A couplet at the gate of Hangzhou Chenghuang Temple tells the fate between husband and wife. The first couplet reads: "Husband and wife are the front lines, and good and bad are doomed to be incompatible." That is to say, since they are married, they were predestined in their previous lives; Good or bad marriage, good or bad marriage, depends on family happiness or noise; But whether it is good or bad, it is fate. If there is no fate, two people will not be combined.
First, Buddhism discusses love.
From the perspective of Buddhism and Buddhism, love should belong to tainted greed, which is the most basic and strongest greed in the world of desire. Buddha said in Chapter 42: "Love is nothing but lust, and lust is nothing but lust." This lust refers to sexual desire. Human sexual love is mainly caused by the other person's skin color (overall image), appearance, dignity (manners), voice, smooth skin, and human appearance (heterosexual characteristics), which is called "six desires", and the scope of touching six dust is not excellent. The 19th volume of "On Sharif and Adamo" says that both men and women like to appreciate the body, shape, appearance, clothing, desire, sound and garlands (decorations) of the opposite sex, and they all want to have sex with the opposite sex they love for fun, which is called "seven * * * dyeing". Sexual intercourse between men and women, receiving each other's bathing clothes and massage, talking and laughing, are more or less polluted. In Buddhist scriptures, the love between husband and wife is generally attributed to greed. For example, there are four clouds in the volume of "All Houses": "Being greedy is like loving your wife". The greed for love is ultimately based on my love. Generally speaking, it is not beyond the circle of "I love him because being with him makes me feel happy". The essence and premise of loving others is to love yourself. Love each other, everyone wants to get each other's love back, so as to drive away their loneliness and vent their love and sexual desire.
Human sexual love is biological and social, which is divided into three levels: physiology, feeling, mind or spirit. From liking each other's looks, manners and sexiness. The need for the soul and spirit comes from or contains the love, appreciation and admiration for the spiritual beauty of the other party, as well as the feelings formed in the mutual relationship and life. The fourth volume of the Shurangama Sutra says that "one heart becomes love"-the unity of the heart produces love. It says: "You love my heart, and I pity your color, so it is karma. After thousands of robberies, they are often tied. "
Human love is the combination of sex and love, spirit and flesh. As the love between men and women and the love between husband and wife in the developed social life, it has complicated social and cultural contents and its nature is quite complicated.
Second, the discussion about marriage in Buddhism.
(1) Buddhism does not blindly deny the love and marriage between men and women or between husband and wife. In the thirty-sixth volume of Za Agama, the Buddha said, "Xiang is really a good wife, it is good to know at home." In Volume XII of Don't Translate Agama, the Buddha said that "the wife is the closest relative" and that husband and wife should be "different but United". Instead of advising all people to become monks and break off their love, the Buddha taught his disciples at home, such as Shan Sheng and Yu Ye, to be humane. According to The Karma of Giving Degrees to Lonely Old Women, the kindness of old women requires them to become monks, but the Buddha doesn't allow them to marry a heretical cow and teach her a boy. That's right, which affects many in-laws On the one hand, Mahayana said that "a woman should not be a Buddha" and taught the Bodhisattva that "seeing a wife is like seeing an enemy, and one should not be greedy for love". On the other hand, it says that if the Bodhisattva has four forces, he can marry a wife: one is "the blessing of fate" and enjoys the blessings created by his predecessors; The two "finished their crimes" and paid off their debts; Three "should * * * have boys and girls", which has the cause of * * * having children; Among the four, "when a man marries a woman, he gets the Tao", and the marriage of a wise man is the help of getting the Tao quickly.
(2) Mahayana and mysterious Mahayana also regard love and marriage as an important "convenience" for Bodhisattva to adapt to all beings. In the Mahayana Convenient Sutra, the Buddha said that in his lifetime, he had set up Brahma's ambition, often practiced Brahma, was pure and detached, and wanted nothing. However, he was loved by a woman and could not bear to part with it. Shuti was very sad and married him. Twelve years later, he returned to China and was born in Brahma. Buddha said: "When I was a child, I felt sorry for her for the time being, that is, I could transcend the pain of grabbing life and death."
