise, it will be even more gratifying and proud.
For a stranger, we can generally judge what he is proud of from his occupation, environment and historical age. What a general is proud of is often the numerous military achievements he has made. A professor who studies history is bound to be proud of his published papers and monographs. If you want to give a little praise to a strange history professor, you might as well say to him, "Professor, your papers and monographs are quite influential in the history field and have heard a lot about you." Lawyers will be proud of their influential cases. When you meet a strange lawyer, you can say, "It's not easy to be a lawyer. You have done quite well in several cases." Even a farmer will think that he is the only one who has planted a variety of watermelons this year, and the watermelon market is surprisingly good, and he has a sense of success. When you buy melons, you might as well say, "Dude, you really have a good eye. This year's watermelon market is for you to see."
Sincerely praising what a person is proud of can help you get along with each other better.
Praising what a person is proud of can make him accept your suggestions more easily, thus correcting some of his wrong behaviors.
Praising the things that the elderly are proud of in their life can make them happier in their later years.
Old people struggle all their lives. If you don't understand, don't understand and don't praise his achievements in life, they will be disappointed. Many old people like to talk about how many storms they have experienced and how they struggled to start a business in front of the younger generation. Apart from educational significance, they also hope to be praised and revered by the younger generation.
We must pay attention to three points when praising something that a person is proud of: First, the words of praise should be accurate and not deviate from the facts. Second, praise must be sincere, heartfelt words, not exaggerated. Third, pay attention when praising, so that the praised person feels that you have the mood to share their glory and happiness.
2. Understand weaknesses
Everyone has both his strengths and weaknesses. Advantages and strengths are easy to win praise, while disadvantages and weaknesses are not.
So, why praise a person and understand his weaknesses? Knowing the weakness is to suit the remedy to the case, so that your praise can really be brought into full play and get better results.
When children are growing up, due to their age and ability limitations, when they study hard to get the affirmation and praise from their parents, they often do things badly, although they have good motives.
Knowing a person's weakness, treating it dialectically and praising him from the positive meaning reflected by the weakness can also achieve good results. For example, kindness can be said to be a person's strength, but it is also a weakness from another angle. Sometimes it is inevitable to be indecisive, which gives people with bad intentions an opportunity. Therefore, exploring the reasons for a person's failure may also be the internal cause of failure. As the saying goes: People are good at being bullied and Ma Shan is good at being ridden. To a kind-hearted manager who is being used, you can say, "Manager, you are tolerant and generous to others, so it's too bad for heaven and earth to get into trouble with someone by despicable means!" Such comfort is very touching.
praising each other and grasping their weaknesses are often the key to your success.
From a philosophical point of view, a person's weaknesses go hand in hand with his strengths, and strengths correspond to weaknesses. The same thing has both strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, when praising others, smart people don't just stare at each other's strengths and weaknesses, but broaden their horizons or look at them from another angle to praise each other better from their weaknesses and shortcomings.
3. Understand hobbies
Almost everyone has their own hobbies and things they are good at. Playing the piano, playing chess, books, painting, growing flowers and grass, and even smoking and drinking can be regarded as hobbies. Hobbies are a person's pleasure. For their hobbies, such as collecting stamps, everyone is willing to spend money and invest time and energy, and some even forget to eat or sleep. For some people, hobbies are his lifeblood. If you collide with his hobbies, it will be annoying and angry. Respect for others' hobbies can win others' likes. As the saying goes, like-minded people, to a large extent, mean that interests and hobbies are close, which brings them together.
To be a master of praise, you must understand, respect and praise other people's hobbies. If you want to make your praise really "to your liking", you must have a skill.
(1) First of all, we should grasp the boundary between legitimate hobbies and divergent hobbies.
There are countless legitimate hobbies, such as football, stamp collecting, qigong and so on. These hobbies are beneficial to everyone's physical and mental health, easy to accept, popular with the public, and there are not many differences in evaluation, so it is easier to praise them. For example, when you praise a group of football fans, he will be happy whether he is knowledgeable and energetic in football or his favorite team.
(2) Asking modestly is a superb compliment
Generally speaking, you know what you like. A person who loves calligraphy must have rich knowledge of calligraphy; If a person likes fishing, he must have rich fishing experience. You don't need to compliment him on his hobby. In this case, he must listen too much, such as a gust of wind blowing in his ears, leaving no trace in his mind. At this time, as long as you humbly ask for advice and make a respectful gesture, he will patiently teach you one or two mysteries.
(3) Make yourself an "outsider"
When two people with the same hobbies get along, it is their hobbies that they talk most. Even if they meet by chance, they may hit it off at once. For people with the same hobbies, their concentration on learning from each other and playing ignorance is admirable. They may exchange experiences with each other, or they may be red-faced for a technical problem. However, sometimes, if you want to compliment each other, you might as well behave yourself as an "amateur" or lower level, especially when you get along with leaders. Young people generally have a wide range of hobbies and a high level. However, when you accompany the leader to play table tennis, electronic games, playing cards and playing chess, if you don't subtly "be soft-hearted", you will "kill" your boss and "beat" your feet without touching the ground, won't you lose face to the leader? At this point, you might as well praise the rapid improvement of leadership level and secretly "show mercy", wouldn't it be the best of both worlds! Sometimes, leaders are also very "naive", knowing that you secretly "defected", but still smiling on your face, showing the joy of victory, and your praise will be accomplished.