In the seventh and fifth issue of Hua Yan Jing, a woman named Qu Bo of Sakyamuni said that she was a lay man with excellent virtue in her previous life and had a good impression on the prince Wade (the predecessor of Sakyamuni Buddha). She is willing to bear everything for love, give up everything, not seek wealth and happiness, but only practice with her lover. Therefore, Qu Bo of Sakyamuni fell in love, satisfied her wishes and gave birth to many merits.
Although I dye my heart with love and support my Buddha,
Two hundred and fifty robberies are not three evils.
This is love for the Bodhisattva Walker and his Bodhisattva heart. Even if it is mixed with bodhisattva's mind, it is also a kind of practice, and its merits are far greater than strictly observing the five commandments.
Three. Buddhist views on marital status
On the condition of marriage, Buddhism emphasizes respecting the wishes of the parties, explicitly opposes imposing one's beliefs on marriage, and advocates that Buddhists can marry people who don't believe in Buddhism. Buddhism advocates the equality of all beings and opposes racial and class discrimination. In Buddhism's view, marriage should be based on the feelings of the parties, not religious beliefs. In the early Buddhist scriptures, the story of marriage between Buddhists and non-Buddhists was recorded many times. The seventh and eighth volumes of "Fundamentals of Buddhism" recorded that a Buddhist's sister married a naked pagan who strongly opposed Buddhism and finally influenced him. Volume 22 of Zeng Yi Agama, Xutuo Pin (the third) records that Youpoyi Sumiti married a heretic who later converted to Buddhism.
Buddhism believes that men and women who want to get married must reach the same interests and establish deep feelings through mutual understanding on the basis of independent personalities. Both sides unanimously agree to get married and oppose arranged, bought and sold or other attempted marriage relationships.
Fourthly, Buddhist views on marriage morality.
Buddhism also discusses marriage ethics in many aspects. Its primary moral standard is not adultery, and on this basis, it emphasizes mutual loyalty and respect between husband and wife.
(1) Don't commit adultery.
Not to commit adultery is one of the most basic precepts of Buddhism, which is directly formulated for Buddhists at home and is the moral bottom line of Buddhists. For monks, the first commandment is not to commit adultery, that is, to sever any sexual relationship, otherwise they will be expelled from the monk group. For the householder, it is the healthy foundation of population production and human reproduction to form the relationship between husband and wife on the premise of respecting individual will and conforming to national laws or social customs, and it is also the most important life form in human history. Therefore, it is an abnormal behavior in the life of a legal couple. Fifty Buddhists in One Agama advocate "honesty and self-control, monogamy, kindness and no anger" and advocate monogamy. Buddhist precepts regard "no lewdness" as the third of the five precepts that Buddhists must abide by at home. No adultery, in modern Chinese, means no improper sexual relations, specifically, no violation of the opposite sex (underage men and women) that belongs to him and is protected by him, and no sexual intercourse at the appropriate time (menstrual period, pregnancy, etc.). ) and not in suitable places (male and female genitals, temples, public places, etc.). ).
Buddhism opposes extramarital affairs, homosexuality, bestiality, etc. Between husband and wife, respect the sexual desire between husband and wife, advocate civilized, healthy and temperate sexual life, and oppose excessive indulgence of sexual desire and unlimited indulgence of natural instinct.
(2) Mutual respect between husband and wife
Buddhism advocates mutual respect between husband and wife and learn from each other's strengths. The Book of Good Life is an important classic to guide the life of lay people. In the relationship between husband and wife, it is pointed out that a wife should love her husband, serve her husband and do housework; A husband should provide food and clothing for his wife and be loyal and considerate.
Buddhism pays special attention to the value of family and emphasizes the maintenance of family stability. For married people, if they engage in prostitution and adultery, they must be severely condemned: "Dissatisfaction with their wives, hanging out with prostitutes and entangled with other people's wives are the reasons for people's destruction." Buddhism advocates that men and women should respect and love each other. Among the Buddhist classics, there are the Good Life Sutra which guides men to be husbands, and the Jade Lady Sutra which guides women to be wives. "Dragon agamar? A good life teaches young people to be good at life: to fulfill the ethical responsibility between husband and wife and to be one of the six parties to worship every day. A husband should respect and pity his wife, and a wife should love and respect her husband. As a husband, you should "love and respect" your wife with five things: 1. Love and love your wife; 2. Don't despise each other, respect each other; 3. Supply clothes and cosmetics; 4. abandon housework; 5. miss your wife, kiss her, and be kind to your wife's relatives. A wife respects her husband with five things: 1. Love, respect and care; 2. Prepare food and clothing and take care of her husband's life; 3. Peace and truth; Be good at taking care of family members, educating children, respecting the elderly and having a harmonious family. In the Jade Girl Classic, Buddhism guides young women to be as jade as jade: as wives, they should be like mothers' wives, brothers' sisters' wives, knowledgeable women like good friends, or women who respect their in-laws and are good at housekeeping, and serve their husbands like maids, not women who complain about their families.
Therefore, a wife should be a mother-in-law, minister, servant, husband and wife, and sister-in-law. She should love her husband like a child, respect her husband like a king, obey her husband like a master, respect each other like a husband and wife, and support each other like brothers and sisters. A husband should be a gentleman who sympathizes with his wife, a hero who protects his wife, a laborer who waits on his wife, a Zen master who laughs at his family, and a person in charge of supporting his family.
Master Yin Guang, the founder of modern Pure Land Sect, also has an incisive exposition on the relationship between husband and wife: in Fu Fa Zhou Li Shu II, he said that husband and wife should always think of the hearts of their loved ones. Husband and wife respect each other, and should not hurt their parents' hearts because of small bad blood or marital discord.
To carry forward the contemporary virtues of human Buddhism, it is an important part of Buddhism to teach people how to deal with love and family harmony correctly. For example, Xingyun's diary says: The view of human Buddhism on the relationship between husband and wife is that only love can win love, and hate can never get love. Husband and wife should get along sincerely and create happiness for each other. People are not afraid to say good things, but they can say good things. A family that knows how to praise and has a sense of humor must be happy.
(3) Husband and wife tolerate each other and pay for each other.
In history, many eminent monks and great virtues advocated that husband and wife should be tolerant and modest to promote family harmony and happiness. The wedding ceremony, a famous Buddhist in modern times, said: "The love between husband and wife is different from small love and big love. Little love is a temporary change, sometimes it will decline and be unreliable. Great love is the spirit, which intersects with family and shows compassion everywhere. Even if there is a mistake, most people can forgive and give in. Don't blame each other for the mistake. In case of getting angry, both sides should bear it for a while and forget it in a minute. As the saying goes, let bygones be bygones, resentment is to use it in moderation. Everyone's temper must be predicted first. Never ask for love like me. Be a man, don't let your daughter have resentment; Women must comfort men. Eating and drinking, as well as a clean and orderly family, make men naturally practice both inside and outside, and their feelings naturally seem like a day, and the unexpected indecent assault is also natural. "
True love between husband and wife means friendship and sympathy, including a sense of responsibility and acceptance of each other's true colors-including all the advantages and disadvantages. If you only love each other's advantages, it is not love. You must accept each other's shortcomings and use your patience, wisdom and energy to help them correct them.