4. Be good at praising
the whole world, all the people, everyone is just a drop in the ocean. After all, great people and celebrities are rare around us, and most of them are still ordinary people, and they can't make earth-shattering events. Everyone can't be vigorous, just plain. Really smart people are good at praising others from small things, rather than blindly searching for great things.
Praising others from a small place will not only give them unexpected surprises, but also give you a caring and considerate image. A staff member of a clothing store found that there was something wrong with the workmanship of a newly-put dress, and moved it to a corner where customers could not see it in time. The manager on duty praised her for thinking about the company and safeguarding its honor, and decided to give her a bonus. The clerk was almost flattered, praising the manager everywhere, and his little achievements could not escape her eyes, so it was worthwhile to work in such a company. What the employee got from the manager's praise was not only the happiness after receiving the award, but also the gratitude for the manager's concern, which made her feel that she lived and worked in a warm group, thus inspiring her work enthusiasm and enhancing her sense of responsibility.
of course, not all small things deserve praise. Praise others from small things, you need to grasp certain skills. Otherwise, your praise will be regarded as a fuss by others.
(1) Be good at discovering the significance of small things. In terms of trivial matters alone, it can't be of much significance. However, if we understand the problem from the perspective of connection, we will find that a small matter often leads to something important or has great significance.
(2) Observe carefully and think carefully. It is often easy to be overlooked because of small things. If you want to praise others from trivial matters, you must first be a conscientious person, be good at discovering the topic of praise and explore the great significance hidden behind trivial matters. This requires careful observation and careful thinking.
Small things are like pieces of uncut rough jade. If you don't pay attention to identification, it will always be buried in the soil or Shan Ye, and it is difficult for people to find its value. Then our society will be as desolate as Shan Ye, and it will be like a bustling desert. On the contrary, if everyone digs into the world in a drop of water, then in mutual praise, people get the rippling warmth in the world.
(3) Let more people know. In some specific cases, one thing that happened between two people seems to be insignificant. If you mention it again afterwards, you think you have benefited a lot, but the person who gave it to you may think it is insignificant. Moreover, you are old friends who have met each other sincerely, and some compliments are polite or even conventional, which is superfluous to others. This kind of thing, you might as well find a suitable opportunity to announce it in public, which is the best way to play a small role.
(4) remove obstacles that block the line of sight. Most people don't want to praise others from trivial matters, because there are many obstacles in reality that block their sight.
first, different division of labor and different responsibilities make people think that what others do is "within their duty" and "should be", which is not worth making a fuss about. If you don't do well, you should be criticized. If you do well, you should do your duty. Driven by this psychology, many people can't face up to other people's small achievements.
second, some people are ambitious in governing the country and leveling the world, but they are too smart to think about "tinkering around the edges". Think those things are nothing, a piece of cake, and nothing.
thirdly, the "acquaintance effect". The people around you are too familiar to everyone, or just trivial things, needless to say; Or turn a blind eye. Every day, we walk on the clean road to work, thinking that it doesn't matter. If we are dirty, we should scold the cleaner. Parents have worked hard for you to smooth out the bumps in life, but we only know how to reach out with clothes and make ends meet. In your eyes, they are "invisible people", and colleagues and friends are always taking care of you, but you are calm.
5. indirect praise
direct praise is the most common and frequently used way of praise in daily life, and you can pour out your praise directly to the other party without an intermediary. In contrast, indirect praise is more skillful. A person who is good at praising others often prefers to use the slightly tortuous way of indirectly praising others.
praising a person through someone else's mouth not only conveys the goodwill of a third party, but also shows one's approval position.
the second way of indirect praise is to reflect the meaning of praise to a person by praising people, things or things closely related to him. For example, in order to praise a woman, you can praise her children for being beautiful, smart and promising, or praise her husband for being capable and helpful, which can also achieve the purpose of indirectly praising her.
indirectly praising a person can also express praise and affirmation to him improperly, but tell others to pass your praise to his ears through his mouth. This kind of praise has a better effect on resolving contradictions. Because for two people who have contradictions and estrangements, the two sides neither show weakness nor take each other's advice, and it is difficult to say words of praise in person. At this time, you might as well let others speak for you.
When two people have contradictions, indirectly praising each other must be broad-minded, regardless of personal interests, fairly and objectively affirm each other, and be able to be far-sighted, so as to convince each other and skillfully resolve the contradictions.
6. Praise his talent
There is a Greek proverb: "It is not physical strength or money that makes people happy, but justice and versatility." Talent is the most obvious sign that distinguishes a person from others and is one of the sources of his happiness. When we praise a person, we must deeply impress him, and the praise that can most impress others is the recognition and high praise of his talents.
There are many talented people around us, some are eloquent, some are eloquent, some are inventive, and some are superb in acting ... All these talents are valuable topics of praise.
"A talented person lies in understanding the talents of others." This Russian proverb tells us that in order to praise others successfully, you must have the ability to discover and even tap the brilliance of others, which is an important condition for a successful compliment. Because, if you don't have the talent equal to or higher than his, you can't make a proper evaluation of his talent. Then, your praise will not achieve the expected effect, or even be self-defeating.
The main skills to praise a person's talent are:
(1) Contrastive praise. Talent is sometimes a relative thing, and only by comparison can the other person realize more clearly how much he weighs.
When praising others' talents in a comparative way, we should pay attention to: First, we should understand the relationship between the two parties making the comparison. If these two people are not in the same category, your comparison may not achieve the goal. In addition, if the two people you are comparing have a normal relationship, even one of them is jealous of the other. Then your praise will go up and down, making both of them feel uncomfortable.
secondly, make a comparison.