The true love between husband and wife is not only a process of mutual tolerance and humility, but also a process of selfless dedication to each other. Master Xing Yun once said, "True love goes both ways. True love is mutual fulfillment and mutual blessing. Love is not possession, but dedication. "
Love is giving, making each other happy, giving each other love and marriage, and making you feel happier than asking for love from each other. Breaking through the self-centered position, putting yourself in the other's shoes, regardless of the happiness of both of us, is the performance of mature marriage, and the highest level of love development is the dedication and even sacrifice beyond the self-centered position.
Verb (abbreviation of verb) Buddhist view on divorce
Although divorce is not explicitly discussed in Buddhist classics, its basic attitude is to attach importance to family stability and not absolutely oppose divorce. If there is a rift in the family, Buddhism advocates a second time. The third volume of "Four Divisions" says: "If men and women get through first, then leave, they will still be together." It means encouraging couples to make up. But if the marriage really can't be maintained for various reasons, Buddhists can also divorce. But it is immoral for Buddhism to divorce just to satisfy its own desires.
Six, about the marriage of the head of the household.
Being prepared for danger in times of peace is the foundation of Buddhism. When Sakyamuni Buddha was alive, he attached great importance to family life and how to treat each other between husband and wife, parents and children. There are even classics about getting pregnant and having children after marriage. For example, both The Good Life Classic and The Jade Girl Classic have clear ethical principles for parents and children. China and Afghan classics 135 also clearly point out: "A husband should provide his wife with five kinds of love and respect." A wife should respect her husband with thirteen things. And said: if a person is kind to his wife, he will get something, but he can't donate it. Therefore, Buddhism is not isolated from the world.
There is a metaphor that is very vivid. The status of husband and wife should be the same as chopsticks, and the length should be appropriate. Chopsticks are roughly the same length and relatively independent of each other, so are husband and wife. Equality between men and women is the fundamental factor to maintain a happy family. However, some people rely on their own superior conditions to be overbearing or violent ... Obviously, it is difficult for male chauvinism, female chauvinism and the superior relationship between husband and wife to have a happy marriage.
Husband and wife should help each other like chopsticks and have the same goal. Chopsticks can only be' harvested' if they cooperate tacitly. A harmonious relationship between husband and wife depends on common interests. Fly with me. Therefore, emotional understanding, understanding in life, mutual comfort before setbacks and mutual encouragement in career … should be indispensable between husband and wife. Only when the difficulty is * * *, the' crossbar' of hand-in-hand love will continue to rise.
Husband and wife should be like chopsticks, hot and cold, and come through thick and thin. Chopsticks are not afraid of high temperature and cold, but they can accept ups and downs. So should a harmonious relationship between husband and wife.
Husband and wife should alternate with Fiona Fang like chopsticks and be resourceful. This is because chopsticks are round on the top and round on the bottom, which makes our techniques flexible. When husband and wife get along, they also need such' Fiona Fang' art; Adhere to the principle, at the same time, be willing to appreciate and praise each other, not demanding each other's shortcomings; Be good at adapting to each other and don't try to' reform' each other. It's about improving yourself. Husband and wife are like chopsticks. May all lovers be like this.
What do Buddhists think of couples?
1, south: the couplet at the gate of Hangzhou Chenghuang Temple.
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This pair of books describes the relationship between husband and wife in this way: husband and wife are front lines, with good and bad, and no chance of disagreement. Husband and wife are not necessarily good karma, some are noisy and miserable all their lives.
The second part is about children: children are always in debt, and when they are in debt, they have to pay off their debts. Parents and children only have debts. Therefore, life depends on the feelings of men and women to get married and then have children, which is euphemistically called family happiness. In fact, from a deeper understanding of life, there is no happiness, only suffering, but everyone likes to have fun in suffering. This pair of Chenghuang Temple almost sums up all the truth of life. When I was teaching philosophy in college, I saw young students, both men and women, who were quite naughty. Female students often talked to me about love philosophy more than once. what is love ? This kind of question makes it difficult for me to answer. Sometimes I am forced to tell them honestly that the philosophy of love is basically selfish and human ego. No matter how well you describe love, love basically means I love you! Love or not, it's up to me, whether it's male or female, I love you, but I love you; I don't love you if I don't love you. Everything is for me, starting from selfish ideas. Therefore, love is a painting in the literary realm, ideal and beautiful; It's not really beautiful. Many love novels and stories in the world make us cry, which are very attractive and emotional. But after reading all the love stories of ancient and modern times, almost no one is perfect; If it is finished, the story will lose its literary interest. It is equal to our ancient dramas, such as various local operas, Peking Opera and Taiwanese Opera in Taiwan Province Province, all sang a private lifelong backyard and won the championship in the late stage. It's not interesting at all. As for the son of the victim who won the first prize, it is hard to say whether the two can live together for a lifetime.
From the perspective of Buddhism, the real good marriage and good career, whether married or not, are mostly less than five years and ten years. For example, some novels, such as A Dream of Red Mansions, The West Chamber, and even La Traviata, a famous western novel, are very lovely and enviable to read. However, you cannot make a scientific analysis. Once you analyze them, the so-called affection is only a few years. Because it is short and fragmentary, it feels beautiful and delicious. Everyone wants to keep this poetry for decades, even forever, which is impossible, absolutely impossible. Therefore, Buddhist scriptures call our world a woman's world. The Chinese translation of the word bitch is forbearance. This world has many shortcomings, and no one's life is complete. The happy family soon broke up and broke up. Disappointment and pain are intolerable, but they should be tolerated or accepted.
2. Master Xing Yun: Buddhism cannot regard secular marriage as a sin. Secular marriage is the foundation of family and the focus of ethics. For those who believe in Buddhism at home, a Buddhist wedding is a blessing from Buddhism, Dharma and monks to their happy life and Buddhism. We use Buddhism to popularize, and we hope that all lovers in the world will be fine. Over the past decades, I have promoted Buddhism in the world, followed fate everywhere, married people and so on. Buddhist wedding plays a positive role in the promotion of Buddhism and the stability and harmony of social people. Monks can prove anything. As long as it is legal and not illegal, and it is not harmful to morality and the Buddhist system, I don't think anything else is important. People who want to get married in Australia must hold a license. Our apprentices in Australia are licensed by the government.
3. Master of Rhythm: In A Dream of Red Mansions, Cao Xueqin borrowed a poem "Curling Eyebrows" to express his sadness and helplessness: "If there is no strange fate, we will meet again in this life; If there is a strange fate, how to worry that it will eventually become empty ... "
Baoyu and Daiyu were destined to meet, but they were never together. One died in tears, the other became a sad monk, and staged an eternal love tragedy.
In real life, there are many such situations around us: two people who love each other, or because of misunderstanding, or because of economic, personality, parents and other reasons, have to break up in a daze and can only lament the accident.
Therefore, there is a saying that "it takes ten years to cross the boat and sleep for a hundred years", which shows that it is not easy to be fortunate to be a husband and wife, and also reminds everyone to cherish the fate between husband and wife.
And some people, when they are in love, are also with you and me, grateful that God can arrange for the two sides to get to know each other; Love to the depths, but also vows of eternal love, the seas run dry and the rocks crumble, with the blessing of parents and relatives, the two joined hands to enter the marriage hall; If real life can be like the end of a fairy tale, "the prince and princess started their happy life", how enviable marriage would be!
Of course, many people attach great importance to marriage. Even if there are some frictions and disputes between the two sides, they will tolerate each other, understand each other and adapt step by step, so as to make the marriage life rich and colorful. The happiness of their family makes their life particularly wonderful.
Unfortunately, not all marriages are happy. Others, destined to be together, together, do not cherish. They have been quarreling for three days ... this not only hurts the feelings between husband and wife, but also makes both parents worry about them, not to mention the children caught in the middle, and they are at a loss. Others advised them to manage their own marriage and family, even for the sake of children, but they said that this marriage is simply the grave of love, and husband and wife are clearly a pair of enemies.